Red Saunders.
by Henry Wallace Phillips.
A Chance Shot
Reddy and I were alone at the Lake beds. He sat outside the cabin, braiding a leather hat-band--eight strands, and the "repeat"
figure--an art that I never could master.
I sat inside, with a one-pound package of smoking tobacco beside me, and newspapers within reach, rolling the day"s supply of cigarettes.
Reddy stopped his story long enough to say: "Don"t use the "Princess" Slipper," Kid--that paper burns my tongue--take the "Granger"; there"s plenty of it."
Well, as I was saying, I"d met a lot of the boys up in town this day, and they threw as many as two drinks into me; I know that for certain, because when we took the parting dose, I had a gla.s.s of whisky in both my right hands, and had just twice as many friends as when I started.
When I pulled out for home, I felt mighty good for myself--not exactly looking for trouble, but not a-going to dodge it any, either. I was warbling "Idaho" for all I was worth--you know how pretty I can sing? c.o.c.k-eyed Peterson used to say it made him forget all his troubles. "Because," says he, "you don"t notice trifles when a man bats you over the head with a two-by-four."
Well, I was enjoying everything in sight, even a little drizzle of rain that was driving by in rags of wetness, when a flat-faced swatty at Fort Johnson halted me.
Now it"s a dreadful thing to be b.u.t.ted to death by a nanny-goat, but for a full-sized cowpuncher to be held up by a soldier is worse yet.
To say that I was hot under the collar don"t give you the right idea of the way I felt.
"Why, you cross between the Last Rose of Summer and a bobtailed flush!" says I, "what d"yer mean? What"s got into you? Get out of my daylight, you dog-robber, or I"ll walk the little horse around your neck like a three-ringed circus. Come, pull your freight!"
It seems that this swatty had been chucked out of the third story of Frenchy"s dance emporium by Bronc. Thompson, which threw a great respect for our profesh into him. Consequently he wasn"t fresh like most soldiers, but answers me as polite as a tin-horn gambler on pay-day.
Says he: "I just wanted to tell you that old Frosthead and forty braves are some"ers between here and your outfit, with their war paint on and blood in their eyes, cayoodling and whoopin" fit to beat h.e.l.l with the blower on, and if you get tangled up with them, I reckon they"ll give you a hair-cut and shampoo, to say nothing of other tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs. They say they"re after the Crows, but it"s a ten-dollar bill against a last year"s bird"s-nest that they"ll take on any kind of trouble that comes along. Their hearts is mighty bad, they state, and when an Injun"s heart gets spoiled, the disease is d--d catching. You"d better stop awhile."
"Now, cuss old Frosthead, and you too!" says I. "If he comes crow-hopping on my reservation; I"ll kick his pantalettes on top of his scalp-lock."
"All right, pardner!" says he. "It"s your own funeral. My orders was to halt every one going through; but I ain"t a whole company, so you can have it your own way. Only, if your friends have to take you home in a coal-scuttle, don"t blame me. Pa.s.s, friend!"
So I went through the officers" quarters forty miles an hour, letting out a string of yells you might have heard to the coast, just to show my respect for the United States army.
Now this has always been my luck: Whenever I made a band-wagon play, somebody"s sure to strike me for my licence. Or else the team goes into the ditch a mile further on, and I come out about as happy as a small yaller dog at a bob-cat"s caucus.
Some fellers can run in a rhinecaboo that "d make the hair stand up on a buffeler robe, and get away with it just like a mice; but that ain"t me. If I sing a little mite too high in the cellar, down comes the roof a-top of me. So it was this day. Old Johnny Hardluck socked it to me, same as usual.
Gosh a"mighty! The liquor died in me after a while, and I went sound asleep in the saddle, and woke up with a jar--to find myself right in the middle of old Frosthead"s gang; the drums "_boom_-blipping" and those forty-odd red tigers "hyah-hayahing" in a style that made my skin get up and walk all over me with cold feet.
How in blazes I"d managed to slip through those Injuns I don"t know. "Twould have been a wonderful piece of scouting if I"d meant it. You can "most always do any darn thing you don"t want to do.
Well, there I was, and, oh Doctor! but wasn"t I in a lovely mess!
That war-song put a crimp into me that Jack Frost himself couldn"t take out.
It was as dark as dark by this time. The moon just stuck one eye over the edge of the prairie, and the rest of the sky was covered with cloud. A little light came from the Injuns" camp-fire, but not enough to ride by, and, besides, I didn"t know which way I ought to go.
Says I to myself, "Billy Sanders, you are the champion all-around, old-fashioned fool of the district. You are a jacka.s.s from the country where ears less"n three foot long are curiosities. You sa.s.sed that poor swatty that wanted to keep you out of this, tooting your bazoo like a man peddling soap; but now it"s up to you. What are you going to do about it?" and I didn"t get any answer, neither.
Well, it was no use asking myself conundrums out there in the dark when time was so scarce. So I wraps my hankercher around. Laddy"s nose to keep him from talking horse to the Injun ponies, and prepared to sneak to where I"d rather be.
Laddy was the quickest thing on legs in that part of the country--out of a mighty spry little Pinto mare by our thoroughbred Kentucky horse--and I knew if I could get to the open them Injuns wouldn"t have much of a chance to take out my stopper and examine my works--not much. A half-mile start, and I could show the whole Sioux nation how I wore my hair.
I cut for the place where the Injuns seemed thinnest, lifting myself up till I didn"t weigh fifteen pound, and breathing only when necessary. We got along first-rate until we reached the edge of "em, and then Laddy had to stick his foot in a gopher-hole, and walloped around there like a whale trying to climb a tree.
Some dam cuss of an Injun threw a handful of hay on the fire, and, as it blazed up, the whole gang spotted me.
I unlimbered my gun, sent the irons into Laddy, and we began to walk.
I didn"t like to make for the ranch, as I knew the boys were short-handed, so I pointed north, praying to the good Lord that I"d hit some kind of settlement before I struck the North Pole.
Well, we left those Injuns so far behind that there wasn"t any fun in it. I slacked up, patting myself on the back; and, as the trouble seemed all over, I was just about to turn for the ranch, when I heard horses galloping, and as the moon came out a little I saw a whole raft of redskins a-boiling up a draw not half a mile away. That knocked me slab-sided. It looked like I got the wrong ticket every time the wheel turned.
I whooped it up again, swearing I wouldn"t stop this deal short of a dead sure thing. We flew through s.p.a.ce--Laddy pushing a hole in the air like a scart kiyote making for home and mother.
A ways down the valley I spotted a little shack sitting all alone by itself out in the moonlight. I headed for it, hollering murder.
A man came to the door in his under-rigging.
"Hi, there! What"s eating you?" he yells.
"Injuns coming, pardner! The country"s just oozing Injuns! Better get a wiggle on you!"
"All right--slide along, I"ll ketch up to you," says he.
I looked back and saw him hustling out with his saddle on his arm.
"He"s a particular kind of cuss," I thought; "bareback would suit most people."
Taking it a little easier for the next couple of miles, I gave him a chance to pull up.
We pounded along without saying anything for a spell, when I happened to notice that his teeth were chattering.
"Keep your nerve up, pardner!" says I. "Don"t you get scared--we"ve got a good start on "em."
He looked at me kind of reproachful.
"Scared be derned!" says he. "I reckon if you was riding around this nice cool night in your drawers, _your_ teeth "ud rattle some, too."
I took a look at him, and saw, sure enough, while he had hat, coat, and boots on, the pants was missing. Well, if it had been the last act, I"d have had to laugh.
"Couldn"t find "em nohow," says he; "hunted high and low, jick, Jack, and the game--Just comes to my mind now that I had "em rolled up and was sleeping on "em. I don"t like to go around this way"--I feel as if I was two men, and one of "em hardly respectable."
"Did you bring a gun with you?"
He gave me another stare. "Why, pardner, you must think I have got a light and frivolous disposition," says he, and with that he heaves up the great-grand-uncle of all the six-shooters I ever did see. It made my forty-five-long look like something for a kid to cut its teeth on. "That"s the best gun in this country," he went on.
"Looks as if it might be," says I. "Has the foundry that cast it gone out of business? I"d like to have one like it, if it"s as dangerous as it looks."