BETSY. Well, and then?
TaNYA. Why, don"t you see? They will be astonished. The peasants had the paper, and now it"s here. I will teach....
BETSY. Why, of course! Simon is the medium to-day!
TaNYA. Well, I"ll teach him.... (Laughs so that she can"t continue.) I"ll tell him to squeeze with his hands any one he can get hold of! Of course, not your father--he"d never dare do that--but any one else; he"ll squeeze till it"s signed.
BETSY (laughing). But that"s not the way it is done. Mediums never do anything themselves.
TaNYA. Oh, never mind. It"s all one; I daresay it"ll turn out all right.
[Enter THEODORE IVaNITCH.
[Exit BETSY, making signs to TaNYA.
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Why are you here?
TaNYA. It"s you I want, Theodore Ivanitch, dear....
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well, what is it?
TaNYA. About that affair of mine as I spoke of.
THEODORE IVaNITCH (laughs). I"ve made the match; yes, I"ve made the match. The matter is settled; we have shaken hands on it, only not had a drink on it.
TaNYA (with a shriek). Never! So it"s all right?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Don"t I tell you so? He says, "I shall consult the missus, and then, G.o.d willing...."
TaNYA. Is that what he said? (Shrieks.) Dear Theodore Ivanitch, I"ll pray for you all the days of my life!
THEODORE IVaNITCH. All right! All right! Now is not the time. I"ve been ordered to arrange the room for the seance.
TaNYA. Let me help you. How"s it to be arranged?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. How? Why, the table in the middle of the room-- chairs--the guitar--the accordion. The lamp is not wanted, only candles.
TaNYA (helps THEODORE IVaNITCH to place the things). Is that right?
The guitar here, and here the inkstand. (Places it.) So?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Can it be true that they"ll make Simon sit here?
TaNYA. I suppose so; they"ve done it once.
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Wonderful! (Puts on his pince-nez.) But is he clean?
TaNYA. How should I know?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Then, I"ll tell you what....
TaNYA. Yes, Theodore Ivanitch?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Go and take a nail-brush and some Pears" soap; you may take mine ... and go and cut his claws and scrub his hands as clean as possible.
TaNYA. He can do it himself.
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well then, tell him to. And tell him to put on a clean shirt as well.
TaNYA. All right, Theodore Ivanitch.
[Exit.
THEODORE IVaNITCH (sits down in an easy-chair). They"re educated and learned--Alexey Vladimiritch now, he"s a professor--and yet sometimes one can"t help doubting very much. The people"s rude superst.i.tions are being abolished: hobgoblins, sorcerers, witches.... But if one considers it, is not this equally superst.i.tious? How is it possible that the souls of the dead should come and talk, and play the guitar?
No! Some one is fooling them, or they are fooling themselves. And as to this business with Simon--it"s simply incomprehensible. (Looks at an alb.u.m.) Here"s their spiritualistic alb.u.m. How is it possible to photograph a spirit? But here is the likeness of a Turk and Leonid Fyodoritch sitting by.... Extraordinary human weakness!
[Enter LEONiD FYoDORITCH.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH. Is it all ready?
THEODORE IVaNITCH (rising leisurely). Quite ready. (Smiles.) Only I don"t know about your new medium. I hope he won"t disgrace you, Leonid Fyodoritch.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH. No, I and Alexey Vladimiritch have tested him. He is a wonderfully powerful medium!
THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well, I don"t know. But is he clean enough? I don"t suppose you have thought of ordering him to wash his hands? It might be rather inconvenient.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH. His hands? Oh yes! They"re not clean, you think?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. What can you expect? He"s a peasant, and there will be ladies present, and Marya Vasilevna.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH. It will be all right.
THEODORE IVaNITCH. And then I have something to report to you.
Timothy, the coachman, complains that he can"t keep things clean because of the dogs.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH (arranging the things on the table absentmindedly).
What dogs?
THEODORE IVaNITCH. The three hounds that came for Vasily Leoniditch to-day.
LEONiD FYoDORITCH (vexed). Tell Anna Pavlovna! She can do as she likes about it. I have no time.
THEODORE IVaNITCH. But you know her weakness....
LEONiD FYoDORITCH. "Tis just as she likes, let her do as she pleases.
As for him,--one never gets anything but unpleasantness from him.
Besides, I am busy.
[Enter SIMON, smiling; he has a sleeveless peasant"s coat on.