Kari let her gaze fall and she shrugged. I like you, she wanted 120 to scream at him. Instead, her voice grew soft. They were almost at the bus, and she wanted to end the conversation before they boarded. "I don"t know."
"He"s seen you before. At my house. I told him you can"t date until you"re sixteen."
The surprise in her voice was genuine. "How"d you know that?"
"You told me once." He grinned at her again. "I remember those things."
It turned out that Josh was one of Ryan"s best friends, and the dynamic that had been established that first week of school remained for the next two years. She and Mandy often went out for pizza with a group of their friends after football games, and somehow she always wound up sitting near josh, with Ryan across the table or at the other end. At times she could have sworn he was watching her, staring at her. But when she met his eyes, he would only wink and look away.
But the flirtatious game playing that seemed to take up most of the school year fell away when summer arrived. This time they did more than play games and count stars together. They shared their hearts. Kari"s best memories were of the times they spent in a quiet, sunny cove on Lake Monroe.
"We"re so different in the summer," Ryan told her as they fished together one Sat.u.r.day afternoon.
"I know." They were sitting side by side on a fallen tree at the lake"s edge, their bare feet hanging in the water.
"I wish we were like this all the time." Ryan was quiet. "I can tell you anything."
Their fathers were fishing a hundred yards away, but that didn"t matter. They were so caught up in talking with each other, confiding in each other, that Kari figured they might as well be on a deserted island.
That lazy, hot summer they shared their feelings on everything from life at home to their dreams for the future. Ryan was the first person Kari ever told about her academic insecurities.
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121 "Brooke"s so smart." Kari played with her reel and let out an extra foot of line. "Sometimes I wonder if I"ll ever measure up."
"That"s crazy." Ryan spent the next ten minutes detailing her strong points, how kind she was and how genuine. How fun she was to be with.
There was only one topic they stayed away from, and that was their feelings for each other.
"Are you guys going out or what?" Mandy would ask when they"d talk on the phone every few days.
"No. It"s not like that." Kari would laugh at her friend"s perplexed tone.
"Don"t worry. If anything changes I"ll let you know."
Nothing changed. But they fished at Lake Monroe almost every day and spent so much time together that her parents grew a little concerned. But they trusted Kari, and she had a strict Ten o"clock curfew. Besides, the lake was so crowded they were never really alone together-except that one afternoon when they ran for cover as a tornado siren rang through the still air.
Storm clouds had kept most of the lake-goers away that day. When the siren sounded, Ryan took her hand, and they ran to a clearing. Crossing the lake half a mile away was the whirling sliver of a waterspout.
For a moment they stared at it, mesmerized. Ryan was the first to react. "Come on, let"s get out of here." He pulled her from the spot and led her to a ditch not far from the beach. They lay there side by side, their hearts pounding as the small tornado made landfall, tore limbs off several nearby trees, and then dissipated before their eyes.
Next to Ryan that day, Kari had felt safe and protected-the same way she"d felt in the prayer room earlier this morning. The only other times they were alone that summer were the evenings when they met in front of her house and sat on her parents" porch swing-or at his house, where they"d sit in the bed of his pickup, staring at the stars and dreaming about their future lives.
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One particular night stood out among a bouquet of memories from that summer.
She and Ryan were tanned and tired, worn-out from a day of record-breaking temperatures, and they sat side by side in the back of his truck with their legs stretched out and their heads against the cab. For two hours they shared whatever thoughts crossed their hearts.
"I"m going pro, Kari . . . you watch." Ryan"s eyes shone with the reflection of the moon.
"I will." She smiled at him and gazed up at the Big Dipper. "Every game."
They were quiet a moment, staring at the sky. Suddenly a star shot across the dark canopy above. Kari uttered a soft gasp. "Did you see it?"
"Yep." Ryan grinned at her. "A shooting star. You know what that means."
"We get to make a wish."
"No." His eyes danced. "It means you have to answer one question, any question I pick."
She clucked her tongue. "If you get to, I get to."
"Okay, deal." He glanced at her, and she noticed he was sitting closer than usual. "The guys were over yesterday, and one of them wanted to know whether you really liked Josh last year." His eyes held hers. "Did you? Don"t worry; I won"t tell him."
The streetlight shone in the distance, leaving them relegated to the shadows of the night, and Kari knew something was different. Something in Ryan"s tone. She decided to be bold. "No, I didn"t like him-not like a boyfriend, I mean." She lowered her chin, suddenly more daring than ever before. "Now it"s my turn."
"Shoot."
"Which of the guys wanted to know?"
He turned to her, and their eyes locked-as they would do so whenever they met up in the years that followed. "Someone."
Kari refused to look away. "Someone, who?"
Then in the slowest, dreamiest motion, he leaned over and 123 kissed her tenderly, lightly on the cheek. In an instant he was on his feet, jumping from the back of the truck and heading inside. "I"ve got to run. See you."
She watched him until he disappeared behind his family"s front door, too stunned to move. Had that actually happened? Had Ryan Taylor leaned over and kissed her in the light of the summer moon?
Kari nearly danced home from Ryan"s house that night, Thinking where things might go in the future now that he"d made his Feelings known. His kiss confirmed everything she"d wondered about since summer started. They were best friends, but the attraction was there for both of them.
That night when her mother came into her room and sat on edge of her bed, Kari told her what had happened. "I think I loved him since that day we went to dinner at his house." Her mother looked so beautiful; Kari hoped she could be half that beautiful when she was a grown woman. "I know how that feels, sweetheart." She angled her head as if there were many things she"d like to say.
After a pause she ventured, "You know we"ve always prayed about the man you"ll marry?" Kari nodded. "Ever since I was a little girl." Her mother"s lips parted, and she hesitated a moment, "Honey, you know we like Ryan a lot. But he doesn"t share the beliefs as you do."
A rush of peace came over Kari. If that"s all it was, then she had nothing to worry about. "He hasn"t missed youth group all summer."
Her mother raised her eyebrows. "I think we both know why Ryan goes to youth group. It"s not because he believes, Kari." She sighed, frustrated. "It"s not like he doesn"t believe. ANYWAY, he will one day, Mom, I know it."
"Okay." Her mother smiled doubtfully and took Kari"s hand, it until then, be careful with your heart, honey."
For the next ten minutes her mother tried to explain the reasons G.o.d wanted a couple to share common beliefs. But for a 124.
fifteen-year-old girl living every moment through the filter of a three-year-old crush that was finally coming to fruition, it was difficult to grasp.
Not that it really mattered. She still couldn"t date until she turned sixteen.
When school started that fall, she had no choice but to go the entire year without anything even remotely resembling a date. She complained about the rule, but she was secretly glad for it. She knew Josh still liked her, but he was too shy, too quiet for her. And her heart already belonged to the boy three doors down.
Ryan"s senior year was a busy one for all of them, but it was especially so for Ryan. He had sprouted to six feet three inches and weighed just over two hundred pounds. He was good in the cla.s.sroom and brilliant on the football field. Major universities contacted him daily until he made his decision: He would go to the University of Oklahoma in Norman on a full football scholarship.
A month after his graduation, Kari turned sixteen. It was a day she would remember as long as she lived.
That Thursday morning Kari"s father was already at the office seeing patients when she heard the doorbell ring. Glancing in the mirror and tousling her hair, she ran downstairs. Probably one of her sisters" friends, she figured. But as she opened the door, her mouth dropped.
Ryan stood on the porch holding sixteen long-stemmed red roses. Kari covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes wide. All she could think was, He remembered. He actually remembered.
Ryan"s eyes twinkled, and he grinned at her. "Happy birthday."
She took the roses from him and stood there, too shocked to speak.
"So that"s what I have to do to get you to be quiet. Bring you roses on your birthday." He touched her cheek with his fingertips. "Come on, Kari girl, do you like them or not?"
Kari looked from the flowers to Ryan and back again. "They"re . . . they"re beautiful." She knew that red roses meant something different from, say, yellow roses. But she had no idea if Ryan 125 understood the meaning. She looked up and searched his eyes. "Why did you ... ?"
Her question trailed off, and Ryan took a step closer. "Will you go out with me tomorrow night, Kari? Please?"
And with that question all Kari"s hopes and dreams seemed instantly fulfilled.
Of course he"d go to church with her one day. He went to youth group, after all; he"d kept going even through his busy senior year. He was bound to become a believer eventually. Why wouldn"t he? What was there not to believe?
Her parents agreed to the date, but not without warning her. "I trust Ryan," her mother said. "I like him a lot. Just remember, he"s two years older than you."
The date was unforgettable. Ryan held her hand and bought her popcorn, and after the movies they went to Lake Monroe and walked out on the pier, skipping rocks and watching the way the ripples grew in the light of the stars. It was wonderful, all the comfort of being with a best buddy along with the excitement of finally knowing for sure that he didn"t see her as "just a friend."
All night she wondered if he was going to kiss her. She wondered how it would take place and when it would happen and how she would respond. Her head was so filled with images of what it would be like-her first kiss, with the boy she really loved-that she almost didn"t notice how quiet he had grown as the night progressed.
But when they pulled up in front of her house, Ryan cleared his throat and removed his baseball cap. "I"m not going to kiss you, Kari. I can"t."
In that instant everything good about the night came to a Sudden, grinding halt.
`What? "You"ve been my friend through the best years of my life." She noticed he was trembling, and she couldn"t understand why was he telling her this now?
He must have read the bewildered look in her eyes because 126 the muscles in his jaw flexed, and he gripped the steering wheel, his arms locked into position, his gaze straight ahead. "Look, I"m leaving for college soon. Training starts early." He looked at her over his shoulder. "And you"re ... you"re too young. Where could it possibly go?"
The lump in Kari"s throat kept her from speaking. After that, their good night was hurried, and Kari said little to her parents before turning in and crying herself to sleep. Why the roses? Why the date, after all ... ? Kari couldn"t come up with any answers for herself. And she couldn"t ask Ryan-couldn"t even bring herself to face him.
He called a few times, but she wouldn"t talk to him, and she dropped her eyes to avoid her mother"s questioning gaze. She stayed inside when she thought he was likely to be in the yard, and she made a point of spending her time where she thought he wouldn"t be. Her efforts just made everything worse because she desperately missed his company, missed their times at the lake, missed talking with him in the evenings under the stars. That was the worst part-not only did he not want to be her boyfriend, but she also felt uncomfortable around him. And that meant he couldn"t be her friend either.
Three weeks later, Ryan knocked on the door. This time her mother insisted she talk to him. He was standing in the front room as Kari came down the stairs, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
Kari looked at him, and it was as if she were seeing him for the first time. He had the kind of looks that were bound to stop college girls in their tracks. No wonder he didn"t want to kiss her. He was right. What was the point, if he was busy dating college women?
"My folks have the truck packed." He looked at her the way he"d always done, holding her eyes and seeming to see straight into her soul. When she didn"t say anything, he kicked at her foot. "Kari, look, I"m sorry. I didn"t mean ..."
Kari nodded but couldn"t find her voice. Again, the lump in 127 her throat was too big. She wanted to shout at him, tell him he shouldn"t have asked her out in the first place, shouldn"t have made her think he cared for her that way and then crushed her when the night was over. This good-bye was something they"d known was coming, even a year earlier. It was supposed to be a time when they wrote letters and kept in touch, but now everything felt different.
She swallowed back her tears and lifted her chin. "Good luck. You"ll do great at Oklahoma."
Ryan sighed and shifted his position. For a moment she thought he might lean forward and kiss her on the cheek again-the way he"d done that summer when she was fifteen. Instead, he lifted his shoulders once and c.o.c.ked his head. "See you around, Kari."
The pain of that summer morning felt almost as raw today as it had all those years ago. Ryan had been right, of course-she had been too young. Nothing good or lasting could ever have come from a relationship they might have started that summer.
Still, it had been weeks before she went a day without thinking of Ryan Taylor.
Months even. Kari felt the memory fading now and knew there was much more to the story-the best part, really. But either way, she knew that a piece of her-the young-girl part that a woman carries with her-would always think of him that way. Would always remember him standing in her front room and telling her good-bye for what felt like the last time ever.
Kari blinked back the memory and sat up on the bed. Why was she lying here reliving her past with Ryan when she needed to be thinking about her future with Tim? When she moved to get up, her hands fell on the directions for the pregnancy test. She stared at them and steeled her resolve. She couldn"t wait another minute. She had to know, had to take it and find out for herself. If 128 there was any doubt, she could always do another one later. But right now she had to do something.
She hurried to the bathroom, locked the door, and performed the necessary steps.
It was easier than she remembered from the last time she"d been this late, and when she was done she set the test stick on the bathroom counter.
One minute for early results, three minutes for a conclusive answer. She waited a full three minutes, then reached for the stick and brought it close, purposefully avoiding the test result window. If she was pregnant, then there was no doubt that somehow, someway, she and Tim would one day work things out.
G.o.d wouldn"t have let it happen otherwise.
If not ...
Thoughts of Ryan crowded about in her mind again, and she ordered them silent.
I"m sorry, Lord.... Help me not to think that way. Help me know what your perfect will is for me because that"s all I want. I love Tim, really, Father.
Keep my mind from wandering where it shouldn"t.
Without waiting another moment, she focused her eyes, and there it was, clear as day. Two plus signs, side by side.
She was pregnant, carrying Tim"s child.
Surely that was a sign. Surely, somehow, she and Tim would get back together.
They would get counseling and whatever help they needed, and they"d fall in love again.
Her only hope was that it would happen fast.
First, because she had a limited time to make things work with Tim before the baby came.
And second, because now that she and Ryan Taylor had connected, it would take another miracle to keep them apart again.
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CHAPTER TWELVE.