FOG HAD SETTLED OVER THE WATER, and Kari strained to see across the deck. She heard a voice and realized there was someone else on the boat, someone besides her and Tim. It was a woman, and she was laughing.
"He loves me, not you ... face the facts." Her cold, cackling voice sent a shiver down Kari"s spine.
"Ashley?" Kari peered through the cloud cover once more, but couldn"t make out the woman"s face.
Whoever she was, Tim sat beside her, his arms crossed. And at the mention of Ashley"s name he released a loud huff. "Ashley"s not here. Don"t you know who it is, Kari?"
Anxiety squeezed her ability to breathe. She stared at Tim and saw not even the slightest trace of love. "I guess I thought" "Kari ... Kari, it"s me!" Before she could finish her sentence, a voice she knew and loved called at her from the distant sh.o.r.e. Ryan. It was Ryan Taylor-she was sure of it.
She spun in the direction of the beach, but through the thick cloud covering all she could make out was a far-off, shadowy image. "Ryan?"
236 Tim jumped up and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it until she winced in pain.
"So that"s it. You"re still seeing Ryan Taylor? I knew it!" His voice rose. "It was always Ryan, wasn"t it? You always loved him more."
Kari shook her head, her throat thick with fear. "That isn"t true. I love you, Tim. I want our marriage to work. I want things to-be right"
"Aren"t you finished with her yet?" A slinky blonde walked up and circled her arms seductively around Tim"s neck. She leaned down and covered his throat with small kisses, working her way toward his lips.
Kari felt her eyes grow wide. "Get away from him!" She stood and glared at the woman, her heart pounding out a rhythm she didn"t recognize. "He"s my husband!"
There was a thud, and the boat made a sudden stop. Water rushed across the deck and came up around their ankles. Tim released his hold on Kari and glared at her as he leaned into the blonde. "I don"t want you, Kari. I never have."
He laughed at her as his words faded into the damp air. The fog was lifting now, and Kari"s heart rate doubled. There was a hole in the boat. They had two minutes-three at the most before they sank. Even now the water was almost to their knees. Kari stared at Tim and the other woman and struggled to understand what was happening. "You have to try. You can"t just give up on everything we promised each other."
"Kari, can you hear me?" Ryan"s voice stopped her short, and she turned once more toward the sh.o.r.e. This time she could see him, tall and handsome, his eyes filled with a love that shone across the murky lake.
"I can"t, Ryan." She began to cry even before she finished saying his name. "I"m married."
He shook his head. "You"re going to drown, Kari. Jump! Get out of the boat before it"s too late."
Kari"s entire body shook with fear. Ryan was right. She looked back at Tim, but the woman was sitting on his knee now, running her fingers through his hair.
Kari shouted the warning: 237.
"We"re going to sink!" But neither of them made any response whatsoever.
Ryan"s voice came again, more urgent this time. "Jump, Kari ... please. I"m here ... I"ll help you!"
The water was up to her waist, but before she could speak, before she could make up her mind about whether to stay in the sinking boat or swim for sh.o.r.e, she felt a sudden lurching followed by a crackling sound as the boat fell apart beneath her. Tim and the other woman disappeared beneath the water, their arms around each other as if unaware that they were sinking.
"Ryan, help me!" Water ran into her mouth. Just as she was about to swim away from the wreckage, her ankle twisted between two pieces of wood, trapping her foot and sucking her underwater.
"Ryan!" Her m.u.f.fled voice sounded beneath the surface, but there was no way he could hear her. Foot by foot, she felt herself being pulled to the bottom of the lake, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn"t break free.
Her lungs burned, desperate for air. Help me, G.o.d, I"m dying.... Get me out of this.... Get me"
And then a desperate, primitive scream reached her ears, vibrating through the water closing around her. The scream came again and again and finally a fourth time.
"Kari?" Her mother was in the doorway, hurrying to her bedside. "Dear G.o.d, Kari, what is it? You scared me to death."
Kari shut her eyes tight and opened them again. There was no sinking boat, no far-off sh.o.r.eline. The scream she heard had been her own. "Mom . . ." Kari was breathless as she looked at her mother and tried to remember what day it was, why she was at her parents" house and not at her own. "What"s-what"s happening to me?"
Her mother pulled her close, stroking her hair, causing her to 238 release what was left of her tears. Her head sagged on her mother"s shoulder as memories from the previous day all began to come back to her. The time on the lake, the memories, the realization that she and Ryan had misunderstood each other so many years before.
The kiss.
"Honey?" Her mother"s voice was kind and gentle, as it had been when she was a little girl. At least she had this place, this family to come back to, this love that knew no limits.
She drew back, rubbing her eyes. "I was dreaming." "I"m sorry."
Kari nodded and reached to the bedside table for a tissue. "I need to call Tim."
At the mention of his name, a shadow pa.s.sed over her mother"s eyes. "He called last night. I told him I"d tell you."
A quick breath caught in Kari"s throat. "Last night?"
"Yes." Concern lined her mother"s forehead. "Just after nine." Just after nine.
Kari thought back and knew exactly where she"d been at that time. Face-to-face with Ryan Taylor, her arms around him, holding him close and... "What did you tell him?" "I said you were out with a friend."
Kari"s shoulders dropped and she exhaled. "Thanks. He wouldn"t understand about ..." Her voice faded.
"About you and Ryan?" Her mother peered deep into her eyes, and Kari felt her cheeks grow hot.
"Yes." There was silence for a moment, and her mother leaned over her knees.
"You got home late."
"I won"t lie to you, Mom." Kari sniffed and dried her cheeks once more. "I still love him. But that"s the last time I"ll see him." The lump in her throat was back, and a single sob escaped from her throat.
"Ah, honey." Her mother"s arms were around her again. Normally the tiny pink-and-yellow rose border that framed the bedroom walls and the picture window overlooking the dirt road 239 out back were enough to help Kari feel grounded, but not today. This morning there was only one way she could find peace.
Her mother stroked her hair and studied Kari"s face. "I"m going out to the mall shortly. Why don"t you take a shower and come with me?"
Kari choked out a single laugh and shook her head. Go to the mall? When her life was in full-blown crisis mode? There was only one place for her to go now. "I can"t." Kari blinked back the thoughts. "I"m going home. For good."
"Well-" her mother reached over and took her hand-"you know you"re always welcome here."
Kari eased her legs from beneath the comforter and sat on the edge of her bed.
"I know, Mom." Kari leaned over and laid her head against her mother"s shoulder.
"But my marriage will never get better as long as I keep running back here."
When her mother left the room, Kari stared into the mirror and realized something she hadn"t before. For all her determination to save her marriage, for all her faith and ideals, this morning the facts were painfully clear.
She was no better than Tim. They were both unfaithful now, weren"t they?
After being with Ryan, after picturing his face even this morning while she was making plans to reunite with Tim, the simple fact was this: The tears she"d shed the night before were not for her husband"s faithlessness.
They were for a man she"d loved since she was a young girl, and for all she"d left behind on a familiar lakesh.o.r.e near Bloomington, Indiana.
Tim Jacobs woke up on the floor of the bathroom close to the toilet. He had no idea how long he"d been there and only dim memories of the night before.
Everything about his life was a nightmare. And all of it-the 240 whole messy situation-seemed to culminate in the emptying of his stomach hours earlier.
Why he had allowed it to come to this, he had no idea. But he knew one thing for sure. He was finished. Finished with the lies, finished with the cheating. And if he had any luck at all, finished with the bottle.
Maybe that"s why he"d had so much to drink the night before. He"d told himself the only way to get the alcohol out of his system at this point was to consume as much as possible and get an honest taste for what it was doing to him.
It had done that, all right.
Look at you, Tim Jacobs. You"re a loser. Pathetic. Kari wouldn"t take you back now. Who are you kidding? You"re the worst example of a"
"I know!" Tim shouted at himself.
He sank back against the bathroom wall and tried to clear his head. What time was it anyway? What day was it? He looked over and saw Kari"s wedding portrait leaning against the tub; he must have carried it there last night. "Where are you, sweetheart?" he whispered. "What"re you doing without me?"
Tim thought about his plan. He would get up, shower, get dressed, and call Kari at her parents" house. Then he"d tell her he wanted to move back home, once and for all. By evening they"d be together, and he would explain how sorry he was, how crazy he"d been to ever leave.
It wouldn"t be easy to tell Angela good-bye. He still had feelings for her, and he didn"t want to hurt her. But the whole affair had been a bad choice to begin with, and he was desperately sorry about it.
Kari and the baby and a normal life-that"s all he wanted now. A life like the two of them had shared before he left.
He could still have it, he thought; it wasn"t too late. He"d tell Kari that his cheating days were over and that he wanted to meet with Pastor Mark, get involved with church again. He could do it.
241 Because the truth he now saw so clearly-was that he still loved his wife. He had no doubts.
When he looked at his life and thought hard about when he"d been the happiest, Kari"s face came to mind time and time and time again. She was beautiful and trusting and kind and compa.s.sionate and ... there was no one like Kari. There never would be. More than anything else, Tim wanted them to be together again.
But where was she last evening?
A disturbing thought had come to him last night after talking with Kari"s mother. The woman had been so vague about Kari"s whereabouts, mumbling something about her being "out with friends."
Fear mingled with the leftover nausea, and Tim wondered again why he couldn"t get the suspicion out of his mind. It was insane, really. Paranoid.
But there was this bit of reality: Ryan Taylor was back in town. According to the sports pages, he was coaching at Clear Creek High School-not far from where Kari"s parents lived. Kari had once been in love with Ryan, after all. Maybe she still had feelings for him.
He blinked. What if they had run into each other and-? Jealousy clawed at Tim"s gut even as he realized his own hypocrisy. Did he really believe Kari would cheat on him with Ryan Taylor? And could he really blame her if she did? He closed his eyes and pictured Kari in the living room the last time he"d seen her, the afternoon when he moved out. She had cried, but even then she"d been willing to work on their relationship. She believed in marriage, in G.o.d"s plan for marriage, and despite the way he"d failed her, she believed in him.
And because of that, she could not possibly have been with Ryan last night. If he knew Kari at all, he knew that much. Daylight streamed through the bathroom window, and he inched himself up until he was on his feet. His eyes cleared some as he stared into the mirror. There was a red mark on the right 242 side of his face from the toilet seat. He leaned back, scrutinizing his appearance.
Very attractive. Very scholarly.
Cold water. That"s what he needed. He flipped on the faucet and splashed his face, rinsing the rancid taste out of his mouth left over from the night before.
G.o.d, I"m sorry. I don"t know what to say. I"ve stayed away so long.
It was the first time in months he"d prayed, but once the words penetrated his heart, a floodgate opened, and tears filled Tim"s eyes. Then and there in the bathroom, he knew the worst days of his life were behind him. Kari would forgive him, and together they would move forward, make a home for their baby, and grow from the darkness of these days.
This time it would be up to him. He stared himself straight in the eyes and nodded with more determination than he"d ever felt in his lifetime. What Kari needed was a stronger Tim Jacobs. A man who knew what he wanted in his marriage and had a way to make it happen. A man willing to humbly come back to G.o.d, the way he should have done long ago.
"This is your day, Tim Jacobs. Everything"s different from now on."
And with that he dried his face and walked gingerly downstairs to the kitchen and filled the coffeemaker. While the coffee was brewing, he opened the refrigerator and poured himself a gla.s.s of orange juice. He was crossing the kitchen toward the telephone when he saw the half bottle of Jack Daniels he"d brought there the night before.
He picked it up and headed for the sink. He had no need for a bottle in the house now, not since he"d be starting life over as a new man. But then it seemed a waste to dump the contents down the drain, especially when his head was pounding so hard that it seemed it might split in two right there on the kitchen floor.
In as much time as it took him to cross to the sink, he revised his plan. He"d have a few shots of Jack Daniels in his orange juice and then call Kari. That way he"d be more relaxed and ready to 243 talk. A little "hair of the dog" couldn"t hurt; he didn"t have cla.s.ses on Monday.
Once that bottle was gone, he"d never drink again. Not ever. He tipped the bottle to pour the whiskey into his gla.s.s of orange juice, then changed his mind and brought the bottle to his lips and took a long swig. "Aaah." He shook his head. "Good morning, Tim. It"s a brand-new day! Yes, sir."
He raised the bottle and took another drink. And another and another and another.
An hour pa.s.sed before he remembered the phone call he was supposed to make to Kari. By then he was having trouble understanding why they"d installed three telephones on the kitchen wall when one would have done quite nicely.
244 244.
245.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO.
FOUR TIMES THAT MORNING Kari tried to reach Tim at the office, but when he didn"t answer, she decided to pack her things, go home, and face her future. In the deepest places of her heart she had no choice but to leave memories of Ryan Taylor in the past Where they belonged.
It was time to make things right with Tim, especially now that he had contacted Pastor Mark. That call and the one he"d made last night to her parents" house were the signs she"d been praying for, proof that Tim wanted another chance.
As Kari showered and dressed, two things weighed on her: guilt and a dawning realization.
It had been wrong to kiss Ryan, wrong to act as if time had not moved on since their last time together. The fact that she could justify her actions did not make them less wrong. No, the guilt did not surprise her. It was the growing realization of her own responsibility that made everything seem so different this morning.
Before last night, she had been convinced that Tim was the cause of their troubled marriage. But since waking from the 246 nightmare, she had been overcome with memories that suggested a slightly more balanced picture.