Kari leveled her gaze at Ashley. "To tell me he was praying for me."
"See!" Ashley tossed up her hands. "That"s the same thing.
285 He"s waiting just in case things don"t work with Tim. Of course he"s praying."
"Not like that." Kari"s eyes were wet, and now Ashley felt bad for pushing the issue. "He"s praying for Tim and me to be happy together."
There was obviously more to it, but Ashley didn"t have time to a.n.a.lyze the issue now. She had to get Cole. Besides, there was no point to the discussion. Kari was determined to stay with Tim no matter how unhappy it made her.
"Look, I"m sorry for bringing it up." Ashley paused, and though the conversation might naturally have led to a hug, she simply said, "See ya," and waved as she headed for her son"s cla.s.sroom. By the time she got there, her parents had already promised Cole lunch at his favorite restaurant.
Ashley thought of the shopping she still needed to do for tomorrow, and she shrugged. Lately she hadn"t wanted to burden her parents, but if they were offering ...
"That"s fine. Take him out to lunch. I"ll pick him up later today.
Her mother reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Come with us."
Ashley remembered the Thanksgiving conversation her father had with the pastor.
"That"s okay. You go. I have things to do." She stooped down and rubbed noses with Cole. "Be good for Grammy and Papa."
Cole"s eyes twinkled. "I will, Mommy." He held up a piece of paper folded into a brightly colored box with a lid. "Here . . . I made this for you." He grinned.
"Teacher says it"s the best Christmas present of all."
She opened it, and inside was a colored picture of the baby Jesus with these words: "Jesus loves me, this I know."
Ashley let her eyes settle on the message, and doubts flashed across her mind.
Jesus might love Cole-who wouldn"t?- but he obviously didn"t care much for her.
She smiled at her son and tousled his hair. "Thanks, honey. You did a great job."
286.
Five minutes later Ashley pulled into a gas station a mile from church. A sign told her she needed to prepay inside and she moaned, quickly sifting through her purse for a twenty-dollar bill as she headed toward the building. The stores wouldn"t be open late, and she was in a hurry to be finished. Three people were ahead of her in the cash-register line, and she stood impatiently, gazing around, still thinking of this morning"s conversation with her sister. Kari had to be crazy letting a guy like Ryan Taylor go.
The line inched forward, and something caught Ashley"s attention. She looked out and saw a silver Chevy truck pull into the parking lot. The driver looked familiar, and as the truck pulled up to the pump she had no doubts.
It was Ryan; there was no mistaking his profile.
Ashley watched him get out, read the sign, and head inside. She silently admired him. She didn"t care for sports, but who couldn"t appreciate a build like that?
If only he weren"t in love with Kari ...
He spotted her immediately. "Hey, Ash, how are you?" He hugged her loosely, a smile lighting up his eyes.
"Good." She grinned and glanced at him. "You"re looking gorgeous as always."
"Why, thank you, ma"am." One eyebrow lifted appreciatively. "Same to you."
This was what made Ryan different from Landon, she thought. Ryan wasn"t in love with her. He could laugh with her, tease her, talk to her without ever making her fear that a wedding proposal was in the making.
She crossed her arms and lowered her chin. "Saw you talking to Kari at church today."
His eyes widened subtly. "Ashley Baxter, at church?"
Barely a foot separated them as they waited in line, and Ashley elbowed him in the ribs. "Come on ... it"s not like I have an aversion to the place." She shook her hair and tucked a strand behind her ear. "I went to get Cole, but my parents already had 287 plans for him." She angled her face, making eye contact. "You left before I had a chance to say hi."
Ryan"s eyes lost some of their sparkle. "I had a Christmas card for your sister."
"Ah." Ashley nodded big. "My faithful sister."
It was Ashley"s turn at the counter. She paid for her gas, went outside and filled her car, and met Ryan by his truck. Ryan leaned against the driver"s door and studied Ashley. "Kari"s doing the right thing."
Ashley sighed and gazed at the distant cloudy sky. "He"ll do it again."
"They have a child to think about now." Ryan shrugged. "I have a hunch he"s finished wandering."
She clicked her tongue and shook her head, exasperated. "Kari should be with you."
Ryan smiled and raised his chin, his expression suddenly guarded. "It"s a moot point, Ashley."
A car pulled up behind him, the driver anxious for an empty pump. Ryan opened his truck door and slid inside. "Did you eat yet?"
Ashley loved the way his casual grin challenged her and made her feel desirable.
"No." She fingered her keys. "I"m starved."
He motioned toward her car. "Follow me."
"Okay." Ashley"s answer was out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. She jogged back to her car as a mix of emotions fluttered within her. Lunch with Ryan Taylor? What would Kari think? For that matter, what was Ryan thinking? She followed him and chided herself for letting her imagination run away with her. Ryan had known her since she was nine years old. He was lonely and wanted nothing more than an hour"s conversation with an old acquaintance.
He led her to a salad bar restaurant that they both agreed was one of their favorites. An hour after lunch was over, they were still chatting about their lives and laughing about days gone by.
288.
Ryan leaned back in the booth and anch.o.r.ed his forearms on the table. "I"m stuffed."
Ashley pushed at her fork and napkin. "Me too."
She had always convinced herself she didn"t need a man in her life, but her time with this particular man was tempting her to revise her theory. She wanted their lunch date to go on forever. He could never be attracted to me, she reminded herself. I"ll always be Kari"s little sister.
But almost as soon as the thoughts were formed, Ryan looked at her, his expression more serious. "How come we never did this before?"
"Well-" Ashley"s heart skipped a beat "I was always Kari"s kid sister." She was teasing him, and he smiled in response. "Never mind that I had a crush on you until my twelfth birthday."
Ryan"s eyes danced. "Twelfth birthday?" His jaw dropped, and he pretended to be crushed by her revelation. "You gave up on me when you were only twelve years old?"
"Let"s see-" Ashley stared at a ceiling tile and then back at Ryan-"I believe you were busy dating someone else back then." She lifted her chin, feigning hurt feelings. "I was a serious twelve-year-old, you know. You just didn"t appreciate the woman I was behind those braces."
They both laughed, and Ryan leaned forward, searching her eyes. "Do you know how good it has felt being here with you?" Ashley"s world seemed to tilt. She warned herself that nothing could ever come of an attraction to Ryan Taylor. The whole family knew he was Kari"s old boyfriend. It would be impossible. Wouldn"t it?
What was this feeling of shyness engulfing her? She rolled her finger through a few bread crumbs on the table. "For me too." "We should"ve done it sooner." He cast her a crooked smile. "Sometime after your twelfth birthday."
"Yeah." She giggled and tried to fathom what he was thinking. "Hey, are you busy? Today, I mean?"
His eyes danced. "What are you cooking up now?"
289.
"I have an idea."
"Shoot." Ryan tossed his hands in the air. "It"s got to be better than anything I"ve got going today."
"Let"s go Christmas shopping." She sat up straighter. "I need to get to the mall. And since Cole"s with my parents ..."
"And I have absolutely nothing for Aunt Edith, the woman who has everything." He slapped his hand on the table. "You"re on." They spent the rest of the afternoon together, shopping at toy stores and boutiques and laughing at the other frantic shoppers. In one upscale department store they spotted a mannequin head sitting atop a mound of discounted sweaters. "Wonderful!" Ryan picked up his pace, grabbed the head, and kept walking. "Aunt Edith has always wanted a second head. She loses hers all the time. Where do I pay?"
They laughed so hard they had to stop to catch their breath, and when Ryan returned the Styrofoam head, he casually slipped his arm around Ashley"s shoulders. "Okay, little sister, tell me why a pretty girl like you is still single."
"Simple." She pushed back the thoughts of Paris and grinned. "I haven"t been in love since I was twelve."
"Hey." They kept walking, and he tapped his shoe playfully against hers. "I"m serious.".
She sighed, still recovering from their laughter. "There are guys. I"m just not all that interested."
He nodded slowly. "Fair enough."
The afternoon had darkened into twilight when they finally finished shopping.
Her parents would be having their usual Christmas Eve gift-wrapping session, and she knew she should pick up Cole. But she and Ryan were hungry, and Cole could wait. He had more fun with her parents, anyway.
They picked up a pizza on the way home and took it to Ashley"s house. Ryan set his coat down on a chair just inside the front door and let out a low whistle.
"Very nice."
Ashley carried the pizza to the table and returned to the living room. Ever since they"d walked through the door, there had been 290 a change between them. As she watched Ryan make his way around the room, admiring her paintings, she knew what it was.
The casual air between them was gone. And in its place was something they hadn"t had time to consider.
He turned from her work, his eyes full of admiration. "Are these yours?"
"Yes." She could feel the smile playing on her lips. "All of them."
"Ashley-they"re amazing." Ryan shifted his attention to one of her pieces. Her heart soared. It was her favorite-a landscape at sunset with tall gra.s.s blowing in the wind and a faded barn in the background. Ryan cast her a glance over his shoulder. "These should be in a museum."
She had always been private about her artwork. Her parents had never really approved of her pursuing a career as an artist. Usually it seemed simpler to keep her work to herself. When her parents came to visit, they generally breezed through the room with little more than a casual comment. Something like, "Nice, Ashley" or "I see you"ve been busy."
Cole was the only one who actually admired her paintings. Until now.
Ryan nodded toward the sunset painting. "What"s the story behind it?"
It was the first time anyone had ever asked her to explain a piece, and she was flattered almost beyond words. "It reminds me of home." Her voice was soft. "The way I saw it as a child."
She spent the next twenty minutes giving him details about her canvases. He thinks I talk about this to everyone, she thought. But the stories behind her paintings were glimpses of her soul, places that had never been exposed before.
Not here in Bloomington, anyway.
Ryan and Ashley worked their way to the kitchen for pizza, and after dinner he stretched. "I better get going."
She grinned. "Aunt Edith?" The night had flown by, and Ashley wished there was a way to buy a few more hours.
291 "Yep. Plane comes in at nine."
Ashley tried to keep a straight face. "She"ll like the candy. But the mannequin head-now that would have been an amazing gift." They both laughed as they walked toward the front door, and Ryan looped his arm around her neck, drawing her close for a familiar embrace.
But when the hug ended, his arm stayed. He drew back just enough to see her face. "I had fun today, Ash."
She felt shy again, something that had happened only a handful of times in her entire life-but twice today. "Me too."
The moment changed and suddenly the air was charged with an attraction so strong it took Ashley"s breath away. Ryan"s smile faded as he kept his hold on her. His eyes burned with intensity and unspoken questions, and before they could say another word the s.p.a.ce between them vanished. Slowly, tenderly, Ryan brought his face to hers and kissed her.
It was not the pa.s.sionate kiss of a man desiring to take advantage of her.
Instead, it was a kiss that knocked on the door of possibility. He kissed her a second time, and then Ashley felt his body tense.
He pulled back, breathless, and took hold of her shoulders. "Ashley-" he shook his head-"I shouldn"t have done that." She felt as if she were being dragged underwater. Ryan"s words made no sense. Hadn"t he suggested having lunch together? Hadn"t he spent the day elbowing her and tickling her and putting his arm around her?
A chill ran down her spine, and she took a step back. No matter what Ryan might say, he couldn"t deny his attraction to her, not after the time they"d spent together today. "It"s not a crime to kiss me, Ryan." She did not waver in her gaze, challenging him to admit his feelings. "I"m not twelve anymore."
Ryan groaned and stared at the tiled floor. When he looked up, she saw a world of pain in his eyes. "You"re wonderful, Ashley. You make me laugh, and whenever I"m around you, I feel better about life." He dropped his head again and rubbed the back of his neck.
292 She took a step closer. If he needed to be convinced, she was up to the task. "We"ve known each other forever." She rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Whatever happened today, we"re both feeling it." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Am I right?"
Ryan looked up, and his expression was coated in anguish. "If you mean, am I attracted to you ... ? Yes. I am." He took her hand from his shoulder and held it. "But it wasn"t fair for me to kiss you, to make you think I could go out with you that way."
The sting of his rejection was more painful than anything she"d felt since coming home from Paris. Tears nipped at her eyes, and she removed her hand from his grip. Her tone was quietly angry when she finally found her voice. "It"s Kari, isn"t it? You"re afraid of falling for me because of her, right?"
"No. I"m not afraid." He leaned back against the Door frame. "Kari loves her husband, and that"s how it should be. My time with her is over."
Ashley worked a hand through her hair. "I don"t get it, Ryan. What?"
He said nothing, and suddenly Ashley understood. Though he might never see Kari again, Ryan"s heart was still not free.
She took two steps back and crossed her arms firmly in front of her. It was the only way she knew to ward off the cold that had crept into the room. "It"s too soon, isn"t it?" She bit her lip to keep it from quivering, and a sad, slow sigh made its way through her teeth. "How long will you love her?"