A MAN is like a cat; chase him and he"ll run; sit still and ignore him and he"ll come purring at your feet.
WHAT a girl, who would be really popular, should do, is to wave a red danger flag at a man and then start to run in the opposite direction.
THERE are some men who regard their wives" accomplishments with the same patronizing complacency that they feel toward the tricks of the educated monkey at the circus.
DON"T always imagine that the man and woman who walk side by side without speaking to each other are angry; they may be only married.
MASCULINITY covereth a mult.i.tude of sins.
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THE man who whips his small son for lying to shield a girl, has a mental vision as narrow as a Rocky Mountain path and side walls of dogmatism as high as the Colorado Canon.
SATAN and Cupid are chums, who go about together looking for people who have nothing to do.
MANY a woman has divorced her husband for "desertion" who cheerfully helped pack his trunk and pay for his railway ticket when he left her.
A MAN"S conscience is made of India rubber--warranted to stretch as long as the fun lasts.
SOME men think that by putting on a silk hat and a white Ascot tie they are disguised as gentlemen.
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THE average man is about as good a judge of women as a woman is of race horses; he picks the favorites by their shape and color.
LOVE is like gambling; you want to be sure that you are a good loser before you go in for the game.
A MAN"S idea of honor is so peculiar; he would die rather than steal a friend"s money or cheat him at cards, but he will steal his wife or cheat him out of his daughter with perfect equanimity.
WHEN you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
FLIRTATION is like a c.o.c.ktail with no headache in it, champagne with no "next morning."
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ALL men are the same after ten years of matrimony; they all smell of cloves and tobacco, talk in monosyllables, and tell the same stories when they come home late.
A RECKLESS lover and an automobile scorcher may run all the risks--but they have all the excitement.
OF course, bigamy is very reprehensible; but the man who marries two women deserves a little credit for trying to make up to the s.e.x for the selfishness of the old bachelor who won"t marry even one.
IN a domestic quarrel, it is not the one who can hold out, but the one who can hold in, who usually wins.
THE boy who has been brought up to b.u.t.ton his sister"s frocks down the back cherishes no illusions about women.
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A MAN is never content with a fortune of less than six figures; but a woman is satisfied with one figure--if it has the proper curves.
IT"S a wise woman that knows how little she knows about her husband.
ONE advantage of a bull-dog over a baby is that you are not haunted by the fear that he will grow up to be just like his father.
THE way to a man"s heart is a zig-zag road, leading through his stomach twice around his vanity, across his discretion and straight over his determination not to marry.
FAILING to be "there" when a man wants her, is the greatest sin a woman can commit--except being there when doesn"t want her.
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THE best men always seem to get the worst wives and vice versa; that"s Nature"s little way of spreading the virtues and the vices around equally, like the jam and the b.u.t.ter on the bread.
A MAN"S idea of being "master" in his own house is a.s.serting his right to put his muddy feet on the best divan and his pipe ashes on the parlor mantelpiece.
A WOMAN may scoff at her husband"s religion, insult his friends, absorb his income and pry into his secrets, and still retain his love, if she regards his pipe and his razor as sacred.
YOU can always find somebody to share your money and your pleasures with; but you"ve got to have somebody tied to you to share your sorrows and troubles with; that"s the excuse for matrimony.
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A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin with which a woman fastens on her self-respect when the hooks of love are broken.
THERE never was a man so small that he couldn"t call his two-hundred pound wife "little one" with a perfectly serious face.
G.o.d made the first man; but He must have seen His mistake, for the Scriptures say nothing of His having had anything to do with the rest of them.
A MAN"S idea of a thrifty wife is one who can make lobster salad out of left-over veal and a new hat out of an old fruit basket.
LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that drive a man to hard work and successful accomplishment.
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THE longest way "round the saloon and the stage door is the shortest way home for some men.
THERE never was a man living who wouldn"t marry Venus, and then expect her to stay home and do the cooking.
ONCE a fool, twice married.
WHEN a girl marries she usually has to choose whether she prefers to sit at the foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.
OF course, you can"t expect two people to keep step all their lives to the wedding march; but it"s a pity the joy-bells get out of tune so soon.
NINE tailors may make a man, but they can"t make a gentleman.
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BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What is that fascinating perfume?"
afterward, "What is that sickening stuff?"
IT isn"t the troubles and sorrows they share, but the bridge parties and midnight suppers they don"t share, which separate most married couples.