In short, Im asking you to describe, on one page, what the right man is to you. When you finish, review what youve written and commit it to memory. As you grow, adjust it accordingly.
Now, I want you to promise yourself, no matter how long your days are or how lonely your nights may be, you will never settle for anything less than whats on that one page of paper.
NOTES:.
CHAPTER.
Sixteen.
SOME THINGS.
FOR YOU.
TO.
THINK ABOUT.
Important Impression The most important impression a man can make on you is not the first impression, but rather a lasting impression that only comes from consistency over time.
Even the wrong man can play the role of the right man in the beginning. Dont be so impressed by his first impression. The first impression is the easy part. Its the lasting impression that takes all the work.
Dont Confuse Comfort For Love Dont confuse being comfortable for being in love.
Some of you are in a relationship because you are in love and some of you are in a relationship simply because you are comfortable in it and afraid of change.
Remember, just because you are comfortable, doesnt mean youre in love. How to tell the difference? Ask yourself this question, Why am I here? If you have no answer or you have to justify your answer through logic and not emotion, then thats comfort. If youre there because of love, youll know because your answer will be an emotional one and just thinking about the answer will cause you to smile.
Some Men Would Say Anything Some men would say anything to get what they want, but you have to be willing to believe anything to give it to them.
Its less about what he says and more about what you choose to believe. Be more selective and patient. Knowing that most men will say anything means that you cant believe everything. Remember, without consistent actions, over time, his words have no value.
Potential Means Nothing You being able to see the potential in a man means nothing until he sees it in himself.
You can see all the potential you want in a man. You can believe in him. You can have faith in him. You can see the endless possibilities in a man, but until he sees it and believes it himself and acts on it, you have nothing.
Never Chase A Man Good men dont run. So, if you find yourself having to chase a man, stopthats the wrong man!
Dont Let The Hurt Fool You Dont ever let the hurt or the anger of a bad separation fool you into disrespecting yourself.
Although you may have had a bad separation and feel angry at him for what hes done, never allow that anger to cause you to disrespect yourself. Some think that if they go out and are intimate with someone immediately after the breakup, they are, in some way, paying him back for what hes done; this is farthest from the truth! The truth is you are sacrificing your self-respect, dignity, and reputation as a good woman, all to try and hurt a man whos already proven he doesnt care about you. Is it really worth it? I dont think so.
Never let the actions of the wrong man cause you to lower yourself to a level thats lower than him; you are better than that. Your self-respect, dignity and your reputation, as a good woman, are far too valuable to a good man for you to throw them away trying to get revenge on the wrong man.
Bending Over Backwards Make sure you dont break yourself, trying to fix a man that is already broken.
There are some things you can help a man with and there are some things only he alone can fix. Dont break yourself trying to fix something that is totally outside of your power to fix. In the end, h.e.l.l still be broken and youll end up both broken hearted and completely exhausted.
Why Play The Detective In your relationship, you should not have to play the detective to get to the truth; you should be able to ask the question and he give you the answer. It should be as simple as that.
If it isnt, you have some big decisions to make. In my opinion, theres nothing worse than not hearing the truth from the one you love and instead, having to hear it from someone else.
When He Yells At You The more often he yells at you, the further youll drift away; and then one day h.e.l.l realize that you two are so far apart emotionally, that you cant hear a word he says. By thenits too late.
The true character of a man is not seen during the good times but during times of stress. When he yells at you, hes trying to control you or the situation. You can tell a lot about a man during these times because if he doesnt deal with it well, his true colors will begin to show. Remember, you can measure the true strength of a man by how well he controls others, but you measure his true power by how well he controls himself.
Best Friend Vs. Boyfriend Just because he made a good Best friend, doesnt necessarily mean h.e.l.l make a good Boyfriend.
Theoretically, it sounds like it should work; however, it can prove to be a little more complicated. Im not saying it cant work because Ive seen it go both ways. All I am saying is you should be very careful if you are considering transitioning a current Best friend into the Boyfriend position. That switch will not only cause the expectations to change, but the rules of the relationship will change as well. If it works, great, but if it doesnt, you stand a big chance of losing both your Boyfriend and your Best Friend.
The question then becomes, are you willing to take that risk?
Trying To Convince Them Of Your Worth Never waste your time trying to convince someone else of your worth. If they cant see it, they are not worth the effort.
The beautiful thing about the ones who truly love us is that they are always able to see our worth, even when we doubt it ourselves. In fact, they are often the ones that remind us of it whenever they think were settling for less than what we deserve.
If you have to try to convince someone of your worth, that means they dont already know it. And if they dont already know it, how can they value you and the relationship?
Never Lose Yourself Stay true to who you are as a woman. When the relationship is in harmony with who you are, it works. However, when it starts to make you feel like you have to sacrifice who you are, as a woman, to make it work, it may be time to reevaluate whether or not that relationship is still right for you.
Never completely lose your ident.i.ty of self in a relationship. When you do, you lose your very reason for being there in the first place.
In the end, everything changes, but a healthy relationship should grow with you, not against you.
Dont Be Fooled Dont be fooled by a mans words and his inconsistent actions. Instead, look for consistency over a long period of time because, if you think about it, every wrong man, that you ever dated, seemed like the right man in the beginning.
Take your time and be patient. Remember, dating the wrong man can be like a horror movie. In the beginning, its always fun and exciting until the crazy one shows up. Then, things can get real really quick.
All I am saying is this: if you dont want to end up co-starring in his horror movie, take the time to read the script before you accept the part!
Yesterdays Happiness When you have to rely on yesterdays happiness in a relationship, to get you through today, it might be time to move on.
Every day is an opportunity for you to do something that adds value to your relationship and move it forward. If you are not moving forward, youre moving backward; there is no such thing as a relationship that stands still. Life is motion, and a relationship with no motion is dead.
So if there ever comes a time, in your relationship, when all you have are memories, you may need to reevaluate the relationship. Remember, memories are in the past and if thats all your relationship has, it might not have a future.
Love Means Nothing Without Loyalty A mans love for you means absolutely nothing if it doesnt come with an uncompromising loyalty to you and your relationship; that should be non-negotiable.
Without loyalty, there is not trust. Without trust, you have nothing to look forward to but headaches, heartache, and regrets. Furthermore, If you choose to give your time to a man without loyalty, just know that he will always disappoint you. It may take a little while, but sooner or later his lack of loyalty will shine through. When it does, youll wish you had never given your time to such a man.
The Best s.e.x Wont Fill That Void The best s.e.x in the world, without love, still wont fill that void. Its a quick fix and you wont realize it until you wake up the next morning and realize youre still alone.
Knowing What You Do And Dont Want Knowing what you dont want in a man is equally as important as knowing what you do want from him.
Hes Not Supposed To Kill Your Dreams Hes not supposed to make you give up on your dreamshes supposed to help you achieve them.
Stop Grading On A Curve Ladies, stop grading these men on a curve. Either he meets your standards or he doesnt; stop making excuses for him!
Lonely In A Relationship To be single and feel lonely is understandable, but to be in a relationship and feel lonely thats unacceptable.
When you are single, missing the companionship and interaction with someone you love and care about is normal. However, when you are in a relationship and still feel the same loneliness as you did when you were single, thats not normal. You have to ask yourself the following question, Why am I even wasting my time in this relationship?
Its possible that he may have simply gotten caught up in his day to day tasks and he may not even realize that hes caused you to feel the way you do. My advice would be for you to talk to him about how you feel and give him the opportunity to make the necessary changes. If he does, great. If he doesnt, then maybe you need to start thinking about making some changes for yourself and your own happiness.
The Cost Of love They say, Love doesnt cost a thing, but I disagree because falling in love with the wrong person could cost you everything.
For those of you who have been in a relationship where, when you finally walked away, you were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted; to the point where you felt like you were literally starting your life all over again, you know exactly what I mean.
For those of you who havent experienced this feeling, when youre out there deciding who you will and who you wont give your time and ultimately your love to, just remember, your love isnt free. If you decide wrong, it could cost you everything.
CHAPTER.
Seventeen.
THE RIGHT.
MAN.
The right man wont break your heart; h.e.l.l protect it.
He Wont Want You To Lower Your Standards The right man wont want you to lower your standards; he would rather push himself to meet or exceed them.
Never let anyone talk you into lowering your standards! Any woman that would complain about your standards being too high has probably already compromised her own. Any man that would complain about your standards being too high is more than likely used to dealing with women who have none.
No real man takes pride in reaching a level that is easily reached. The pride comes from all the discipline and the work that we put into attaining that which others fail to achieve. The process of setting ourselves apart from the rest thats what we live for. With love, its no different. The right man would rather fight and earn your love and trust than for you to simply give it to him. In other words, a real man would rather not have your love at all than to get it by default.
Never compromise your standards because somewhere out there, theres a good man who is not only willing, but more than capable of meeting or exceeding them.
Pride In Your Happiness The right man will take pride in your happiness. He knows that the happier you are, the happier he will be.
h.e.l.l Never Judge You A man doesnt necessarily have to agree with your past, but he should be willing to accept it if he wants to be a part of your future.
The right man will never judge you by your past. Instead, h.e.l.l choose to respect the realness of your journey to becoming the beautiful, strong woman that you are today. He will understand that no ones perfect; however, you are the perfect culmination of all your past experiences, both the good and the bad, and with all things having been consideredhe will still believe that you are perfect for him.
When You Know You Are Loved And Respected His physical strength may bring you the comfort of knowing you are protected, but its his ability to attend to your emotional needs that gives you the peace of mind that comes with knowing you are loved and respected.
Find your place of peace in the arms of the one that truly loves and respects you; and when you do hold on with all your might cause you got a good man.
When The Right Man Comes Along When its the right man, you wont have to change; h.e.l.l love you just the way you are.
When the right man comes along, in his eyes, the most beautiful thing about you will be who you are as a woman. To him, it will be the little things you never even think about that make you so amazing.
The Right Man Will Find Strength In Unity The right man may disagree with you in private, but in publiche will always have your back.
The Right Mans Love When the right man walks into your life and loves you the way you deserve to be loved, your whole perspective on life will change.
More Than Just Your Man The right man will want to be more to you than just your man; h.e.l.l want to be your best friend, your confidant, and the one person in this world to never disappoint you.
To the right man, its so much bigger than just simply being your man. Its about filling in at the most important positions in your life. Its about him being the one you can confide inthe one you can talk to about anything. Its about him being the first one you come to in all your major decisions. To him, the most valuable thing in his life is being the most valuable person in yours.
Hes Ready The right man will find himself before he looks for you.