Chapter 959. Mood (10)
I said it just to win this pointless argument. Was Kim Hyun-Sung that impressed by the fact that the expedition members were working hard? I didn’t expect that he’d be brooding over my comment about how everyone had gathered for the continent"s sake.
If that was how he actually felt...
‘I’m sure it’s an interesting sight.’
It was all because he didn’t really understand what it meant to dedicate oneself to the continent. He had already saved the continent and had given everything he had for it, so it was shocking how he still couldn"t understand that.
“You’re the hero who saved the continent, Mr. Hyun-Sung...” I said.
“It wasn’t my intention. It’s just... I just had no choice but to do it. To be honest, this expedition and the people that are gathered here... all of these seem pointless,” Kim Hyun-Sung confessed.
He seemed kind of scared. It was like he was worried about saying something ridiculous, and he was scared that I"d despise him because of his thoughts. It wasn"t easy to confess that there could be something wrong with him, and it was particularly difficult to do that to a brother.
‘His self-esteem was actually really low back then.’
Kim Hyun-Sung was still insecure. There were many times when he acted like nothing was wrong, but there were many times when he stated that the Blue Guild and I weren’t right for him.
He knew better than anyone that his past life had destroyed his personality, and leading an ordinary life felt weird to him. This was not really uncommon. There were quite a few soldiers who couldn"t adapt to their ordinary lives upon returning home from war.
I was sure it was worse for Kim Hyun-Sung, as he had survived the majority of the wars he had gone through in his life. He found it uncomfortable to socialize and meet people.
Whenever someone approached him, he tended to take a step back and observe them rather than think that they had no ill intention at all.
There were times when I saw him trying his best to socialize, but he"d usually fail at that. The only place where Kim Hyun-Sung felt comfortable was in the Blue Guild, and the only people he didn’t mind hanging around were the guild members and me.
‘And that’s why he’s obsessed with our bond..."
He was probably thinking that our bond was the only reason he was still human, and I was sure he was worried about it.
‘He"s worried about getting caught red-handed."
Clearly, he didn"t want me to know that he still hadn"t been able to adapt to life in society and socialize with people, even though he no longer had to carry those burdens.
‘It’s something that I’ve been ignoring for quite a while now...’
The timing wasn"t really bad, and it was all because Kim Hyun-Sung was mentally ill...
‘And I’ve been neglecting him, too.’
I needed to take care of him. In fact, I thought time would resolve it, as he looked genuinely happy when he said that he"d hold a ridiculous bag festival. Now that I thought about it, Kim Hyun-Sung had never done anything for himself.
Whenever there were festivals, I"d notice him taking two steps backward and watching people have fun from the sidelines. I could also remember how he"d focus on my reaction upon bringing me bizarre-looking bags.
Whenever it was just the two of us, he’d be like a normal person and break the ice, but whenever there were other people, he’d take a few steps backward and observe from the sidelines.
Whenever the guild members were having fun, he’d look around and laugh to himself.
There were many times when it seemed like he was confirming whether he was really part of this group or not.
‘The more I think about it...’
His mental illness was more serious than I thought.
‘He probably enjoys riding his griffon because there’s nothing around him."
He probably felt free in the sky, as there was nothing else around him.
Usually, we"d be alone together whenever we rode our griffons, and Kim Hyun-Sung probably thought that those moments were perfect. He was free from the oppression of society and the burdens of relations.h.i.+ps with other people whenever he was in the sky.
No one could restrain him up above.
I couldn"t say that this particular mindset of his did not have any influence on his ability to wield the sunset, but in my eyes, the sky was like an escape for him
The silver lining in this situation was the fact that Kim Hyun-Sung had started the conversation. Although he was asking whether he was a selfish person or not, it"d be a lot easier for me to make a decision if I were to treat his question as his cry for help.
“I think everyone is similar to you,” I said.
“That’s true... but...” Kim Hyun-Sung paused.
‘Yeah, I did tell him that everyone had gathered here for the continent.’
“How about we go for a walk?” I suggested.
“OKay.”
I grabbed my cup and stood up.
Kim Hyun-Sung also grabbed his cup and stood up awkwardly.
While we were walking quietly through the camp, Kim Hyun-Sung’s thoughts were all over the place. He was worrying about silly things like perhaps he wasn"t supposed to bring that up.
Eventually, we reached our destination.
“How’s everything going?” I asked.
“Welcome, Commander. A-And the Guild Master of the Blue Guild,” a sentry greeted.
We found ourselves near sentry posts where the sentries were located for night.w.a.tch.
“Where are you from?” I asked.
“I’m Choi Joo-Hee from the Lindel Clan Alliance,” said one of the sentries.
“I’m Jeon Hye-Min and I’m also from the Lindel Clan Alliance,” another sentry said.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know them.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” I offered.
"W-we"re on duty, so it’s fine!” Choi Joo-Hee exclaimed.
‘No, I’m not trying to test you guys. You don’t have to be so formal.’
“I just... want to talk to you guys for a bit,” I replied.
‘You’re really not going to talk to me?’
“But we’re currently...” Choi Joo-Hee trailed off.
‘Really?’
Everyone wanted to talk to me, and I was sure they were getting bored as well.
In the end, Jeon Hye-Min chimed in, “Let"s just think of this as carrying out our mission.”
It was the perfect excuse.
“Can I ask a random and slightly strange question?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“Can you tell us why you joined the expedition?” I questioned.
It was highly likely that their superior had told them to go, but no one would say that.
No one would say, “I didn’t want to come here, but my superior told me to go, so I had no choice!”
Even if they were greedy, they also wouldn"t be able to say, “It’s because I need the money! And I want to acquire powerful items, too,” unless they had a few screws loose.
As expected, the two hesitated, and they exchanged glances as if telling each other to answer me.
And that was when Jeon Hye-Min exclaimed, “Actually, I-I’m a fan of yours! That’s why!”
‘No, don’t say that. I wasn"t expecting that answer.’
Choi Joo-Hee caught on to my thoughts and exclaimed, “I"m here to protect my beloved husband!”
It was the perfect answer.
“My husband is a non-combatant! The anomalies on the continent are worsening day by day, and I think it"ll affect my husband someday. That’s all,” Choi Joo-Hee added.
Jeon Hye-Min finally noticed what answer I wanted to receive, and she hurriedly shouted, “I want to protect my friends!”
I had no idea whether she was telling the truth or not, but I was sure some of the people here had that kind of mindset.
I turned to Kim Hyun-Sung and asked, “Why did you join the expedition, Mr. Hyun-Sung?
“What?”
“...”
“I-it’s to protect you, Mr. Ki-Young,” Kim Hyun-Sung answered.
"See? You’re not so different from them. Protecting the continent or for the greater good are just empty words. No one actually has such a grand goal. It’s human nature to try to protect those closest to you."
“See, you’re fighting for others as well, Mr. Hyun-Sung. That’s what I meant about fighting for the continent,” I told him.
“...”
“Fighting for the people you love and protecting the place where they live is what it means to fight for the continent. Every single person out there has their own beloved one out there, but we’re a community that lives together,” I added.
"Protecting me means fighting for the continent, and it"s all because I am the continent."
“It"s actually rare to find people with such lofty goals,” I said.
“...”
“You’re not selfish, Mr. Hyun-Sung. To me, you"re the most selfless person ever,” I added.
He was always ready to sacrifice himself for me, so in my eyes, he was indeed the most selfless person ever.
I bowed slightly at the sentries staring at us. It was my way of thanking them for hanging out with us. Then, I placed a finger on my lips, indicating that I wanted them to keep our conversation a secret. I smiled at the two, and they responded by nodding frantically.
They looked like they had no idea where to look.
“That was a random thought,” I commented.
“Huh? I—”
“I never thought you were a selfish person, Mr. Hyun-Sung. You were selfless even in the tutorial dungeon. Ordinary people would have run as soon as their second life began, as they would be afraid of dying again, but you didn’t do that,” I interrupted him.
Of course, he did run quite a few times in the middle of it, and it was my job to bring him back each time he ran away. To make things worse, running away was a speciality of the twenty-two-year-old Kim Hyun-Sung, but...
“I remember you staying until the end and facing your predicament,” I said.
In the end, he faced his predicament.
‘You should be proud of that.’
He"d run, but he"d never avoid it. In the end, he"d fight and overcome it.
“Actually...” I paused.
“Yes?”
“I know you"ve been having a hard time adapting to the new continent,” I continued.
‘I noticed that you haven’t really been able to socialize with others.’
“I’m also aware that you"re not really the type of person to socialize. I think you asked me that question because you want an answer." I pointed out.
‘...’
“You’re a strong person in my eyes, Mr. Hyun-Sung. You always overcome your hards.h.i.+ps,” I added.
‘You once overcame your nightmares and improved your mental health. And you know that the Saint of Light isn’t interested in losers, right?’
“That’s because you were next to me...” Kim Hyun-Sung muttered.
"I’m not telling you to overcome every single hards.h.i.+p by yourself every time."
“I’m next to you right now, Mr. Hyun-Sung,” I said.
I made him feel relieved by saying that I"d always be with him and that I"d always support him.
Obviously, I wasn"t convinced that this issue was going to be resolved anytime soon, and it was all because Kim Hyun-Sung’s condition was slightly worse than I expected.
However, I believed that he wouldn"t avoid it. Rather than taking a step back, he’d take a step forward, and he"d try to shake off his nightmares rather than stew in anxiety over it.
“I see...” Kim Hyun-Sung mumbled.
I wasn’t sure whether it helped him or not, but Kim Hyun-Sung smiled.
Soon, it was morning. We couldn’t see the sky since we were inside the dungeon, but there was a swoosh, and I saw Kim Hyun-Sung spreading his wings. It didn’t take long for the sunset to illuminate the dungeon, and I soon felt like I was watching the sun rise.
‘The atmosphere is so nice.’
“I think I can overcome it,” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
Perhaps it was just me, but his words just now sounded like a red flag.
‘I suddenly think that he won’t be able to overcome it...’
"Something bad always happens after heartwarming moments like this..."
“I won’t disappoint you,” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
For some reason, I had a feeling that I was going to get disappointed.
‘Just stop talking, man.’
“I’ll move... one step forward,” Kim Hyun-Sung added.