Chapter 754: To The End (13)
Nothing changed when I looked at him again. It was so ridiculous that I even laughed, so what else did I need to say?
‘Kim Hyunsung’s mental growth, my a.s.s.’
“…”
‘This b.a.s.t.a.r.d’s problem is almost a chronic mental illness, really.’
“…”
‘I was the idiot. I was the idiot.’
When I thought about it again, I still got disconcerted.
I felt like an idiot who praised him for regaining his reason after being completely crazy. I thought Lee Kiyoung, who considered him as having achieved some inner growth after he came to his senses, was an idiot.
‘I thought you really grew. There was no such thing as inner growth. No, I think you’ve grown, but you took the wrong route.’
When I thought about it a little, I realized that it couldn’t be the case. It would’ve been big trouble if it wasn’t for the Regressor’s Instruction Manual. Things almost became complicated.
It was really weird indeed. Kim Hyunsung wouldn’t suddenly say that he wanted me to support him.
It felt a bit unnatural when he said he needed my help in the first place.
Did it make sense that Kim Hyunsung, who had been stubborn so far and blocked communication since he was worried that it would be too much for my body, suddenly asked me to join him?
He was someone who felt guilty for leaving me the burden instead of sharing it, even more so when I recalled that Lee Kiyoung, from Kim Hyunsung’s perspective, was a very endangered and sickly bird who might die at any time.
I almost completely forgot about it, but the memory loss gimmick was still active.
I didn’t know what medicine he took but suddenly saying that he needed my help… I thought it was because he decided he really needed it. However, basically, it was because of the thought that that was his final duty.
He thought it was advantageous to end the war as soon as possible.
Perhaps there was something like compensation psychology going on here. It was an expression that he wanted to communicate with me one last time before he wrapped everything up.
Perhaps it was something like a bucket list. Hyunsiung decided what was happening was going to be his final moments, and if he fought alone, his end would be lonely.
‘You got back to your senses to film a self-sacrificial ending? Why? I don’t know which wind got to you, who was always running away, to suddenly blabber about sacrifice.’
“…”
‘Wow, I really want to open his head.’
I had already opened the half, but I didn’t have enough skill to catch all the very detailed thoughts. Still, there were things I could understand even if I wasn’t certain of the other half.
What he was thinking and what psychological state he was in was clearly visible. I couldn’t pinpoint it accurately, but when I felt the past or emotions he had experienced…
‘It’s obvious.’
If I pretended to be Kim Hyunsung for a moment, I would be thinking along the lines of:
‘I think I’ve only run away so far. Even though I knew what role I had been given and had to fulfill, I turned away from it. Now I think I know why I returned. I will no longer run away. I’ll face everything head-on.’
Right. He ran away. But what about it? Did someone point a knife at him not to run away? People were allowed to retreat and avoid. What was wrong with him?
Perhaps it reminded him that he was condemned for his sins by Seraphim.
‘I have committed numerous sins and have turned away from these sins. I kept thinking that. Blah blah. I’ve always thought about what to do to make my atonement. Blah blah. What can I do to atone for this sin? Finally, pay the price and blah. I’ll embrace everything and blah blah.’
He might be doing a build-up at the last minute to babble famous lines. I could bet he’d be saying those quotes.
It wasn’t that I was trash, but I could only see it as Kim Hyunsung having a mental illness.
‘Who cares about your sins? First timeline? f.u.c.k, that was an unavoidable situation. We already started the second timeline anyway. Isn’t it okay to think that it has already been cleaned off your soul? Why do you live in the hardest way? The G.o.ds love you, and you’re a hero, and I understand that you take the protagonist’s position seriously, but you are too much. Seriously.’
I already knew that Kim Hyunsung didn’t talk about everything in the first round.
It was also obvious that he filtered his stories to not disappoint Lee Kiyoung, the saint of light.
He told me about the war, but Hyunsung didn’t describe how he was in the battle, how many humans he killed, or spoke of the inhumane things he did by his standards.
There were still some questions that remain unanswered.
In the first timeline, before the ordinary and innocent Lee Kiyoung awakened as the masked hero, how Kim Hyunsung contributes to Park Deokgu’s death remained questionable.
‘No. Did you really help?’
It might’ve been a rough help. I didn’t know what happened, but dropping magic in one area couldn’t happen without the permission of the privileged.
It might have been the Empress of the Empire that made the final decision, but I couldn’t guarantee that Kim Hyunsung, who was privileged at the time, wouldn’t have been involved. Still…
I didn’t know what exactly happened, but honestly, whether Kim Hyunsung contributed or didn’t, that had no longer anything to do with me.
It was understandable that there was a difference between people’s positions, and as a result, I wasn’t the masked hero. I took over from him, but just because he was angry, I didn’t have to be angry either.
-Kiyoung?
“…”
-Kiyoung?
“Yes?”
-Did something happen?
“No. Nothing happened. I think I’m sending you the route continuously. Is there anything wrong with it?”
-No… It’s not that…
“You are doing well. You are doing very well.”
-…
“The impact on the battlefield is great. I think you can finish it all by yourself. Yes, Yes.”
-I’m… sorry.
“What? I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Why are you sorry? Let’s hear what you’re apologizing for.”
-I’m sorry, I…
“No, I need to know what you are sorry for to accept the apology. It’s just something you’re saying to avoid the situation right now. Don’t say anything you don’t even mean, and focus on what’s in front of you.”
-I’m really sorry. I-I mean, I ignored that order and moved… I was so angry at the moment… I’m sorry.
“I’m not angry about that.”
-You got hurt because of my carelessness…
“No, it was Hyunsung, not me, who was hurt. I have blocked pain, so rest a.s.sured and fight to your heart’s content. No one is stopping you.”
-I’m really… really sorry.
“What are you sorry about?”
-…
I instantly felt like my mood sank. Of course, it was him who was actually feeling that.
Seemingly losing his concentration, he was no longer focusing on the battle.
‘Really…’
I had a sudden surge of irritation that made me want to make some unreasonable demands, but… he certainly seemed to be affected.
‘Did I go too far?’
Still, it seemed he thought those were his final moments…
It was obvious that he might be picturing about the end with him oxidizing after catching up, communicating emotionally, saying some cool lines, and crying a bit with his brother-like friend.
How upset he must’ve been since the end had been altered.
Of course, the finale hadn’t yet come, but it was enough to destroy Kim Hyunsung’s mood.
He couldn’t say a normal final farewell, ruined everything, put Light Kiyoung in a bad mood, and didn’t even know why I was upset.
Sure enough, once again, I started to feel the feeling of getting into the pit.
Due to the thought of ‘what did I do wrong,’ a very pure sense of shame hit me.
He was wielding his sword on the battlefield eagerly and sweeping away his enemies, but his shaking pupils and his whole body told me how he was truly feeling.
“…”
-So…
“…”
‘Okay. f.u.c.k, let’s stop. Still, I was trying to do it for you. If I think about it, there’s really no reason for me to be so agitated.’
There was no possibility that Kim Hyunsung’s plan would actually succeed anyway.
The scene that should appear in the ending was Lee Kiyoung being stabbed, and not Kim Hyunsung’s self-sacrifice.
It might be a more terrible ending than Kim Hyunsung’s version, but as a result, I was certain that it would result in the best end. Kim Hyunsung wouldn’t die and wouldn’t have to sacrifice himself. It was the regressor’s companion, not the regressor that would be wounded.
‘I will sacrifice for you.’
When I thought about it, I noticed there was a poignant coolness about it.
‘It’s really cool.’
It wasn’t bad to get a little drunk on myself.
‘Ah, sh*t. Thinking this way makes me sad about the anesthetic potion again.’
-So… I… am… sorry.
“If you say it like that, then… Yes. I accept your apology.”
-Really?
“Yes. I can understand why you’re agitated. If you make judgments by yourself, there is no point in doing this. This much pain is fine, so please do not ignore the instructions.”
-Yes, I won’t… I won’t ignore it.
‘It’s easy to understand.’
He seemed to be honest with his emotions enough to know its influence on the battlefield before his mood came directly.
The majesty of the black line that annihilated the enemies instantly was so great that it didn’t have to be described again.
I wasn’t using the expression that the war seemed to be over for no reason. After all, we were in a situation where a G.o.d-like ent.i.ty had come to the battlefield.
After exerting great influence on the disadvantageous war situation, he moved to the next point, and after solving the problems there, he moved on to the next once more. The way the regressor influenced the whole northern area at an enormous speed really felt like he was burning his last remaining flame.
‘How many areas are left?’
The battlefield was turning to our advantage.
The locations that Kim Hyunsung pa.s.sed by had been turned over.
‘They’re not that useless.’
The continent wasn’t so incompetent that it was impossible to eat the prepared food at the table.
As if Park Yeon-joo of the Black Swan Guild, Oscar and Victor Hart, Cheon Gwan-wi and Wi-ran, and the heroes who represented each forward base were also intuiting that they had captured the victory, they drove out remaining enemies with newfound strength. It was a scene I’d seen a lot somewhere, like a déjà vu.
I could see Cha Hee-ra running wild on the battlefield.
However, as if the fierce battle was still maintained, a couple of spears pierced through her body one by one.
She didn’t seem to care, and the damage didn’t seem to be that big, but I felt like I had seen that moment too. No doubt, the scene I witnessed through Yuno Kasugano was getting closer.
‘I really think it’s coming.’
-Kiyoung.
“Yes?”
-So…
“What is it?”
-Do you have a minute?
“I do.”
-So, do you remember… when we first met?
‘Ah, we’re starting with a trip down memory lane with Hyunsung.’
“Yes. Of course, I remember. That’s something I often recalled before.”
‘We talked about this often.’
-Yes. I remember that you said you thought I was a cold person. I was actually like that. It seems that I didn’t want to get affectionate at first.
‘You’re not going to go all the way back to the beginning, right? You don’t have time to return all the way to the tutorial arc.’
-And… When you first entered the Blue Guild…
In the meantime, Kim Hyunsung didn’t even know that he had to do despicable acts with his own hands.
He was eagerly swimming through the memories.