T/N: Before we get started, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am transitioning into using Mother and Father instead of Otou-sama and Okasama to make for a smoother read. If enough people dislike this, I am willing to switch back though. I read all the comments, so feel free to let me know!
Memory
After that, I lost consciousness. Rouge laid me down on my bed and left without doing anything in order to return to work. She also reported to the head main that, “Alice-sama got tired after studying for a long time and ended up falling asleep. It"s probably best if we just prepare a light meal for her and quietly leave it in her room.”
The head maid cheerfully believed such lies, and it wasn"t until the next morning that anyone noticed that there was something wrong with me.
As a young child, I couldn"t handle the shock of this whole affair with Rouge and so I completely changed. First off, I was no longer able to speak, and if I so much as tried to read or write anything, I started to panic.
Even though I had been an outstanding student in comparison to my peers, my studies stagnated since I began to faint whenever my home tutor merely read aloud to me. I had developed a fear of books and words as well, to the point of trembling just thinking about what terrible things might be written next.
In addition, I became unable to look other people in the eye, because I feared seeing the same madness that I had experienced in Rouge"s eyes. Furthermore, even within our estate, I stopped talking to anyone and stopped doing anything, becoming listless.
My head had become a mess; full of sadness and grief, and also an overwhelming fear. I could do nothing but fight with all my might to prevent this combination of emotions from exploding out of me at any given moment.
My parents were utterly perplexed to see their daughter suddenly become this severely depressed. It became extremely obvious that my mother, who was not very healthy to begin with, took my despondency particularly hard. Whenever she would ask me what was wrong though, all I could manage to do was shake my head. When she tried to console me by reading me my favorite books, I couldn"t hold back my panic. After a while, even when she just came close to me, I became frightened. Even though she tried so hard to help me, any contact with her became agony for me. I couldn"t stop thinking about what would happen when she knew the truth, or when she would turn on me, just like Rouge had.
Before this, there had been a few other people outside of my family that I had been close to, but it seems that the closer they had been to me, the stronger my fear of them had become, making me unable to bear being with them anymore. If someone were to hug me, I trembled. If I heard them greet me, I kept my eyes glued to the ground.
Doctors were consulted over and over again, but eventually they gave up, treating my case as hopeless. From a societal standpoint, I had become nothing but an invalid who hated studying and could not manage even the simplest social interactions. And as a n.o.ble, such weaknesses are fatal.
Since my mother could no longer bring me along to the tea parties that occur often in high society, she grew ashamed, and she, too, started hiding away. As the legal wife of a n.o.ble, she had but one job: to produce an heir for the family. It was said that she would only ever be able to have one child in her life, so she started condemning herself over her failure as a wife.
Father too had to confront this problem in his own way. In the event that the head of the family has no hope for a successor, it is highly likely to lead to a succession war. So, to prevent that, it was talked about that Father should either get divorced, or at the very least, quickly find a mistress to have another child with. Even though Father was against all of it, our family forced him to attend social events with other women for this purpose. If you think about it from Father"s point of view, he really couldn"t refuse. And even though he never actually accepted a mistress, the relationship between he and Mother naturally became strained.
In the end, both sides were hurt, and neither of them were able to verify the other"s feelings, thus leaving us nothing but the outward appearance of a family.
◇
That woman is unforgivable. After sifting through all of my past memories, I"m burning with anger. And that sh*tty maid dares to continue scheming behind the scenes even now. She is attacking my parents" relationship from both sides!
For instance, to my father she"ll whisper things like, “Mistress is almost too pitiful to look at…. Things can"t keep going on in this way…” or “Might it be a good idea to give her some s.p.a.ce? Wouldn"t it do you some good to get out of the house for a bit as a diversion?”
To Mother she says things like, “Our poor Mistress. Maybe it would be a good idea to try going back to your parents" house to rest for a bit?” Or, “Master has gone out again… Oh, please don"t cry, Mistress!” basically fanning the flames of the already raging fire.
And she has been doing this for the last two years.
Though as a maid, saying such things is normally seen as impudent, because she only ever said them in a roundabout way every once in a while, no one ever found fault with her. Nevertheless, she was able to steadily sow the seeds of unhappiness within my parents.
As further protection, she never said such things while other people were around, though I was an exception. Even if I was in the room, she audaciously went along with her schemes since I was basically a broken doll in her eyes. Thanks to that, I know exactly what she has been up to, and yet am viewed as nothing more than an annoyance.
In this way, everything just kept getting more and more complicated. I spent a precious two years of my life living like this. Over that time, the atmosphere of our estate became quite gloomy and my body, which couldn"t bear all this stress, started suffering from bouts of bad health. There were many occasions where I found myself unable to get out of bed for days on end.
When I managed to regain consciousness this morning, the maid had flown from the room in surprise because I had been bedridden this time for more than 10 days with seemingly no reason! I vaguely remember a doctor saying, “She"s losing her will to live. At this point, it might already be too late to do anything for her.”
….Anyways, right now, I urgently need to come up with a plan.
Firstly, I need to stop worrying about whether I am truly my parents" child or not for now. It"s not like thinking about it will help me in any way at the moment. Moreover, that doc.u.ment didn"t have a legal seal nor a thumb print on it. According to my past life"s memories, without either of those, it can"t be an official contract. I also feel like it was written in such a way so that I could easily understand the contents, even as a child, making it that much more unlikely. And, even if it is true that I am an orphan and there is a contract detailing such a transaction, it"s really unthinkable that a mere maid like Rouge would be able to get her hands it.
Next, I need to decide whether to reveal the fact that I have regained my ability to speak. If this were to be revealed to everyone on the estate, the situation could quickly become a matter of life or death, so I should probably table that idea for now. If Rouge knew that I could talk about what happened on that day, she would do anything to kill me. And I have no way of knowing if she put anything into my food or tea.
Moreover, when I become bedridden, that sh*tty maid usually visits me. To the outside world, it looks like she comes out of worry for me, but she actually comes by just to torment me at my bedside. She loves staring at me with those crazed eyes; frightening me just for fun. Since it"s like this, she might also decide to kill me in my sleep.
Lastly, I need to decide what to do about my parents. I should probably start with reconciling with my father. My mother is already much too sick to be helped easily right now, and since she wasn"t able to bear the initial change to our family, to experience another sudden and dramatic change, I"m afraid she might go insane.
Comparatively, it would be best to start with getting Father on my side as an ally. I have to think of a way to secretly communicate my intentions to him and banish that sh*tty maid from the premises. If I can do that, then I will also be guaranteeing Mother"s safety.
As I am thinking about these things, I return to my bed just in time to hear the clattering of footsteps drawing near to my room.
◇
“Alice….!”
The first one to come flying into my room is Siegmund, my father. Behind him is our butler, Alphonse-san. Thankfully, mother is nowhere to be found.
“I thought that this time you might never wake up again!!” Father says as he comes over to where I am laying, grasps my hand tightly, and stares intently at my face.
‘This might be my chance. There"s no one here besides my father and our butler." And as soon as I think this, I look Father directly in the eye.
“!”
Since his daughter hasn"t looked at him properly for so long, he seems surprised. He might even be trembling. Nevertheless, I continue by encouraging my nearly dead facial muscles to somehow curve up into a smile.
“…….!!”
“Ah–….!!! ……..” Alphonse-san covers his mouth with one hand in surprise while Father has broken down and is crying next to me.
…..wow. All I did was meet Father"s gaze and smile and it"s become like this. If I were to suddenly call out, that might just be too much for him right now. However, I really should strike while the iron"s hot. Well, I guess I"ll just have to deal with whatever happens as it comes.
“……Fath…..er”
“!!”
Both Father and Alphonse-san roughly glance over at me when they hear this. Their eyes are so wide, it looks as if they might pop out of their heads. Well, they are rightfully surprised. It has been two years since they last heard my voice, after all.
“Alice….? “Just now…. did you….?”
I just to nod my head lightly. It"s been so long since I last spoke, so my throat isn"t used to it. Even though it hurts, I need to hurry and explain the situation to him.
“I have a request…. need to fire some people…. and tell the maid, Conny, not to spread word about my current condition….. promise secrecy…..”
“I-, I understand! Alphonse, I"ll leave it to you!”
Even though it was a very sudden request, Father didn"t hesitate to carry it out right away.
“Understood!”
After rearranging his countenance into his typical composed, butler expression, Alphonse-san leaves the room. And, after seeing him to the door, Father once again returns to my side and stares intently at my face.
“Alice….. Oh, my Alice. You"ve finally recovered.”
My heart grows warm as Father"s eyes spill over with tears and he slowly strokes my head. Even if I have the memory of an adult from my past life, this man is still my father. I caused him to worry for so long, so I am relieved that I was finally able to give him some peace of mind.
“Father, I"m so sorry…. Because of me, you and Mother have been suffering…..”
“No-, Of course not, Alice…..! Nothing matters as long as you can make a full recovery. Just staying with us is enough!”
Father"s handsome face is covered in tears. Since he knows nothing about Rouge, from his point of view, I am the only reason for his impending divorce, and yet he"s so forgiving of me! Even though I might not even be his real child! If what Rouge told me is true, to think that Father was this worried over an adopted child like me. I can feel my love for him growing more and more by the second. But thinking about all the unspeakable things I still need to tell him about, I am also overcome with feelings of guilt.
“Thank you so much, Father….. But please don"t tell Mother about any of this yet.”
Hearing this, he is shocked.
“But why? Your mother has been worrying over your sickness more than anyone else, you know? We have to tell her as soon as possible.”
Since I know that is impossible, I continue, “I want to tell her even one second faster as well…. but there is someone that we absolutely cannot let know about this matter.”
“?! You can"t possibly mean…..”
There is someone who cannot be allowed to know about my recovery. In other words, someone in our home is filled with malice and would be troubled by my recovery. As he starts to suspect something of this sort, Father"s face hardens and he unintentionally cries out.
“Someone did something…. Has someone been poisoning you?!”
“Poison….. I guess in a way you could say that……”
And then I told Father everything.
T/N: Finally, a heartwarming chapter ❤ Her father is just amazing. I"m so happy she has such a great dad!! Also, this chapter seemed a lot more choppy to me than the previous ones, though maybe it is in my imagination. If anyone notices any places that feel weird, feel free to comment on it and I will try to fix them for flow and or understanding purposes!