Chapter 698: He Needed To Die
Fang Zicheng pursed his lips when he heard this.
Number 199 asked again, “Brother, why did you suddenly ask this?”
Fang Zicheng said, “I… want to be like a normal person with emotions.” What he was doing now was according to Qiao Jiusheng and the rest’s teachings. When they told him to love and protect his younger brother, he would love him. When they told him to respect the teacher, he would respect the teacher.
He suddenly felt that this was very meaningless. He wanted to feel what it meant to like someone and what it meant to be angry.
“There’s no hurry. You’re still young.”
Fang Zicheng nodded.
What Number 199 did not tell Fang Zicheng was that many patients with emotional disorders would be isolated from the world when they reached adulthood. As they could not feel any feelings, their days were like water, bland and boring. Gradually, some people would lose their desire to live.
Many people in this patient group committed suicide.
After that day, Fang Zicheng became even quieter.
Fang Yusheng and Qiao Jiusheng could feel the change in their son and were especially worried. They brought him to see a psychiatrist every few days.
The psychiatrist was called Zhuo Yu. He was the doctor recommended by Ji Qing.
This was the first time Fang Zicheng saw Zhuo Yu. The man was wearing a warm yellow knitted sweater, unlike other doctors who were wearing white coats. When Fang Zicheng pushed the door open and entered the office, Zhuo Yu was staring at the fish in the fish tank.
Hearing the commotion, he turned around and looked at Fang Zicheng. He examined the child in front of him.
Just as Ji Qing had said, this patient was overly cold. At such a young age, his green eyes actually did not have the curiosity and longing a child should have for the world. His gaze was very cold and calm like a lake of stagnant water.
Zhuo Yu’s heart sank.
He smiled and said to Fang Zicheng, “h.e.l.lo, I’m Zhuo Yu.” He spoke in an adult tone.
Fang Zicheng nodded and replied in a polite but actually cold voice, “h.e.l.lo, Dr. Zhuo. I’m Fang Zicheng.”
There was a carpet on the ground and they sat on the ground.
Zhuo Yu handed him a piece of paper and a pen. He said, “Draw something.”
Fang Zicheng took the piece of paper and did not ask as many questions as the others. He stared at the piece of paper and hesitated for a moment before picking up a pen. Zhuo Yu got up and walked behind the table to sit down, browsing the doc.u.ment alone. Fang Zicheng sat on the small sofa and stared at the piece of paper. He was very quiet.
After about half an hour, Zhuo Yu said, “Are you done?” As he spoke, he got up and walked to Fang Zicheng’s side.
Fang Zicheng looked up at him and said softly, “I can’t draw it.”
Zhuo Yu noticed it even without him saying it. He stared at the blank piece of paper on the table and frowned slightly?”
Fang Zicheng said honestly, “My mind is blank.” He did not have anything he liked, anything he did not want to leave behind, or anything he hated. He picked up the pen and did not want to draw at all. Zhuo Yu was silent for a moment before asking, “You can try to draw your parents.”
Fang Zicheng opened his mouth, and Zhuo Yu heard him say, “I don’t have a reason to draw them.”
“What about your brother?”
Fang Zicheng continued to shake his head.
Zhuo Yu asked again, “Let’s imagine a scenario.”
Fang Zicheng nodded and said, “Okay.”
Zhuo Yu drew a few people on the paper, representing Qiao Jiusheng, Fang Yusheng, and Fang Zikai. He said, “If your parents leave you one day.” Seeing that Fang Zicheng was listening seriously, Zhuo Yu said, “What if they die.”
“Ok.”
Zhuo Yu pointed at Fang Zikai and said, “Then he will be your only relative.”
“Ok.”
He drew another cross on Fang Zikai’s body and said, “If even he’s gone, then you’re the only one in this world.”
Fang Zicheng listened quietly with a calm expression.
When Zhuo Yu realized that he was making these hypotheses, Fang Zicheng’s expression was always very calm. When ordinary children heard this, they would cry or panic. Only he was always calm and quiet, or rather, heartless and cold.
Zhuo Yu sighed in his heart.
How could such a good child have such an illness?
Fang Zicheng suddenly asked Zhuoyu, “Am I incurable?”
Zhuo Yu’s heart tightened. He wanted to say that there was still hope, but he heard Fang Zicheng say, “If the day really comes that you say.” He stared into Zhuo Yu’s eyes and said, “I will find a place and die quietly.” He even added considerately, “I won’t cause trouble for others.”
Zhuo Yu looked at him deeply.
Outside the door, Fang Yusheng and Qiao Jiusheng’s expressions changed when they heard this from the listening device.
They heard Zhuo Yu ask, “Why? You can live well alone.”
The three-year-old said, “What’s the point of living? Repeating the same thing every day. Whether I live or die, it’s more or less the same.”
Upon hearing this, Zhuo Yu hit the nail on the head and said, “But if you’re alive now, and you’re repeating the same thing.” Zhuo Yu asked Fang Zicheng’s last question. “Tell me, you’re clearly doing the same thing now. Why are you willing to live? And when your parents and brothers die, you feel that dying and living are more or less the same.”
“Tell me, why?”
Fang Zicheng opened his mouth but could not say anything.
He also asked, “Why?” he murmured. “I don’t know.”
Zhuo Yu said, “That’s because you love them. They’re your motivation to live. Even if you have to go to school every day, eat, and sleep, the world you live in will never change. But you have the people you love by your side. You love them deeply. You can’t bear to leave them, so you continue to live.”
Fang Zicheng’s eyes seemed to fluctuate for a moment. He thought about Zhuoyu’s words carefully and shook his head. “I don’t know what love is. I can’t feel it.”
Zhuo Yu smiled and said, “Living well is your love for your family.”
…
When he left Zhuo Yu’s psychotherapy center, Fang Zicheng had been thinking about what Zhuo Yu had said.
Was living the love for his family?
Fang Yusheng suddenly grabbed his head and asked him with a smile, “What are you thinking about! A three-year-old brat has quite a lot on his mind.”
Fang Zicheng glanced at his father before reaching out to touch his hair. He suddenly said to Fang Yusheng, “Dad, touch it again.” Fang Yusheng was stunned for a moment before rubbing Fang Zicheng’s head again in confusion.
Fang Zicheng placed his hand on the spot that his father had rubbed.
When his father rubbed his head, it felt completely different from when he rubbed his own.
Fang Zicheng suddenly understood the logic. Why was he willing to live? Perhaps it was because he could not feel the temperature of his father’s palm after he died, so he chose to live.
Fang Zicheng did not understand at all that this phenomenon was called love. It was called reliance and greed.