Ten minutes past midnight.--To put me in remembrance,--my two friends at a quarter before two every day. My one friend at three every Wednesday."
"1836. Awoke with, "Reckon yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto G.o.d;" and "Be ye not of a doubtful mind." I feel resolved henceforth, thus "to reckon." I have been too long dying--not dead, and dishonouring G.o.d by "a doubtful mind." I now enjoy peace, with a firm determination to keep His commandments, which are not grievous; but I feel my weakness such, that I cannot trust myself. O my G.o.d, help me to keep my covenant vows!"
Look high, look low, look far and near, Changes in every scene appear; The blossom fades, the day is gone, And night succeeds the morning sun.
The clear blue firmament is seen.
But gath"ring clouds soon intervene; The sun, resplendent, hastes away, To give to other lands the day.
The vig"rous youth to manhood grown, Becomes a h.o.a.ry sire anon; The blooming maid becomes a bride, A loving consort by her side, The zenith point of earthly bliss,-- But ah! a changing scene is this: The fairest prospects earth can boast, Are poor, and transient at the most; And closest ties of friendship fail To stay the bliss, we smile to hail.
"After a fortnight"s suffering, my dear little grandson, Edward, left our dark abode for everlasting day. Separation is painful, but the prospect of eternal happiness brings sweet consolation. A little before death he said, "kneel down." He was three years and ten months old--a child of much promise--but is now safely transplanted to nourish in a healthier clime.--Death strikes again--the infant, and only surviving child of my Eliza, has escaped to glory. Several other afflictive occurrences have been permitted, I am confident for my good: yet I have better health than usual, and the consolations of my G.o.d are not withheld. The Lord can make hard things easy, and mingle the bitter cup with sweetness. O that I could make better returns!--Thirty years ago, I gave myself to my husband with mingled feelings of hope and fear. The words, "thy Maker is thy husband," have been impressed upon my mind."
Endearing t.i.tle! wilt Thou be A husband, O my G.o.d, to me?
Then, let me never grieve Thy love, Nor ever disobedient prove; Watchful Thy pleasure to obey, Thy precepts study night and day; Thy will at all times gladly do: _I will_. Lord help me to be true.
"Had all the preachers to breakfast with a friend or two beside,--hoping the hour might be spiritually improved. Singing and prayer were sweet, but I was disappointed in the conversation, which was turned by two individuals upon a point that profited little; one thing I learned, to expect profit in the creature is not right,--Tried to bring about, and by means of another, effected a reconciliation between two opposing parties.--"Who will this day consecrate his services to the Lord?" was a question put to me this morning before I awoke, and has been urged upon me since. Thank G.o.d, my heart responds--_I will_. As I was walking, musing, and praying, it was whispered to my soul, "My G.o.d shall supply all your need." It is enough.--Again privileged to hear the Rev. Robert Newton. I sat in my Father"s banqueting-house with delight, and His banner over me was love.--Fifty-four years this day, I have proved the sustaining power of G.o.d; and forty-two or nearly so, have enjoyed His redeeming love. O what a debter am I! Here will I give myself away--"tis all I can do."
This day of consecrated rest, Proclaim within my longing breast "I am the Lord thy G.o.d;"
Here dwell and reign without control, Sole monarch of my willing soul, According to Thy word.
XVI.
THE SACRIFICE.
"I HAVE LENT HIM TO THE LORD; AS LONG AS HE LIVETH, SHALL HE BE LENT UNTO THE LORD."--1 Sam. i. 28.
"Neither will I offer burnt-offerings to the Lord of that which cost me nothing," said David, when he purchased the threshing-floor, and the oxen of Araunah the Jebusite, that he might rear and altar, and offer sacrifices, and peace-offerings: and yet it was a n.o.bler act of sacrifice, when he poured out before the Lord the crystal draught which three of his mighty men had procured from the well that was by the gate of Bethlehem, at the peril of their lives, and for which he had so earnestly longed. In the one case he gave what he could well afford; in the other, he consecrated what his soul desired. The preciousness of the gift is to be estimated, not by its intrinsic value, but by the amount of sacrifice which it requires; hence, some who bring much, offer little, and some who give but little, offer much. Genuine love to G.o.d brings of its choicest and dearest, and the sacrifice is accepted accordingly. To give money as far as she had ability, was to Mrs. Lyth no sacrifice. Through life she practised a rigid economy, that she might have the more to employ for G.o.d; and during the last few years, when she had an ample income at her own disposal, after her few and extremely moderate wants were met, the whole was sacredly consecrated to public and private charities.
She saved nothing. Her estimate of the riches of this world may be collected from the following, communicated by a friend:--"She was much saved from the love of money. I called upon her one day for advice and sympathy, when I was in great trouble in consequence of a loss which I had sustained. She very affectionately encouraged me to bear up under the trial, and said, the Lord had some better thing in store for me;--that I must set my affections on things above, and then, to show that I was not alone, told me that a thousand pounds had been left to her mother by a deceased relative, which she had fully expected would revert to her, as it was the intention of the testatrix; but it proved to be a lapsed legacy. She added, "The Lord so graciously sustained me, that the loss never deprived me of a single hour"s sleep. He knows what is good for us, and If it had been His will, I should have had it." Mr. Lyth, who was in company with us at the time, said, "So you see my wife turns all to gold," which it is well known she did. Oh! I wish I was like her." But if she estimated worldly wealth only so far as it afforded her the pure gratification of doing good, and it was therefore no sacrifice to her to give of her earthly substance; she also gave that which cost her something. Her eldest son, Richard, whom she prized above gold, and all the more, because of the tears and solicitude which she had expended upon him as a sickly and delicate infant, was at the Conference of 1836 appointed to a distant and perilous sphere of missionary labour. This was a demand upon her feelings, which severely tested her love to Christ and His church; but the spirit in which she made the sacrifice, is best displayed by her own private record.
"1836. A letter from brother John Burdsall, who is at the Conference, informs me, that he had some conversation with Dr. Bunting respecting my Richard and the Friendly Islands. I feel as a mother, yet a.s.sured that G.o.d is alike in every place, my prayer is for resignation.--Oh!
the rapidity of time, conference has commenced and will, I suppose, appoint my Richard somewhere; only be it the place a.s.signed by Providence--my will submits, though nature would rebel.--My desires tend upward, but oh! my wayward heart still clings to the creature--my children lie near my heart. But, do I wish to withhold my son from Thee? no; my heart says no;--only let holiness be stamped upon his heart and character: send him where holiness will be the most earnestly sought, and will make the most powerful impression. My will does yield, but nature feels. The solicitude I feel for my children depresses my spirit: yet am comforted by the promises of G.o.d, and increasingly resolved to roll my every care at the foot of the Cross; where, like pilgrim, I often find the strings of my burden unloosed, and by faith beholding my unfailing Friend, am encouraged to believe the G.o.d who cares for _me_, will care for _mine_. In the face of my fears, O Lord, I trust in Thee. My Richard is appointed to the Friendly Islands.--The cases of my three sons press upon my spirit; but Thy aid, O Lord, I seek and ask and _have_.--It is the Sabbath morn. I am fully bent to give myself and my family to G.o.d. But now it is come to the point, how weak I feel! Well, but I will resign--Richard is Thine; I will through grace, give him up to Thee.
The time of his departure is at hand; tidings have reached us that he is expected to sail in the "Royal George," on the first of October.
O may He who sitteth above the water floods, and reigneth a King for ever, take charge of him; and so succeed his errand, that thousands may add l.u.s.tre to his crown!--At half-past six Miss B. and Mrs. A. met me, and Hannah S. who was seeking pardon. After we had pleaded for a time, the Lord came down in power, and she cried aloud, "I can believe, I do believe." We all shared the baptism. My dear family all took tea together, perhaps for the last time. Thank G.o.d, we are a united family, though we may separate wide from each other in our pilgrimage through the world.--While pouring out my soul for my dear Richard, I felt the hallowing power; I believe the Lord will be with him and the people also. Things very painful to nature are now my frequent lot; but through these, the Lord seeks to purge, and knit me closer to himself. Lord give me grace to bear the sacrificing knife, and let "Thy will be done,"--Had a few friends to breakfast to commend my dear Richard to G.o.d: it was a profitable hour, but I should have liked more prayer.--My soul was much refreshed, especially in cla.s.s.
What a fulness is treasured up in Jesus: and yet I only sip. In visiting the sick, and seeking out the wanderers, feel I am right, but seem to have little time for this work.
"Apperly Bridge. My Richard"s wedding-day. While the bridal couple went to church, I retired to plead a blessing on their union. On their return, I met them with lines which were on my mind--
"Blest in Christ your union be, Blest to all eternity."
And so it will be, while they cleave to Jesus. After breakfast we proceeded to Leeds, where we dined, and took an affectionate leave of each other. I then retired with the female part of the company to commend them to G.o.d." [Her parting counsels, which were inscribed in my brother"s alb.u.m, were as follows:--]
"My dear son,--"Be strong through the grace, which is by Jesus Christ, and the things, which thou hast heard before many witnesses, commit to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also. Endure affliction as a good soldier of Jesus Christ, and the Lord give thee understanding in all things. G.o.d is my witness, how I long for you, that your love may abound more and more, in all knowledge and spiritual understanding; that you may try the things that are excellent; that you may be sincere, and without offence, unto the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are through Jesus Christ, to the praise and glory of G.o.d. And when the Chief Shepherd shall appear, you shall receive the crown of glory which fadeth not away." This is the earnest prayer of your truly affectionate mother."
"Mr. Burrows came, and talked sweetly to me of my privilege as a christian in giving all to G.o.d, and prayed with us; else, during this week sorrow and joy have mingled in my breast, but now I feel to rise.--Mrs. R. having agreed to meet with me to intercede for my dear Richard and Mary Ann, I went up accompanied by Mrs. W.--the Lord blessed us together.--I feel encouraged.--A very stormy morning. This led me to my knees, to pour out my soul for my son and daughter: O keep them in the hollow of Thy hands! William has not yet returned from seeing Richard off; I want to hear and know--yet am encouraged to hope all will be well.--Days of suspense--but the thought, "all is well," encouraged me; this was realised, when William returned in the afternoon. "Bless the Lord, O my soul," and praise His adorable name. My dear Richard sent me a letter, written when sailing down the Thames, in which he says, "The Lord is with us, we will not fear."
"Sinnington. After the morning prayer-meeting, I called upon several of the villagers, who kindly welcomed our visit. Prayed with every family but one, and in each case felt the softening power. Spoke plainly with Mr. B. respecting the alienation existing between him and ----. O that they would seriously resolve!--A very stormy day, but braving the blast, I visited two or three friends, to have a last interview with them; in one case to invite a person to join the people of G.o.d; in another, to urge the necessity of family-prayer; a third was a young person apparently in dying circ.u.mstances, and a fourth was a quaker friend, whose disinterested friendship endears her to me.--Visited the Lady Mayoress at the Mansion House, and felt quite at ease. Had an opportunity of dropping a word in her ear, which she seemed to receive kindly."
The noontide hour is wont to be A blessed means of grace to me; When met, the hallowing power to share, In the sweet intercourse of prayer.
"Was drawn out in prayer for myself and others until a late hour, and was much blest. After I had retired and had been asleep, I awoke with these lines:
"Soft and easy is Thy pillow, Coa.r.s.e and hard the Saviour lay; Since His birthplace was a stable, And His softest bed was hay."
My pillow seemed softer than usual, and my soul was happy.--Very stormy." [Such notes of the weather repeatedly occur at this period, but nothing more: her thoughts were after Richard, but her feelings were too intense for expression. To a friend she remarked, that for six months after her son"s departure, she dared not touch, the subject. "I cannot write upon it," she said, "I am obliged to leave it."]
"1837. Took tea with Mrs. D., with several christian friends; our visit was blessed, all shared in the heavenly influence: if all visits were equally profitable, I should regret to refuse an invitation.--Paid a visit not so beneficial, though many good people were there, and honourable too.--Rose too early by mistake, but determined to profit by it, so I bowed myself at the feet of Him to whom I can most freely unbosom myself and told Him all my cares, which seemed to multiply as I spread them out before Him; found a little access, but want the mighty faith that "can the mountain move."--Wm.
B."s two daughters and daughter-in-law took tea with me, which afforded me an opportunity of conversing with them on the necessity of salvation. Presented each of them with a pocket companion.
Providentially Mrs. R. stepped in, and prayed with us. In the evening I met the dear people, deeply feeling my own unfitness, and greatly discouraged by their state. To increase my difficulty, a young stranger came in to hear in silence; could get none to pray. What shall I do? Resolved as soon as alone to roll my burden upon the Lord, which I did, and felt encouraged.--Five months to-day since my last letter from Richard. [Two days after she writes.] The evening post brought me a letter, and "all is well." When we had read it, we bowed before the Lord to acknowledge our grat.i.tude. My dear friends, B. and A., came to meet Mrs. B. to plead with the Lord on her behalf: she obtained power to say, "I love Him because He first loved me;" but durst not affirm that her sins were forgiven.--Since the Missionary Meeting, the recollection that I, with the rest of the a.s.sembly, lifted my hand and pledged myself to increased exertion, has pressed upon my mind. I am willing; Lord, direct my efforts! [This resolution was not ineffective, for shortly after, she initiated the York Ladies"
Missionary Sewing Meeting, which for many years proved an important source of income, and still exists, under the name of the "Ladies"
Repository."]
"Hull. Called upon Mrs. H., and met there a lady, who acknowledges my father as the instrument of her conversion. She was on one occasion introduced into his cla.s.s, and being a member of the Established Church, he asked her if, when repeating the Creed, she believed "in the communion of saints, and the forgiveness of sins." The arrow hit the mark, and she never rested till she obtained the favour of G.o.d.
Called also upon Mr. E., whom we found indisposed, but awakened to a sense of his lost condition. Was glad to hear him speak of his hard, unfeeling heart, as I felt convinced the Spirit of G.o.d was working upon him, and was encouraged to pray with and for him.--After an agreeable journey, we returned to York--so swiftly time pa.s.ses, how I long to improve it! In the cabin of the packet, I took up a book which lay on the table--written by Baxter--on "Living for Eternity," and while reading, deeply felt the necessity of so doing. Two young gentlemen sat at my left hand playing at a game of some sort, and I was prompted to speak to them upon the importance of improving their youthful opportunities. They received the admonition in a good spirit and said, they wished they oftener met with kind reproofs.--Miss B. and I collected for the infant school: some of our visits were profitable--prayer sweetened our employment."
"Sinnington. My dear uncle is evidently failing. He has suffered much, but the state of his mind is improving, and he is more accessible.
He goes to bed very early, and every night I have sat and prayed with him. My own mind is in a composed frame. All around me exhibits the finger of G.o.d. The stillness of nature impresses me with His presence; I hear his voice, and all within me acknowledges Him Lord of all. I have visited several of the villagers; some wept, but to others I seem to tell an idle tale.--Four o"clock in the morning:--
Midnight stillness! O! how solemn!
Now surrounded by my G.o.d; How I long to breathe His fulness!
How I long to walk with G.o.d!
Thou whose eyes, unseen, behold me,-- Mark my inmost rising thought; In this musing moment prompt me, Let my works in Thee be wrought.
Aid, O aid my contemplation!
To Thy cross my spirit lead; Humble, while I view Thy pa.s.sion, _Me_,--that caused Thy heart to bleed.
Let it melt me, O my Saviour, Melt me into love again; By Thy death to life restore me, In my soul for ever reign.
Bring me into full salvation, Every secret thought control; Help my nature"s imperfection, Sway Thy sceptre in my soul.
Let all nature point to Jesus, Every scene reveal Him there, Earthly good, through Him, be precious, Voices chaunt Him everywhere.
All I know, or taste, or handle, Be subservient to His will; Sun that shineth--stars that glitter-- Flash His glory round me still.
"As I came out of the chapel, a person came to me with tears in her eyes and requested me to pray for her, that the Lord would cleanse her heart: I was humbled but encouraged.--My birthday: rose before five, and consecrated my body and soul to the Lord. At an early hour was sent for by the young person I saw a few days ago, who is still very much afflicted. Inquiring what I should pray for, she said, "That G.o.d may pardon my sins." I thought this a good sign, as she was in much pain; and left her, believing G.o.d would save her. This word has been my motto for some days, "If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love;" and my heart is bent on it.--Awoke early; my meditations were sweet. Visited S.P., while praying with her she wept much. O may these meltings of a broken heart end in conversion! In the evening went to J.B."s to break the ice for them in commencing family-prayer, but he was out, so after some close conversation with his wife on the subject, we prayed together. Lord, help her to take up her cross.
On my return I went and prayed with uncle; I want to say to him everything I ought--Lord help me.--I started early that I might invite some of the villagers to the chapel: while thus engaged my heart was lifted up to G.o.d for a blessing on my endeavours.--Miss C. came to inform me, that last evening after returning from chapel, feeling her need of justifying grace, she retired to her closet--her sisters, and the young ladies having remained at the prayer-meeting. On their return, several of them being deeply convinced of sin, united in prayer; and so powerfully did the Spirit work, that six were crying for mercy at once: thus they continued to pray and wrestle until two in the morning, when five of them were made happy. On my way to Acomb, I called in to rejoice with them, and was introduced to a young lady who has been for some time under religious impression; whilst Mrs. R.
and I engaged in prayer, she found comfort; glory be to G.o.d.--A year since my dear Richard left the land of his birth, to preach the gospel in the islands of the seas. To commemorate the event, we had about twenty friends to tea; after which we had a prayer-meeting on behalf of my dear son, and the cause of missions.--The words of a Minister should be as a stream from the living fountain, and themselves as conduits, through which the stream runs. How needful then, that we should bear them up before the throne, that there may be written upon them, "Holiness unto the Lord."--Have been to see some of my members.
Two were out, one ill, a fourth indisposed, and a fifth in a very unhappy frame of mind, whom I purposely left without prayer, not knowing how to pray for her--never left her before without bowing the knee. On arriving at home, I presented her case to G.o.d.--Have been put into the office of Treasurer for the Clothing Society; Lord help me faithfully to discharge this labour of love for the poor of Christ"s flock.--Saw J.P. on his dying bed. The enemy was making his last a.s.sault upon him. I repeated several promises to which he listened with attention, and then prayed with him. In about half an hour the Lord broke in upon his soul so gloriously, that he desired his wife to come and tell me what the Lord had done for him. My soul rejoiced with him.--This solemn moment I give myself to Thee. O let me henceforth be Thy devoted servant, willing at all times to yield my will to Thine!
Dost Thou say to me, "I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness?" Then it is enough. I am the Lord"s, and He is mine. Blessed union! G.o.d is love; I feel it now.
"1838. In converse with my friends, I have endeavoured to keep a conscience void of offence, and to walk in simplicity before the Lord; but Oh! when viewed in the gla.s.s of G.o.d"s law, how deficient! Yet will I aim at the perfect model.--This morning, a young man named Calvert, who is going as a missionary to the South Seas, called upon us. With him I sent a letter to my Richard, having sat up the previous night writing, and little thinking I should have such an opportunity of sending it. Old feelings revived in my breast; but after he was gone, while musing about my son and the perils of missionary life, these words were sweetly applied: "It is not the will of your Father in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish."--The box sent to Richard, which has been lost for three months, is just found in proper time to go with a missionary bound for the same islands. There is a providence unseen by us, whose watchful eye protects the minutest interests of His own; "Even the very hairs of your heads are all numbered."--Informed that poor Mrs. W. was fast sinking, I hastened to see her; she was struggling with her last enemy, but smiling in His grasp. When told that she would soon join in singing "Hallelujah,"
she smiled and said. "Yes;" and shortly after exchanged mortality for life."
MY FRIEND"S DEPARTURE.
How solemn was the room!