XVIII.
LIGHT IN DARKNESS.
"FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT."--2 Cor. v. 7.
In the wisdom of G.o.d, and in harmony with the highest purposes of grace, life is so constructed, as to make man feel his own weakness, and his dependance upon Divine power. The recurrence of seasons of trouble and sorrow, makes a perpetual demand upon our faith.
Reason tries in vain to disentangle the intricate dispensations of Providence, and nature sinks under the force of innumerable trials, which, like successive waves beat incessantly upon it. The only resource is faith in G.o.d; and when once we grasp the sure promise, "all things work together for good to them that love G.o.d;" light springs up in the darkness: and all that comfort, which might arise from a clear discovery of the processes of Providence, is realized in the a.s.surance that all shall be well,--an a.s.surance given by Him who cannot lie, confirmed by an oath, sealed with the blood of Christ, and verified by the experience of G.o.d"s people in all ages. It is thus the christian"s privilege to rejoice always, if not in His afflictions which are grievous, yet in the Lord, who ruleth all things well. Mrs.
Lyth knew this to be possible, she aimed at it, and though not always with equal success, she walked by "faith and not by sight."
"1843.--I have been privileged to attend the house of G.o.d, after an absence of some weeks through affliction; but with grief I confess, that when I first got out to see my daughter, who has also been ill, I neglected the opportunity of social prayer and thanksgiving, that we were again permitted to see each other. My ingrat.i.tude stares me in the face. Against Thee, O Lord, against Thee only, have I sinned.--My John is preaching his trial sermon. My husband and servant are hearing him; and I have been alone, praying for him, that he may neither go before, nor stay behind the call of G.o.d. I feel the Lord is present, and my heart goes out after Him.--I was called up a little after five to attend upon my daughter-in-law. A beautiful morning. I reproached myself for so often losing the sweet perfume of the morning air. When I arrived the babe was born. So another immortal spirit is added to my family. Praise G.o.d, the promise reaches to them all.--Collecting for the missions in one of the poorest districts, we peeped into a comfortless spot, where lived a poor widow with five children. We did not wish to ask for anything, but were obliged to give a reason for our stepping in. The woman said however, that it was a good cause, and she would give us something. This was truly the widow"s mite, and will not pa.s.s unrewarded.--As soon as I rose from my bed, these lines were upon my tongue before I was aware--
"Mercy"s full power, I then shall prove, Lov"d with an everlasting love."
While repeating them it occurred, this is an answer to prayer last night.--I find it difficult to retain the truths I hear; but, having the law written in my heart, I desire in all things to obey.--The cases of several members of my family press heavily upon my spirit.
Eliza continues very weak, and John is in suspense; my only refuge is in taking them to the throne of grace: for it is written, "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain thee."--The cloud begins to break, and I feel abased before the Lord, that I should have had so little confidence. My daughter is better, and John has received satisfactory information; so I am confident, that in both cases the Lord is mindful of us. Yesterday, while bowed by my daughter"s bedside, the light broke in upon my soul, and I believe upon her"s too. I felt power to rest upon the Lord, and leave her in His hands: very different from what I have felt before, although I have many times approached the throne, and sometimes caught a glimpse of hope; but this was the broad light of faith."
"Harrogate. What shall I render unto the Lord for all His mercies towards me? I am living in the enjoyment of peace of mind; desiring more of G.o.d; distrustful of myself; grieved that I love G.o.d no more, and aiming to do better. O Lord, the power impart.--We returned home greater debtors to the Lord than ever, for the mercies both of the upper and nether springs. My husband welcomed me with the cla.s.s-book in his hand, which at first, I felt reluctant to take, but found a blessing in taking up the Cross.--When I retired to rest, I thought, if the Lord will condescend to give me some pa.s.sage from Himself, which is not familiar to me, it will strengthen my faith. My request was granted, and the words "As one, whom his mother comforteth,"
occupied my thoughts much of the night, and were first upon my tongue in the morning. I saw my John off by train to Colchester. I feel deeply concerned for his health, and for his spiritual welfare, and for his prosperity in the work in which he is engaged: but if a mother may be heard for her child, (and I believe it,) my poor pet.i.tions shall be continually urged at the throne of grace, that he may be all G.o.d requires.--A week of toil is past. My husband is under medical advice. I am tried with my servant; my words and actions are misconstrued, but I have been aiming to speak and act as in the sight of G.o.d, however imperfectly.--Alone. In two hours the year closes,--a year of unnumbered mercies."
Backward I turn, and view the stream Of mercy rolling rich and free; Here, flashing with a silver gleam; There, tinged with hues of mystery.
Through health and sickness, hope and fear; In griefs imagined, never known, Its current flowed, my heart to cheer; And light upon my pathway shone,
But ah! what poor returns are mine!
How weak my faith! my love, how cold!
Yet will I praise Thee, "I am Thine,"
Thy faithful promise still I hold:
Distrusting self, I come to Thee, My vileness in Thy wounds to hide; When foes a.s.sail, to Thee I flee, And in Thy changeless love confide.
Then speed, ye fleeting years, your flight; I will not mourn the period gone; But hasten to my home in light: Eventful, rapid years, roll on!
"Eleven o"clock. I desire most unreservedly to surrender myself to the Lord; to be wholly His. Amen."
"1844. In my walks through the city, I met with the Rev. Thomas Richardson, who, kindly accosting me, inquired after my husband"s health and requested me to tell him, "to be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer, and supplication, with thanksgiving, to make known his wants and requests unto G.o.d." He added, "I remember what you once said to me, "What thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; but the children of this world are wiser than the children of light; and I fear this is sadly neglected;"--with additional kind advice.
To my mind it was a word in season, and my heart warmed with the kind admonition.--I went to see Mrs. L., and was much surprised to find her daughter, who is in attendance upon her, lying ill on a bed by the side of her mother"s. After a little conversation with her I prayed, and then turned and spoke a few words to the mother, and again we united in prayer. I asked the young woman if she found it good, and, though scarcely able to speak, she clasped her hands and said, "Very--very." A little after seven the same evening, she expired, in the bloom of youth.--The President, the Rev. John Scott, and Dr.
Newton came to York to advocate the cause of education. A tea was provided. I was one of the Committee, and hoped to have had the opportunity of hearing those honoured servants of the Lord; but ah! we are dust. My dear husband, after rising from dinner, was preparing to go, when he was seized with an attack of paralysis. (This being the second). I immediately sent for medical aid, and the Lord graciously blessed the means, and now, I hope, the stroke is turned aside. So the purpose of meeting our friends was frustrated; but this is for our good. My mind was kept in peace.--Visited Mary R., who is fast sinking,--she said with rapture, "Jesus is here, Jesus is here." I am since informed, that she has triumphed over her last enemy, waving her hand, and shouting, "Glory!"--A very bl.u.s.tering night. Waking a little after three, I rose to pray, and found the watchful Keeper of Israel ready to listen to my early cry. I begged Him, if it pleased Him, to give me sleep, and wake me at five. I laid down, slept, and when I awoke, looked at my watch, which was just five minutes to five. I felt, and still feel my obligations to the Lord, and am resolved to commit myself to His guidance.--My birthday. I awoke a little after three, and arose at half-past four, with these words upon my mind, "Who will consecrate his services this day unto the Lord?" My heart responds, "I will." Yes, Lord, Thou, who seest the breathing desires of my heart, and only knowest its wanderings, discover to me if there is any secret iniquity lurking there. As far as I know, I am sincere, and would be wholly Thine. My soul is happy. I am Thine. Saw Mrs.
N. again. When I entered the room she seemed quite exhausted, but recovering a little said, "O, I have had such a deliverance since I saw you! After a severe struggle with the enemy, I could not help saying aloud, Bless the Lord, I can believe without a doubt or fear; I throw myself upon Christ." But you will think me better than I am.
I have been a poor loiterer. I have not let my light shine as I ought.
What did I say?" "I repeated all I could recollect." "Yes," she said, "it is all true; give my love to my dear sisters (meaning her cla.s.smates), and tell them to make much of their religion. I love them all."--My mind is solemnly impressed. Death is taking away my friends on all hands. Well, a little while, and we shall see the end. May we be blessed as they are, and as free. Happy am I to learn that Mrs. N., when conversing with her husband, an hour or two before her departure, said, "I shall soon be with Christ; go to bed, and I will try to go to sleep." She did so, and woke no more, literally falling asleep in Jesus.--I have this morning felt depressed with the thought of being closed up in the earth; surely this is from an enemy, for when death has done its work, what matters where the body is? There is nothing I desire so much as to live and die a Christian. I hold fast the hope through Christ; yet I cannot perceive improvement, although I have at times been much led out in prayer. Last night, while meditating on my state, with earnest prayer for the direct witness of the renewal of my nature, the a.s.surance was given, "I have graven thee on the palms of my hands." I want not to spend, but to _redeem_ the time with Mrs. D.
Called to see Mrs. T., who is very weak in body, but trusting in the Lord. I knelt down to pray, and had not uttered many words before she broke out in prayer and praise, expressive of her firm confidence in the Lord Jesus. It was a melting season. It is encouraging to see the power of grace thus manifested in the midst of pain and weakness, and bearing up the subjects of it.--We met to make fresh arrangements for the Clothing Society, when, much against my own will, I was reappointed Treasurer: but, as it is a cross, I will try to take it up.--Took tea with my daughter. All the preachers and their wives were present. I was both pained and profited,--profited in singing and prayer, and pained whilst endeavouring to defend an absent brother.--Resigned my office in connexion with the sewing-meeting with peace of mind. Yet, on reviewing the three years during which I have held it, I can only say, unprofitable servant; for, although I have endeavoured to please G.o.d in the faithful discharge of my duty, my doings have been mixed with much imperfection. Called to see a young woman in the small-pox, who is crying for mercy. I have visited her several times. Her cry continues, mingled with the hope that G.o.d will save her. I am sure grat.i.tude ought continually to burn upon the altar of my heart. Even when pa.s.sing through darkness, light has sprang up to illumine the path; but when I consider my returns, I am filled with humiliation. What shall I do? I will try to do better; Lord, help me, I am Thine."
I am Thine by purchase great, Made, redeemed, sustained by Thee; By surrender, now I wait All Thy pleasure upon me.
"1845. Took tea with Mrs. W., and had the opportunity of urging her husband to seek the salvation of his soul.--My dear Eliza was this morning again made a mother. Another little boy to put in the covenant grant. Just as I write the promise is given, "Thy children shall be all taught of G.o.d, and great shall be the peace of thy children." So may it be; I desire nothing more. This afternoon I have had a fall, and was miraculously preserved from injury. I record it as an acknowledgment of the kind care which providence has exercised over me. What will be the end of these struggles respecting Maynooth College? Will Romanism or Protestantism prevail?--I saw Mrs. R. three times today; the second she expressed hope in G.o.d; the third the power of speech was gone. Awful crisis! Standing on the edge of two worlds!
It was a solemn moment. While engaged in prayer I felt access.
How needful to be ready!--Near midnight. I have this week been endeavouring "to reckon myself dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto G.o.d." My faith is sometimes strong, at others feeble; but my purpose to hold fast the blessing was never more fixed. Thou, who at this moment beholdest the inmost recesses of my heart, and who, by Thy Spirit, givest me inward peace, keep me from this hour; and help me confidently, through the merits of Christ, to confess with my mouth what my heart believes--that "the blood of Jesus Christ Thy Son cleanseth me from all sin."--Again visited Mrs. B. The last time I saw her she wept, and appeared to feel much; but I was afraid she was imagining she had attained what she had not, and resolved to call again at the first opportunity. I found the Lord had been powerfully working on her mind. She felt it such a mercy that the Lord had not cut her off in her sins, that she had wrestled with the Lord until He removed her load of misery, and communicated peace: this is the Lord"s doing.--All is still; only the moan of my afflicted cousin, in her slumbers, falls upon my ear. The clouds of evening are richly tinted as the shadows of night draw on. My soul enjoys sweet tranquillity.
Jesus" merits being the only refuge of my soul. When I asked cousin the state of her mind, she said, "Sometimes I have no doubt, at others I am perplexed;" and then added, with tears, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.""
Oh! what is life? a pa.s.sing cloud, Tinged with a rainbow light; But let the sun his glory shroud, Where is the vision bright?
"Tis past and gone, and in its place, Nought but the cloud appears: It is the Sun of righteousness Must gild this vale of tears.
"Fulfilled some errands on the Lord"s account. Pa.s.sing a spot where a person once a member resided, I called to see how her mind was affected now. She was much pleased, and said the Lord had sent me, as she was wishing to see me, having had her desires after eternal life revived. Some others, to whom I was directed, were equally disposed to unite themselves with the people of G.o.d.--Two days ago cousin evidently altered for the worse; she has spoken little, but been remarkably patient, through her protracted affliction. This morning she expressed her confidence in G.o.d; and a few minutes after eleven her happy spirit returned to G.o.d. We sorrow, but not without hope,--Her remains were conveyed to Sinnington for interment. Past recollections seemed to drink up my spirit; only one survivor--upon the spot--of all those whom long a.s.sociation has endeared to me. We called upon Mr. B.; but ah! how changed! completely paralyzed,--apparently incapable of much impression, and yet, I fear, unsaved! I spoke to him, and also his son, on the necessity of making their peace with G.o.d, and then prayed with them; but my mind was afterward pained because I had done the work so inefficiently.--The last fortnight I have several times visited a little boy, sinking in decline. When first I saw him, he appeared quite ignorant of his sinful condition; but divine light has gradually beamed upon his soul.
The last time, he expressed a confidence I had not observed before.
His mother tells me, she has often heard him engaged in earnest prayer; and once, perceiving him much worse, she said, "Bill, thou"s very ill." "Yes," he replied, "but I shall soon be _better_." When near death, he asked, "Do you see who"s come for me?" she said, "No, who is it?" He answered, "Jesus;" and clasping his hands, said repeatedly, "Lord, help me!" then placing them together, under his head, gently pa.s.sed away.--While endeavouring to do my Master"s will, I carry my heaven about with me. My soul enjoys peace, with a deep sense of my own nothingness. "Christ is all; other refuge have I none.""
All praise to G.o.d, whose sleepless eye, Observed my tender years; And blessed me with parental love, Parental prayers and tears.
Through every lane of life I trace His providential care; In many a time of need, His grace And guardian hand were there.
His still small voice of love I heard, When in the blush of youth; I paused, and listened to the word Of everlasting truth.
Resolved I was, and re-resolved, But many a conflict knew; Till G.o.d, in Christ, my sins absolved, And unbelief o"erthrew.
What shall I render to the Lord?
What can a sinner do?
I"ll rest upon His precious word, And take His grace anew.
XIX.
THE INWARD MONITOR.
"THE LORD SHALL GUIDE THEE CONTINUALLY."--Isaiah lviii. 11.
Who, that is conscious of the solemn responsibility of life, and of the perils by which it is beset, but feels the necessity of continual direction? How many emergencies daily arise, in which there is need of wisdom superior to our own? Oh for a Mentor, whose constant presence and unerring counsels might always guide us aright! The aspiration is not in vain. G.o.d himself, offers to be the guide of His people.
He will put His Spirit in them, who shall abide with them always, and guide them in the way of all truth. But how? Not by some irresistible impulse, which overpowers the action of human will, or by some new revelation, which would render unnecessary the ordinary means of religious instruction; but by the lessons of His holy word, which is brought to the mind in the moment of requirement; for the Holy Spirit brings to our _remembrance_ whatsoever is there revealed for our comfort and instruction. This shows the importance, not only of the constant and diligent study of the Word of G.o.d, but of storing the memory, while it is yet fresh and vigorous, with Scripture truth: for it is obvious, _that_ cannot be brought to our remembrance, which was never known. Further, we must ask for direction, committing all our ways to Him; and when He graciously indicates the path of duty, at once obey. He who acts upon these principles will never
"Full direction need.
Or miss his providential way."
G.o.d will guide him continually, and often, in a manner most wonderful, supply light and counsel, in times of perplexity, or need. Mrs. Lyth had in early life committed to memory large portions of the Word of G.o.d; the Bible was the book of her choice--her daily study; and her love for it became more impa.s.sioned as life rolled on to its close.
Hence, as she was in the habit of prayerfully seeking direction in all her movements, its precious truths were constantly brought to remembrance. Indeed, in some parts of her diary, scarcely a day pa.s.ses without the record of some scripture thus applied, most commonly as her first morning thought, which furnished profitable reflection for the day.
"1846.--Called to see one I saw on Sat.u.r.day, but she is no more.
Whither is she gone? Pursued my way to visit another sick friend. When I approached her bedside, she said she was very ill in body, and very miserable in mind. After a few words we knelt down. The Lord was graciously pleased to give the spirit of prayer; and faith realized the blessing. She cried out, "I am Thine, glory be to G.o.d!" How good it is when G.o.d comes down, and melts our frozen nature!--I have commenced reading Matthew Henry"s Commentary; how far I shall live to read, I know not; but I have commenced it with prayer, and by G.o.d"s help intend so to continue.--Invited the Clothing Committee to tea.
For some days before, I prayed that we might be directed into the love of G.o.d. Being, as I believe, the oldest, I ventured to take the lead, and we had a little band-meeting. All spoke and prayed. Afterward I was painfully exercised; but I cast myself, with all my imperfections, upon G.o.d.--In visiting the School I felt prompted to speak a few words to the children, and made the attempt. The words impressed upon my mind were "Even a child is known by his doings."--Sought out Mrs.
----, to whom I spoke plainly; also called upon another christian friend, one, who is placed in slippery places in public life;--prayed with them: and now my work is before Thee, wilt Thou be pleased to acknowledge my feeble endeavours to help Thy people on?--I have today been engaged in obtaining Ladies" signatures to memorialize the Queen for the suppression of houses of ill fame.--A pleasant drive to Harrogate. Came, resolved to give myself to prayer, and have felt it good to draw nigh to G.o.d.--While sitting at my work about three o"clock, the thought occurred, "Look into the little book lying on the table." I did so, and on opening it, read, "Rise and pray." I was thus reminded of my engagement with a friend, and was thankful for the admonition.--I felt reproved for uttering a matter which, though true, would have been better unsaid. When will my tongue be brought into due subjection?
"Cleethorpes. Much of the day pa.s.sed upon the terrace. Had a conversation with a Church lady, to whom the Lord enabled me to speak of the things of G.o.d; and have since been praying that conviction may fasten upon her conscience.--Was sent for to visit a lady upon a sick bed, with whom I had a free conversation. I have now seen her three or four times, and she seems really in earnest to save her soul. She has known something of the truth for fifteen years; but is much depressed by a nervous affection. I have been led to admire the harmonies and adaptations of nature. Can it be that G.o.d should thus provide for man in his fallen condition, and will He forget to provide for His own?
Never! Infinite Power, is infinite love.--Called to see a person who is sick, but was disappointed. However, I conversed and prayed with her mother, and afterward went to read to a poor blind woman who is in the way to heaven.--Called to see a person with whom I conversed a few days ago;--heard her groaning in great pain, but did not see her. The daughter, who is also ill and much hara.s.sed with attending upon her mother, said, they had now no time for religion, as affliction put every thing else out of their thoughts; yet she admitted its importance. I gave her a few words of counsel, and when I left, told her I should pray for them. She looked at me with surprise, and we parted, probably to meet no more till we meet at the bar of G.o.d.