A third time she slept, and the words, suggested on awaking, were "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: yea, saith the Spirit, for they rest from their labours, and their works do follow them." A fourth time she awoke, and the pa.s.sage presented to her mind was, "The end of all things is at hand; be ye therefore sober and watch unto prayer."--My soul is especially excited to prayer. In myself I see no good thing, but many imperfections, and much weakness; yet I hang upon the Lord Jesus, and thirst for a deeper baptism of the Spirit. A few lines from Cousin E. inform me, that dear Ann, given up by her medical attendants, is rejoicing in the prospect of eternal glory. Praise the Lord. Though separation is painful, we cannot but rejoice in the blessed antic.i.p.ation of seeing each other again. It only remains for me to be faithful.--My patience has been exercised by one of my children. I scarcely know how to act, so as neither to be too indulgent, nor too severe. O Thou, who hast promised, that crooked things shall be made straight, and the rough, places plain, give ear to my supplication, and in this matter point out the path of duty, that at the last, I may present my whole family and say, "None that Thou gavest me are lost."--While engaged in prayer, my soul was blessed in such a manner, that for some time I could say nothing but Glory, Glory. Surely this was a foretaste of the bliss, which shall never end.--A letter informed me that cousin Ann wished to see me; so on the following morning, putting myself under the protection of G.o.d, who kindly took care of me, I left home. While travelling the spirit of prayer on behalf of those, whom I had left behind, was sweetly poured upon me. I found my dear cousin suffering from great debility; but living by faith on the Son of G.o.d. A sweet smile played upon her face, like the soft radiance of the setting sun. Grace shone in every feature of her faded, but still lovely countenance. She tells me, it is twelve years next October, since the Lord spoke peace to her soul.
We were kneeling in company with her sister, and the servant, by her bedside. I was engaged in prayer at the time, and for this reason she wished particularly to see me. Surely this is the mark whereby the world knoweth us, "because we love one another."--As I was distributing tracts, my heart was pained within me to see _how_ many were employed on the Sabbath morn; and on my return, I wept to think that, in the face of day, they could break a well-known command of G.o.d. Lord, open their eyes that they may see. The spirit of my Ann has taken its flight to the paradise of G.o.d, leaving many sorrowing friends. Our loss is her gain; but nature feels.--In company with Mrs. R. I collected for the Missions. We were wearied; but when I recollect, how much more wearisome the work of the Missionary, cheerfully will I undertake this labour of love; with a view to alleviate their toil, and facilitate their success. I proposed to Mrs.
W. and Mrs. R. to meet me at the throne of grace, every morning the following week, to pray for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit: we all agreed. The appointed hour has been blessed to me; I have dwelt under the shadow of the Almighty, and felt such a resignation to the will of G.o.d, as I never felt before.--I was providentially led to see Miss B.
In our younger days we were companions; but in the course of time we have become estranged. She is now on the bed of affliction, and wept while mother and I prayed. She requested me to go again; if I can be useful to her, O Lord, open the way, and speak by me.
--I went to see a man walk upon the river, which occasioned the following lines:--
I saw the man, with wondrous skill.
Walk on the yielding stream at will, Sustained by human art: Not so did Peter, when to Thee He stepped upon the rolling sea; Faith did the power impart.
So while on life"s tempestuous wave, With timid steps I walk; O! save, Reach out Thy hand to me: My courage swells, while Thou art near, Nor foe nor accident I fear, Though wild the billows be.
But safely on through peril glide, Supported on the dangerous tide, By looking unto Thee: Impossibilities shall yield, And faith a solid pathway build.
Across the stormy sea.
I have had some family exercises;--scarce worth a thought, if I had more of the mind of Christ; yet I have been able to tell my care to G.o.d, and at his footstool, I have got rid of my burden. I enjoy the soul"s calm sunshine.--When I consider how time slips away, and how little I effect for my own improvement, and that of others, I am ashamed. My life appears so blotted, I can only say, "G.o.d be merciful to me a sinner;" but praise G.o.d, I can rely with greater confidence than formerly upon his promises. I know I am his child, and my happiness is in doing the will of my Father.--Mrs. Taft is with us. O that the disappointment she has met with, (the refusal of the chapel,) may turn out rather to the furtherance of the Gospel, and more especially for the benefit of my family.--I understand she spoke in the school-room with energy and power; and at the prayer-meeting which followed, my Eliza was restored to the favour of G.o.d. Thus the Lord out of seeming evil has brought good to my child.--The one thing is daily the object of my desires and efforts. I want more clearly to exhibit the fruits of righteousness in my ordinary conversation. Being naturally of a hasty temperament, I need constantly to be baptized with the meek, and lowly spirit of Jesus. Grant me, O Lord, my heart"s desire. I do feel Thy sanctifying presence, but O how I long for more.--The Lord is working amongst the children. My Richard, at the new School vestry, felt the drawings of the Spirit; and William, I am told, cried out aloud. O that these early impressions may come to maturity. My soul, praise the Lord for these beginnings. How shall I best foster these tender plants: Lord, teach me to cherish the good, and to correct the errors of youthful feeling. My father and mother have entered the house we have built for them adjoining our own. We had a prayer-meeting on the occasion, which was a blessed season to my soul."
"1823.--For the last time, I visited Jane S. She was scarcely recollected; but after a little time she requested me to pray. She seemed very much in earnest. I endeavoured to point her to Jesus. For a moment she revived; but in the night she died. So in one short week, two are gone out of my husband"s cla.s.s.--This morning I felt great power in prayer, and an ardent desire for full deliverance from every besetment. In this spirit I entered into my family, resolving to watch with all diligence; but alas! imperfection is stamped upon all I do,--so many wanderings, useless words, and deviations from the perfect law of G.o.d, that, were it not for the blood of Jesus, all hope of heaven would be excluded. Yet in private I had sweet communion with G.o.d. I have derived profit from the perusal of Lady Maxwell"s Journal.
Some points of her experience correspond with my own: this encourages me. Nothing seems so desirable, nothing so amiable, as momentary living to G.o.d.--Mr. McKitrick brought me Mrs. King"s cla.s.s-paper, requesting me to take charge of the cla.s.s until she recovered. I durst not refuse it, although I felt my inability very great. My mental struggles since have been many. It is suggested I am influenced by pride; that I imagine I can do better than another; only by casting myself upon G.o.d, and resolving to leave myself in His hands, I find help. O that I were satisfied, I am called to this work! By any means discover this to me, and fit me by Thy grace; then gladly will I be spent for Thee, who gavest Thyself an offering for me.--I went in much fear to meet Mrs. K"s little flock, among whom I felt liberty; but afterward, my uneasy state of mind returned. O G.o.d, since all things are possible to Thee, subdue my heart; let all within and all without submit to Thy sovereign sway. One of the members requested me to read the last chapter of the first Epistle of Peter, which I have done several times, and found it sweet."
As Mrs. K. never recovered, and indeed died shortly after, Mrs. Lyth"s appointment to the office of leader was confirmed; an arrangement, which, notwithstanding her deep sense of her own insufficiency, met with the cordial approbation of the cla.s.s. One of the oldest members, who was present on the occasion of her first meeting them, says, "I well recollect, with what profound humility, and with what fear and trembling, she undertook the office of cla.s.s-leader. While she was confessing to us, that she felt utterly unworthy, and unfit for such a responsibility, my heart rejoiced, that we were privileged with the appointment of one, possessed of so many excellencies. She said, if the Lord had anything for her to do, she durst not refuse; that He had often employed very weak instruments to carry on His work; and added, "Oh! that He may use me for His glory! Friends, you must pray that the Lord may give me a double portion of His spirit, for I feel my own helplessness." Then, on her knees, she poured out her soul to G.o.d with great earnestness, that He would fully qualify her for the work which had been imposed upon her." Her own conviction of duty was however not so easily attained, and several entries occur like the following:--
"I again met Mrs. K"s cla.s.s, and found it very profitable to my own soul: yet I am not quite satisfied I am right. O make it fully known, and, if this is the path of duty, crown my feeble efforts.--None but the true Christian knows the sweets of communion with the Father, and the Son, through the blessed Spirit. "Them that honour me I will honour, came sweetly to my mind yesterday; by which I was led to see, if I faithfully walk in His commandments, He will honour me with His presence, and clothe me with His free Spirit. While pouring out my soul in secret, the nearness I felt to Jesus is better felt than expressed;--unusual power to give my all to Him without any reserve, as far as I can judge of myself. Is this the work of entire sanctification? Set to Thy seal, O my G.o.d, let the enemy no more rob me of this jewel; but bear directly to my heart, the witness of Thy love.--I have had many visits from above, but not without interruptions. The use of more words than necessary has, on reflection, occasioned feelings of pain. Oh! when will all my powers be brought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.--My wedding day!
Seventeen years I have worn the silken-chain; during the last, I have enjoyed more of the life and power of G.o.d, and now the sacred flame burns brightly on my heart. With respect to my marriage, I believe it was solemnized in the fear of G.o.d; and an increasing union exists between me and my dear companion. We have many a blessed interview with G.o.d, when shut in from all beside. Oh the goodness of G.o.d to me!
His mercies have far exceeded my trials, and even out of my several sorrows He has brought my greatest blessings.--At Mrs. K."s cla.s.s the Lord graciously sustained me with His presence; my doubts respecting this work seem now to disperse, and unless I am deceiving myself, I am in the way of providence. I inquired of one of the friends, if any time was fixed to pray for the revival of the work of G.o.d, and am told, every Friday--fasting; hours of prayer; six, nine, and twelve in the morning, and three and six in the afternoon. By the help of G.o.d, I am resolved to join them. The Lord is blessedly with, me this evening."
TO MY HONOURED FATHER
ENTERING ON HIS EIGHTY-EIGHTH YEAR.
Bending with the weight of years, See the h.o.a.ry headed saint, Rise above tormenting fears; Suffer, but without complaint,
Ready, as a shock of corn, For the Paradise above; Golden fruits his age adorn,-- Fruits of holiness, and love.
Though the outward man decay, Inward strength is daily given; Nothing can his soul dismay, Succoured by the G.o.d of heaven.
He, the wise man"s laurel, wears; In the path of wisdom found, Lo! his h.o.a.ry head appears With unearthly glory crowned.
Borne on time"s untiring wing, Homeward fast his spirit flies; Now the city of the King, Flames upon his longing eyes.
Brighter, as the clouds recede, Blaze its walls of spotless white; Deeper, from the throne proceed, Dazzling floods of purer light.
Every birthday, nearer hies That unknown but welcome hour; When the saint in triumph cries, "I, through Christ, am conqueror."
"I went, by request, to visit a person who has long been confined to her bed. She knows something of G.o.d; but ah! how slight is the knowledge of even, professing Christians! After reading, and conversing with her, I proposed prayer; but the master of the house sat still. When we arose from our knees, I spoke freely and plainly to him of his sinful condition. O my G.o.d, if I was moved by Thee, fasten conviction upon his conscience.--I accompanied Mrs. K. to collect for the Clothing Society, and while our benevolent friends bestowed upon us the mammon of unrighteousness, the Lord blessed me with the true riches.--Having taken a little cold, I was dull of hearing, and afraid that I should not be able to hear the members of my cla.s.s in the evening. I betook myself to prayer, and the Lord graciously heard, and so far restored me, that I had no difficulty. My soul was like wax before the sun, while Jesus shone upon it.--My mind has been reproved for reproving. Lord, I thank Thee for Thy secret admonitions; forgive, and take all my powers under Thy control. I called to see Mr. Spence; his natural powers decline, but heaven beams on his countenance. He said, while he was putting on his neckcloth, in the morning, he had been struck with the meagre and ghastly appearance he presented in the gla.s.s; but the sweet serenity of his soul compelled him to exclaim, "Welcome old man! welcome declining age! welcome death!"--I spoke at the Prayer Leaders" lovefeast, but the enemy troubled me much afterward: however, this much I will affirm--to the grace of G.o.d I owe my all. I feel decided in my choice, hate sin, have the witness that I am a child of G.o.d, and enjoy the comforts of the Holy Ghost; but the clear evidence of entire sanctification I do not hold, though I believe I have many times received it, and for a short time held it; but, for want of boldly confessing the faith, have lost the blessed pearl. O for the baptismal flame."
In the summer of this year she visited the Rev. John Nelson, then stationed in Sheffield, to whom she was much attached. As was her constant practice, when released from the claims of domestic duty, she availed herself of every opportunity of doing, and getting good. Every day was a sabbath of religious privilege. The church, and the chapel, the social party and the sick bed, were made subservient to purposes of spiritual improvement. With reference to a party of friends, who were invited to meet her, she says, "After tea the females being left alone, each of us prayed; this is a blessed way to cut off religious chit-chat."
"Quarterly Fast. Mr. Haswell called upon me to pray, when the Lord was pleased to humble me; for which I would be truly thankful. Make me willing any way, only let my soul be brought into conformity with Thy will;--willing to be little, that Thou alone mayest be exalted. My nature is not willing to be thought little. During the day I felt a humble dependance upon Jesus."
ON OBSERVING A SIGN IN SHEFFIELD WORDED, "BRIDE CAKES AND FUNERAL BISCUITS."
Ah! is the bridal-day, When festive pleasures meet, The presage, but of swift decay, Within the winding sheet?
What then is man at best?
A blooming,--fading flower; Immortal, in a mortal vest, The creature of an hour.
Well then may death be joined Unto our festal days; Well may our pleasures limit find Within so short a s.p.a.ce.
To seek eternal bliss Within time"s narrow span, Is man"s best int"rest;--only this Can form the future man.
Let dying mortals then Their foolish dreams forsake; Unto their rest return again, And Christ their refuge make.
Then, even timid youth May smile upon the tomb; And festive moments welcome truth, Though clad in robes of gloom.
By Jesus" death, is broke Death"s dark and powerful spell; And, while to Him by faith we look, We know that all is well.
"While meeting the little company my soul was blest. O for spiritual discernment and grace, that I may be truly helpful to them, and deal faithfully. Visited a dying person who says, she dare not rest on Jesus;--yet HE is a tower."
ON THE DEATH OF POPE PIUS XIII.
His Holiness, the Pope, Hath yielded up his breath; He, who could sins forgive, Hath no command o"er death; How wonderful! such power to have, And yet to sink into the grave!
If sin, the sting of Death, His Holiness could draw; Why render up His breath Unto a conquered foe?
Either, he fallible must be, Or sin hath gained the victory.
"I am thankful for the decision of character I feel. My daily want is more of the love "that conquers all, and every mountain moves."--My private communings with G.o.d are my most precious seasons. There I can tell all my wants, unbosom all my griefs, reveal all my secrets, expose all my temptations, and there the Lord graciously condescends to visit me with fresh manifestations of His love and power. These visits humble me, and give me to see, where my strength lies. Come, Lord, and dwell in me, that every moment I may have the witness that all I do is right.--I called to see my dear afflicted friend W., whose eldest daughter is slowly sinking into the tomb. As it was the hour we usually meet in band, we retired to pour out our souls before the Lord. My friend seemed willing to give up her daughter, if only she could be a.s.sured, that a divine change had taken place. The Lord gave us the Spirit of prayer to plead on this account, and glory be to G.o.d, in that same hour, He imparted peace to the dying child.--The night was awfully tempestuous. I rose twice to pour out my soul to Him, who rules the storm, and found sweet calm within.--After tea, Mr. Spence asked me, why I had invited my friends. I replied, it was my desire, that we should help each other to heaven. A conversation on holiness of heart ensued, which to me, and I trust to all present, was profitable. This conversation will leave no painful reflection. I avowed that I held, though with a trembling hand, the power to love G.o.d with all my heart, and felt the sweet a.s.surance at the time; but the next morning when I awoke, it was suggested, I knew not what I had avowed. The satisfactory evidence was for a moment withdrawn; yet by faith I still resolved to hang upon the Saviour. I did not long remain in doubt, my peace of mind returned; and in the evening, while engaged in prayer (Eliza being with me), the divine influence sweetly overwhelmed my soul, and not mine only, my Eliza felt its power. Glory be to G.o.d.--I took tea with Mrs. E., the person with whom I lodged during my affliction. A sense of grat.i.tude for past mercies stirred my heart to praise; and the time, which might otherwise have been spent in conversation to no profit, was spent in prayer.--I daily need the sprinkled blood, and the clear a.s.surance of the perfect love which "casteth out fear." I dare not doubt that I possess, in a measure, its blessed fruits; but I long to rise higher, that no scruple may remain."
VIII.
Pa.s.sING CLOUDS.
"CAN ANY UNDERSTAND THE SPREADINGS OF THE CLOUDS."--Job x.x.xvi. 29.
Who can explain the involuntary emotions of human mind? How strange, that often, on the eve of some great misfortune, a sensible cloud should spread over the spirit; but whence it comes, or why, we cannot tell! To say it is a coincidence is only an acknowledgment of ignorance. Ought we not rather to refer it to the secret agency of the spirit-world by which we are surrounded; but of which we know so little? Perhaps G.o.d would thus timely warn us to seek refuge under the shadow of his wing, just as we seek shelter from the storm, which the cloud, that spreads itself upon the face of heaven, tells us is at hand. At least, it cannot be without advantage, when such monitions occur, to betake ourselves to more earnest prayer; then, come what may, we shall find a safe asylum in Him, to whom belongeth everlasting strength.--One of the first entries of the year 1824, is
THE CLOUD WILL SOON BLOW OVER.
Though far, and wide above my head, The dull portentous cloud is spread; With many a dark and ma.s.sive fold, Love decks it with a rim of gold.
The sun is shining still behind, The promise of a purpose kind; And, soon unveiled again, will dart His cheering rays upon my heart.
Far brighter will His face appear, Than if no cloud had gathered near.
Then, till the cloud is overpast, My anchor, hope, on G.o.d I"ll cast; a.s.sured while He is throned above, The cloud is only sent in love.
About a fortnight after penning these lines, her father, whose continued life she had, every spring, hailed with a new song of grat.i.tude, was suddenly seized with a fit of paralysis, which in a few days terminated his earthly career. A premonitory attack had occurred in the preceding autumn, which at the time affected his speech, but on recovering a little, he expressed his confidence in G.o.d in these remarkable words: "It is rolled up; it is rolled up. I am satisfied; I am quite satisfied. I am ready; when the Lord pleases, I am ready. The Lord hath given me eternal life. I know the Lord; I shall not perish.
I shall not perish, for I am the Lord"s." During the winter he had rallied again, and resumed his labours in his Master"s cause. Hopes began to be entertained, that he might yet be spared a little longer; but these were suddenly cut off. About the beginning of February he was seized again, and it was soon apparent that this attack would prove fatal. His last testimony to the truth was strong and clear, and continued to be borne until the power of language failed. To the Rev.