Chapter 137 – Do You Really Want Me To Be Queen? (2)
Would Evely feel more burdened if I went to visit her? And yet, she would still be under pressure even when I wasn’t there. I worried that I would have a worse effect on her, but in the end, I decided to see her. The child needed someone to support her during this hards.h.i.+p.
Heinley followed me but did not come in to see the child, and I entered the room alone. Evely was nervously pacing the room ever since she received news that I would visit, and when she saw me, she immediately burst into tears.
“Your Majesty.”
She started off with a small sniff, but then it broke into a full out sob. The heartbreak in her voice caused my own eyes to moisten.
After she had calmed down a little, I sat down with her on her bed.
“Your ability is valuable, but the loss of it doesn’t make you any less so. Your path went to the right, and now you’re just going to change course and go left.”
“!”
“Whether you become a mage or not, you are my precious Evely, and I will continue to support you. So don’t overwork your body, alright?”
The child’s shoulders shook as she wept.
“I hoped to live for Her Majesty.”
“Evely…”
“It’s my lifelong purpose to be useful to Her Majesty. I had nothing but magic, so I have to be a mage for the Empress. But the disappearance of magic…it’s like the value of me as a person is gone.”
I tried my best to soothe Evely, but she wasn’t easily comforted. When I finally came out of the room, I was emotionally exhausted.
Heinley was leaning against the wall next to the door with his eyes closed. I thought he tired of waiting for me, but he opened his purple eyes…and he looked upset.
‘Is Heinley also worried about Evely’s progress because he’s a mage?’
***
After my work at the academy was finished, I decided to walk around with Heinley for a while. I wanted to talk to him some more, as we hadn’t met in a long time and may not see each other for a few more years.
There were knights waiting outside the academy. They were loyal to me, and would keep my business here at Wirwol confidential. However, I didn’t want to be seen spending too much time with other men. After the divorce, however..the idea was tempting.
“You can wear this.”
The dean lent Heinley and I large hooded robes meant for students, and the pair of us walked side-by-side wearing the same outfit. Since we did not look like outsiders, no one paid any special attention to us. Heinley asked me about my meeting with Evely earlier, and I answered honestly.
“It was better that I didn’t come at all. I didn’t seem to be much comfort to her.”
“That’s not true.”
“For her, magic wasn’t just an ability.”
Heinley spoke in a heavy voice.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…I heard that part.”
I didn’t say anything for a while. Then, I confessed in a low voice.
“I can understand how she feels.”
“Queen?”
He smiled at me in a way that suggested he disagreed with me. To anyone who didn’t know I was about to be divorced, I’m sure my words sounded strange.
I forced my mouth to lift in a smile. Yes, the details were different, but I was in a similar position to Evely. I had no choice but to suffer Sovieshu’s decision to divorce me. I could resist it with all my might, but all it did was stall my inevitable ousting from the throne. During a long divorce process, my reputation would fall as well. People may swear at Sovieshu at first, but if I forced a long and tiring trial, people would blame me for clinging to my pride.
“She believes she has no worth unless she is a mage.”
“This…”
“She thinks her value comes from her magical abilities…and I feel the same way.”
Heinley cleared his throat.
“What?”
He misunderstood, thinking that I agreed with Evely. I knew my words sounded strange, so I laughed and continued.
“Evely’s magic, to me, is equivalent to the empress’ seat. My value and usefulness comes from being empress.”
“!”
“If it’s gone…I would feel just as hopeless. Miserable and desolate. As if the future before me had disappeared.”
“Queen?”
“…”
Yes. It was painful when Sovieshu brought Rashta and came to despise me, but I had others to sympathize with me, and I was able to stand because I was empress. What I learned my entire life, what I had been holding on to, was living as an empress, not as Sovieshu’s wife.
But it would all soon be gone. I had no idea what it would be like to just live as “Navier” and not “Navier, the Empress.” I wouldn’t be able to act with my normal spirit if everyone treated me awkwardly. With my brother banished as well, my family would become mocked and ridiculed.
Heinley looked momentarily taken aback, and he tried to smile.
“Why are you thinking about how it would feel to lose the throne?”
“…”
His face darkened when I didn’t answer.
“What happened?”
I didn’t reply again. Heinley stopped walking and turned toward me.
“What’s going on, Queen?”
I stood dazedly and looked up at Heinley. I came here to cheer up Evely, but after talking to her, my shock only increased. And now, after voicing my fears aloud, it was as if it materialized into a real horror and choked me by the neck.
“Queen?”
What should I do? What was I going to become? I wasn’t going to be the empress anymore…how was I supposed to live?
Suddenly, my body began to tremble.
“Queen? Queen!”
Heinley looked at me with frightened eyes.
“What’s wrong, Queen? Queen?”
I tried to say that I was alright, but my lips shook and my voice stopped. My shuddering didn’t abate, and he cupped my face with both his hands.
“Navier!”