"What were you doing, anyway?" I ask once I"ve explained how to solve the problem. "I thought this weekend was all about expenses."
"Morag knocked my water all over the extension lead. I"m taking this as a sign to give up work and start getting ready. Where"s your red clutch bag?"
"Second drawer down. Hot date?"
"I certainly hope so. Want me to send a picture?"
"Immediately!"
"Hang up then."
When the picture comes through I text my approval. Very respectable. I hope his intentions are as honourable as his appearance.
Seconds later: I hope they aren"t.
Should have kept some of those condoms aside for yourself.
It was buy one get one half price.
This makes me laugh so much that I don"t look where I"m going and I walk smack into the back of a boy.
RUBY.
The alarm on my phone goes. Kaz"s half-hour is up.
KAZ.
No. This is not right. This is very definitely not the ex that"s supposed to be here.
Every town, even one as small and boring as Clifton-on-Sea, has a Stuart Garside. Someone with a reputation and an ego to match, he"s a Google-Image definition of "bad boy": a hint of muscle under his vest; tattoo emerging from over his shoulder, curling round his bicep. He"s not objectively beautiful if you drew a picture of him (well, if Ruby did, since my attempt would be a stick man with eyebrows and a lip piercing) then you wouldn"t think much of him. But a picture is not the same as a person.
Stu is hot ... and the only way I"d touch him would be with a cattle prod. Or a Taser.
"h.e.l.lo, Kaz." Stu"s mouth curls into a slow, lazy smile of recognition. It"s not the reaction I"d expect. Last time we spoke I was confronting him about the rumour he"d cheated on my best friend.
I"m so dis...o...b..bulated that I hadn"t even noticed my phone"s going.
Stu nods at my left hand. "You going to answer that?"
I most certainly am not. "Dancing Queen" means it"s Ruby (because she hates it she set "Sweet Caroline" as mine in revenge). I hit reject without looking and a second later it buzzes her message.
"h.e.l.lo, Stu," I finally manage.
The girl he"s with (who I didn"t register until now) looks from me to Stu. "Aren"t you going to introduce us?"
Stu raises his eyebrows. "Now why would I do that?"
Before I can rea.s.sure her that it"s not necessary, because I"m leaving, he"s murmuring something to her, brushing her arm before she leaves.
Too late I realize that I missed my chance to do the same.
"It"s been a while," he says, turning back to me.
"Not long enough."
This elicits a huff of laughter. "Anyone ever tell you that grudges are unflattering?" There"s a pause before he adds, "Nice dress though."
My immediate inclination is to thank him for the compliment, but I"ll choke on the words before I say anything even remotely polite to him.
"So where is she, then?" Stu glances round then back at me, the silver stud of his labret piercing glinting as he moves.
"Where"s who?" Even I think I sound stupid.
"You know I mean Ruby."
"Why are you asking?"
"You really are determined to make me work for this, aren"t you?" I don"t want Stu to work for anything. I want him to give up and crawl back to whoever"s bed he just left. "I"m asking where Ruby is because she"s your best friend. If you"re here, then so is she. Somewhere." He looks thoughtful. "It"d be nice to say hi."
"No, it wouldn"t."
"Ruby not over me, then?" The way his grin intensifies annoys me.
"Stay away from her, Stu."
"Is this you looking out for her again?" There"s a flash of steel in his voice as he says it, echoing the phrase I used when I said he owed Ruby the truth about what he"d done.
"Perhaps if you hadn"t cheated on my best friend in front of half of Clifton, I wouldn"t need to."
"You saying I should have cheated in private?"
Stu makes me stupid. Even girls at The Cellar prettier, more confident ones, more proficient in the art of attracting men are reduced to giggling idiots when they try and talk to him. Not Ruby. Never Ruby. Flirt for flirt, she played him the same way he tried to play her and she won.
For five months, Stuart Garside only had eyes for my best friend and from first kiss to last, he made her shine. She did the same for him ... until he ruined it the way everyone, even Ruby, knew he would.
My phone buzzes yet another message and I glance down.
You rejected my call! Consider me outraged.
(That last message was a hint for you to call me back, btw.) (As was that one.) I feel you"re missing the point. Call me back, dude. Your half-hour is up and I"m checking you"re OK. x.x.x I look up at Stu. "I"m going now."
"That"s a shame. We were getting along so well." He"s reverted to c.o.c.ky once more. "We should do this again sometime."
"No, we shouldn"t." I"m walking away, but Stu"s keeping pace, his gait as effortless as his smile. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Walking back to camp, like a good boy."
I stop. "You"re not walking back to ours."
Stu stops too. We"re the same height, but Stu has the kind of ego that strips mine bare and I feel smaller with every pa.s.sing second.
"I"m walking back to mine," he says, stepping even closer to point over my shoulder before adding, "Unless you"re inviting me to pay a visit?"
Stu considers my silence and my crossed arms, before giving a rueful shrug and starting up the hill.
"Don"t even think about looking for her, Stu," I warn.
He half-turns, still walking, and calls back, "Telling me what to do, telling me what to think. Do you honestly believe you have any right to tell me anything, Kaz?"
6 * DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
RUBY.
Lee and Parvati get back before Kaz does although she did send me a suitably profuse apology with lots of kisses and emojis and a picture of a humble-looking bear.
I receive a hug that"s more for show than for real from Parvati. From the super-mussed pixie crop to her Pantone-paint-chart nail varnish and the ironic way she"s styled her Celine Dion T-shirt, everything about Parvati is measured, the way everything about Anna isn"t.
Lee ignores me and drops an extra bag of firewood into Owen"s lap.
"Not helpful, Lee." Owen hands the bag back, looking the closest to annoyed that I"ve ever seen him. Obviously the uncooperative fire is starting to get to him.
"I see that buying an extra bag of festival-endorsed and extortionately expensive firewood was a little bit premature." Lee nudges one of the unlit logs with his toe. "You planning on lighting this fire any time today, O?"
"It"s harder than it looks." Owen"s definitely getting tetchy.
"Did you not think these might help?" Lee pulls a box out of their tent and moves his finger along the letters as he reads, "Firelighters. And, look, there"s a pretty picture of some flames."
Lee hands the box over with a grin as Parvati reaches up for a high five.
"Burn!" She slaps his palm.
"Or not-burn as the case may be." Lee laughs and reaches out to ruffle Owen"s hair a gesture Owen thwarts by ducking away, still looking p.i.s.sed. Lee ignores him and opens the cool box. He goes for one of the revolting canned c.o.c.ktails and then hands beers to Anna, Parvati and Dongle. When I reach for one, Lee gives me a look.
"Pace yourself, p.u.b.erty."
Ignoring him, I get my own beer. This is not the sort of thing I have ever listened to any of my brothers about, least of all this one.
"Where"s Kaz?" Lee asks.
Dongle"s keen to prove he"s been paying attention. "With Rugby Tom."
"Selkirk? Bet that was cosy."
"That"s one word for it," I mutter low enough that Dongle can"t hear. Lee knows the way I feel about the Kaz/Tom situation.
"I feel like I"m missing something," Parvati pipes up from the rug, one arm draped artfully over her knees as she sits and sips her beer. "You"re all talking in code. Rugby Tom, Kaz, who are these people?"
"Kaz is Ruby"s friend who"s camping with us," Owen says, finally emerging from his sulk as the firelighters glimmer beneath the logs. "Tom"s her boyfriend-"
"Ex-boyfriend," Lee and I correct him at the same time.
"Right," Dongle says. "Tom"s going out with that fit girl from the tearooms, isn"t he?"
The way he says it, Dongle clearly thinks this is something we already know.
It most certainly is not.
KAZ.
What am I supposed to do now? Do I tell Ruby that I"ve seen Stu or will that spoil things for her? Will she become like I was when I was on the alert for Tom? Will every tattooed arm, every lean torso, every word that rhymes with "Stu" set her off? Only worse because I actually wanted to see Tom? From the second she ended things, Ruby could not have been clearer how she felt.
"It"s over," she told me on the phone after she"d seen him. "Stu had s.e.x with another girl at that house party."