"Yeah." Jack ran his hands over his head and came forward to lie on his belly in front of Missy. "C"mere. It"s okay. Come out."
She trembled and licked her lips, a sure sign that she was nervous. Jack sighed and looked over at Marius. "I hate not being able to help her. I don"t like feeling helpless."
There was something there, something that flashed darkly in his eyes, but it was gone too quickly for Marius to interpret it.
"Maybe if we left her alone she"d come out," Marius suggested. He shrugged. He didn"t have any idea of what to do for the frightened dog. And, if he was being honest with himself, he wasn"t really focused on her. Not when he could see the curve of Jack"s b.u.t.t in the jeans he always seemed to wear. He pursed his lips and forced his attention back on Missy as Jack reached for her.
"Think so?" Jack asked, not looking away from his dog.
Marius didn"t know, but it was worth a shot. He shrugged again and leaned back against the couch. "I want to ask you a question."
Jack didn"t look up at him, but his hands balled into fists against the carpet. "Okay."
"Your closet is in the bedroom. Right?" Marius asked him.
Jack nodded.
"So the reason you don"t wear more clothes is because you don"t want to go in there?"
Jack turned onto his side. "That"s more than one question. And I wore a jacket yesterday."
Marius nodded. "True. But the small closet behind you smells like rain, so I bet that"s where you keep your jackets." Jack flushed and looked away. "So why don"t you go in there?" Marius nodded toward the black sheet and the room he was sure lay beyond it.
Moving quickly, Jack sat up and pushed himself into the corner across from where Marius sat on the floor. Marius lifted his brows as Jack brought his arms around his knees and stared at him.
"You and Missy look nearly identical right now," Marius remarked. "I"m not going to hurt you. Why not tell me what"s going on?"
"I don"t know that," Jack countered. He tapped the b.a.l.l.s of his feet and started rocking in the corner.
Marius blew out a breath. "Yeah. You don"t. Look, I"ve had some bad news today. So I"ll stay a bit longer, see what I can do for Missy, then go."
Jack stopped rocking. "What happened?"
He had an idea that he wanted to try to trade information with Jack to see what he was hiding. But that hardly seemed fair, and he really didn"t have the patience for it either. So he voted for honesty and went with it. "Clara"s dad had a stroke. She"s going to be out of town taking care of him for a while."
Jack frowned. "What about the rescue?"
Marius shrugged. "Seth and I can handle it."
Jack nodded and started rocking again. From his tight expression Marius could tell there was something else on his mind. Looking around the small apartment, Marius tried to think of something, anything that would help Missy. He knew that she and Jack were connected, though how, he could never explain. Usually he just chocked how he connected people and pets up to his instincts. He wasn"t human, and that difference made him special. He liked that and felt better at the idea that he could use his differences for something good. Like bringing pets and people together. That"s why he knew that Missy was Jack"s dog. They were meant to be together. But he couldn"t let her stay behind the couch shivering like she was.
"Is there anything you two do that might make her come out? That calms her?" Marius asked him, his gaze going to the frightened spaniel mix.
Jack lifted his head and gave Marius the slightest of shrugs. "Maybe."
"What is it?"
He colored slightly but didn"t look away. "When I sleep she lies down next to me. It"s one of the only times she doesn"t shake. Like when we"re quiet together and I"m holding her it"s okay to relax." He pursed his lips. "It sounds stupid."
Marius quickly shook his head. "No, it doesn"t. Go lie down, and hopefully she"ll come out and join you."
"Um. I need you to stand up for that," Jack quietly said.
Marius raised his brows, but he got to his feet all the same, curious to see what Jack was about to do. He stood back as Jack went to the couch and slowly started taking off the cushions. Soon he was pulling out a foldaway mattress. Marius said nothing as he continued the process by adding sheets. When Jack was done, he sat down in the middle of the mattress and looked up at Marius with something dark and unreadable in his eyes.
"You sleep out here." Marius wasn"t judging him. Or at least he hoped it didn"t sound like he was. He had a thousand questions but no answers, and Jack didn"t seem ready to give any of them either.
Jack slowly nodded and, keeping his eyes on Marius, lay down on the bed. Marius wasn"t sure what he was supposed to do. Seeing the other man in his bed felt intimate, but there was such a level of frost between them that he didn"t know what to think about it. He wanted to shift, to be a wolf where these kinds of problems didn"t occur. But that"d hardly help Jack or Missy right then.
"Where do you want me?"
Jack colored deeply and brought his knees closer to his chest. "Here. With me?" he asked, his words soft and his voice nearly breaking. Though he didn"t sound sure about what he"d said, Marius still came forward.
Chapter 10.
"NOT BEHIND BEHIND me," Jack whispered as he forced himself not to freeze as the couch dipped behind him when Marius got on. The movement stopped, and then the couch rose as Marius backed away. He came around the front where Jack could see him. If he"d had the guts to have his eyes open. The foldaway mattress squeaked as Marius lay down in front of him. The sheet shifted and Jack tried not to think, to not let his mind wander as he heard Marius softly sigh. me," Jack whispered as he forced himself not to freeze as the couch dipped behind him when Marius got on. The movement stopped, and then the couch rose as Marius backed away. He came around the front where Jack could see him. If he"d had the guts to have his eyes open. The foldaway mattress squeaked as Marius lay down in front of him. The sheet shifted and Jack tried not to think, to not let his mind wander as he heard Marius softly sigh.
"What the h.e.l.l happened to you?" he quietly asked.
Jack forced his eyes to open so that he could look at the other man. Once upon a time he would have loved to have someone like Marius in his bed. Confident, s.e.xy Marius would have been a welcome lover and friend in his life. But now he couldn"t even see where he fit in his own world, let alone bringing another person into the mix. "Nothing," he whispered, hating the lie of it. But saying the thing that had happened, the wound that had been opened, felt like it might be just too hard.
"Bulls.h.i.t," Marius snapped at him. "No one just wakes up one day and finds out they"re scared of d.a.m.n near everything. No, something happened to you, and I"m tired of the runaround and trying to figure it out for myself because honestly I"ve got nothing but a lot of questions that you refuse to answer. So tell me what the f.u.c.k happened to you, Jack."
Jack"s breath caught, and his back curled, bringing his knees up to his chest. He hugged himself tightly and shut his eyes, blocking out Marius"s words, his anger and the accusations between the lines of what he"d said.
"Uh-uh, not this time," Marius growled. He pulled on Jack"s arms even as the smaller man struggled beneath him. Soon Marius had him unfolded, unprotected, and open. He hovered above him, his face inches from Jack"s so that when he opened his eyes Marius"s gaze was all he could see.
Jack tried to turn away, to pull out of Marius"s strong grip, but it didn"t help. He thrashed under him, crying out as hot tears streamed down his face. When he started sobbing Marius released his hands, and Jack scrambled toward the bathroom. He didn"t make it, though. He barely made it more than three feet before his legs gave out from under him, and he collapsed on the ground. He couldn"t breathe, could barely think, as Marius crouched beside him.
Marius didn"t touch him, and for that small gift Jack was grateful. Missy whined at him from the corner, and he reached for her. He looked beyond Marius"s legs and smiled at the small dog as she crept closer until his hands brushed her fur. She licked his hands and then his face before lying down in front of him, putting herself between him and Marius.
"Talk to me, Jack," Marius whispered. "Please."
Jack looked up into his gaze and saw worry there. But there was something else as well, something that made his gaze grow dark. "You"re afraid," he said, surprised at the idea of Marius, the powerful werewolf, being afraid.
Marius rubbed his hands over his face. "h.e.l.l yes, I"m afraid. I care about you, Jack. Don"t you know that?"
Jack shook his head. He really didn"t know. Marius reached for him, but Jack pushed himself back. "Please don"t touch me."
Marius"s hand stopped in the air, and he slowly nodded before placing it back on his leg. "If that"s what you want."
"It is," Jack replied with a nod.
"Why? I thought you liked me." Marius frowned and rose to his feet. "I guess I read you wrong. I"ll... I"ll go. Sorry to have-well, I guess I"m just sorry."
Renewed tears leaked from Jack"s eyes as he watched Marius gather his things and move toward the door. Could he really let Marius go? Just let him walk away like that? Without another word? He closed his eyes as Marius"s hand landed on the doork.n.o.b. He"d be gone, and he wouldn"t be coming back. Jack knew that much. People didn"t come back to him. He was dirty. Diseased. He deserved to be alone. And yet....
"Wait," he whispered, the word falling from his lips despite his best intentions not to say anything. It would be better for Marius if he just left. If Jack was a good person he"d let him go. But he was selfish. And Marius deserved to know something.
He felt Marius walk toward him, the floor shaking under even his light footsteps. Marius went to his knees beside him. The thick fabric of his pants brushed against Jack"s arm. "Talk to me, Jack," Marius pleaded.
He slowly opened his eyes and forced himself to sit up. The fear and stress had made his muscles stiff, and even though the motions hurt, he was glad to no longer be lying on the floor like a crumpled bit of old carpeting. "I can"t be touched," Jack whispered, his gaze trained solely on his hands as they twisted in his lap.
Marius sat down, appearing to get comfortable as he folded his legs under him. Their knees were close to touching and only an inch or two apart. It would be so easy to bridge that gap. It wouldn"t take much movement at all. But Jack couldn"t do it. He couldn"t make himself do it, even if it meant being closer to Marius.
"What do you mean?" Marius asked. His hands hung loosely over his knees in stark contrast to Jack"s. Though their positions on the floor were mirrored nearly perfectly, Jack was nothing like easygoing Marius. He hadn"t been that person for many weeks. Once again the realization that he was broken sank in and he shuddered as a chill worked its way up his spine.
He pursed his lips, unsure of how he was going to explain something so horrible, so drastic, that he felt like the man he had been was dead. That Jack was gone forever and now, in his place, was some lifeless imposter pretending to be him and taking over his life. But the imposter was failing too, and soon there would be nothing left of him. "Someone... hurt... me," he hissed out. He lifted his gaze, wondering what Marius"s would tell him. But there was only confusion in the other man"s eyes.
He frowned. "What? Like they punched you?"
Jack bit his lip and hung his head again. He took a shuddering breath and thought of how to explain it again. "I"m dirty," he tried. "And bad."
"Uh, no you"re not," Marius quickly responded. "You"re one of the nicest, softest people I"ve ever met. Look, Jack, I judge people by how they are with animals. It might just be the animal lover in me, or the shifter or whatever else, but that"s how I see the world. And you, you got a dog that I thought was lost to the world to come back out again. You care about her, and she feels the same way for you. So no, you"re not dirty or bad. No one that is could have done what you did with Missy. It wouldn"t be possible."
Tears leaked from his eyes as he looked down at Missy and smiled at her. His bottom lip trembled as he bent his head and kissed her neck. "You think so?" he asked, his voice quivering.
Marius nodded. "I"m sure of it."
Jack roughly wiped at his eyes and nodded. He managed to give Marius a soft smile. "Thanks."
"Anytime," Marius said, returning his smile.
Jack"s hands went back to Missy"s fur, and he held on to her as he looked up at Marius. He imagined her strength seeping into his fingers and tried to pretend the world was okay, that things were better now. "Would you like to stay?" he quietly asked. "We could watch a movie. Or something. I"ve got games. I think. There isn"t much to eat. But-"
Marius"s smile grew into an easy grin. "I"d love to stay. A movie sounds good."
With his heart feeling like it was shuddering in his chest, Jack unsteadily got to his feet. "Okay. Pick one out. I"ll go wash up."
Marius nodded, and Jack felt the other man"s gaze follow him into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and sighed loudly as his fingers wrapped around the curve of the porcelain sink. He hadn"t done something as normal as watch a movie with another person in a long time, much longer than just since the attack. Taking a deep breath, he tried to keep his thoughts positive as he splashed water over his face and tried to do something with his short hair. When he looked up at himself again he didn"t see a dramatic change but at least he didn"t look like he"d been crying. Not as much anyway. There wasn"t a whole lot that he could do about the bags under his eyes but they"d go away soon enough. He opened the door, stepped out of the bathroom, and tried to plaster a confident smile on his face for Marius. He wasn"t sure if it worked or not but he supposed the best that he could hope for was not to look like a complete fool in front of the other man.
"Hey," he said, coming toward Marius where he sat on the edge of the foldaway mattress. But Marius wasn"t looking at him. He was looking at the TV, and there were tears in his eyes. "Marius? Did something happen on the news? Was there an accident?" Jack asked, stepping closer.
What he saw when he got in front of the TV wasn"t the news, though. There was no sound, but his throat remembered what his screams had sounded like in that frozen moment where Marius had paused the movie. He couldn"t move, could no longer feel his legs as he stood there, simply staring at a picture of himself during one of the worst moments of his life. That afternoon had been a series of horrible moments all strung together to create a memory he couldn"t erase no matter how hard he tried. Sobs tore from somewhere deep inside of him, and he crumpled to the floor. Unable to catch himself, his head hit the linoleum of the kitchen, and fiery pain raced through his skull.
And still he couldn"t look away from the image on the screen.
Marius turned it off and slowly came to kneel next to him. He didn"t touch him, didn"t say a word as he turned and lay down next to him. He was in front of Jack, his face close enough to touch if he wanted to. But he made no move to bridge the gap between them. Instead, he merely lay there, silently watching him.
"Why?" Jack asked, his voice cracking as his sobs subsided.
Marius frowned at him. "I chose a movie at random. That one wasn"t marked. I thought it might be a bootleg copy or something. So I put it in and found-"
Jack"s face pinched, and Marius quickly stopped talking.
"Tell me that wasn"t real," Marius whispered. "Tell me you were playing around. That you were acting."
Jack couldn"t. He shook his head. Every minute had been real. Everything. "I can still smell their cologne," he choked out as he shook.
"I want to put my arms around you. To hug you. But I understand now why you might not want me to. So if you say no that"s okay, and I"ll just mentally hug you instead," Marius said, his voice soft.
Jack"s trembling mouth split into an uncertain smile. "A mental hug?"
Marius nodded.
Jack licked his lips. "I think... I think I"d rather have a real one. A real hug."
"You sure?" Marius asked him.
No, Jack wasn"t sure. But he couldn"t keep doing this. And, if he couldn"t accept a hug from Marius, he was pretty much ruined from the inside out anyway.
Marius"s arm came over his shoulder, but his movements were slow, and he kept his arm high above Jack"s body. Jack tried to remember to breathe as Marius"s arm lowered until he could feel its weight against his arm, then his shoulder, and finally his back. His hand splayed across Jack"s back. He took a deep breath, trying to get used to the sensation of someone touching him again. It was slow going, but he got himself to relax by degrees, until he wasn"t exactly perfect but better than he had been. And that was a type of progress he supposed.
"I won"t ask what happened," Marius said, his gentle breath warm against Jack"s forehead. "I won"t bother you about the details at all. But, I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, I"m here. I don"t have much experience with this, but I can listen at the very least. And it won"t get told to anyone else. No one will know about what happened to you. I promise."
Jack nodded, grateful for that. His fingers inched toward Marius"s chest. They stopped as soon as they touched Marius"s loose shirt. "Thank you," he whispered.
"Of course," Marius replied. His hand rubbed against Jack"s back, and he smiled at him. Though Jack was shaking inside, he tried not to show it as he gave Marius a smile in return.
"I"d like to help you if I can. I do this thing, but I have to be touching you to do it," Marius offered. Jack"s eyes went wide, and he s.n.a.t.c.hed his hand back as a thousand thoughts raced through his head. "It can just be your hand. Or even a finger," Marius quickly clarified. He put his palm up in the s.p.a.ce between them.
Jack watched him cautiously, waiting for him to do more than that, to come at him. But Marius didn"t move. He simply lay there across from him. Tentatively Jack lifted his hand as well and placed it over Marius"s, barely brushing his fingers against the other man"s palm. Marius closed his eyes, took a breath, and held perfectly still. Jack, on the other hand, couldn"t stop trembling as he held his hand above Marius"s. Though they were barely touching, it was a moment that Jack wanted to remember for as long as he could.
He"d touched Marius more than anyone else since the attack, and the difference between how he was starting to be with Marius compared to how he was with everyone else in his life was startling. Marius was handsome, kind, and everything Jack had ever wanted. Back then. Now he wasn"t so sure what he wanted. Or even what he might deserve. But it surely wasn"t someone as good as Marius. He was far too tainted for someone like him.
Tears formed on his lashes, and his hand began to slip away from Marius"s. He didn"t deserve to touch him, to feel Marius"s touch against his. This wasn"t right. His hand fell away, landing on the carpet between them. Jack watched Marius put his hand over his without opening his eyes. He didn"t want to run or s.n.a.t.c.h his hand back. He simply wanted to be alone, to forget that he wasn"t good enough for Marius. That he didn"t deserve the other man"s attention.
He lost control of his tears, and one by one they began sliding down his cheeks. He was silent, not wanting to alert Marius to his distress. After all, it wasn"t Marius"s fault he was a mess. If anything, he"d been trying to help. But Jack was too far beyond help, his or anyone else"s.
Too wrapped up in his own madly circling thoughts, Jack ignored the first brush of warmth against his hand. But when it continued, the steady stream of heat turning into a mild hum of energy along his nerves, he gasped. His hand flattened out below Marius"s, and he stared at the sight of the other man"s hand covering his as it gently glowed. He shook his head, disbelieving what he was seeing even as the heat spread up his arm to circle in his chest. Tendrils broke off and swirled in his chest while he felt more of it go along the back of his neck and into his mind. Nothing changed for him, not on the outside at least. But somehow things started to loosen inside of him. His tears dried up as he stared at Marius, who was taking in deep breaths. He looked so calm, so very serene, and Jack wished he could be that way as well. He didn"t remember the last time he"d felt like that, though. Certainly not anytime recently. But even as he thought about that, he felt his muscles start to relax and his troubled day begin to ease away.
When Marius lifted his hand Jack was breathing easily for what felt like the first time in weeks.
Chapter 11.
MARIUS SLOWLY SLOWLY opened his eyes and smiled at Jack. The thunder quietly trailed away and Missy stepped closer to them, her tail twitching as she approached. Marius reached for her. "C"mere, girl," he called. She came, but not to him. Instead, it was Jack that she lay next to, her small frame pressing against his chest. opened his eyes and smiled at Jack. The thunder quietly trailed away and Missy stepped closer to them, her tail twitching as she approached. Marius reached for her. "C"mere, girl," he called. She came, but not to him. Instead, it was Jack that she lay next to, her small frame pressing against his chest.