Jack slowly sat up and got to his knees as well. Marius reached for him, gently putting his hands on Jack"s arms then moving them down to his wrists. He held the other man"s hands in his, the warmth of his palms going into Jack"s as they sat together with their knees touching.
"Just a little kiss," Jack said. "Nothing more than that. And you can use your thing if you want to."
Marius nodded. "Okay."
He let Jack lean forward when he was ready and didn"t move his hands from Jack"s as he came toward him as well. He kissed Jack slowly, his mouth gentle against the other man"s as the warm afternoon sun heated his back. Jack tugged his hands from Marius"s, and he figured the kiss was over. But then Jack surprised him. He put his hands on Marius"s chest. Emboldened by Jack"s touch, Marius brought his hands to the other man"s sides. He didn"t squeeze, only held him with his hands loosely at his hips. While he had him there and wanting to touch him, Marius pulled some warmth from the air around them and slid it into Jack"s body. He felt the tension leave Jack within seconds. He eased more into him, letting the old magic do the work as it searched out any tight muscles Jack had or spots of pain. He didn"t know if Jack had any, but he continued feeding more into him until Jack broke the kiss and tilted his head back.
"You"re doing it again," he said, a soft smile playing over his lips.
"I am," Marius confirmed for him.
Jack nodded and laid his head against Marius"s shoulder. His arms came up to hold him, and Marius sighed as he hugged the other man back.
Chapter 12.
MARIUS LAY LAY back on the gra.s.s, bringing Jack with him. He let the other man lead, hoping it would be easier for Jack that way. He didn"t touch him until Jack put his hands on him. But first Jack kissed him. His mouth was soft, his kiss tentative. There was no urgency, no need to rush between them, and Marius appreciated that as he eased into the kiss as well. Jack placed an arm over Marius"s stomach and held him close. He ran his fingers over Marius"s side and under the hem of his shirt. The warmth of his touch excited Marius, and he felt his body responding to Jack"s fingers on his skin, but he tried not to let Jack know. He shifted away to put more distance between his lap and Jack"s hip. When Jack didn"t break the kiss Marius was relieved that he hadn"t notice his movements. He brought his hands up to Jack"s shoulders and felt Jack"s tense muscles move under his touch. back on the gra.s.s, bringing Jack with him. He let the other man lead, hoping it would be easier for Jack that way. He didn"t touch him until Jack put his hands on him. But first Jack kissed him. His mouth was soft, his kiss tentative. There was no urgency, no need to rush between them, and Marius appreciated that as he eased into the kiss as well. Jack placed an arm over Marius"s stomach and held him close. He ran his fingers over Marius"s side and under the hem of his shirt. The warmth of his touch excited Marius, and he felt his body responding to Jack"s fingers on his skin, but he tried not to let Jack know. He shifted away to put more distance between his lap and Jack"s hip. When Jack didn"t break the kiss Marius was relieved that he hadn"t notice his movements. He brought his hands up to Jack"s shoulders and felt Jack"s tense muscles move under his touch.
Jack moved back toward him, though, and this time Marius couldn"t get away before Jack brushed against the hard length in Marius"s jeans. He gasped and pressed himself farther back into the gra.s.s, getting as much s.p.a.ce between them as he could. Trembling, Jack followed his movements until Marius pulled his mouth back and looked up at Jack.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Jack"s face was bright red, and he bit his bottom lip. "I want...Something. It"s hard to explain."
"s.e.x?" Marius guessed.
Jack quickly shook his head no. "Too soon," he explained. Marius nodded; he"d figured as much.
"But when we"re together and you put that calmness in me it makes me feel better. Like I"m normal again." Jack sounded like he was trying to explain something, but Marius wasn"t understanding in the least. "I just want to touch. Sort of." He groaned and rolled over onto the gra.s.s. "I want to rub together. Does that make any sense?"
Marius shrugged. "I guess so. Maybe. So how do you want to do this?"
Jack frowned. "I"m not sure. Can I just try it out?"
THOUGH HE HE sounded completely crazy and knew it wouldn"t really be fair for Marius when his issues caught up with him, Jack wanted to try to be himself again during one of the few rare chances he had. He wasn"t frightened right now. Uncertainty was a close friend, but fear had taken a backseat and he wanted to take advantage of that. His thoughts were clear, and he knew he wanted to experience something with Marius. If only he didn"t make a fool of himself first. sounded completely crazy and knew it wouldn"t really be fair for Marius when his issues caught up with him, Jack wanted to try to be himself again during one of the few rare chances he had. He wasn"t frightened right now. Uncertainty was a close friend, but fear had taken a backseat and he wanted to take advantage of that. His thoughts were clear, and he knew he wanted to experience something with Marius. If only he didn"t make a fool of himself first.
He moved on top of Marius again and figured out a place to lay himself over the larger man. It was awkward and uncomfortable so he switched to another way. It was still strange. He hadn"t been with another man in over a year, and this didn"t really seem like how it was supposed to be done. But he didn"t really have another way right now.
"Do you want me to take off your pants?" Marius asked him.
A cold shiver ran over Jack"s spine, and he forced those thoughts away. "No. No clothes coming off."
Marius lifted his brows, but he slowly nodded. "All right. Anything else?"
Jack frowned, unsure of what he was okay with and what he wasn"t. He didn"t want to freak out on Marius, but he didn"t want to push himself into doing something he wasn"t ready to either. What was the line between the two? And how could he find it without hitting it directly and making himself worse?
"No touching below the waist?" Jack asked, completely uncertain.
Marius shrugged, and Jack sighed loudly and dropped his head into his hands.
"I"m such a mess. Never mind. Sorry. This isn"t right or fair to you. Screw it," he grumbled.
Marius shook his head and pulled Jack into his arms. "Hey, if it"s what you need, then we can. No problem."
Jack snickered. "Right. Like it won"t be a problem when I take off running again because you gave me exactly what I wanted. Like in the office."
Marius shrugged. "It wasn"t for me. I was confused, sure, and a bit concerned for you. But I wasn"t upset at you."
Jack smiled through his uncertainty and lifted his head to look up at Marius. "You"re serious. Aren"t you?"
Nodding, Marius returned his smile.
"Yeah. I am."
Taking a breath, Jack turned in his arms and tried again. Marius lay down under him without Jack having to ask as he leaned into him. He hovered over him on all fours. Marius"s arms came around his back but drifted no lower. After a few minutes of kissing, Jack slowly lowered his hips to meet Marius"s, but he jumped up immediately as the feeling of the other man"s hard length pressing against his jeans startled him. Determined now, he dropped his hips again and held himself in place. He didn"t move, just stayed right where he was as he kept kissing Marius in the gra.s.s. It felt good and peaceful. Like doing this would be okay. He rubbed against Marius"s length just a little bit, not enough to really put pressure on the other man, but he could feel him against his own shaft. Marius"s hands tightened on his back, and Jack trembled as sensations he"d thought he"d lost that night slowly came back to him. This felt good, and though he"d forgotten s.e.x could feel this way since that night, it was starting to come back to him. He"d been a bottom before then. He didn"t know what he was now. He didn"t feel like a top, but then again, things were all kinds of messed up in his mind.
He pressed harder against Marius, connecting their bodies together the best that he could given the layers of clothes between them. Marius"s hands ran down his back, and Jack shivered until he curled his fingers under the hem of his shirt. At the first tug of his shirt Jack froze, his breath catching in his throat as he tore his mouth from Marius"s.
"I won"t hurt you," Marius promised.
Jack slowly forced himself to breathe, to remember that Marius wasn"t dangerous, that he was a good man. One of the really good ones. He licked his lips. "Is this okay? I mean you"re not bored or anything. Right?"
Marius smiled at him. "I"d like more but only when you"re okay with it. And if you can"t ever, or even can"t with me, then that"s okay too. I"m not in a rush."
Jack felt warmth spread through his face. "I"m lucky I met you."
Marius snorted. "Missy is lucky we met."
Jack shrugged, not wanting to argue about it. He lay back over Marius"s frame and lowered himself onto the other man"s lap again. The broken parts of himself stayed firmly in place despite the soft pleasure working through him. But he felt something else, something wound even tighter in place, start to slowly uncoil, and it made his heart race. His pleasure became a cascade that wound its way through his heated skin to end somewhere in his groin. His breath caught on a strangled cry moments later as warmth spread over the front of his jeans. He scrambled back, wide-eyed as he stared down at Marius. "I-I-I-" He bolted, his heart racing in his ears and beating back all rational thought.
"Not this time." He heard Marius say from somewhere behind him. Missy barked, looking alarmed as he ran past her in no certain direction.
Thick hands clamped down on his arms, and he struggled, crying and lashing out even as his rational mind tried to calm him down with logical thoughts of who the man breathing in his ear was. "Shh. I"ve got you. Easy now. It"s okay," Marius whispered soothingly. Jack kept fighting and clamped his eyes shut. Until he felt heat spread over his arms and up to his chest. His head fell back against Marius"s chest, and he sighed as the fight left him.
He didn"t want to look up at the other man, didn"t want to see the judgment and worry in his gaze. But he couldn"t keep his eyes closed forever, and refusing to look at someone because he was afraid of what he was going to see was pretty stupid.
"I"m sorry," he said as he slowly lifted his eyelids.
Marius shrugged. "Don"t be. Want to get cleaned up?"
Jack"s lower lip trembled. He tilted his head back to see Marius behind him and couldn"t believe he"d tried to run away from such a good man. "Don"t you ever run out of patience? I"m such a mess."
Shaking his head, Marius lowered his forehead onto Jack"s shoulder. "I try not to. I deal with frightened, neglected, and abused pets. Getting upset at them for acting in a way that goes with their trauma doesn"t really make sense, so I try not to do it."
"You must be a saint," Jack whispered, his head dropping to the side.
Marius chuckled and kissed the side of his neck. "Hardly. I doubt they"d let werewolves have that honor. Let"s get you cleaned up and Missy inside."
Jack slowly nodded. He wouldn"t try to run again. At least he hoped he wouldn"t. He couldn"t always trust his mind to be rational, especially in the last few weeks. "What about you?" he asked, his hand slipping back to take Marius"s as the man let him go.
"What about me?" Marius replied.
Jack felt himself blush and ducked his head to hide the color he knew was currently covering his cheeks. "Well, I... did... so did you want to finish inside?" He felt awkward asking that but knew it was polite to take care of his partner too. Otherwise he was just selfish, and he"d already taken off right after finding his own pleasure, so that was one big strike against him in the lover category. Not that they were lovers. They"d have to be naked for that. And he"d have to be open to a lot more than what they"d just done in the gra.s.s.
"Oh. Well, I already did. Right when you were getting up I was...," Marius said, sounding as awkward as Jack felt.
His mouth fell open, and he tilted his head to see the front of Marius"s pants. Sure enough, there was a large dark mark just like the one Jack had on his own jeans. He groaned and looked away, embarra.s.sment making him want to hide in some quiet corner for at least the rest of the day. Or perhaps the rest of the week maybe. He"d never been so awful while being intimate with someone else.
"Sorry," he choked out. "I just... um.... Just sorry. I guess." He sighed loudly and nearly stumbled over a rock when he wasn"t watching where he was going.
Marius shook his head. "Don"t be. Were you okay? With what we did I mean. I know at the end you freaked out. But before that. During the rubbing and the kissing. Were you okay then?"
Jack turned and looked up at him as they reached Marius"s front door. "Yeah, I was." Marius released his hand, and Jack wrapped his arms around his chest. "Is that weird?"
Shrugging, Marius opened the door for him. "I don"t know. But if it felt okay to you then I guess it was fine. If you want to do that again let me know."
He was surprised and had to stare at Marius for a moment just to be sure. Missy licked his fingers and pressed against his leg, seeking his attention, but he couldn"t look away from Marius. "You"re serious?"
Marius nodded and locked the door behind them. "Sure."
"But what we did has got to be less than what you wanted to, right? I mean no one actually just wants to do that," Jack countered. Marius held out his arms, and Jack went willingly, eager to get a hug from Marius.
"I want to do it because that"s what you"re ready for," Marius said, dipping his mouth to kiss Jack"s forehead. "When you"re ready for more we can. I like you. I like being with you. I want to have you here more. And yeah, if you want to do that again we can."
Jack tightened his hands on Marius"s shirt and let his words sink in. "I like you too," he whispered.
Marius nodded against his temple. "You can use the bathroom to clean up first. I"ll change in my room. I"ll have the door closed and won"t come out until you knock on it. My brother keeps some spare clothes in the other bedroom that you"re welcome to go through. He won"t mind at all."
"He won"t?"
Marius shook his head. "It"s all stuff he hasn"t worn in years. But he lives a few hours away on foot so I make sure to have a spare cell phone here for him with his contacts in it, along with a lot of clothes so he doesn"t parade around my house naked."
Jack chuckled and pulled back. Moments later he was in the bathroom and splashing water over his face. His mind wandered and he was reminded that there was a part of the video he needed to remember, something he had to watch out for, but let it drop. There was already too much to worry about right now without waiting for that to come too. The men had said that they wanted money and would ask for it soon. Jack knew he didn"t have it and wasn"t looking forward to the moment he told them so.
Chapter 13.
THAT EVENING EVENING Jack was already sitting on the couch with Missy on the floor by his feet when Marius came down to join them. They"d been together most of the day, though they"d said very little, especially about what they"d done. Jack hoped that would change now that it was getting late. But then again a part of him didn"t want to face what had happened. He didn"t regret it, but he wasn"t sure what he felt about what they"d shared either. Not yet at least. Jack was already sitting on the couch with Missy on the floor by his feet when Marius came down to join them. They"d been together most of the day, though they"d said very little, especially about what they"d done. Jack hoped that would change now that it was getting late. But then again a part of him didn"t want to face what had happened. He didn"t regret it, but he wasn"t sure what he felt about what they"d shared either. Not yet at least.
Marius sat down next to him and rested his hand on Jack"s knee. Without thinking, he pulled back instantly, but Marius"s hand didn"t move from his leg. Marius"s lifted his brows as he caught Jack"s gaze.
"Thinking about running?" Marius asked him.
Frowning, Jack shrugged and put his leg down again so that Marius could touch him. "Not sure yet. I"ll let you know."
Marius smirked and rubbed his knee. "My brother"s clothes look good on you. Much better than they do on him anyway."
He looked down at the T-shirt and workout shorts he"d found in a drawer. "He really won"t mind?"
"Not at all," Marius replied, shaking his head. "He"s got a lot of clothes. I doubt he"ll even notice them being gone. Want a bit of relaxation?" He held up his hand in case Jack didn"t know what he"d meant by the offer.
Jack nodded and let the silence stretch between them. The TV played on in the background, but he wasn"t paying attention to it. Instead, he was busy studying Marius and wondering what the man actually saw in him, a broken guy that he"d known for less than a week. Maybe Marius was just crazy, and that"s why he"d let him come stay with him. Warmth spread through his knee, and he sighed as peace trailed up his leg, continued through his belly and settled in his chest. He stretched out as the heat wrapped around him, easily relaxing into Marius"s couch and letting his hands fall behind his head as he stretched out his chest. Marius moved his hand to Jack"s outer thigh, bringing the peace with him until Jack felt completely relaxed and closed his eyes on a long sigh.
"Better?" Marius asked him.
Jack nodded. "You can"t keep doing that, though."
Marius chuckled, and Jack felt the couch move but didn"t open his eyes. "Why not?"
"Because you won"t always be here," Jack whispered. He knew that he"d have to deal with it all someday. Not today obviously, or even tomorrow, but someday he"d have to actually come to terms with what had happened to him. But someday could be a long way off as far as he was concerned. If only Marius"s abilities to calm his racing thoughts lasted longer than his touch. He frowned as Marius"s hand left his thigh, but it was quickly replaced on his hip, right above the waist of the shorts. He felt the couch dip again and then instinctively felt someone looming over him.
Panicked, he opened his eyes and stared up at Marius. Though heat flooded into his core, he brought his hands up and pressed against Marius"s chest. His breath came in rapid gasps, and he shook under him. Too frozen to move, he lay there trembling as Marius put his other hand on Jack"s stomach, holding him down against the couch.
"Take a breath, Jack," he whispered.
Jack shook his head. Beside them Missy got to her feet and whined at them. He shut his eyes tightly and scrunched his face as memories a.s.saulted him. Marius"s living room faded away and Jack"s bedroom replaced it. "No.... No.... Stop it...," he choked out, his voice cracking as he begged. Tears leaked from his eyes, and the sickly sweet smell of cologne blasted across his face.
"Jack, it"s me. Relax. I"m right here. Not going anywhere."
He knew that voice, and heat flared in his chest. But the hands continued to hold him down. Distant laughter filled his ears, and scratches flamed over his skin.
A soft kiss brushed over his lips, and Jack"s breath caught. They hadn"t kissed his mouth.
"Jack?" Marius"s voice slowly infiltrated the haze of his fear.
His mouth pressed against Jack"s again, and Jack slowly opened his eyes. "You made me panic," he accused, his fingers circling Marius"s wrists on his waist.
Marius shook his head. "I didn"t do anything to you but touch you. The panic part was all you."
Jack"s mouth pinched into a firm line. "Why"d you do it?"
"Do what? Touch you?" Marius asked him. Jack nodded. "Because I wanted to." He dropped his mouth to Jack"s again, and though Jack wanted to deny him, to somehow punish him for the pain he blamed the man for causing, he knew that wasn"t right.
Jack slowly opened his mouth to Marius"s kiss and sighed as the other man"s taste brushed over his tongue. He shivered as Marius"s fingers moved over his skin, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake. "You"re doing it again," he said, turning his head to the side and breaking the kiss.