Marius"s mouth moved to his cheek then his chin. "Doing what?" he mumbled.
"Using your thing to influence my feelings," Jack said, sounding sour. He wasn"t sure why he was so upset. Didn"t he like feeling better? Yeah, of course he did. When Marius did his little trick it helped him relax, and it kept his thoughts at bay. But he knew that wasn"t right. And he was smart enough to know that kind of healing was artificial, like a Band-Aid. Marius could make the pain go away but it always came back in the end. But he didn"t yet know if he was brave enough to tell him to stop.
"Do you mind it?" Marius asked, moving his mouth to Jack"s neck and gently sucking on his sensitive flesh. Jack gasped as heat flooded through his core, and desire flared deep in his belly.
That was too far. Much too far. He jerked back and pushed Marius away from him. "No," he hissed, his teeth clenched as he stared up at the other man.
"What?" Marius looked confused, his head tilting to the side.
"You used your thing to make me want you!" Jack accused him.
Marius sucked on his bottom lip as he looked down at Jack. "No I didn"t." His hands moved to Jack"s sides, and he gently squeezed him.
Jack"s gaze narrowed at him. "Yes you did."
Shaking his head, Marius ran his hands over Jack"s stomach. "No. I can"t do that. I can make you feel peace, can cause you to smile or cry, but I can"t make you desire me or anyone else. Those are thoughts, and I can"t control those."
"You can"t?" Jack asked, feeling unsure of himself.
Marius shook his head. "No, I can"t. So whatever you"re feeling is all for yourself."
Jack was skeptical but he was willing to give Marius a chance. "Can you do the thing with your mouth?" Marius shook his head. "What about if I touch you?"
"No, it only works if I"m actually touching you," Marius replied. His mouth slowly split into a smile. "Want a demonstration?"
There was a light in his eyes, and Jack wasn"t really sure if he wanted to tempt that, but he nodded anyway. Marius clasped his hands behind his back and leaned forward to put his mouth back against Jack"s. Though he was slow to respond to him, he brought his arms up around Marius"s shoulders and held him close as he opened his mouth, allowing Marius entrance if he wanted it. The first brush of his tongue surprised Jack, and as if his body had forgotten how to respond to a kiss he froze in place. But then he slowly lifted his tongue to meet Marius"s and felt Marius sigh against him.
He felt himself getting hard and shifted away so that Marius didn"t feel the change. He"d enjoyed what they"d done earlier, but he wasn"t ready to do that again so soon. Right now kissing was what he wanted. It felt right, comforting and good to have Marius"s mouth against his.
Marius brought his mouth to Jack"s collarbone, gently sucking on the prominent bone. "You can touch me again," Jack breathed.
"So, sure that I"m not the cause of your desire?" Marius asked him as his tongue trailed over Jack"s neck.
Jack nodded and tightened his arms on Marius"s shoulders. He knew the other man wasn"t the cause now. He was turned on and completely unsure of what he was supposed to do with that knowledge. Before the... the incident... he"d have easily jumped into bed with a man like Marius. He might not have even thought about it. There were condoms in his wallet, and he believed in being open and accepting of his desire. Or at least he had. Now he wasn"t so sure what he believed.
"You are," he quietly admitted. "But not because you"re messing with me."
Marius laughed and pulled down Jack"s T-shirt, allowing him to press his mouth against the other man"s sternum. That simple action sent shivers racing along Jack"s chest, and he gasped as his back arched up, pressing him against Marius"s stomach.
Jack felt desire flare to life in his crotch and squirmed away, making sure Marius didn"t feel his erection as well. He couldn"t hide it for very long, especially with Marius pressed so tightly against him. He tried distracting Marius by bringing their mouths back together, but soon enough, Marius rubbed against the hard length in his shorts, and Jack found himself trembling, his heart racing in his ears as he roughly pulled his mouth from Marius"s.
Marius"s hand lifted from his hip, and even though his touch was light, Jack felt every brush of his fingertips as if he was grabbing at him until his hand inched closer to Jack"s erection.
"Stop. Enough," Jack gasped, his hands tightening on Marius"s shoulders.
Marius hand hovered, and he frowned down at Jack. "You sure?"
Jack licked his lips and nodded. "Very."
He expected anger or maybe even resentment from Marius but Marius simply lifted himself off the couch and away from Jack. When he was on his feet, Jack still hadn"t moved from his p.r.o.ne position on the couch.
"Where"re you going?" he asked.
Marius"s hand drifted to the front of his own jeans. "I"m turned on and no good like this. I"m going to go clean up. I"ll be back in a bit."
Heat covered Jack"s face as his mouth fell open. He was smart enough, and more than experienced enough, to know what Marius meant. And part of him felt guilty for turning on Marius when he had no intention of finishing him off. It wasn"t fair. For either of them.
"Are you upset?" Jack asked, ready for the answer he was sure would be coming. He hadn"t been like this before. Once upon a time he"d been called a pretty good lover. He"d never heard the word great, but then again he didn"t need to. Being pretty good for his high school crush had been more than fine for him. Good enough would have been a dream right then as he looked up at Marius"s flushed face and darkened eyes. Anything would have been better than being the guy who couldn"t even bear to be touched. At least then he wouldn"t have to feel so inadequate. He took a breath, steeled his nerves, and reached for Marius. "I could. I mean, I can. If you want to." It was a lie. Even as the words left his mouth he knew he wouldn"t be able to do anything more than kiss the handsome man across from him. And, oh d.a.m.n, if Marius took him up on his offer, if he had to turn the man away twice... what then? Would he hate him?
"No," Marius softly replied.
Jack"s face pinched. "No? To what?" Did he mean no to having s.e.x with him or if he was upset? Did he not want Jack at all, despite the obvious appearances?
Marius bent and kissed Jack"s outstretched palm. "No," he said, brushing his nose against the sensitive lines covering Jack"s skin. "No, I"m not upset. And no, I"m not going to touch you again. Not until you want me to."
Jack"s mouth closed into a tight line. "But...," he whispered, not knowing what he wanted to say. And so he stayed silent even as Marius dropped his hand and walked upstairs. Jack lay motionless until he heard the bedroom door close and knew Marius was in his bedroom. What had he wanted to say? That he wanted to be touched, maybe. It was the truth anyway. He liked when Marius touched him. He enjoyed the feeling of maybe, perhaps just a bit, being human again. But Marius wanted more than Jack was able to give him. Right?
Jack slowly sat up as he heard the bed squeak above his head. He rose without thinking and found himself on the stairs, his hand gripping the railing and Missy by his side. His free hand found her coat, and he stroked his fingers over her red fur. She tilted her head back and licked his arm. Brown eyes looked up at him, and for once she wasn"t shaking against him. He ruffled her fur and took another step closer to where Marius was. She followed him up, staying right beside him until his hand found the doork.n.o.b.
"Stay here, pretty girl," he whispered, giving her a simple command. She sat and watched him, but he wasn"t sure if she actually understood what he meant or not. He"d never really tried to train her. Unless training consisted of talking to her when there was no one else around, and he was too afraid of the usual sounds in the hallway to sleep. Somehow he doubted that"s what the books he"d read meant by the word. But between him and Missy it somehow worked. She was a good girl, and he liked having her around. Running his fingers over the side of her face, he opened the bedroom door and went inside.
Marius"s bedroom was a series of shades of green like he"d gone to a paint store, picked up every paper with a green color on it and tried to match each item in his room to a color he"d found. Thankfully his walls were done in the lightest of the shades. They were a pale sage green that created warmth and peace, much like the man that slept there. His bed, on the other hand, was a rich emerald green with gold swirls running along the edges, and this was where Jack found Marius. He was under the covers, the middle of the blanket was lifted, and Jack was pretty sure he knew what Marius was doing under there.
"Hi," Marius said, his hand stopping.
Jack licked his lips and met his gaze. The contact was brief, only for a second or two before he looked away again and focused on the other man"s hand. "What are you-" He cut off, the stupid question dying on his tongue. He shook his head and balled his hands at his sides. "Can I stay here with you?" he asked instead, not sure where the question had come from but glad he"d been able to get it out.
Marius looked surprised. Silent moments filled the s.p.a.ce between them, and Jack was sure that Marius was thinking about kicking him first out of his bedroom and then his house. But after a bit Marius slowly nodded. "Do you want to watch?"
Jack nodded, even though he"d never really been a voyeur before. "Will that be weird for you?"
Shrugging, Marius started to pull down the blanket, but Jack quickly stopped him with outstretched hands. "You don"t want to see all of me?" Marius asked him, sounding confused.
"No. Yes. I mean-" Groaning, Jack ran his hands through his hair and plopped into the big chair beside Marius"s bed. A half-read book lay on a table beside him and Jack briefly took in the picture of two men kissing on the cover before turning back to Marius. "I don"t know what I want," he quietly admitted, the words dragging out of him as he hung his head in embarra.s.sment.
Marius"s lips quirked up into a smirk. "Obviously."
Jack flushed and looked away, his embarra.s.sment turning quickly into shame.
"But that"s okay," Marius continued. "So you want to see me stroke myself under the blanket. Right?"
Still not looking at him, Jack nodded. That"s what he wanted. He wasn"t sure why but that didn"t really matter right then. Honestly he couldn"t come up with a reason why he"d come up to the room at all. Wouldn"t he have been perfectly fine back on the couch? He"d have been miserable and confused, but maybe it beat being up here. Maybe he should just go back down and pretend he"d never come up here at all. If he was lucky, Marius would forget all about it too. Like a shared hallucination or something like that. They could laugh about it someday way into the future even.
A soft moan came from the bed, and Jack"s breath caught as heat covered his face and flamed over his ears. He didn"t turn back to look at Marius, instead choosing to focus on the other man"s sounds. They were gentle, as if he was slowly stroking himself. Jack allowed himself to glance over at the bed to see that he was right. Marius"s arm was behind his head and, as Jack watched, he slowly lifted the sheet. A pink flush covered Marius"s cheeks and his eyes were on Jack.
Blushing, he looked away again, unsure about having all that attention focused on him. His hands folded in his lap, and he pretended to be fascinated with a framed photograph of a forest to his left. "What"s with all the green?" he asked. He realized it wasn"t the right thing to ask when a guy was touching himself in the same room. But Jack wasn"t ready to focus on what was happening only a few feet away from him.
"I"m a wolf," Marius reminded him breathlessly. "Forests kind of come with the fur. And they"re green. So yeah. That"s why."
Jack nodded. That did make sense. He heard a gasp from the bed and gave himself permission to take a quick glance at Marius. Just to make sure he was all right. That was going to be it. At least that"s what he told himself. But when he saw Marius"s eyes close, his dark lashes shadowing his cheeks even from the distance he was at and his mouth open slightly on a low moan, Jack couldn"t force himself to look away again.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, nearly afraid of the response. He wasn"t sure if he was ready to hear it, or if he wanted to know about Marius thinking about other people. That might be painful. "Or who," he quickly amended.
Marius"s lips cracked into a wide smile, and his eyelids lifted. "You. It"d be rude of me to be thinking about someone else after kissing you. Right?"
Jack shrugged.
"Want to know the what part now?" Marius asked him.
Jack swallowed thickly. Did he want to? Sure. Maybe. He didn"t know if he was ready to. Eventually his wildly circling thoughts ended in him giving Marius a half shrug.
"I was thinking about you on top of me, moving against me, my hands on your hips, our d.i.c.ks rubbing together-"
"Not in me?" Jack asked, clearly surprised.
Marius shook his head. "Don"t have to have penetration." His words ended on a moan, and his back arched.
"Then what?" Jack leaned forward, his hands gripping his knees as he anxiously waited for Marius to continue speaking.
"Your hands would find my nipples. You"d pinch them. I"d touch you all over, feel you against me, stroke you, kiss your chin."
Jack rose unsteadily from the chair and took a step toward Marius. "I want that," he whispered, his fingers gripping the dark wood of Marius"s four poster bed.
Marius nodded. "Me too. Someday when you"re ready-"
Shaking his head, Jack pulled his shirt off before he could think better of the idea. "No. Now."
Marius lifted his brows, and his hand stopped moving. "Now?"
Jack nodded and yanked down his shorts. He hadn"t been naked with anyone since that moment his life had taken a nosedive, and for all of three seconds he stood there proudly at the edge of Marius"s bed. Until his nerves left him, and he was stuck trying to pull his shorts back on with shaking hands as tears welled up in his eyes.
"Jack...," Marius said softly as he crouched down next to him.
"Too soon," Jack yelped. "Too much. Too soon. Too fast." His shorts wouldn"t come on. They kept getting twisted, refusing to listen to him. "Idiot. Such an idiot. Coward." Marius"s hand landed on his shoulder, and he fell sideways in his attempt to get away.
"Shh. Easy," Marius said, following him on the floor.
With tears in his eyes Jack looked up at him.
"Come join me in the bed. No touching unless you want to. It"s cold in this room. I keep it that way so that I can sleep. But I don"t like being cold. So come with me." Marius held out his hand, his palm up for Jack. After a moment of indecision Jack took it, letting Marius drag him to his feet.
"What are you expecting?" Jack asked him when they were both secured under the covers. Marius shrugged and turned over on his side to watch him. Though Jack wanted to move away, to hide himself away from the other man"s gaze, he forced himself to lie still and return Marius"s attention.
"I"d like to know more about you," Marius admitted. His hand landed on the bed between them, and Jack lifted his hand to touch Marius"s. Their fingers tangled, and Jack turned on his side to see him as well.
Jack took a deep breath and thought of something to tell the other man. "I don"t have parents," he started.
Marius lifted his brows.
"Yes you do. Everyone does."
Shaking his head, Jack continued. "I was adopted, but they were never really parents to me. I was a hard kid to deal with. That"s what they told me anyway. I ran away a few times and I got into fights."
Nodding, Marius frowned. "Must have been difficult." Jack shrugged. It might have been at first, but now he didn"t really think about it. He"d left when he was eighteen and through working full time he"d found an apartment easily enough and made his own life without their help or anyone else"s.
"What about you?" Jack asked him.
"My brother and I had good parents who loved us very much. They died nearly a decade ago in an accident. It was quick at least. Jeremy owns a bar, and I"ve lived here for years. We"re two perfectly normal men aside from the werewolf thing," Marius replied, smiling.
"Were they werewolves too?" Jack moved the pillow farther under his head, fixing it.
Marius nodded. "That"s the only way. You have to be born a werewolf."
Jack yawned and closed his eyes for a moment. He wasn"t physically tired, but maybe the stress had finally gotten to him. He"d never really been good with it after all.
"Want to take a nap?" Marius asked him.
Shrugging, Jack kept his eyes closed. He wasn"t really sure what he wanted. "Do you mind?" he replied.
"No. You"re welcome to rest in here. Want some help relaxing?"
Jack"s lips spread into a small smile. "Not right now. But thank you. And I still think you"re a saint."
Marius snorted. "I"m not. But I promise not to touch anything more than your hand while you"re asleep."
That he hadn"t even thought of that shocked Jack. Going to sleep next to a naked man while he was also naked made him extremely vulnerable. But, he slowly realized, he might actually be okay with that. It wasn"t ideal, and he didn"t feel perfectly content with the idea. But his racing heart had ended in a gentle roar instead of the thundering pulse he"d felt earlier. He slowly nodded, took a deep breath, and let his exhaustion carry him away.
Chapter 14.
JACK AWOKE AWOKE to an empty bed and the sound of the shower running. He sat up and blinked against the bright sunlight streaming in through the open window across from him. A light breeze tickled his naked chest, and he pulled the covers up around his shoulders in an effort to ward off the chill. Missy lay at the bottom of the bed, her soft snores echoing loudly in the quiet room. He leaned forward to pet her as the sound of the water being turned off interrupted his quiet morning. He wasn"t sure how to approach Marius after last night. He wanted to thank the other man for giving him the kind of simple comfort that comes from believing you"re safe, even if it"s only for a little while. But although he was grateful for that, he wasn"t sure if telling him so was really the right thing to do. It almost felt embarra.s.sing to say the words, so when Marius emerged from the master bathroom with a deep-chocolate-colored towel wrapped around his waist, Jack only nodded at him in greeting. to an empty bed and the sound of the shower running. He sat up and blinked against the bright sunlight streaming in through the open window across from him. A light breeze tickled his naked chest, and he pulled the covers up around his shoulders in an effort to ward off the chill. Missy lay at the bottom of the bed, her soft snores echoing loudly in the quiet room. He leaned forward to pet her as the sound of the water being turned off interrupted his quiet morning. He wasn"t sure how to approach Marius after last night. He wanted to thank the other man for giving him the kind of simple comfort that comes from believing you"re safe, even if it"s only for a little while. But although he was grateful for that, he wasn"t sure if telling him so was really the right thing to do. It almost felt embarra.s.sing to say the words, so when Marius emerged from the master bathroom with a deep-chocolate-colored towel wrapped around his waist, Jack only nodded at him in greeting.
Marius, on the other hand, gave him a big smile and sat down in front of him on the bed. The towel parted, giving Jack a peak at the hidden skin beneath it, but he quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring. He"d felt Marius"s length rubbing against him the night before, but feeling something and seeing it were two completely different things. And yet he wasn"t completely sure why he was being such a prude about s.e.x. He hadn"t been able to watch p.o.r.n since the attack and hadn"t felt any s.e.xual urges at all since then. Maybe this was just another screwed-up side effect of it all. If it was, maybe it could be fixed, and he didn"t have to stay broken forever. He forced himself to turn back, to look at Marius and really focus on Marius, from his light-pink nipples to the path of dark-blond hair that trailed down his belly and disappeared under the top of the towel.
Marius wasn"t heavily muscled-not that Jack would have minded that either-but his lean body and lightly muscled arms gave off this air that he really didn"t try too hard to be fit. He simply was. Just like the rest of his life, it seemed. He existed and did the good that he could because it was right.
"What are you thinking about?" Marius asked, breaking the silence and pulling Jack"s attention from where it had been focused on Marius"s navel.
He blushed and quickly looked away from Marius"s bright eyes. After a moment, though, he finally admitted, "You."
Marius chuckled and leaned forward. Behind him Missy began to stir. "Good thoughts?"
Jack nodded.