Marius turned and started walking back toward them. "Did you forget something?" he asked when he was close enough.
The leash twisted in Jack"s hands, and Missy nudged his fingers. Whether she knew it or not, that little push helped him decide to do what he wanted to instead of run in the opposite direction. "Do you want to come up?" he asked quietly, his voice nearly shaking. He looked at his shoes. They were dirty from walking in the soft earth that had nearly turned into mud from the rains the night before.
"Sure," Marius replied. Jack looked up, surprised he"d agreed so easily. The man was smiling at him, and the warmth in that gesture slowly brought a smile out of Jack as well.
"Well, um, follow me I guess." Jack led him upstairs and into his apartment. He unhooked Missy"s leash and put it on the counter. He"d need to figure out a better place for it soon. He"d like to hang it up somewhere but just had to find a good spot.
"You sleep out here?" Marius asked him.
Flushing deeply, Jack ducked his head as he locked the door behind them. He hadn"t put the couch back together after last night, and so the mattress was right out in the open. He worked quickly to make it right again, and halfway through getting the big metal pieces to fit together Marius stepped in and helped. Together they had his couch back to working order in no time. Jack fixed the pillows and, with that done, stood awkwardly off to the side. He pressed his hands together, unsure of what to do next.
"Are you painting your room?" Marius continued.
Jack shook his head and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. What must the man be thinking? Had he noticed that Jack only wore one outfit? Had his neighbors?
Marius looked to the couch. "Can I sit?" Jack quickly nodded, and Marius made himself comfortable. "Do you want to sit down too?"
Unsure if he really did or not, Jack took the spot on the other end of the couch and put his hands on his knees.
Marius stretched out toward him, his bigger body taking up much of Jack"s small couch. "You okay? I can go if this is weird for you. Missy looks good, you seem fine. I guess. Really, it"s not a big deal if you want me to leave."
Jack looked across at him, startled. He didn"t want Marius to leave. He didn"t really know what he wanted, but he was sure it wasn"t that.
"Is it because I"m a werewolf?" Marius asked him. "I know you said that it wasn"t, but that"s the only thing I can think of." He sighed and ran his hand through his short blond hair. He got to his feet and stepped back, putting more distance between them.
"It"s not," Jack whispered, watching him closely. He couldn"t tell him what it was, why he couldn"t act like a normal person. Why he wasn"t a person anymore. They"d treated him like a thing, and that"s where he"d stayed. A broken, used thing bleeding in the bedroom. He didn"t have the words to explain that to Marius. There were no words for it. How could he explain to another person that things weren"t right in his life, and he didn"t know when they"d ever be again?
Marius nodded. "Okay. So it"s not because of what I am. I got that. Are you so uncomfortable with everyone?"
Jack blushed, embarra.s.sment making him even more unsure of himself. Marius needed an answer, so Jack nodded. It was the truth. He wasn"t good with anyone. Except Missy. He reached for her and found her at his feet, a comforting presence refusing to leave him. Despite his flaws.
Marius gave him a soft smile and retook his seat next to him. "Thanks. I"m glad it"s not just me."
He looked so relieved that it had Jack smiling too.
"I"m glad I came over here today," Marius said, leaning back against the couch and putting an arm over the top of it. He looked so comfortable, so relaxed. It drove Jack to realize how much he wasn"t. He tried to imitate it, but his movements felt stiff and awkward. He gave up somewhere halfway between the two and brought his knees up to his chest as he faced Marius across the couch.
Jack nodded. He was glad too. He liked Marius. At least he thought he did. He liked having him around at the very least. Just no closer than he was now. A few feet away was a good distance for him.
"How was she last night? Any whining?" Marius asked him.
Jack shook his head. Normally he"d leave it at that, but a one-sided conversation with Marius wasn"t as much fun as it sounded. And it didn"t sound like it at all. He"d barely spoken in weeks, but something about Marius made him want to try it again. If he didn"t like it he could always stop and go back to being silent. "She was good." There... he"d said some words. Marius raised his brows, and Jack lifted his chin. He wasn"t ready to start doing more but it felt like a good start at least. And that mattered, right? He hoped it did because that was the best he could come up with at the moment.
"Very nice, that"s great to hear." The sound of music interrupted them, and Marius dug his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the screen, frowned, and put it back away. "I"ve got to go. Clara needs me back at the rescue." He got up and moved to the door as if to leave, and Jack watched him go.
He took a breath, unsure if he was ready to do this or not but wanting to try it anyway. "Can we.... I want to.... Movie?" Jack finished, feeling completely inept and ridiculous.
Marius stared at him for so long that Jack was sure he"d completely screwed up. But then the man nodded, and Jack felt some of the tension ease from his body. "Yeah. A movie would be great. I"d love to have you and Missy over sometime. I"ll make pizza. Does that sound like something you"d like to do?" Jack slowly nodded, and Marius smiled at him. "Great. Text or call me when you get some free time. I don"t live too far from here. It"s actually the little blue house behind the shelter. The tree you were leaning on the first day we met was in my backyard."
Jack raised his brows. He hadn"t even seen a house that day. But then again, he"d been so focused on running away that he hadn"t noticed much. It had been the only important thing to him at the time. Now he realized that he probably should have been paying more attention.
Marius went to the door, his hand landing on the k.n.o.b. "And hey, we have our Forever Home walk this weekend. If you think Missy can handle it we could use some more walkers. All the money raised goes to help the animals."
Jack nodded. He didn"t know if he"d be ready. Or if Missy would. But he liked the idea and would consider it.
"All right, well, I"ll see you later." Marius unlocked the door and let himself out, closing the door behind him. Jack got up to lock it and stopped as he heard a woman"s voice in the hallway.
"You shouldn"t spend time with him," she said. Jack"s stomach tightened. His nasty old neighbor, the h.o.m.ophobic Mrs. Landers, had hated him for years. Before all this he would have gone out there and told her to back off, to leave him alone. But now he couldn"t even open the door.
"Why"s that?" Marius asked. He sounded as if he was just on the other side of the door. Jack pressed against it, wondering what he"d say when she told him why she hated him.
"Because he"s queer," the old woman snapped.
His breath caught as he waited for Marius"s response.
"Oh. Well, how do you know?" Marius replied. He sounded so calm, as if he was actually asking her a question.
"I just do. I can tell these things."
Jack rolled his eyes. She"d been right in guessing that he was gay, but she thought that most of the men she met were and was no less hateful to them.
"Good for you. What do you think about me?"
Jack leaned back to frown at the door. What in the world was Marius doing? He shouldn"t give in to her games. They weren"t fun, and she wasn"t worth the effort to tell off. "Everyone knows you"re as straight as a book, Marius. Despite your unfortunate heritage."
He chuckled, and the deep sound loosened something inside of Jack"s core. "Well, then everyone-including you, would be wrong. You want to tell me something useful about my new friend? You can tell me when his birthday is so that I can make sure to get him something. Or maybe what flavor of chocolate he"d like me to lick off his chest. Otherwise I"ll thank you to stay away from him. If you talk to me like that about him, I can"t imagine how cruel you are to his face. No one deserves that, especially not a good heart like Jack"s."
Jack gasped and pressed himself against the door. He wanted to open it, wanted to hug Marius. He hadn"t wanted to touch another person in so long but for some reason he wanted to now. Yet he couldn"t even open the door. Couldn"t go to him, couldn"t do anything but press his forehead against the door as he heard Mrs. Landers curse and Marius walk away.
Marius"s footsteps returned and though the cursing continued, a heavy knock on Jack"s front door soon followed. He stared at the old wood for a moment, wondering what Marius could want, before finally opening it. Mrs. Landers was behind him, looking irritable as ever, but he tried not to focus on her sour expression as he looked up at Marius.
"So," Marius said, leaning on the door frame with his arm above his head. "Are you hungry?"
Jack didn"t know what to say and so he simply nodded. He could eat and was hungry enough to.
Marius"s smile grew. "Come to lunch with me. My treat."
Jack hesitated. He"d thought Marius needed to go back to the rescue. "Clara?" he asked him, hoping Marius could figure out what he was asking him.
Marius shrugged and his smile stayed firmly in place on his lips. "She can hold down the fort without me for a bit. And there"s a cafe down the street. Easy walking distance and I"ll have you back here within the hour. Besides, she doesn"t have to know how quickly I wrapped up your home visit."
That sounded like a good idea and Jack knew that he should go. Or at least he should want to go. He looked to Missy, wondering if it would be okay to leave her alone in the apartment so soon. She could destroy something or whine or.... Well he didn"t have more options than that for her since he didn"t know all that much about how dogs acted when they were alone but those two sounded bad enough.
"The cafe allows dogs to sit with their patrons if we eat outside and it is a fairly nice day out," Marius continued, as if reading his mind.
Still uncertain but slowly growing bolder, Jack finally nodded and attached Missy"s leash to her collar, clearly won over by Marius"s gentle persistence. Mrs. Landers was still in the hallway as Jack locked the door up behind them and then walked down the stairs with Marius leading the way to a cafe he"d heard of and pa.s.sed plenty of times since it was in his neighborhood in their tiny town. But he didn"t like to go out to eat alone. It was more of a social thing and even before it happened he hadn"t had all that many friends. Those that he did have were long gone now after a few weeks of not hearing back from him. He knew that people rarely accepted being ignored but he couldn"t do much to change how he currently felt and so he"d let them go without a fight.
Marius sat down at a small metal bistro table, the kind sold in upscale department stores with slate tiles on the tops, and Jack sat across from him after tying Missy to the arm of his chair. She quietly made a place for herself in the shade under his chair and laid down, looking content for the moment.
"Have you been here before?" Marius asked him as a waiter came out of the cafe and started walking toward them.
Jack shook his head. He knew that they had Greek food but other than that he"d never paid much attention to it.
"Marius!" the waiter said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Good to see you again."
Marius nodded to the man and Jack looked up at the waiter, wondering how this was going to go. Another person he"d have to figure out how to talk to, he supposed, the idea settling into his gut with dread.
"You too. Antony, this is my friend, Jack. Can we start with some waters and a few menus?" Marius asked him. Jack caught Marius looking at him and quickly dropped his head, not wanting to meet Marius"s steady gaze.
"Of course, I"ll be right back with them." Antony was gone for what seemed like less than a minute before he was back with waters, the menus, and even a small bowl of water for Missy which he put on the ground in front of her. Jack gave him a tight smile and tried not to appear as uncomfortable as he felt when Antony walked away, leaving Marius and him alone on the sidewalk with the street and all the people on it against his back. A car drove by and though he felt the breeze it created and heard it, the fact that it was close to him and he hadn"t seen it made him tense up. Another did the same, followed by a loud motorcycle and by then the menu was shaking in his hands.
"Hey," Marius said, plucking the menu out of his death grip with little more than a tug. "Easy."
Marius"s voice was soft, as if he were trying to calm a frightened child. Jack wanted to pretend he didn"t feel exactly like that as he leaned forward and hugged himself protectively over the table.
"What"s wrong?" Marius asked him gently. "Is it that we"re out? That you"re with me?"
Jack quickly shook his head. Well, it was that, partially. That they were out at least. But not exactly that he was with Marius. Someone honked their horn and Jack whimpered and put his forearms on either side of his head, blocking the sound as he laced his fingers above his head and shut his eyes tightly.
He heard Marius get up from the table, the metal sc.r.a.ping against the sidewalk as he moved, and that high pitched sound made him shiver. There were too many people, too many noises, too much happening all at once. He wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to hide and be anywhere but right there.
Jack felt himself being lifted and gasped, barely opening his eyes long enough to see the ground going away before he was carried around to the other side of the table and sat down with his back against the wall of the cafe. Missy came too, quickly retaking her seat under his chair as Marius brought the water bowl and placed it in front of her. He situated his chair and retook his seat before handing him a menu.
"I suggest the dolmades," he said lightly as if he hadn"t just carried Jack around a table in broad daylight.
Jack slowly unfolded himself. "How did you.... But why.... You carried.... But...." He swallowed thickly, not really having words left for what had just happened or how to explain how he felt about it.
Marius put his menu aside and took a sip of water before answering his broken questions. "You looked upset that you were on the street. So I fixed it." He shrugged as if it hadn"t been a big thing and to a werewolf maybe it wasn"t, Jack wasn"t all that sure about that. But to him it had been important, he just didn"t know how to tell Marius how much so.
Jack tried to relax in the shadow of the building with the cool stone against his back and the open world in front of him. But between that world with all its dangers and himself sat Marius, looking as if he could actually take on the world Jack was so afraid of.
He took a breath and decided to enjoy lunch with Marius. Thinking it was only half the battle and he knew this, but once he"d made up his mind to like this experience he found it was a lot easier to do so, especially with Marius blocking everything. He saw people as they came up, matched the cars with their sounds and knew what the clicking sound was as a woman in high heels walked along behind Marius. He would not have been that calm if she"d done it to him but Marius didn"t seem to notice.
"Do you like Greek food? I think I should have asked that first. If you don"t we can go somewhere else. This was just the closest place I could think of," Marius explained, looking unsure of himself.
Jack tried to smile and found that it didn"t come as easily as he"d hoped it would. So he gave Marius what he could as far as a smile, which admittedly wasn"t very much and might have looked a bit grotesque, and nodded. "I do," he softly said as he reached down to touch Missy"s face. Knowing that she was there, that she was close enough for him to touch, helped some. He took another breath and met Marius"s steady gaze. "I"m glad she could come."
Marius smiled at him and put his elbows on the table. His forearms fell forward as well and though he wasn"t exactly reaching for Jack, he still felt the need to lean back slightly anyway to put more s.p.a.ce between them. He wished he didn"t feel like that, since Marius seemed like a nice guy, and so he tried coming back in a bit but his heart started pounding and he quickly had to move away before anything worse happened.
"Of course," Marius said. He tapped his fingers on the slate and looked around a bit. Jack only continued to watch him. "Feel like talking to the waiter?"
Jack was surprised at the question, at the nonjudgmental way that it came out, and slowly shook his head as he wondered what Marius would do.
Marius shrugged. "Anything you can"t stand?"
Jack shook his head again. There wasn"t too much he didn"t like to eat and he was growing hungrier by the moment.
"Then would you mind if I ordered us a platter to share?" Marius asked, his smile growing.
Instantly feeling relieved, Jack nodded and gave Marius a smile too. This time it was real, one of both thanks and friendship, and all the other things he wished he could say to Marius but knew were impossible right now.
Marius raised his hand, attracting the waiter"s attention and ordered for them. The food came quickly and they ate in silence with Jack sneaking bits of gyro meat down to Missy when he thought Marius wasn"t looking. Though it wasn"t the most talkative lunch he"d ever had, it was one of the nicer ones and by the time Marius walked him home an hour later, Jack was glad that he"d agreed to go with him.
Chapter 8.
THE MORNING MORNING of the dog walk was cold and rainy, hardly perfect conditions for such a large outdoor event. Marius and Seth were there, although Seth looked like he wished he wasn"t as he held the leash of a large, shivering dog that kept staring at the rescue"s front door and whining at it. Marius pulled the hood of his sweatshirt farther down his face and pretended he wasn"t just as cold as everyone else. They should have cancelled it. In fact, he was going to. The weatherman had said there"d be a lot of rain and a cold front coming in. But then last night he"d proclaimed that the storm had pa.s.sed to the north of their small town, completely leaving the area dry and sunny all weekend. Marius could strangle that man right about now. of the dog walk was cold and rainy, hardly perfect conditions for such a large outdoor event. Marius and Seth were there, although Seth looked like he wished he wasn"t as he held the leash of a large, shivering dog that kept staring at the rescue"s front door and whining at it. Marius pulled the hood of his sweatshirt farther down his face and pretended he wasn"t just as cold as everyone else. They should have cancelled it. In fact, he was going to. The weatherman had said there"d be a lot of rain and a cold front coming in. But then last night he"d proclaimed that the storm had pa.s.sed to the north of their small town, completely leaving the area dry and sunny all weekend. Marius could strangle that man right about now.
"All right, everyone!" he called over the sound of the rain. "Thank you for coming out. Those of you who want to walk are more than welcome to. But if you want to stay inside and drink hot cocoa and meet the animals we have up for adoption and tell stories about your pets, that"s perfectly fine too. Seth is going to be in there with you and I think he has chocolate chip cookies." Seth stared at him, looking a bit shocked. Marius rarely let him out of much, but he nodded and pushed him back toward the rescue now.
"You sure?" Seth asked him.
"Yeah. Besides, your gla.s.ses are streaked. I"d hate for you to fall over something because you can"t see."
Laughing, Seth shook his head and led the soaking-wet walkers and their dogs into the rescue. Marius watched them go and, when he was left with the rest of them, he counted heads. Only a third had stayed with him out in the rain. But they all looked ready to go for the walk. "Am I too late?"
Marius pulled back the hood of his sweatshirt enough to see who was talking to him. He almost didn"t recognize Jack under the heavy layers. "Hey."
Jack gave him a soft smile. "Hi."
Marius looked around the other man"s legs. "No Missy?"
Shaking his head, Jack pulled his thick gloves back and shivered. "Too cold."
"I think you have the right idea. This was not how I wanted this day to be." He tilted his head back and gazed up at the darkening sky with a deep sigh.
"Are we starting this thing or what, Marius?" a woman called to him. Her husky barked as well, looking as impatient as his owner. Though she and the others around her laughed, he couldn"t help sympathizing with the sentiment.
"Yeah, we are. All right, people. Let"s get going!" Marius called to them. As one, they moved forward, but it wasn"t anything like a formally organized race. Everyone paid to enter the race and in return they received a T-shirt, new leash, and a water bottle. The winner and their dog were featured on their website and had their picture up in the lobby. It was hardly professionally done, but they"d been having fun with the event for years, and usually quite a few dogs got adopted as a result of it.
"Where"s Clara?" Jack asked as they started walking with the others, the large shepherd mix on the leash in Marius"s hand pulling them along.
"She usually doesn"t work weekends," Marius explained. He shivered as his heavy sweatshirt became increasingly soaked through until the T-shirt underneath was wet too.
"This sucks. I feel so badly for everyone that came out today. Usually it"s a lot more fun than this."
Jack shrugged. "I like the rain."
Marius shot him a quick smile. "Good. And I"m glad you"re talking more. Were you sick and lost your voice?"
Shaking his head, Jack moved a bit closer beside him on the narrow sidewalk.
Marius wasn"t too sure what else might make a person want to stop talking. He"d considered the possibility of Jack having surgery on his throat but he hadn"t seen a scar or anything else to indicate that. Maybe Jack would tell him someday. At least Marius hoped he would. "I"m glad you came out today. Even if the weather is horrible."