"This sort of thing won"t do," she said firmly. "It only makes matters worse. Now just be as brave as you possibly can. Remember, I am right here every minute."
I could only cling to her. There seemed in all the world no refuge for me but Lillian"s arms.
The weeks immediately following d.i.c.ky"s departure are almost a blank memory to me. I seemed stunned, incapable of action, even of thinking clearly.
If it had not been for Lillian, I do not know what I should have done.
She cared for me with infinite tenderness and understanding, she stood between me and the imperative curiosity and bewilderment of my mother-in-law, and she made all the arrangements necessary for my taking up my life as a thing apart from my husband.
It seemed almost like an interposition of Providence that two days after d.i.c.ky"s bombsh.e.l.l, his mother received a letter from her daughter Elizabeth asking her to go to Florida for the rest of the winter. One of the children had been ordered south by the family physician, and d.i.c.ky"s sister was to accompany her little daughter, while the other children remained at home under the care of their father and his mother. Mother Graham dearly loves to travel, and I knew from Lillian"s reports and the few glimpses I had of my mother-in-law that she was delighted with the prospect before her.
How Lillian managed to quiet the elder woman"s natural worry about d.i.c.ky, her half-formed suspicion that something was wrong, and her conviction that without her to look after me I should not be able to get through the winter, I never knew.
I do not remember seeing my mother-in-law but once or twice in the interval between the receipt of d.i.c.ky"s letter and her departure. The memory of her good-by to me, however, is very distinct.
She came into the room, cloaked and hatted, ready for the taxi which was to take her to the station. Katie was to go into New York with her, and see her safely on the train. Her face was pale, and I noticed listlessly that her eyelids were reddened as if she had been weeping.
She bent and kissed me tenderly, and then she put her arms around me, and held me tightly.
"I don"t know what it is all about, dear child," she said. "I hope all is as it seems outwardly. But remember, Margaret, I am your friend, whatever happens, and if it will help you any, you may remember that I, too, have had to walk this same sharp paved way."
Then she went away. I remembered that she had said something of the kind once before, giving me to understand that d.i.c.ky"s father had caused her much unhappiness. Did she believe too, I wondered, that d.i.c.ky was with Grace Draper, that his brief infatuation for the girl had returned when he had seen her again?
For days after that, I drifted--there is no other word for it--through the hours of each day. When it was absolutely necessary for Lillian to know some detail, which I alone could give her, she would come to me, rouse me, and holding me to the subject by the sheer force of her will, obtain the information she wished, and then leave me to myself, or rather to Katie again. Katie was my devoted slave. She waited on me hand and foot, and made a most admirable nurse when Lillian was compelled to be absent.
When I thought about the matter at all, I realized that Lillian was preparing to have me share her apartment in the city when I should be strong enough to leave my home. Harry Underwood had gone with my father to South America for a trip which would take many months, so I made no protest. I knew also, because of questions she had made me answer, that she had arranged with the Lotus Study Club to have an old teaching comrade of mine, a man who had experience in club lectures, take my place until I should be well enough to go back to the work.
In so far as I could feel anything, the knowledge that I was still to have my club work gratified me. The twenty dollars a week which it paid me, while not large, would preserve my independence until I could gain courage to go back to my teaching.
For one feeling obsessed me, was strong enough to penetrate the lethargy of mind and body into which d.i.c.ky"s letter had thrown me. I spoke of it to Lillian one day.
"Do--not--use--any--of--d.i.c.ky"s--money," I said slowly and painfully.
"My--own--bank--book--in--desk."
She took it out, and I also gave her the bank book and papers my father had given me the day before he left for South America.
"Keep--them--for--me," I whispered, and then at her tender comprehending smile, I had a sudden revelation.
"Then--you--know--" Astonishment made my voice stronger.
"That Robert Gordon is your father?" she returned briskly. "Bless you, child, I"ve suspected it ever since I first heard of his emotion on hearing the names of your parents. But n.o.body else knows, I didn"t think it necessary to tell your mother-in-law or Katie, unless, of course, you want me to do so."
Her smile was so cheery, so infectious, that I could not help but smile back at her. There was still something on my mind, however.
"This house must be closed," I told her. "Try to find positions for Katie and Jim."
"I"ll attend to everything," she promised, and I did not realize that her words meant directly opposite to the interpretation I put upon them, until after myself and all my personal belongings had been moved to Lillian"s apartment in the city, and I had thrown off the terrible physical weakness and mental lethargy which had been mine.
"I had to do as I thought best about the house in Marvin, Madge," she said firmly. "I thoroughly respect your feeling about using any of d.i.c.ky"s money for your own expenses, but you are not living in the Marvin house. It is simply d.i.c.ky"s home, which as his friend, commissioned to see after his affairs, I am going to keep in readiness for his return, unless I receive other instructions from him. Jim and Katie will stay there as caretakers until this horrible mistake, whatever it may be, is cleared up. Thus your home will be always waiting for you."
"Never my home again, I fear, Lillian," I said sadly.
There is no magic of healing like that held in the hands of a little child. It was providential for me that, a short time after Lillian took me to the apartment which had been home to her for years, her small daughter, Marion, was restored to her.
The child"s father died suddenly, after all, and to Lillian fell the task of caring for and comforting the old mother of the man who had done his best to spoil Lillian"s life. She brought the aged and feeble sufferer to the apartment, established her in the bedroom which Lillian had always kept for herself, and engaged a nurse to care for her. When I recalled Lillian"s story, remembered that her first husband"s mother without a jot of evidence to go upon had believed her son"s vile accusations against Lillian, my friend"s forgiveness seemed almost divine to me. I am afraid I never could have equaled it. When I said as much to Lillian, she looked at me uncomprehendingly.
"Why, Madge!" she said. "There was nothing else to do. Marion"s grandmother is devoted to her. To separate them now would kill the old woman. Besides her income is so limited that she cannot have the proper care unless I do take her in."
"I thought you said Mr. Morten had a legacy about the time of his second marriage."
"He did, but most of it has been dissipated, I imagine, and what there is left is in the possession of his wife, a woman with no more red blood than a codfish. She would let his mother starve before she would exert herself to help her, or part with any money. No, there is nothing else to do, Madge. I"ll just have to work a little harder, that"s all, and that"s good for me, best reducing system there is, you know."
The sheer, indomitable courage of her, taking up burdens in her middle age which should never be hers, and a.s.suming them with a smile and jest upon her lips! I felt suddenly ashamed of the weakness with which I had met my own problems.
"Lillian!" I said abruptly, "you make me ashamed of myself. I"m going to stop grieving--as much as I can--" I qualified, "and get to work.
Tell me, how can I best help you? I"m going back to my club work next week--I am sure I shall be strong enough by then, but I shall have such loads of time outside."
My friend came over to me impetuously, and kissed me warmly.
"You blessed child!" she said. "I am so glad if anything has roused you. And I"m going to accept your words in the spirit in which I am sure they were uttered. If you can share Marion with me for awhile, it will help me more than anything else. I have so many orders piled up, I don"t know where to begin first. Her grandmother is too ill to attend to her, and I don"t want to leave her with any hired attendant, she has had too many of those already."
"Don"t say another word," I interrupted. "There"s nothing on earth I"d rather do just now than take care of Marion."
Thus began a long succession of peaceful days, spent with Lillian"s small daughter. She was a bewitching little creature of nine years, but so tiny that she appeared more like a child of six. I had taught many children, but never had been a.s.sociated with a child at home.
I grew sincerely attached to the little creature, and she, in turn, appeared very fond of me. Lillian told her to call me "Aunt Madge,"
and the sound of the t.i.tle was grateful to me.
"Auntie Madge, Auntie Madge," the sweet childish voice rang the changes on the name so often that I grew to a.s.sociate my name with the love I felt for the child. This made it all the harder for me to bear when the child"s hand all unwittingly brought me the hardest blow Fate had yet dealt me.
It was her chief delight to answer the postman"s ring, and bring me the mail each day. On this particular afternoon I had been especially busy, and thus less miserable than usual. I heard the postman"s ring, and then the voice of Marion.
"Auntie Madge, it"s a letter for you this time."
I began to tremble, for some unaccountable reason. It was as though the shadow of the letter the child was bringing had already begun to fall on me. As she ran to me, and held out the letter, I saw that it was postmarked San Francisco! But the handwriting was not d.i.c.ky"s.
I opened it, and from it fell a single sheet of notepaper inscribed:
"She laughs best who laughs last. Grace Draper."
I looked at the thing until it seemed to me that the characters were alive and writhed upon the paper. I shudderingly put the paper away from me, and leaned back in my chair and shut my eyes. Then Marion"s little arms were around my neck, her warm, moist kisses upon my cheek, her frightened voice in my ears.
"Oh! Auntie Madge," she said. "What was in the naughty letter that hurt you so? Nasty old thing! I"m going to tear it up."
"No, no, Marion," I answered. "I must let your mother see it first.
Call her, dear, won"t you, please?"
When Lillian came, I mutely showed her the note. She studied it carefully, frowning as she did so.
"Pleasant creature!" she commented at last. "But I shouldn"t put too much dependence on this, Madge. She may be with him, of course. But you ought to know that truth is a mere detail with Grace Draper. She would just as soon have sent this to you if she had not seen him for weeks, and knew no more of his address than you."