Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

(Thank you Aaron, Alex, Axl, Jeffry, Matthew, Roanz for helping me with proofreading and editing on the LiveDraft!! <>

ARC 4THE EVERLASTING COVENANT Chapter 37 [The Initial Impulse To Kill]

He heard a sound like the torrent of a rus.h.i.+ng stream.

Reverberating in his ears, or perhaps within his skull, the thunderous roar rumbled at Subaru’s brain as his consciousness was guided from loss into wakefulness.
He saw a light, and――

[Subaru: ――ah, khu]

Sensing something clogging his throat, the rhythm of Subaru’s breaths grew bewildered as he gagged for air.
Inhale, exhale, the regular intervals between his breaths turned vague. His oxygen-deprived body spasmed and shook, saliva drooled from his mouth as Subaru wrung open his eyes.

[Subaru: Khu, aghk!]

His face was pressed against the ground. Pus.h.i.+ng himself off the surface and onto his elbows and knees, Subaru grasped his chest, panting, and tried to calm his aching lungs.
The pain fell away, and he spat out the saliva that had nowhere else to go. With his body settling as oxygen resaturated his brain, he took a breath. ――And began to remember.

[Subaru: uuUUAAH, AAAAAH!?]

Recalling the gaping hole that had been opened in his chest, he felt the sense of emptiness of all the contents of his body flooding out.

Tasting a numbing shock through his limbs, Subaru sc.r.a.ped his forehead against the ground as the friction and the abrasive pain affirmed the reality of his existence.

[Subaru: What was, that…… at the end……]

Face-down on the ground, blood draining from his body, the sensation of his soul being sucked out from that very same gap certainly existed. But that wasn"t the source of the sense of loss eroding at Subaru’s flesh. The true horror came afterwards, near the end, among the lingering embers of life being guided into death.

――Something, something unknown, was "Devouring" him.

[Subaru: C-cut down, beaten to death, frozen, falling to death, I’ve died all sorts of ways now…… b-but this is still the first time I"ve ea…… eaten in the end……]

Recounting the conscious experience of what happened to his body in the end, Subaru was once more gripped by terror.

Who knew that the sensation of his body being eaten would be accompanied by such intense sense of loss? Subaru had lost fingers and legs before, but this sickening sensation was far beyond all of them――

[Subaru: fingers……!?]

Coming to that thought, Subaru suddenly wanted to kick himself for being so slow to remember.

What was not certain, was where on the timeline Subaru returned to.

If his restart point had been moved to an unsalvageable point in time, where would Subaru"s resolve and oaths lead him then――

[Subaru: ah……]

Scanning his bloodshot eyes over his surroundings, Subaru desperately tried to confirm the time and his current location. But what calmed this desperate panic was the sensation on his forehead while his fingers wiped the sweat off his brows. ――The three missing fingers on his right hand were definitely still there.

[Subaru: Fingers…… are still there, which means]

As if to make sure, he held up his right arm and ran his gaze from his fingers to his elbow. Fingers and wrist, all the way to the elbow, nothing was missing, nor were there any signs of scarring. The white scars left over from the disturbance of the Wolgarms were still there, but that’s a different story.
Having confirmed that his arm was fine, Subaru moved on to his shoulder and hip―― the spots where Elsa’s darts had dug into. Sensing no stiffness in his skin, Subaru almost collapsed from sheer relief, finally convinced that he had returned to a time before his encounter with Elsa.

[Subaru: Th…… then, for now…]

It was fortune in midst of misfortune that he wasn"t given anything worse than death.
Feeling relieved and drained, Subaru dropped his eyes and thanked his bad luck. And it was then when he turned his gaze to the side, and noticed.

――That in the corner of the dark room, there was Emilia, writhing in pain.

[Subaru: Emili……a]

Instantly rus.h.i.+ng over to her side, Subaru realized that they were alone in a dark and musty vault. He had only one experience of being alone with her like this, so there was only one possible explanation. That is,

[Subaru: The restart point… hasn"t changed……!]

Inside the Tomb, directly after pa.s.sing the Trial―― was where Subaru returned to after death. In exchange for nothing being gained, nothing was lost either. Time to try again.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

――There must be something he could do to fix everything.

Having confirmed where he had returned to, the thought that pa.s.sed through Subaru’s mind was so positive that it was hard to believe it could have come from a person who had just been trembling in his final moments.

By now, the b.l.o.o.d.y content was already nothing out of the ordinary. Whether it was the initial cluelessness, or becoming hopelessly stuck with no choice but to hug his own head, it was just the same thing all over again.

[Subaru: Although… the usual methods won"t be working this time]

No matter what, Subaru still wasn"t able to grasp the full story of this loop. And even against the clear and obvious threats, he couldn"t see any effective countermeasures.

Countering her attack on the Mansion remained the foremost priority. However, it would seem the problems didn"t end there,

[Subaru: Last time, near the end…… why was the Sanctuary empty……?]

He couldn"t understand why Beatrice would transport him all the way to the Sanctuary, but the fact that everyone there had vanished was all the more incomprehensible. He recalled running all around, shouting, only to receive no reply in return.
And then, there was the final calamity which befell Subaru when he tried to seek the answers inside the Tomb.

With a hole opened in his chest, Subaru died without the slightest idea of what could have given him that wound. The memory of that still-vivid injury brought back nothing but pain and horror, without a single clue or answer.

Back there, what on earth happened in the Sanctuary? What happened to Subaru? What was Beatrice thinking? And Emilia――

[Subaru: ……impossible]

Coming to that point, suddenly struck by the contradiction between his thoughts and his behavior, Subaru"s face stiffened.

It was important to organize the situation. It was also important to set goals for the future and draw up plans to realize them. And it was a priority to collect the scattered information and shape them into something useful for obtaining that longed-for future, but,

[Subaru: ――――]

Did that give him an excuse to forget Emilia, currently struggling against a nightmare right in front of his eyes?

[Subaru: I-I…]

Emilia was still inside the Trial, tormented by agony. Her body and soul, a.s.saulted by her past, being chipped away by the excruciating pain of the weight of the cross she had to bear.
Long lasting pain without the slightest consolation at its end.

Subaru knew: How much sorrow this was bringing her, how much it was wearing her down, and how much it was weakening her heart.
It was because he couldn’t bear to see her like this that he had resolved to complete the Trial in her place, to clear away all obstacles, and open the way for her to pa.s.s.

That was how it should have been, so why was Subaru so relieved to see her suffering?
“Thank G.o.d he returned to a point in time where she was suffering.” Despite knowing what will become of her pain, he had cruelly put his thoughts before her.

The moment he understood this, Subaru saw the hideous existence he had descended into.

To Subaru, such weakness was abhorrent and grotesque.

[Subaru: Either way……]

There was no time to be tormented by guilt and the contradictions of his heart. He must wake Emilia up right away, and bring her out of this place.
He could take the time to gather his thoughts once they"re outside. There was no reason to prolong her suffering. And――

[Subaru: Right now, there"s a guy I need to get some answers out of]

It was starting to p.i.s.s him off how lenient he was before. How is it that all this time, he had allowed the central character at the core of everything to get away with his ambiguities?

If that was the future that came from Subaru"s cowardice, then――

[Subaru: I will do everything differently this time]

As these words rolled off of his tongue, Subaru reached out his hand to wake Emilia.
In that moment, not even Subaru himself was aware that his face was being contorted by unsuppressible fury.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

[Subaru: ――Just how much do you know, Roswaal?]

That was the first thing that came out of Subaru"s mouth as he swung open the door. Lying on the bed, Roswaal narrowed his eyes. And Subaru, seeing himself reflected in those mismatched pupils, barged into the room and slammed the door shut behind him in a display of his present emotion.

――After finally calming Emilia and bringing her out of the Tomb, Subaru headed to Lewes" house and put her to bed. There, he left Emilia in Ram care, and, so as to not waste the interval before she wakes again, he immediately set out for the building where Roswaal was recuperating.

However, the instant he took Roswaal into his sights, all that caution scattered like a mist.

[Roswaal: Fu~~mu]

Looking up at the restless Subaru, Roswaal let out a deep and meaningful sigh. And then, he held up a single finger and lightly wagged it in front of Subaru.

[Roswaal: M~~y you certainly seem much more a~~ngry than last I saw you. Tha~~t"s a good sign]

[Subaru: Don"t try to be funny. I"m not in the mood for pranks or jokes right now. I"m prepared to use force if I have to]

Snarling this at the carefree Roswaal, Subaru advanced to the side of the bed and pressed his palms onto the sheets. And, glaring down at the clown at extreme close-range,

[Subaru: I just came back from taking the Trial. ――And I have a mountain of things to ask you]

[Roswaal: ……Is that, so. You have taken the Trial. I see. I see. I~~ see~~]

Whereas in Subaru"s time, several days had already pa.s.sed since the Trial where he bid farewell to his parents, in real time, it would only have been less than an hour ago. And, it was now the third time he had seen Roswaal"s inexplicable reactions to being told about the Trial.

The first time, there seemed to be a flash of violent emotion so brief it was as if it was never there. The second time, he appeared to have somewhat calmly accepted the fact. But even so, it was laced with a certain uncharacteristic tinge of melancholy.

But, completely contrary to Subaru"s hopes, Roswaal"s lips instead curved into a smile,

[Roswaal: I~~n that case, allow me to ask you a question]

[Subaru: Huh? What are you talking about? You? Ask questions? ……If you keep playing around I"m going to seriously flip, you piece of s.h.i.+t]

[Roswaal: I can understand that you have re~~ason to be angry. And I am asking with that in mind. If we are of the same opinion…… I don"t see why you would decli~~ne to coo~~perate]

[Subaru: If I answer your question…… no, wait]

While Subaru was trying to press down his anger, Roswaal raised this proposal. For a moment, Subaru almost accepted. But he instantly severed that thought when he realized that accepting would have meant being swept along by the atmosphere created by Roswaal, just like all those times before.
Unless he made an effort to resist, the result will be just as miserable. So in order to change the outcome, he must change his behavior from this point onward.

[Subaru: I"m not answering your questions. I"m the one who has questions. I go first]

[Roswaal: ……Aya, bu~~t isn"t that aw~~fully rude?]

[Subaru: I"m not saying I won"t answer any questions, but I have the feeling we won"t get anywhere if I just go along with whatever you say. So let"s nip that in the bud first]

Seeing Subaru"s obstinate att.i.tude, Roswaal closed a single eye and lightly sighed. Then, holding out both palms, he made an [A~~lright] gesture,

[Roswaal: Ask whatever you li~~ke. Indeed, it doesn"t always have to be me managing the pa~~ce of the conversation]

[Subaru: Even though it"s actually kinda creepy when you"re so reasonable…… well, no point getting hung up on that. So, question: ――What kind of contract have you sealed with Beatrice?]

[Roswaal: ――――]

Suddenly silent, it seemed as though Roswaal was caught off guard by that query.
Seeing his cheeks stiffen, albeit slightly, Subaru was convinced that he had struck a critical question.

The previous loop had brought about newly-discovered facts and unexplained events, and Subaru must set about finding the answers to these mysteries. Foremost among them―― were the questions surrounding Beatrice, and whether it was at the Sanctuary or the Mansion, the only person he could ask was Roswaal.
More than anything, their conversation at their parting and the Gospel in her hands were all burned into his mind, impossible to forget.

It was a question he must not take lightly. One which will decide how he will interact with that girl from now on.

――How he will face Beatrice at their unavoidable meeting in this loop.

[Subaru: Answer me, Roswaal. Don"t give me any of that "You won"t answer mine so I won"t answer yours" c.r.a.p. Answer the question]

Growing impatient with Roswaal"s prolonged silence, Subaru repeated his demand for a response.

Every second of silence felt like minutes as he waited for the reply. Until, at last, Roswaal opened his mouth,

[Roswaal: ――The fact that you are asking this question here, does that mean you"ve remembered?]

But, instead of an answer as Subaru had hoped, Roswaal replied with a question of his own. Clicking his tongue in frustration at his att.i.tude, [Shut up!], Subaru swung his arm in front of Roswaal,

[Subaru: Why are you replying with another question? Even if I take a hundred steps back and let you ask, you will answer mine first. I"m not giving up my turn]

[Roswaal: Is that so. Then, let"s proceed by taking turns. Your question was about "The contract between Beatrice and myself", wa~~s it not? There is no contract sealed between Beatrice and myself. That is the answer]

[Subaru: Wh――!?]

Caught off guard by that sudden turn, Subaru found himself speechless. Reaching out a hand to Subaru, who had inadvertently lost his words, [No~~w], Roswaal went on,

[Roswaal: This time it"s your turn to answer m~~y question. ――Have you remembered?]

[Subaru: ……Remember, what. Just so you know, our relations.h.i.+p isn"t deep enough that we can communicate by telepathy here. Don"t go a.s.suming I can put together your sentences without a subject]

[Roswaal: That reply, already gave me the answer to my question. ……Unfortunate]

Although Subaru had hoped to get some kind of revenge, it would seem he was no match for Roswaal after all. With a certain shade of sadness, Roswaal turned down his eyes, and,

[Roswaal: It seems, I didn"t make it]

[Subaru: ……what]

[Roswaal: It"s your turn to ask. Do be~~tter this time, and ask me a question I ca~~nnot dodge]

Covering over Subaru"s confounded voice, Roswaal"s self-awareness about his question dodging didn"t make it any less infuriating. Subaru took a deep breath to control his emotions, and pressed a finger to his temple and began to think,

[Subaru: You said you have no contractual relations.h.i.+p with Beatrice, right? Then, why is Beatrice living in your Mansion? I can"t understand what your relations.h.i.+p with Beatrice is supposed to be]

[Roswaal: That"s two questions now. You"ve been inquiring about Beatrice e~~ver since you got here, whe~re does that leave Emilia-sama? Or, could it be that you prefer those who look like young children?]

[Subaru: I"m not attracted to little kids and I have no intention of going the romantic conquest route with her. But I do intend to shake up the status quo a bit, so I"ll be choosing her route in that sense]

It was true, that whenever he thought about Beatrice, Subaru would feel a certain aching in his heart.

Except, even after seeing the Gospel in Beatrice"s hands, he still felt this.

――And he didn"t want to believe that the relations.h.i.+p between him and Beatrice was just something counterfeit written in some strange book.

[Subaru: That"s why I need to find out more about her. And it seems the only person who"s deeply a.s.sociated with her is you. So I can only ask you]

[Roswaal: You try to collect everything that ca~~tches your eye, but it will only become an obstacle when the time comes to choose what is truly impo~~rtant. Such naivete only hinders you from seeing the thing that is most important to your heart, I thi~nk]

[Subaru: I realize my hands are already full. So now I"m just trying to grab her with my mouth. Got a problem with that?]

[Roswaal: How could I po~~ssibly? Although I get the feeling you are just saying that for appearances sake, there is nothing wrong with that. ――In fact, I do wonder how you will answer when the time comes]

Acknowledging Subaru"s words, Roswaal"s voice trailed to an indiscernible whisper towards the end. Subaru"s gaze sharpened at those words, and, receiving that gaze, Roswaal continued, [In tha~~t case],

[Roswaal: The reason why Beatrice resides in the Mansion, wa~~s it? She resides in my Mansion due to her ties with the House of Mathers. If you must know, it was by the favor of the head of the House of Mathers many generations ago that she became the Keeper of the Forbidden Library. It has been so through the generations, and remains the same, now it that had pa.s.sed to me]

[Subaru: Employed as its Keeper? ……Then, how is that any different from a contract?]

[Roswaal: The questioning format seems to be a bit different from what we"ve agreed? ……We~~ll, no matter. There i~~s already little meaning in asking any more questions from my side. You are already aware of Beatrice"s ident.i.ty as a spirit, I a.s.su~~me?]

Subaru nodded in affirmation to Roswaal"s question. Although he never actually got to see Beatrice"s spirit-form, her self proclamation and her intimidating presence both confirmed this fact.
Seeing Subaru"s nod, Roswaal lifted up a finger,

[Roswaal: To spirits, a contract with a human carries tremendous significance. The relations.h.i.+p between Emilia-sama and the Great Spirit-sama is exa~ctly that]

[Subaru: ……Yeah, Emilia"s been struggling with all the annoying conditions too. But the Great Spirit-sama hasn"t been showing his face lately, has he]

Having been killed by Puck three times, and after their clash of perspectives over the sleeping Rem, there was an insurmountable gap between them. And since he mysteriously went into hiding before that gap could be resolved, Subaru"s feelings towards that little cat was still rather hard to define.

[Roswaal: The Great Spirit-sama"s whims aside, Beatrice is no exception. That child and I are in a cooperating rela~~tions.h.i.+p, to a certain extent. But it is nothing more than a sort of mutual noninterference while our interests are aligned. It would be unlikely for her to help me achie~~ve my goals, and the same is true vice versa]

[Subaru: I can see how you can appear to be on good terms with Beako while actually being indifferent, but that has nothing to do with the terms of her contract]

[Roswaal: Ooh my, you must excuse me. But contractual relations.h.i.+ps are something else entirely. Beatrice, being a spirit, takes contracts extremely seriously. To speak to her on the topic of contracts would be a different, and quite la~~rger, issue. After all, that child is still bound by a contract from four hundred years ago]

Picking up something he could not let slide, Subaru suddenly leaned himself up to Roswaal shouting [That"s it!]

[Subaru: That contract from four hundred years ago, I want to know the details]

[Roswaal: Spirits" mouths don"t open so easily when it comes to the contents of their co~ntracts. No involved parties from that time could possibly still remain, so unless Beatrice herself speaks, there is no one else who knows of the co~~ntents of her contract]

[Subaru: d.a.m.n it, that"s useless! If I could just find out what"s in that contract……]

Then he would know why that girl was hiding herself in a room all alone, wouldn"t he?

[Roswaal: However, there is one thing worth mentioning]

[Subaru: ――?]

[Roswaal: Since Beatrice is bound by the contract from four hundred years ago, to seal any new contract which overlaps with the original would be impo~~ssible. So, if you wish to bring her out of that place, then you must find a way to break the exi~sting contract]

[Subaru: Break….. the contract?]

[Roswaal: Fulfilling it, would a~lso work. But since there is good chance that the other party to the contract is already gone, bre~~aking the contract would be the smarter course, don"t you thi~~nk?]

It was nothing short of miraculous that Roswaal would be offering constructive opinions for a change. Initially caught off guard by his words, Subaru"s expression abruptly changed as though a veil was suddenly lifted from his eyes,

[Subaru: ――When did I ever say I wanted to bring Beatrice outside?]

Subaru, saying this quietly, fixed sharpened eyes on Roswaal, mere inches away.
Placing his hands on the bed, his fingers began knocking on the sheets like the second-hand of a clock. Dropping his gaze to look at this gesture, Roswaal closed a single eye, before reflecting Subaru within his sole yellow pupil,

[Roswaal: You really―― are a man who likes to notice things people do~~n"t want you to notice]

[Subaru: What do you……]

[Roswaal: Either way, this time is already me~~aningless to me. Perhaps, we should e~nd this conversation here?]

[Subaru: Are―― are you f.u.c.king kidding me!?]

Different from before, within Roswaal"s eyes, there emerged a color of disappointment. With that strange expression, Roswaal spilled out a sigh from a face seemingly drained of all liveliness.

[Roswaal: No matter what you say now, it could no longer move me…… so you may do whate~ver you like]

[Subaru: You"ve got to be joking!? This is important…… we are getting to something important and you start acting like that!? There are still things I need to ask you……]

[Roswaal: If you wish to ask, you are fre~e to ask. But whether I answer them seriously or not, would depend comple~~tely on whether I feel like it]

The more agitated Subaru became, the more deprived of the tremors of emotion Roswaal seemed to become. In front of Subaru, whose face had turned red with rage, Roswaal merely combed his fingers through his deep blue hair, and tilted his head,

[Roswaal: You have, no more qu~estions?]

[Subaru: ――Tch. Alright, I know that Beatrice is bound by a contract and is living inside the Mansion. We can leave the details for now. There"s something else I want to ask. About that black book she has…… I want you to tell me what that is]

[Roswaal: E~~hh, you saw it? Any thoughts? What do you thi~nk it is?]

[Subaru: Don"t reply with another question. ――But I think it"s… something similar… to the books the Witch Cultists have, or, at least, I"m guessing]

Subaru"s stuttered reply was like a plea for the words to be refuted. But, hearing this, Roswaal showed an expression as if he couldn"t hold back a yawn,

[Roswaal: The Gospels in the Witch Cultists" possession are mediums of the Witch"s will, and describe the path leading to their owners" desired future. We~ll, aside from vague directions, they are rather labor-intensive to follow as far as prophetic books go]

[Subaru: ――! You know?]

[Roswaal: There is no need to be too~ surprised. There are Witch Cultists here as well, considering this is a facility belonging to a Witch different from the Witch they wors.h.i.+p. Being the manager of the Sanctuary, it wasn"t just once or twice that I"ve had to exchange blows with the li~kes of them]

[Subaru: Th-then, they can really see the future……?]

If they could see the future without dying, that would be an ability far more powerful than Subaru"s Return by Death. It was not that he was jealous of such an ability, but if all the members of the Witch Cult were equipped with this overpowered item, that would be nothing to scoff at.
But, seeing Subaru"s shudder, Roswaal shook his head,

[Roswaal: It"s not that convenient of an item. First of all, the number of entries themselves vary from Cultist to Cultist. The contents are vague and subject to interpretation. More importantly, no one except the owner of the Gospel can read it. To anyone else, its contents will only appear to be indecipherable nonsense. And so, they are only incomplete maps of the future]

[Subaru: Incomplete……]

Subaru couldn"t hide his relief to hear this. But then again, if the Gospels were truly prophetic books with the power to describe the future, Subaru would never have been able to win against Petelgeuse. In that sense, it"s obvious that even the Sin Archbishops" Gospels couldn"t have reached that level. However,

[Subaru: That"d be a completely different topic. Then, what about Beatrice"s book……]

[Roswaal: If you"re asking whether it is the same as the ones in the Witch Cultists" possession, then the answer is that it is, and it isn"t]

[Subaru: Stop playing around! This is important!]

[Roswaal: I am doing no~~ such thing. Although what Beatrice has is a Gospel, it is of a different origin from the Witch Cultists". For the Witch Cultists" Gospels are incomplete, whereas the one belonging to Beatrice is complete]

[Subaru: Complete……?]

[Roswaal: Yes, it is complete. Unlike the defective items that fluctuate between uncertain futures, wavering in their recorded contents]

Seeing Subaru confused, Roswaal"s face only brightened.
His expression and tone were as if he was basking in pride. Subaru didn"t know what to say in front of this sudden transformation, but what made him lose his words in the truest sense of the phrase, was what came afterwards,

[Subaru: ――!?]

Roswaal reached behind with his right hand and produced a book with black binding.
There was no mistaking it at such a close distance that it was, without a doubt, a Gospel.

[Roswaal: This is one of the only two complete Gospels in existence. Myself, and Beatrice, are the only two people who possess one…… tha~t is]

[Subaru: ――――]

Before Subaru"s eyes, Roswaal waved the book left and right in his hand. However, Subaru had no mental capacity to care about such gestures now.

――But they were not what dominated Subaru"s mind in that moment,

[Subaru: That"s…… a Gospel that records the future?]

[Roswaal: Wi~~thout a doubt. This is the genuine Gospel]

[Subaru: You know…… the future? Right now, everything that is happening now… is in that book……?]

[Roswaal: It i~s written. Although you won"t be able to read it]

Who cares about that.
At this moment, whether Subaru could read it is irrelevant. There was only one significance. Only one single thing he had to ask. That is,

[Subaru: The future, what will happen…… is written… in that book?]

[Roswaal: It doesn"t describe the enti~rety of the world, but it does reveal a portion of the owner"s fu~ture]

[Subaru: That things will become the way they are now…… you knew that beforehand?]

[Roswaal: It took quite a lot of effort to produce the same situ~ation as described, you know? I was rather hoping for a little praise for all my efforts behind the sce~nes]

Subaru could not stop his voice from trembling.
At the source of that trembling, was the seeping of some violent emotion. Just what that emotion was, and at whom it was directed, was immediately obvious―― that is,

[Subaru: If you knew… everything that was going to happen……]

[Roswaal: ――Fuumu]

[Subaru: ――You, knowingly left Rem to die?]

[Roswaal: Rem, who~ would you be refe~rring to?]

[Subaru: ――I"ll KILL YOU!! ROSWAAAAAAAAAAAL!!]

In that instant, uncontrollable rage propelled Subaru"s body to move.
Flying forward onto the bed, his hands clenched tight onto the bedridden Roswaal"s neck. With unnatural strength never seen before, Subaru"s grip dug into the slender neck, carving an expression of agony onto the clown"s blue and white face.

[Subaru: YOU KNEW EVERYTHING AND YOU――!!]

If he knew, if he already knew, if he could have prevented the tragedies―― and what happened to Rem from ever happening―

[Subaru: THE REASON I LEFT REM TO DIE―― WAS YOU!!?]

Consumed by overflowing fury, he blew out his regrets, and all his impulses were directed to the intent to kill this man before his eyes. His actions forgot all reason as emotions and love trans.m.u.ted into force.
And, just like this, unable to utter a sound, Roswaal silently waited for Subaru"s hands to snap his neck――

[???: ――I SEE "THE GUISE CAN"T COVER THE ULGARMS STENCH"!!]

――Impact.

Sensing a solid, sharp tactile sensation striking him from the side, Subaru felt the right half of his face destroyed as he was sent flying into the air.

Blood flowed from his ear and nose, and the right side of his vision was dyed absolute black. His eye may have been completely crushed.

[???: ――Ever since y"came outta the Tomb yer stench"s shot up. Didn"t believe it so I thought I"d watch ya, but AIN"T THIS "XACTLY AS I THOUGHT!?]

Footsteps. The uncouth sound crept up to his side. His body would not even permit him to crawl. Immobile, front and back, Subaru"s head was pulled up,

[Garfiel: Reekin" o" the stench of the Witch, the f.u.c.k y"think yer doin"? Should I ask yer body? Oy? This place still needs that b.a.s.t.a.r.d. The f.u.c.k"re ya try"n ta pull, YEAH!?]

A blond youth. Garfiel. Or something. a.s.sailed by that voice full of fury and murder, Subaru"s consciousness grew distant.
Half his head, though there was no way to confirm it, seemed to have been crushed. He"ll die, probably. If he died like this, that"d be about the most pathetic way to go.

If he Returned by Death while clinging onto this sordid thought, would he really still have the desire to save this place?

[Subaru: I don"t, know……Rem]

With the end of that final syllable, Subaru"s consciousness descended into darkness.

-=Chapter 37 End=-

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It’s 4:40am so might be a bit too tired to write a proper message. 

I just want to say that, when there is a choice, I prefer to only share the uplifting things, and not the things that sometimes make me feel down. 

Re:Zero is one of those uplifting things, and I am so fortunate to have you guys reading it with me. 

I don’t think I’ll ever stop, so you won’t have to worry ❤

My plan for August is to gradually shorten the time between chapters from 7 days to 6 and then 5 to find a balanced schedule where I won’t be burning out. A heads up is that I will need to finish up one final course to graduate (which I’ve been putting off for a while), so there might be a week next month where I’ll need some time for self-studying.

If you see any missing words please let me know! Everyone who was helping me edit went to bed >_