You will not be disturbed."
"What am I tied to?" Dahlia struggled feebly as against a weight of chains. "Oh! what am I tied to? It"s on me, tight like teeth. I can"t escape. I can"t breathe for it. I was like a stone when he asked me--marry him!--loved me! Some one preached--my duty! I am lost, I am lost! Why? you girl!--why?--What did you do? Why did you take my hand when I was asleep and hurry me so fast? What have I done to you? Why did you push me along?--I couldn"t see where. I heard the Church babble. For you--inhuman! inhuman! What have I done to you? What have you to do with punishing sin? It"s not sin. Let me be sinful, then. I am. I am sinful.
Hear me. I love him; I love my lover, and," she screamed out, "he loves me!"
Rhoda now thought her mad.
She looked once at the rigid figure of her transformed sister, and sitting down, covered her eyes and wept.
To Dahlia, the tears were at first an acrid joy; but being weak, she fell to the bed, and leaned against it, forgetting her frenzy for a time.
"You deceived me," she murmured; and again, "You deceived me." Rhoda did not answer. In trying to understand why her sister should imagine it, she began to know that she had in truth deceived Dahlia. The temptation to drive a frail human creature to do the thing which was right, had led her to speak falsely for a good purpose. Was it not righteously executed? Away from the tragic figure in the room, she might have thought so, but the horror in the eyes and voice of this awakened Sacrifice, struck away the support of theoretic justification. Great pity for the poor enmeshed life, helpless there, and in a woman"s worst peril,--looking either to madness, or to death, for an escape--drowned her reason in a heavy cloud of tears. Long on toward the stroke of the hour, Dahlia heard her weep, and she murmured on, "You deceived me;"
but it was no more to reproach; rather, it was an exculpation of her reproaches. "You did deceive me, Rhoda." Rhoda half lifted her head; the slight tone of a change to tenderness swelled the gulfs of pity, and she wept aloud. Dahlia untwisted her feet, and staggered up to her, fell upon her shoulder, and called her, "My love!--good sister!" For a great mute s.p.a.ce they clung together. Their lips met and they kissed convulsively. But when Dahlia had close view of Rhoda"s face, she drew back, saying in an under-breath,--
"Don"t cry. I see my misery when you cry."
Rhoda promised that she would check her tears, and they sat quietly, side by side, hand in hand. Mrs. Sumfit, outside, had to be dismissed twice with her fresh brews of supplicating tea and toast, and the cakes which, when eaten warm with good country b.u.t.ter and a sprinkle of salt, reanimate (as she did her utmost to a.s.sure the sisters through the closed door) humanity"s distressed spirit. At times their hands interchanged a fervent pressure, their eyes were drawn to an equal gaze.
In the middle of the night Dahlia said: "I found a letter from Edward when I came here."
"Written--Oh, base man that he is!" Rhoda could not control the impulse to cry it out.
"Written before," said Dahlia, divining her at once. "I read it; did not cry. I have no tears. Will you see it? It is very short-enough; it said enough, and written before--" She crumpled her fingers in Rhoda"s; Rhoda, to please her, saying "Yes," she went to the pillow of the bed, and drew the letter from underneath.
"I know every word," she said; "I should die if I repeated it. "My wife before heaven," it begins. So, I was his wife. I must have broken his heart--broken my husband"s." Dahlia cast a fearful eye about her; her eyelids fluttered as from a savage sudden blow. Hardening her mouth to utter defiant spite: "My lover"s," she cried. "He is. If he loves me and I love him, he is my lover, my lover, my lover! Nothing shall stop me from saying it--lover! and there is none to claim me but he. Oh, loathsome! What a serpent it is I"ve got round me! And you tell me G.o.d put it. Do you? Answer that; for I want to know, and I don"t know where I am. I am lost! I am lost! I want to get to my lover. Tell me, Rhoda, you would curse me if I did. And listen to me. Let him open his arms to me, I go; I follow him as far as my feet will bear me. I would go if it lightened from heaven. If I saw up there the warning, "You shall not!" I would go. But, look on me!" she smote contempt upon her bosom. "He would not call to such a thing as me. Me, now? My skin is like a toad"s to him. I"ve become like something in the dust. I could hiss like adders.
I am quite impenitent. I pray by my bedside, my head on my Bible, but I only say, "Yes, yes; that"s done; that"s deserved, if there"s no mercy."
Oh, if there is no mercy, that"s deserved! I say so now. But this is what I say, Rhoda (I see nothing but blackness when I pray), and I say, "Permit no worse!" I say, "Permit no worse, or take the consequences."
He calls me his wife. I am his wife. And if--" Dahlia fell to speechless panting; her mouth was open; she made motion with her hands; horror, as of a blasphemy struggling to her lips, kept her dumb, but the prompting pa.s.sion was indomitable.... "Read it," said her struggling voice; and Rhoda bent over the letter, reading and losing thought of each sentence as it pa.s.sed. To Dahlia, the vital words were visible like evanescent blue gravelights. She saw them rolling through her sister"s mind; and just upon the conclusion, she gave out, as in a chaunt: "And I who have sinned against my innocent darling, will ask her to pray with me that our future may be one, so that may make good to her what she has suffered, and to the G.o.d whom we worship, the offence I have committed."
Rhoda looked up at the pale penetrating eyes.
"Read. Have you read to the last?" said Dahlia. "Speak it. Let me hear you. He writes it.... Yes? you will not? "Husband," he says," and then she took up the sentences of the letter backwards to the beginning, pausing upon each one with a short moan, and smiting her bosom. "I found it here, Rhoda. I found his letter here when I came.. I came a dead thing, and it made me spring up alive. Oh, what bliss to be dead! I"ve felt nothing...nothing, for months." She flung herself on the bed, thrusting her handkerchief to her mouth to deaden the outcry. "I"m punished. I"m punished, because I did not trust to my darling. No, not for one year! Is it that since we parted? I am an impatient creature, and he does not reproach me. I tormented my own, my love, my dear, and he thought I--I was tired of our life together. No; he does not accuse me," Dahlia replied to her sister"s unspoken feeling, with the shrewd divination which is pa.s.sion"s breathing s.p.a.ce. "He accuses himself. He says it--utters it--speaks it "I sold my beloved." There is no guile in him. Oh, be just to us, Rhoda! Dearest," she came to Rhoda"s side, "you did deceive me, did you not? You are a deceiver, my love?"
Rhoda trembled, and raising her eyelids, answered, "Yes."
"You saw him in the street that morning?"
Dahlia smiled a glittering tenderness too evidently deceitful in part, but quite subduing.
"You saw him, my Rhoda, and he said he was true to me, and sorrowful; and you told him, dear one, that I had no heart for him, and wished to go to h.e.l.l--did you not, good Rhoda? Forgive me; I mean "good;" my true, good Rhoda. Yes, you hate sin; it is dreadful; but you should never speak falsely to sinners, for that does not teach them to repent. Mind you never lie again. Look at me. I am chained, and I have no repentance in me. See me. I am nearer it...the other--sin, I mean. If that man comes...will he?"
"No--no!" Rhoda cried.
"If that man comes--"
"He will not come!"
"He cast me off at the church door, and said he had been cheated. Money!
Oh, Edward!"
Dahlia drooped her head.
"He will keep away. You are safe," said Rhoda.
"Because, if no help comes, I am lost--I am lost for ever!"
"But help will come. I mean peace will come. We will read; we will work in the garden. You have lifted poor father up, my dear."
"Ah! that old man!" Dahlia sighed.
"He is our father."
"Yes, poor old man!" and Dahlia whispered: "I have no pity for him. If I am dragged away, I"m afraid I shall curse him. He seems a stony old man. I don"t understand fathers. He would make me go away. He talks the Scriptures when he is excited. I"m afraid he would shut my Bible for me.
Those old men know nothing of the hearts of women. Now, darling, go to your room."
Rhoda begged earnestly for permission to stay with her, but Dahlia said: "My nights are fevers. I can"t have arms about me."
They shook hands when they separated, not kissing.
CHAPTER XLII
Three days pa.s.sed quietly at the Farm, and each morning Dahlia came down to breakfast, and sat with the family at their meals; pale, with the mournful rim about her eyelids, but a patient figure. No questions were asked. The house was guarded from visitors, and on the surface the home was peaceful. On the Wednesday Squire Blancove was buried, when Master Gammon, who seldom claimed a holiday or specified an enjoyment of which he would desire to partake, asked leave to be spared for a couple of hours, that he might attend the ceremonious interment of one to whom a sort of vagrant human sentiment of clanship had made him look up, as to the chief gentleman of the district, and therefore one having claims on his respect. A burial had great interest for the old man.
"I"ll be home for dinner; it"ll gi"e me an appet.i.te," Master Gammon said solemnly, and he marched away in his serious Sunday hat and careful coat, blither than usual.
After his departure, Mrs. Sumfit sat and discoursed on deaths and burials, the certain end of all: at least, she corrected herself, the deaths were. The burials were not so certain. Consequently, we might take the burials, as they were a favour, to be a blessing, except in the event of persons being buried alive. She tried to make her hearers understand that the idea of this calamity had always seemed intolerable to her, and told of numerous cases which, the coffin having been opened, showed by the convulsed aspect of the corpse, or by spots of blood upon the shroud, that the poor creature had wakened up forlorn, "and not a kick allowed to him, my dears."
"It happens to women, too, does it not, mother?" said Dahlia.
"They"re most subject to trances, my sweet. From always imitatin" they imitates their deaths at last; and, oh!" Mrs. Sumfit was taken with nervous chokings of alarm at the thought. "Alone--all dark! and hard wood upon your chest, your elbows, your nose, your toes, and you under heaps o" gravel! Not a breath for you, though you snap and catch for one--worse than a fish on land."
"It"s over very soon, mother," said Dahlia.
"The coldness of you young women! Yes; but it"s the time--you feeling, trying for air; it"s the horrid "Oh, dear me!" You set your mind on it!"
"I do," said Dahlia. "You see coffin-nails instead of stars. You"d give the world to turn upon one side. You can"t think. You can only hate those who put you there. You see them taking tea, saying prayers, sleeping in bed, putting on bonnets, walking to church, kneading dough, eating--all at once, like the firing of a gun. They"re in one world; you"re in another."
"Why, my goodness, one"d say she"d gone through it herself," e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Mrs. Sumfit, terrified.
Dahlia sent her eyes at Rhoda.
"I must go and see that poor man covered." Mrs. Sumfit succ.u.mbed to a fit of resolution much under the pretence that it had long been forming.
"Well, and mother," said Dahlia, checking her, "promise me. Put a feather on my mouth; put a gla.s.s to my face, before you let them carry me out. Will you? Rhoda promises. I have asked her."
"Oh! the ideas of this girl!" Mrs. Sumfit burst out. "And looking so, as she says it. My love, you didn"t mean to die?"