t.i.tania looked at Hikari who was crying in Yos.h.i.+no"s arms. She felt so uncomfortable, his crying was annoying and he wanted to be held by her.She kept refusing him because she knew she did not like other people and to make it worse, she did not like things that made a noise and crying was a noise.
After ignoring Yos.h.i.+no and Hikari for an hour, she finally took Hikari into her arms and held him.
He stopped yelling loud but was still sobbing silently in his mother"s arms.
t.i.tania was sitting on the chair next to her bed with Hikari in her arms, they were alone in the room because Yos.h.i.+no wanted her to remember him.
She stroked his left cheek that was exposed. She could hear how his heart was sad through his crying earlier on and his sniffing became heavy to the point where his body mimicked hiccups.
Her heart pained for some reason and she didn"t know why. She wanted to speak to him but the words she wanted to say made no sense to her and she couldn"t bring herself to say that she was here now and that he shouldn"t cry.
She was told that she gave birth to this big baby in her arms but she couldn"t remember that - if all of this was true then why couldn"t she remember?
She sat there looking out of the window in her thoughts.
Hikari raised his head and looked at her, she started singing the song she used to sing to him always when he was upset. He stopped crying and looked at her - a smile appeared on his face.
"Lay down your head and I"ll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I"ll sing you to sleep and I"ll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go
May you sail far to the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet
May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep, I"m not meaning to keep you
I"ll just"
***
He started giggling when the song ended and it brought her out of her thoughts.
When she looked at him he was smiling at her and said, "Mama~ Hiii-kun miss euw, mama don"t leave Hiii-kun anain, Hiii-kun cwiii~"
His smile softened her heart and she smiled, she wiped his tears away and said, "Don"t worry, mama isn"t going anywhere okay?"
Instantly she realised that she answered him out of instinct and after she realised this, tears started falling from her eyes and the sadness that was welled up in her heart poured out and she began crying.
She held onto him and squeezed him tightly and cried onto his stomach, saying with a croaked voice, "I"m so sorry Hikari, mama is sorry."