"Wouldn"t want to waste good food, now would you?"
Robyn shook her head, her attention on the rapidly melting ice cream. Dakota smiled. She wasn"t going to stop him licking ice cream out of her. She wasn"t going to stop him doing anything all night long. He kissed the ruby ring pierced through her belly b.u.t.ton. There was only one small thing that nagged at him. Perhaps he should"ve waited to hear what else she had to say in her list of what she loved. But being a big dumb animal he"d been too d.a.m.ned desperate to get inside her to wait a second more.
He nuzzled up some ice cream from her belly, felt her tremble and melt beneath him. Perhaps he could coax an admission out of her during the night he sure hoped so. But something told him he might just have missed his chance.
Robyn groaned as she staggered into the shower. It was still early in the morning but she had stuff to do and she wanted Dakota out of the way while she did it. Her nipples tightened under the water spray. How many times had Dakota made love to her? Probably more than she"d believed was possible. Every breath she took made something twinge and pull somewhere deep in her body.
She closed her eyes and leant back against the cool green marbled wall surface. Had he realized she"d tried to show him how much she loved him last night? There was no way she"d ever tell him how she felt now. Her path was too full of obstacles to overcome before she was ready to deal with a proper grown-up relationship. But, G.o.d, she would miss him so much.
The more she"d tried to show him how much she cared about him, the more he"d responded. He"d revealed a more determined and possessive streak than she would ever have imagined. She"d told him he was too nice and too good but she"d learnt that beneath that benign exterior lay a man prepared to fight for what he wanted.
Despite the heat, she shivered as she recalled his hands on her. What would he do when he discovered she"d left him? Would that intense s.e.xual energy focus on a new woman or would he continue to search for her? G.o.d, she hoped so . . .
"That"s not fair, Robyn."
She spoke the words aloud for her own benefit. She couldn"t hope that he"d try to find her. Her break with him had to be final. She swallowed hard. h.e.l.l, as soon as he heard she"d got back with Damien, he"d probably forget her in a hurry.
"Honey? What are you doing in there all alone?"
She opened her eyes to find Dakota staring at her through the steamed gla.s.s. His smile was so male and so complacent she wanted to groan. He was certain that everything would go his way and that she was his. And d.a.m.n it, he was right, even if she couldn"t allow it to happen.
The temptation to fall into his arms and dump all her problems on him was so tempting. Worse because she knew he"d help her without even thinking about it. But did he really need another person depending on him to make them happy? Did she want him to see her like that and watch him end up resenting her?
He opened the shower door and stepped inside. His unique scent and the smell of their lovemaking floated around her. His smile was warm and full of invitation.
"It"s way too early to take a shower. Come back to bed."
She let him take her into his arms, rubbed her cheek against his chest and held him tight for a long moment. It was so hard to step away.
"I have stuff to do today. I don"t have time to lie in bed."
He frowned. "Even if I"m still in it?"
She smacked at his chest. "G.o.d, you are so conceited."
"I"m not conceited. I just know my worth."
"Yeah, you do, don"t you?"
She stared up into his laughing eyes seeing the strength and kindness there, hating herself for knowing she was going to walk away from him.
"You"re a good man."
His smile died. "Don"t say that. I"m just like everybody else, nothing special."
"You"re more than that."
He moved away from her and shoved his wet hair out of his eyes. "Whenever you start this conversation it ends with you saying you"re not good enough for me and trying to leave."
"That"s not true." Robyn glared at him. How come he knew her so well after such a short time?
"Yeah, it is. You try to make out I"m too good for you when really you mean that you"re not good enough for anyone, period."
"I don"t think I"m not good enough. I know."
"Bulls.h.i.t."
"You have no idea what I"ve done, Dakota: the people I"ve hurt, the mistakes I"ve made."
"Then tell me. Let me make up my own mind." He sighed. "Don"t you think I"m old enough to make my own decisions about what I want in a woman?"
"Of course you are. But because you"re so nice, you"d probably put up with anyone."
He raised his eyebrows. "Even you?" He shook his head. "Oh no, I forgot, no one would voluntarily want to be with you, would they? So I must be too dumb to work it out."
"You"re not dumb, Dakota. You"re just so busy trying to keep everyone else happy you don"t even know what you want."
A muscle flicked in his cheek. "I know what I want."
"And how many people will you have to run it by to make sure it"s OK with them too? How many years until you finally get your master"s after you finish working for Jay? You can"t please everyone, Dakota."
Robyn bit down on her lip. She hadn"t intended to argue with him on their last day together but maybe this was for the best. Maybe she could make him angry enough to send her away.
He pointed a finger at her. "The reason you keep pushing me away isn"t because I"m too nice and, by the way, what"s wrong with that anyway? The reason is because you"re too scared to commit."
"And you"re so much better? One little scare and you"ve been running for the hills ever since."
So much for pretending to be mad. Robyn squared up to Dakota as the water continued to gush down her back.
"That little scare taught me to be careful. It didn"t put me off women for good."
"Oh no, what happened to your mother already did that for you, didn"t it?"
He reached forward and she flinched but his hand went over her shoulder and turned off the shower. In the silence his breathing sounded loud.
"Why are you picking a fight with me?"
She raised her chin. "Why are you still in my shower?"
He flung open the gla.s.s door allowing a cold waft of air to rush in. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it firmly around his hips.
"You"re such a coward, Robyn. Every time something good comes along you fight it." He cut her an angry glance. "Why shouldn"t you be happy? Haven"t you made something out of a s.h.i.tty life? Haven"t you survived?"
She"d never seen him so mad before. Knew she should be glad she"d riled him but hated it anyway. She clamped her lips together to stop them from trembling. He waited, hands on his hips for her to speak and then gave a disgusted sigh.
"How about forgiving yourself for what you did and moving on? How about that?"
"I can"t move on." If Leda can"t, how can I? She shook her head to banish the image of her sister in her hospital bed. "I can"t forgive myself."
Dakota briefly closed his eyes. "Do you think the people who love you would want that?"
This time she did manage to force a smile. "That"s not a problem. No one loves me anymore."
"Gee, thanks." His expression hardened and he fumbled with his towel. "If you have stuffto do today, go do it. We"ve been invited to a party downstairs in one of the executive suites at six. If you want to go with me, meet me here about half an hour before."
He didn"t bother to look at her as he headed back into the bedroom and his voice was flat. Robyn closed her eyes and leant back against the wall to counteract the trembling in her legs. Fighting with him was the hardest thing she"d ever had to do. Harder than giving up drugs and alcohol.
But he was too nice. How would she ever know if what he felt for her was just pity or the kind of affection he gave so freely to everyone?
G.o.d, it was such a mess . . . Part of her wanted to run after him, apologize and make love until neither of them could move, let alone think. The sane part realized it would be pointless. She still had to get rid of Damien and secure Leda"s future. Until she"d achieved her goals, she had to keep her distance.
Chapter Ninteen.
"I knew you"d come back."
Damien"s complacent smile made Robyn want to puke all over his black granite desk. Instead she merely smiled and crossed her legs, hoping the narrow leather straps of the chair would hold her weight. Damien"s office was a symphony of white on black to match his pale skin and the probable color of his heart.
She"d always hated being called into his office when he could simply have told her stuffat home. But that was Damien for you, always trying to create an impression of power. She"d thought long and hard about her meeting with him and decided to try to utilize some of Dakota"s charm to get what she wanted rather than immediately start a fight. Despite his skeeviness, Damien did have good contacts in Hollywood and the clout to get projects off the ground.
"I"m not staying long."
Damien"s smile faded. "What the h.e.l.l is that supposed to mean?"
"I"ll do one last job for you and then we"ll call it quits, OK?"
He sat back in his chair and rested his chin on his hand. "You think someone will pay you millions so that you can retire? That"s not going to happen."
"I don"t need millions. Just enough to see Leda through the next few years while I retrain." She gave him her best smile. "I"m going to sell my apartment as well so that will help pay my bills."
"Who the f.u.c.k will train you for anything? You"re way too old to succeed in Hollywood."
"Who said anything about Hollywood?" Robyn sat forward. "I"m going to college to learn to do something useful with my life."
His rude laughter hardly surprised her. "You? At college? What are you gonna major in? How to f.u.c.k up your life?"
"I haven"t quite decided yet, but it will be something that helps other people, not screws them over."
"Maybe you should become an agent then."
She studied him for a long moment. "You know, that"s not a bad idea. I could guide kids through the pitfalls of becoming successful too young."
"You"re hilarious, Robyn. If you couldn"t manage your own life, how on earth do you think other people are going to trust you with their kids?"
"Maybe because I"ve got a unique perspective on it? And, hey, I survived."
Damien scowled. "Let"s get back to you begging me for work, shall we?"
"I"m not begging."
He flicked her a dismissive gaze. "I"ve still got Anton lined up to shoot those two p.o.r.n flicks with you. You"ll make some money doing that."
"I was thinking more about writing my autobiography and doing interviews in some of the cla.s.sier magazines." She smiled in her best imitation of Dakota. "I know you"re good enough to get those deals for me."
Damien leant forward across his ma.s.sive desk. "I don"t pay you to think, doll face."
"You don"t pay me, period."
Damien stood up, his face a mottled red. "Stop f.u.c.king me around. I don"t know why you"re suddenly being so coy about exposing yourself on film. I"ve already shown Anton that p.o.r.no flick of yours and he"s determined to have you in his films."
"What p.o.r.no film?"
Damien"s smug smile made her feel cold.
"The one you shot with that Italian dude, Franco or whatever the f.u.c.k his name was."
"I did go out with a guy called Franco but I didn"t shoot any p.o.r.n."
"Yeah, like you didn"t shoot any drugs either."
"I don"t believe you." Robyn knew she didn"t sound convincing enough. The thing was, she couldn"t remember exactly what she"d done during some of her younger years. A sick feeling churned in her stomach. "I"m not going to agree to anything until I see what you"re talking about."
Damien sat back down, glanced at his computer screen and double-clicked his mouse. "Be my guest, babe, I have it right here."
With a sense of dread, Robyn walked over to the desk. The film was grainy and in black and white. Two naked figures were writhing together on the huge velvet-covered bed. Robyn peered intently at the woman. Her face was obscured by her long dark hair and the man pumping away on top of her. Was that her? It might be, why couldn"t she remember?
She stiffened as the man in the video grunted something foul and turned to grin at the camera. That wasn"t Franco. Her hand came up to cover her mouth. That was Jack, Leda"s boyfriend. Had she had s.e.x with him? Had Leda known?
Damien clicked his fingers in her face.
"Hey, princess. I have witnesses who"ll testify that"s you making out with your sister"s boyfriend." He shook his head and tutted. "It"s no wonder she freaked out when she saw this."
"Leda saw this?"
"Yeah, someone sent her a copy."
"She never said anything to me about it."
"How could she? The day after she received it she was in that big car crash with you." Damien sat back.
"She wasn"t at fault. The guy in the other car was blind drunk and hit her. She wasn"t responsible."