"Mother!" she cried, with a stifled accent of pain, and yet still trying to smile, "do you want to send me away?"
"No, no!" cried Mrs. Leyburn hastily. "But if a nice man wants you to marry him, Catherine? Your father would have liked him--oh, I know your father would have liked him! And his manners to me are so pretty, I shouldn"t mind being _his_ mother-in-law. And the girls have no brother, you know, dear. Your father was always so sorry about that."
She spoke with pleading agitation, her own tempting imaginations--the pallor, the latent storm of Catherine"s look--exciting her more and more.
Catherine was silent a moment, then she caught her mother"s hand again.
"Dear little mother--dear, kind little mother! You are an angel, you always are. But I think, if you"ll keep me, I"ll stay."
And she once more rested her head clingingly on Mrs. Leyburn"s knee.
"But _do_ you--_do_ you love him, Catherine?"
"I love you, mother, and the girls, and my life here."
"Oh dear," sighed Mrs. Leyburn, as though addressing a third person, the tears in her mild eyes, "she won"t, and she _would_ like it, and so should I!"
Catherine rose, stung beyond bearing.
"And I count for nothing to you, mother!" her deep voice quivering. "You could put me aside, you and the girls, and live as though I had never been!"
"But you would be a great deal to us if you did marry, Catherine!" cried Mrs. Leyburn, almost with an accent of pettishness. "People have to do without their daughters. There"s Agnes--I often think, as it is, you might let her do more. And if Rose were troublesome, why, you know it might be a good thing--a very good thing--if there were a man to take her in hand!"
"And you, mother, without me?" cried poor Catherine, choked.
"Oh, I should come and see you," said Mrs. Leyburn, brightening. "They say it _is_ such a nice house, Catherine, and such pretty country; and I"m sure I should like his mother, though she _is_ Irish!"
It was the bitterest moment of Catherine Leyburn"s life. In it the heroic dream of years broke down. Nay, the shrivelling ironic touch of circ.u.mstance laid upon it made it look even in her own eyes almost ridiculous. What had she been living for, praying for, all these years?
She threw herself down by the widow"s side, her face working with a pa.s.sion that terrified Mrs. Leyburn.
"Oh, mother, say you would miss me--say you would miss me if I went!"
Then Mrs. Leyburn herself broke down, and the two women clung to each other, weeping. Catherine"s sore heart was soothed a little by her mother"s tears, and by the broken words of endearment that were lavished on her. But through it all she felt that the excited imaginative desire in Mrs. Leyburn still persisted. It was the cheapening--the vulgarising, so to speak, of her whole existence.
In the course of their long embrace Mrs. Leyburn let fall various items of news that showed Catherine very plainly who had been at work upon her mother, and one of which startled her.
"He comes back to-night, my dear--and he goes on Sat.u.r.day. Oh, and, Catherine, Mrs. Thornburgh says he _does_ care so much. Poor young man!"
And Mrs. Leyburn looked up at her now standing daughter with eyes as woe-begone for Elsmere as for herself.
"Don"t talk about it any more, mother," Catherine implored. "You won"t sleep, and I shall be more wroth with Mrs. Thornburgh than I am already."
Mrs. Leyburn let herself be gradually soothed and coerced, and Catherine, with a last kiss to the delicate emaciated fingers on which the worn wedding-ring lay slipping forward--in itself a history--left her at last to sleep.
"And I don"t know much more than when I began!" sighed the perplexed widow to herself. "Oh, I wish Richard was here--I do!"
Catherine"s night was a night of intense mental struggle. Her struggle was one with which the modern world has perhaps but scant sympathy.
Instinctively we feel such things out of place in our easy indifferent generation. We think them more than half unreal. We are so apt to take it for granted that the world has outgrown the religious thirst for sanctification, for a perfect moral consistency, as it has outgrown so many of the older complications of the sentiment of honour. And meanwhile half the tragedy of our time lies in this perpetual clashing of two estimates of life--the estimate which is the offspring of the scientific spirit, and which is for ever making the visible world fairer and more desirable in mortal eyes; and the estimate of Saint Augustine.
As a matter of fact, owing to some travelling difficulties, the vicar and Elsmere did not get home till noon on Friday. Catherine knew nothing of either delay or arrival. Mrs. Leyburn watched her with anxious timidity, but she never mentioned Elsmere"s name to any one on the Friday morning, and no one dared speak of him to her. She came home in the afternoon from the Backhouses" absorbed apparently in the state of the dying girl, took a couple of hours" rest, and hurried off again. She pa.s.sed the vicarage with bent head, and never looked up.
"She is gone!" said Rose to Agnes as she stood at the window looking after her sister"s retreating figure. "It is all over! They can"t meet now. He will be off by nine to-morrow."
The girl spoke with a lump in her throat, and flung herself down by the window, moodily watching the dark form against the fells. Catherine"s coldness seemed to make all life colder and more chilling--to fling a hard denial in the face of the dearest claims of earth.
The stormy light of the afternoon was fading towards sunset. Catherine walked on fast towards the group of houses at the head of the valley, in one of which lived the two old carriers who had worked such havoc with Mrs. Thornburgh"s housekeeping arrangements. She was tired physically, but she was still more tired mentally. She had the bruised feeling of one who has been humiliated before the world and before herself. Her self-respect was for the moment crushed, and the breach made in the wholeness of personal dignity had produced a strange slackness of nerve, extending both to body and mind. She had been convicted, it seemed to her, in her own eyes, and in those of her world, of an egregious over-estimate of her own value. She walked with hung head like one ashamed, the overstrung religious sense deepening her discomfiture at every step. How rich her life had always been in the conviction of usefulness--nay, indispensableness! Her mother"s persuasions had dashed it from her. And religious scruple, for her torment, showed her her past, transformed, alloyed with all sorts of personal prides and cravings, which stood unmasked now in a white light.
And he? Still near her for a few short hours! Every pulse in her had thrilled as she had pa.s.sed the house which sheltered him. But she will see him no more. And she is glad. If he had stayed on, he too would have discovered how cheaply they held her--those dear ones of hers for whom she had lived till now! And she might have weakly yielded to his pity what she had refused to his homage. The strong nature is half tortured, half soothed by the prospect of his going. Perhaps when he is gone she will recover something of that moral equilibrium which has been so shaken. At present she is a riddle to herself, invaded by a force she has no power to cope with, feeling the moral ground of years crumbling beneath her, and struggling feverishly for self-control.
As she neared the head of the valley the wind became less tempestuous.
The great wall of High Fell, towards which she was walking, seemed to shelter her from its worst violence. But the hurrying clouds, the gleams of lurid light which every now and then penetrated into the valley from the west, across the dip leading to Shanmoor, the voice of the river answering the voice of the wind, and the deep unbroken shadow that covered the group of houses and trees towards which she was walking, all served to heighten the nervous depression which had taken hold of her.
As she neared the bridge, however, leading to the little hamlet, beyond which northwards all was stony loneliness and desolation, and saw in front of her the gray stone house, backed by the sombre red of a great copper beech, and overhung by crags, she had perforce to take herself by both hands, try and realise her mission afresh, and the scene which lay before her.
CHAPTER X
Mary Backhouse, the girl whom Catherine had been visiting with regularity for many weeks, and whose frail life was this evening nearing a terrible and long-expected crisis, was the victim of a fate sordid and common enough, yet not without its elements of dark poetry. Some fifteen months before this Midsummer Day she had been the mistress of the lonely old house in which her father and uncle had pa.s.sed their whole lives, in which she had been born, and in which, amid snowdrifts so deep that no doctor could reach them, her mother had pa.s.sed away. She had been then strong and well favoured, possessed of a certain masculine black-browed beauty, and of a temper which sometimes gave to it an edge and glow such as an artist of ambition might have been glad to catch. At the bottom of all the outward _sauvagerie_, however, there was a heart, and strong wants, which only affection and companionship could satisfy and tame.
Neither was to be found in sufficient measure within her home. Her father and she were on fairly good terms, and had for each other up to a certain point the natural instincts of kinship. On her uncle, whom she regarded as half-witted, she bestowed alternate tolerance and jeers. She was, indeed, the only person whose remonstrances ever got under the wool with old Jim, and her sharp tongue had sometimes a cowing effect on his curious nonchalance which nothing else had. For the rest, they had no neighbours with whom the girl could fraternise, and Whinborough was too far off to provide any adequate food for her vague hunger after emotion and excitement.
In this dangerous morbid state she fell a victim to the very coa.r.s.e attractions of a young farmer in the neighbouring valley of Shanmoor. He was a brute with a handsome face, and a nature in which whatever grains of heart and conscience might have been interfused with the original composition had been long since swamped. Mary, who had recklessly flung herself into his power on one or two occasions, from a mixture of motives, partly pa.s.sion, partly jealousy, partly _ennui_, awoke one day to find herself ruined, and a grim future hung before her. She had realised her doom for the first time in its entirety on the Midsummer Day preceding that we are now describing. On that day she had walked over to Shanmoor in a fever of dumb rage and despair, to claim from her betrayer the fulfilment of his promise of marriage. He had laughed at her, and she had fled home in the warm rainy dusk, a prey to all those torturing terrors which only a woman _in extremis_ can know. And on her way back she had seen the ghost or "bogle" of Deep Crag; the ghost had spoken to her, and she had reached home more dead than alive, having received what she at once recognised as her death sentence.
What had she seen? An effect of moonlit mist--a shepherd boy bent on a practical joke--a gleam of white waterfall among the darkening rocks?
What had she heard? The evening greeting of a pa.s.ser-by, wafted down to her from some higher path along the fell? distant voices in the farm enclosures beneath her feet? or simply the eerie sounds of the mountain, those weird earth-whispers which haunt the lonely places of nature? Who can tell? Nerves and brain were strained to their uttermost. The legend of the ghost--of the girl who had thrown her baby and herself into the tarn under the frowning precipitous cliffs which marked the western end of High Fell, and who had since then walked the lonely road to Shanmoor every Midsummer Night, with her moaning child upon her arm--had flashed into Mary"s mind as she left the white-walled village of Shanmoor behind her, and climbed upward with her shame and her secret into the mists. To see the bogle was merely distressing and untoward; to be spoken to by the phantom voice was death. No one so addressed could hope to survive the following Midsummer Day. Revolving these things in her mind, along with the terrible details of her own story, the exhausted girl had seen her vision, and, as she firmly believed, incurred her doom.
A week later she had disappeared from home and from the neighbourhood.
The darkest stories were afloat. She had taken some money with her, and all trace of her was lost. The father had a period of gloomy taciturnity, during which his princ.i.p.al relief was got out of jeering and girding at his elder brother, the noodle"s eyes wandered and glittered more; his shrunken frame seemed more shrunken as he sat dangling his spindle legs from the shaft of the carrier"s cart; his absence of mind was for a time more marked, and excused with less buoyancy and inventiveness than usual. But otherwise all went on as before. John Backhouse took no step, and for nine months nothing was heard of his daughter.
At last one cheerless March afternoon, Jim, coming back first from the Wednesday round with the cart, entered the farm kitchen, while John Backhouse was still wrangling at one of the other farmhouses of the hamlet about some disputed payment. The old man came in cold and weary, and the sight of the half-tended kitchen and neglected fire--they paid a neighbour to do the housework, as far as the care of her own seven children would let her--suddenly revived in his slippery mind the memory of his niece, who, with all her faults, had had the makings of a housewife, and for whom, in spite of her flouts and jeers, he had always cherished a secret admiration. As he came in he noticed that the door to the left hand, leading into what Westmoreland folk call the "house" or sitting-room of the farm, was open. The room had hardly been used since Mary"s flight, and the few pieces of black oak and shining mahogany which adorned it had long ago fallen from their pristine polish. The geraniums and fuchsias with which she had filled the window all the summer before had died into dry blackened stalks; and the dust lay heavy on the room, in spite of the well-meant but wholly ineffective efforts of the charwoman next door. The two old men had avoided the place for months past by common consent, and the door into it was hardly ever opened.
Now, however, it stood ajar, and old Jim going up to shut it, and looking in, was struck dumb with astonishment. For there on a wooden rocking-chair, which had been her mother"s favourite seat, sat Mary Backhouse, her feet on the curved bra.s.s fender, her eyes staring into the parlour grate. Her clothes, her face, her att.i.tude of cowering chill and mortal fatigue, produced an impression which struck through the old man"s dull senses, and made him tremble so that his hand dropped from the handle of the door. The slight sound roused Mary, and she turned towards him. She said nothing for a few seconds, her hollow black eyes fixed upon him; then with a ghastly smile, and a voice so hoa.r.s.e as to be scarcely audible--
"Weel, aa"ve coom back. Ye"d maybe not expect me?"
There was a sound behind on the cobbles outside the kitchen door.
"Yur feyther!" cried Jim between his teeth. "Gang upstairs wi" ye." And he pointed to a door in the wall concealing a staircase to the upper storey.
She sprang up, looked at the door and at him irresolutely, and then stayed where she was, gaunt, pale, fever-eyed, the wreck and ghost of her old self.
The steps neared. There was a rough voice in the kitchen, a surprised exclamation, and her father had pushed past his brother into the room.
John Backhouse no sooner saw his daughter than his dull weather-beaten face flamed into violence. With an oath he raised the heavy whip he held in his hand, and flung himself towards her.
"Naw, ye"ll not du"at!" cried Jim, throwing himself with all his feeble strength on to his brother"s arm. John swore and struggled, but the old man stuck like a limpet.