"I think we ought to understand one another perhaps, Mr. Wendover,"
Robert said, speaking under a quick sense of oppression, but with his usual dignity and bright courtesy. "I know your opinions, of course, from your books; you know what mine, as an honest man, must be, from the position I hold. My conscience does not forbid me to discuss anything, only--I am no match for you on points of scholarship, and I should just like to say once for all, that to me, whatever else is true, the religion of Christ is true. I am a Christian and a Christian minister.
Therefore, whenever we come to discuss what may be called Christian evidence, I do it with reserves, which you would not have. I believe in an Incarnation, a Resurrection, a Revelation. If there are literary difficulties, I must want to smooth them away--you may want to make much of them. We come to the matter from different points of view. You will not quarrel with me for wanting to make it clear. It isn"t as if we differed slightly. We differ fundamentally--is it not so?"
The squire was walking beside him with bent shoulders, the lower lip pushed forward, as was usual with him when he was considering a matter with close attention, but did not mean to communicate his thoughts.
After a pause he said, with a faint inscrutable smile,--
"Your reminder is perfectly just. Naturally we all have our reserves.
Neither of us can be expected to stultify his own."
And the talk went forward again, Robert joining in more buoyantly than ever, perhaps because he had achieved a necessary but disagreeable thing and got done with it.
In reality he had but been doing as the child does when it sets up its sand-barrier against the tide.
CHAPTER XXIII
It was the beginning of April. The gorse was fast extending its golden empire over the commons. On the sunny slopes of the copses primroses were breaking through the hazel roots and beginning to gleam along the edges of the river. On the gra.s.s commons between Murewell and Mile End the birches rose like green clouds against the browns and purples of the still leafless oaks and beeches. The birds were twittering and building.
Every day Robert was on the look-out for the swallows, or listening for the first notes of the nightingale amid the bare spring coverts.
But the spring was less perfectly delightful to him than it might have been, for Catherine was away. Mrs. Leyburn, who was to have come south to them in February, was attacked by bronchitis instead at Burwood and forbidden to move, even to a warmer climate. In March, Catherine, feeling restless and anxious about her mother, and thinking it hard that Agnes should have all the nursing and responsibility, tore herself from her man and her baby, and went north to Whindale for a fortnight, leaving Robert forlorn.
Now, however, she was in London, whither she had gone for a few days on her way home, to meet Rose and to shop. Robert"s opinion was that all women, even St. Elizabeths, have somewhere rooted in them an inordinate partiality for shopping; otherwise why should that operation take four or five mortal days? Surely with a little energy, one might buy up the whole of London in twelve hours! However, Catherine lingered, and as her purchases were made, Robert crossly supposed it must be all Rose"s fault. He believed that Rose spent a great deal too much on dress.
Catherine"s letters, of course, were full of her sister. Rose, she said, had come back from Berlin handsomer than ever, and playing, she supposed, magnificently. At any rate, the letters which followed her in shoals from Berlin flattered her to the skies, and during the three months preceding her return Joachim himself had taken her as a pupil and given her unusual attention.
"And now, of course," wrote Catherine, "she is desperately disappointed that mamma and Agnes cannot join her in town, as she had hoped. She does her best, I know, poor child, to conceal it and to feel as she ought about mamma, but I can see that the idea of an indefinite time at Burwood is intolerable to her. As to Berlin, I think she has enjoyed it, but she talks very scornfully of German _Schwarmerei_ and German women, and she tells the oddest stories of her professors. With one or two of them she seems to have been in a state of war from the beginning; but some of them, my dear Robert, I am persuaded were just simply in love with her!
"I don"t--no, I never _shall_ believe, that independent exciting student"s life is good for a girl. But I never say so to Rose. When she forgets to be irritable and to feel that the world is going against her, she is often very sweet to me, and I can"t bear there should be any conflict."
His next day"s letter contained the following:--
"Are you properly amused, sir, at your wife"s performances in town? Our three concerts you have heard all about. I still can"t get over them. I go about haunted by the _seriousness_, the life-and-death interest people throw into music. It is astonishing! And outside, as we got into our hansom, such sights and sounds!--such starved fierce-looking men, such ghastly women!
"But since then Rose has been taking me into society. Yesterday afternoon, after I wrote to you, we went to see Rose"s artistic friends--the Piersons--with whom she was staying last summer, and to-day we have even called on Lady Charlotte Wynnstay.
"As to Mrs. Pierson, I never saw such an odd bundle of ribbons and rags and queer embroideries as she looked when we called. However, Rose says that, for "an aesthete"--she despises them now herself--Mrs. Pierson has wonderful taste, and that her wall-papers and her gowns, if I only understood them, are not the least like those of other aesthetic persons, but very _recherche_--which may be. She talked to Rose of nothing but acting, especially of Madame Desforets. No one, according to her, has anything to do with an actress"s private life, or ought to take it into account. But, Robert, dear,--an actress is a woman, and has a soul!
"Then Lady Charlotte,--you would have laughed at our _entree_.
"We found she was in town, and went on her "day," as she had asked Rose to do. The room was rather dark--none of these London rooms seem to me to have any light and air in them. The butler got our names wrong, and I marched in first, more shy than I ever have been before in my life. Lady Charlotte had two gentlemen with her. She evidently did not know me in the least; she stood staring at me with her eyegla.s.s on, and her cap so crooked I could think of nothing but a wish to put it straight. Then Rose followed, and in a few minutes it seemed to me as though it were Rose who were hostess, talking to the two gentlemen and being kind to Lady Charlotte. I am sure everybody in the room was amused by her self-possession, Lady Charlotte included. The gentlemen stared at her a great deal, and Lady Charlotte paid her one or two compliments on her looks, which _I_ thought she would not have ventured to pay to any one in her own circle.
"We stayed about half an hour. One of the gentlemen was, I believe, a member of the Government, an under-secretary for something, but he and Rose and Lady Charlotte talked again of nothing but musicians and actors. It is strange that politicians should have time to know so much of these things. The other gentleman reminded me of Hotspur"s popinjay.
I think now I made out that he wrote for the newspapers, but at the moment I should have felt it insulting to accuse him of anything so humdrum as an occupation in life. He discovered somehow that I had an interest in the Church, and he asked me, leaning back in his chair and lisping, whether I really thought "the Church could still totter on a while in the rural dithtricts." He was informed her condition was so "vewy dethperate."
"Then I laughed outright, and found my tongue. Perhaps his next article on the Church will have a few facts in it. I did my best to put some into him. Rose at last looked round at me, astonished. But he did not dislike me, I think. I was not impertinent to him, husband mine. If I might have described just _one_ of your days to his high-and-mightiness!
There is no need to tell you, I think, whether I did or not.
"Then when we got up to go, Lady Charlotte asked Rose to stay with her.
Rose explained why she couldn"t, and Lady Charlotte pitied her dreadfully for having a family, and the under-secretary said that it was one"s first duty in life to trample on one"s relations, and that he hoped nothing would prevent his hearing her play some time later in the year. Rose said very decidedly she should be in town for the winter.
Lady Charlotte said she would have an evening specially for her, and as I said nothing, we got away at last."
The letter of the following day recorded a little adventure:--
"I was much startled this morning. I had got Rose to come with me to the National Gallery on our way to her dressmaker. We were standing before Raphael"s "Vigil of the Knight," when suddenly I saw Rose, who was looking away towards the door into the long gallery, turn perfectly white. I followed her eyes, and there, in the doorway, disappearing,--I am almost certain,--was Mr. Langham! One cannot mistake his walk or his profile. Before I could say a word Rose had walked away to another wall of pictures, and when we joined again we did not speak of it. Did he see us, I wonder, and purposely avoid us? Something made me think so.
"Oh, I wish I could believe she had forgotten him! I am certain she would laugh me to angry scorn if I mentioned him; but there she sits by the fire now, while I am writing, quite drooping and pale, because she thinks I am not noticing. If she did but love me a little more! It must be my fault, I know.
"Yes, as you say, Burwood may as well be shut up or let. My dear, dear father!"
Robert could imagine the sigh with which Catherine had laid down her pen. Dear tender soul, with all its old-world fidelities and pieties pure and unimpaired! He raised the signature to his lips.
Next day Catherine came back to him. Robert had no words too opprobrious for the widowed condition from which her return had rescued him. It seemed to Catherine, however, that life had been very full and keen with him since her departure! He lingered with her after supper, vowing that his club boys might make what hay in the study they pleased; he was going to tell her the news, whatever happened.
"I told you of my two dinners at the Hall? The first was just _tete-a-tete_ with the squire--oh, and Mrs. Darcy, of course. I am always forgetting her, poor little thing, which is most ungrateful of me. A pathetic life that, Catherine. She seems to me, in her odd way, perpetually hungering for affection, for praise. No doubt, if she got them, she wouldn"t know what to do with them. She would just touch and leave them as she does everything. Her talk and she are both as light and wandering as thistledown. But still, meanwhile, she hungers, and is never satisfied. There seems to be something peculiarly antipathetic in her to the squire. I can"t make it out. He is sometimes quite brutal to her when she is more inconsequent than usual. I often wonder she goes on living with him."
Catherine made some indignant comment.
"Yes," said Robert, musing. "Yes, it is bad."
But Catherine thought his tone might have been more unqualified, and marvelled again at the curious lenity of judgment he had always shown of late towards Mr. Wendover. And all his judgments of himself and others were generally so quick, so uncompromising!
"On the second occasion we had Freake and Dashwood," naming two well-known English antiquarians. "Very learned, very jealous, and very snuffy; altogether "too genuine," as poor mother used to say of those old chairs we got for the dining-room. But afterwards when we were all smoking in the library, the squire came out of his sh.e.l.l and talked. I never heard him more brilliant!"
He paused a moment, his bright eyes looking far away from her, as though fixed on the scene he was describing.
"Such a mind!" he said at last with a long breath, "such a memory!
Catherine, my book has been making great strides since you left. With Mr. Wendover to go to, all the problems are simplified. One is saved all false starts, all beating about the bush. What a piece of luck it was that put one down beside such a guide, such a living storehouse of knowledge!"
He spoke in a glow of energy and enthusiasm. Catherine sat looking at him wistfully, her gray eyes crossed by many varying shades of memory and feeling.
At last his look met hers, and the animation of it softened at once, grew gentle.
"Do you think I am making knowledge too much of a G.o.d just now, Madonna mine?" he said, throwing himself down beside her. "I have been full of qualms myself. The squire excites one so, makes one feel as though intellect--acc.u.mulation--were the whole of life. But I struggle against it--I do. I go on, for instance, trying to make the squire do his social duties--behave like "a human.""
Catherine could not help smiling at his tone.
"Well?" she inquired.
He shook his head ruefully.
"The squire is a tough customer--most men of sixty-seven with strong wills are, I suppose. At any rate, he is like one of the Thurston trout--sees through all my manoeuvres. But one piece of news will astonish you, Catherine!" And he sprang up to deliver it with effect.
"Henslowe is dismissed."
"Henslowe dismissed!" Catherine sat properly amazed while Robert told the story.