"No," said Robert eagerly. "I never had any. Perhaps," he added, with a sudden humility, "it is because I have never gone deep enough. What I believe might have been worth more if I had had more struggle; but it has all seemed so plain."
The young voice speaking with hesitation and reserve, and yet with a deep inner conviction, was pleasant to hear. Mr. Grey turned towards it, and the great eyes under the furrowed brow had a peculiar gentleness of expression.
"You will probably be very happy in the life," he said. "The Church wants men of your sort."
But through all the sympathy of the tone Robert was conscious of a veil between them. He knew, of course, pretty much what it was, and with a sudden impulse he felt that he would have given worlds to break through it and talk frankly with this man whom he revered beyond all others, wide as was the intellectual difference between them. But the tutor"s reticence and the younger man"s respect prevented it.
When the unlucky second cla.s.s was actually proclaimed to the world, Langham took it to heart perhaps more than either Elsmere or his mother.
No one knew better than he what Elsmere"s gifts were. It was absurd that he should not have made more of them in sight of the public. "_Le clericalisme, voila l"ennemi!_" was about the gist of Langham"s mood during the days that followed on the cla.s.s list.
Elsmere, however, did not divulge his intention of taking orders to him till ten days afterwards, when he had carried off Langham to stay at Harden, and he and his old tutor were smoking in his mother"s little garden one moonlit night.
When he had finished his statement Langham stood still a moment watching the wreaths of smoke as they curled and vanished. The curious interest in Elsmere"s career, which during a certain number of months had made him almost practical, almost energetic, had disappeared. He was his own languid, paradoxical self.
"Well, after all," he said at last, very slowly, "the difficulty lies in preaching anything. One may as well preach a respectable mythology as anything else."
"What do you mean by a mythology?" cried Robert hotly.
"Simply ideas, or experiences, personified," said Langham, puffing away.
"I take it they are the subject-matter of all theologies."
"I don"t understand you," said Robert, flushing. "To the Christian, facts have been the medium by which ideas the world could not otherwise have come at have been communicated to man. Christian theology is a system of ideas indeed, but of ideas realised, made manifest in facts."
Langham looked at him for a moment, undecided; then that suppressed irritation we have already spoken of broke through. "How do you know they are facts?" he said drily.
The younger man took up the challenge with all his natural eagerness, and the conversation resolved itself into a discussion of Christian evidences. Or rather Robert held forth, and Langham kept him going by an occasional remark which acted like the p.r.i.c.k of a spur. The tutor"s psychological curiosity was soon satisfied. He declared to himself that the intellect had precious little to do with Elsmere"s Christianity. He had got hold of all the stock apologetic arguments, and used them, his companion admitted, with ability and ingenuity. But they were merely the outworks of the citadel. The inmost fortress was held by something wholly distinct from intellectual conviction--by moral pa.s.sion, by love, by feeling, by that mysticism, in short, which no healthy youth should be without.
"He imagines he has satisfied his intellect," was the inward comment of one of the most melancholy of sceptics, "and he has never so much as exerted it. What a brute I am to protest!"
And suddenly Langham threw up the sponge. He held out his hand to his companion, a momentary gleam of tenderness in his black eyes, such as on one or two critical occasions before had disarmed the impetuous Elsmere.
"No use to discuss it further. You have a strong case, of course, and you have put it well. Only, when you are pegging away at reforming and enlightening the world, don"t trample too much on the people who have more than enough to do to enlighten themselves."
As to Mrs. Elsmere, in this new turn of her son"s fortunes, she realised with humorous distinctness that for some years past Robert had been educating her as well as himself. Her old rebellious sense of something inherently absurd in the clerical status had been gradually slain in her by her long contact through him with the finer and more imposing aspects of church life. She was still on light skirmishing terms with the Harden curates, and at times she would flame out into the wildest, wittiest threats and gibes, for the momentary satisfaction of her own essentially lay instincts; but at bottom she knew perfectly well that, when the moment came, no mother could be more loyal, more easily imposed upon, than she would be.
"I suppose, then, Robert, we shall be back at Murewell before very long," she said to him one morning abruptly, studying him the while out of her small twinkling eyes. What dignity there was already in the young lightly-built frame! what frankness and character in the irregular, attractive face!
"Mother," cried Elsmere indignantly, "what do you take me for? Do you imagine I am going to bury myself in the country at five or six-and-twenty, take six hundred a year, and nothing to do for it? That would be a deserter"s act indeed."
Mrs. Elsmere shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, I supposed you would insist on killing yourself, to begin with. To most people nowadays that seems to be the necessary preliminary of a useful career."
Robert laughed and kissed her, but her question had stirred him so much that he sat down that very evening to write to his cousin Mowbray Elsmere. He announced to him that he was about to read for orders, and that at the same time he relinquished all claim on the living of Murewell. "Do what you like with it when it falls vacant," he wrote, "without reference to me. My views are strong that before a clergyman in health and strength, and in no immediate want of money, allows himself the luxury of a country parish, he is bound, for some years at any rate, to meet the challenge of evil and poverty where the fight is hardest--among our English town population."
Sir Mowbray Elsmere replied curtly in a day or two to the effect that Robert"s letter seemed to him superfluous. He, Sir Mowbray, had nothing to do with his cousin"s views. When the living was vacant--the present holder, however, was uncommon tough and did not mean dying--he should follow out the instructions of his father"s will, and if Robert did not want the thing he could say so.
In the autumn Robert and his mother went back to Oxford. The following spring he redeemed his Oxford reputation completely by winning a Fellowship at Merton after a brilliant fight with some of the best men of his year, and in June he was ordained.
In the summer term some teaching work was offered him at Merton, and by Mr. Grey"s advice he accepted it, thus postponing for a while that London curacy and that stout grapple with human need at its sorest for which his soul was pining. "Stay here a year or two," Grey said bluntly; "you are at the beginning of your best learning time, and you are not one of the natures who can do without books. You will be all the better worth having afterwards, and there is no lack of work here for a man"s moral energies."
Langham took the same line, and Elsmere submitted. Three happy and fruitful years followed. The young lecturer developed an amazing power of work. That concentration which he had been unable to achieve for himself his will was strong enough to maintain when it was a question of meeting the demands of a college cla.s.s in which he was deeply interested. He became a stimulating and successful teacher, and one of the most popular of men. His pa.s.sionate sense of responsibility towards his pupils made him load himself with burdens to which he was constantly physically unequal, and fill the vacations almost as full as the terms.
And as he was comparatively a man of means, his generous impetuous temper was able to gratify itself in ways that would have been impossible to others. The story of his summer reading parties, for instance, if one could have unravelled it, would have been found to be one long string of acts of kindness towards men poorer and duller than himself.
At the same time he formed close and eager relations with the heads of the religious party in Oxford. His mother"s Evangelical training of him and Mr. Grey"s influence, together, perhaps, with certain drifts of temperament, prevented him from becoming a High Churchman. The sacramental, ceremonial view of the Church never took hold upon him. But to the English Church as a great national inst.i.tution for the promotion of G.o.d"s work on earth no one could have been more deeply loyal, and none coming close to him could mistake the fervour and pa.s.sion of his Christian feeling. At the same time he did not know what rancour or bitterness meant, so that men of all shades of Christian belief reckoned a friend in him, and he went through life surrounded by an unusual, perhaps a dangerous amount of liking and affection. He threw himself ardently into the charitable work of Oxford, now helping a High Church vicar, and now toiling with Grey and one or two other Liberal fellows, at the maintenance of a coffee-palace and lecture-room just started by them in one of the suburbs; while in the second year of his lectureship the success of some first attempts at preaching fixed the attention of the religious leaders upon him as upon a man certain to make his mark.
So the three years pa.s.sed--years not, perhaps, of great intellectual advance, for other forces in him than those of the intellect were mainly to the fore, but years certainly of continuous growth in character and moral experience. And at the end of them Mowbray Elsmere made his offer, and it was accepted.
The secret of it, of course, was overwork. Mrs. Elsmere, from the little house in Merton Street, where she had established herself, had watched her boy"s meteoric career through these crowded months with very frequent misgivings. No one knew better than she that Robert was const.i.tutionally not of the toughest fibre, and she realised long before he did that the Oxford life as he was bent on leading it must end for him in premature breakdown. But, as always happens, neither her remonstrances, nor Mr. Grey"s common-sense, nor Langham"s fidgety protests had any effect on the young enthusiast to whom self-slaughter came so easy. During the latter half of his third year of teaching he was continually being sent away by the doctors, and coming back only to break down again. At last, in the January of his fourth year, the collapse became so decided that he consented, bribed by the prospect of the Holy Land, to go away for three months to Egypt and the East, accompanied by his mother and a college friend.
Just before their departure news reached him of the death of the rector of Murewell, followed by a formal offer of the living from Sir Mowbray.
At the moment when the letter arrived he was feeling desperately tired and ill, and in after-life he never forgot the half-superst.i.tious thrill and deep sense of depression with which he received it. For within him was a slowly-emerging, despairing conviction that he was indeed physically unequal to the claims of his Oxford work, and if so, still more unequal to grappling with the hardest pastoral labour and the worst forms of English poverty. And the coincidence of the Murewell inc.u.mbent"s death struck his sensitive mind as a Divine leading.
But it was a painful defeat. He took the letter to Grey, and Grey strongly advised him to accept.
"You overdrive your scruples, Elsmere," said the Liberal tutor with emphasis. "No one can say a living with 1200 souls, and no curate, is a sinecure. As for hard town work, it is absurd--you couldn"t stand it.
And after all, I imagine, there are some souls worth saving out of the towns."
Elsmere pointed out vindictively that family livings were a corrupt and indefensible inst.i.tution. Mr. Grey replied calmly that they probably were, but that the fact did not affect, so far as he could see, Elsmere"s competence to fulfil all the duties of rector of Murewell.
"After all, my dear fellow," he said, a smile breaking over his strong expressive face, "it is well even for reformers to be sane."
Mrs. Elsmere was pa.s.sive. It seemed to her that she had foreseen it all along. She was miserable about his health, but she too had a moment of superst.i.tion, and would not urge him. Murewell was no name of happy omen to her--she had pa.s.sed the darkest hours of her life there.
In the end Robert asked for delay, which was grudgingly granted him.
Then he and his mother and friend fled over seas: he feverishly determined to get well and cheat the fates. But, after a halcyon time in Palestine and Constantinople, a whiff of poisoned air at Cannes, on their way home, acting on a low const.i.tutional state, settled matters.
Robert was laid up for weeks with malarious fever, and when he struggled out again into the hot Riviera sunshine it was clear to himself and everybody else that he must do what he could, and not what he would, in the Christian vineyard.
"Mother," he said one day, suddenly looking up at her as she sat near him working, "can _you_ be happy at Murewell?"
There was a wistfulness in the long thin face, and a pathetic accent of surrender in the voice, which hurt the mother"s heart.
"I can be happy wherever you are," she said, laying her brown nervous hand on his blanched one.
"Then give me pen and paper and let me write to Mowbray. I wonder whether the place has changed at all. Heigh ho! How is one to preach to people who have stuffed you up with gooseberries, or swung you on gates, or lifted you over puddles to save your petticoats? I wonder what has become of that boy whom I hit in the eye with my bow and arrow, or of that other lout who pummelled me into the middle of next week for disturbing his bird-trap? By the way, is the Squire--is Roger Wendover--living at the Hall now?"
He turned to his mother with a sudden start of interest.
"So I hear," said Mrs. Elsmere drily. "_He_ won"t be much good to you."
He sat on meditating while she went for pen and paper. He had forgotten the Squire of Murewell. But Roger Wendover, the famous and eccentric owner of Murewell Hall, hermit and scholar, possessed of one of the most magnificent libraries in England, and author of books which had carried a revolutionary shock into the heart of English society, was not a figure to be overlooked by any rector of Murewell, least of all by one possessed of Robert"s culture and imagination.
The young man ransacked his memory on the subject with a sudden access of interest in his new home that was to be.
Six weeks later they were in England, and Robert, now convalescent, had accepted an invitation to spend a month in Long Whindale with his mother"s cousins, the Thornburghs, who offered him quiet, and bracing air. He was to enter on his duties at Murewell in July, the bishop, who had been made aware of his Oxford reputation, welcoming the new recruit to the diocese with marked warmth of manner.
CHAPTER VI