"Some or all of them may be immune, no? And in any case, it will be death for them anyhow. They are trying."
Ralson said, "I"ll try to help them."
"Do you still want to kill yourself?"
"Yes."
"But you"ll try not to, no?"
"I"ll try not to, Doctor." His lip quivered. "I"ll have to be watched."
Blaustein climbed the stairs and presented his pa.s.s to the guard in the lobby. He had already been inspected at the outer gate, but he, his pa.s.s, and its signature were now scrutinized once again. After a moment, the guard retired to his little booth and made a phone call. The answer satisfied him. Blaustein took a seat and, in half a minute, was up again, shaking hands with Dr. Grant.
"The President of the United States would have trouble getting in here, no?" said Blaustein.
The lanky physicist smiled. "You"re right, if he came without warning."
They took an elevator which traveled twelve floors. The office to which Grant led the way had windows in three directions. It was sound-proofed and air-conditioned. Its walnut furniture was in a state of high polish.
Blaustein said, "My goodness. It is like the office of the chairman of a board of directors. Science is becoming big business."
Grant looked embarra.s.sed. "Yes, I know, but government money flows easily and it is difficult to persuade a congressman that your work is important unless he can see, smell, and touch the surface shine."
Blaustein sat down and felt the upholstered seat give way slowly. He said, "Dr. Elwood Ralson has agreed to return to work."
"Wonderful. I was hoping you would say that. I was hoping that was why you wanted to see me." As though inspired by the news, Grant offered the psychiatrist a cigar, which was refused.
"However," said Blaustein, "he remains a very sick man. He will have to be treated carefully and with insight."
"Of course. Naturally."
"It"s not quite as simple as you may think. I want to tell you something of Ralson"s problems, so that you will really understand how delicate the situation is."
He went on talking and Grant listened first in concern, and then in astonishment. "But then the man is out of his head, Dr. Blaustein. He"ll be of no use to us. He"s crazy."
Blaustein shrugged. "It depends on how you define "crazy." It"s a bad word; don"t use it. He had delusions, certainly. Whether they will affect his peculiar talents one cannot know."
"But surely no sane man could possibly-"
"Please. Please. Let us not launch into long discussions on psychiatric definitions of sanity and so on. The man has delusions and, ordinarily, I would dismiss them from all consideration. It is just that I have been given to understand that the man"s particular ability lies in his manner of proceeding to the solution of a problem by what seems to be outside ordinary reason. That is so, no?"
"Yes. That must must be admitted." be admitted."
"How can you and I judge then as to the worth of one of his conclusions. Let me ask you, do you have suicidal impulses lately?"
"I don"t think so."
"And other scientists here?"
"No, of course not."
"I would suggest, however, that while research on the force field proceeds, the scientists concerned be watched here and at home. It might even be a good enough idea that they should not go home. Offices like these could be arranged to be a small dormitory-"
"Sleep at work. You would never get them to agree."
"Oh, yes. If you do not tell them the real reason but say it is for security purposes, they will agree. "Security purposes" is a wonderful phrase these days, no? Ralson must be watched more than anyone."
"Of course."
"But all this is minor. It is something to be done to satisfy my conscience in case Ralson"s theories are correct. Actually, I don"t believe them. They are are delusions, but once that is granted, it is necessary to ask what the causes of those delusions are. What is it in Ralson"s mind, in his background, in his life that makes it so necessary for him to have these particular delusions? One cannot answer that simply. It may well take years of constant psychoa.n.a.lysis to discover the answer. And until the answer is discovered, he will not be cured. delusions, but once that is granted, it is necessary to ask what the causes of those delusions are. What is it in Ralson"s mind, in his background, in his life that makes it so necessary for him to have these particular delusions? One cannot answer that simply. It may well take years of constant psychoa.n.a.lysis to discover the answer. And until the answer is discovered, he will not be cured.
"But, meanwhile, we can perhaps make intelligent guesses. He has had an unhappy childhood, which, in one way or another, has brought him face to face with death in very unpleasant fashion. In addition, he has never been able to form a.s.sociations with other children, or, as he grew older, with other men. He was always impatient with their slower forms of reasoning. Whatever difference there is between his mind and that of others, it has built a wall between him and society as strong as the force field you are trying to design. For similar reasons, he has been unable to enjoy a normal s.e.x life. He has never married; he has had no sweethearts.
"It is easy to see that he could easily compensate to himself for this failure to be accepted by his social milieu by taking refuge in the thought that other human beings are inferior to himself. Which is, of course, true, as far as mentality is concerned. There are, of course, many, many facets to the human personality and in not all of them is he superior. No one is. Others, then, who are more p.r.o.ne to see merely what is inferior, just as he himself is, would not accept his affected preeminence of position. They would think him queer, even laughable, which would make it even more important to Ralson to prove how miserable and inferior the human species was. How could he better do that than to show that mankind was simply a form of bacteria to other superior creatures which experiment upon them. And then his impulses to suicide would be a wild desire to break away completely from being a man at all; to stop this identification with the miserable species he has created in his mind. You see?"
Grant nodded. "Poor guy."
"Yes, it is a pity. Had he been properly taken care of in childhood-Well, it is best for Dr. Ralson that he have no contact with any of the other men here. He is too sick to be trusted with them. You, yourself, must arrange to be the only man who will see him or speak to him. Dr. Ralson has agreed to that. He apparently thinks you are not as stupid as some of the others."
Grant smiled faintly. "That is agreeable to me."
"You will, of course, be careful. I would not discuss anything with him but his work. If he should volunteer information about his theories, which I doubt, confine yourself to something noncommittal, and leave. And at all times, keep away anything that is sharp and pointed. Do not let him reach a window. Try to have his hands kept in view. You understand. I leave my patient in your care, Dr. Grant."
"I will do my best, Dr. Blaustein."
For two months, Ralson lived in a comer of Grant"s office, and Grant lived with him. Gridwork had been built up before the windows, wooden furniture was removed and upholstered sofas brought in. Ralson did his thinking on the couch and his calculating on a desk pad atop a ha.s.sock.
The "Do Not Enter" was a permanent fixture outside the office. Meals were left outside. The adjoining men"s room was marked off for private use and the door between it and the office removed. Grant switched to an electric razor. He made certain that Ralson took sleeping pills each night and waited till the other slept before sleeping himself.
And always reports were brought to Ralson. He read them while Grant watched and tried to seem not to watch.
Then Ralson would let them drop and stare at the ceiling, with one hand shading his eyes.
"Anything?" asked Grant.
Ralson shook his head from side to side.
Grant said, "Look, I"ll clear the building during the swing shift. It"s important that you see some of the experimental jigs we"ve been setting up."
They did so, wandering through the lighted, empty buildings like drifting ghosts, hand in hand. Always hand in hand. Grant"s grip was tight. But after each trip, Ralson would still shake his head from side to side.
Half a dozen times he would begin writing; each time there would be a few scrawls and then he would kick the ha.s.sock over on its side.
Until, finally, he began writing once again and covered half a page rapidly. Automatically, Grant approached. Ralson looked up, covering the sheet of paper with a trembling hand.
He said, "Call Blaustein."
"What?"
"I said, "Call Blaustein." Get him here. Now!" Grant moved to the telephone.
Ralson was writing rapidly now, stopping only to brush wildly at his forehead with the back of a hand. It came away wet.
He looked up and his voice was cracked, "Is he coming?"
Grant looked worried. "He isn"t at his office."
"Get him at his home. Get him wherever he is. Use that telephone. Don"t play with it."
Grant used it; and Ralson pulled another sheet toward himself.
Five minutes later, Grant said, "He"s coming. What"s wrong? You"re looking sick."
Ralson could speak only thickly, "No time-Can"t talk-"
He was writing, scribbling, scrawling, shakily diagramming. It was as though he were driving his hands, fighting it.
"Dictate!" urged Grant. "I"ll write."
Ralson shook him off. His words were unintelligible. He held his wrist with his other hand, shoving it as though it were a piece of wood, and then he collapsed over the papers.
Grant edged them out from under and laid Ralson down on the couch. He hovered over him restlessly and hopelessly until Blaustein arrived.
Blaustein took one look. "What happened?"
Grant said, "I think he"s alive," but by that time Blaustein had verified that for himself, and Grant told him what had happened.
Blaustein used a hypodermic and they waited. Ralson"s eyes were blank when they opened. He moaned.
Blaustein leaned close. "Ralson."
Ralson"s hands reached out blindly and clutched at the psychiatrist. "Doc. Take me back."
"I will. Now. It is that you have the force field worked out, no?"
"It"s on the papers. Grant, it"s on the papers."
Grant had them and was leafing through them dubiously. Ralson said, weakly, "It"s not all there. It"s all I can write. You"ll have to make it out of that. Take me back, Doc!"
"Wait," said Grant. He whispered urgently to Blaustein. "Can"t you leave him here till we test this thing? I can"t make out what most of this is. The writing is illegible. Ask him what makes him think this will work."
"Ask him him?" said Blaustein, gentry. "Isn"t he the one who always knows?"
"Ask me, anyway," said Ralson, overhearing from where he lay on the couch. His eyes were suddenly wide and blazing.
They turned to him.
He said, "They don"t want a force field. They! They! The experimenters! As long as I had no true grasp, things remained as they were. But I hadn"t followed up that thought-that thought which is there in the papers-I hadn"t followed it up for thirty seconds before I felt... I felt-Doctor-" The experimenters! As long as I had no true grasp, things remained as they were. But I hadn"t followed up that thought-that thought which is there in the papers-I hadn"t followed it up for thirty seconds before I felt... I felt-Doctor-"
Blaustein said, "What is it?"
Ralson was whispering again, "I"m deeper in the penicillin. I could feel myself plunging in and in, the further I went with that. I"ve never been in... so deep. That"s how I knew I was right. Take me away."
Blaustein straightened. "I"ll have to take him away, Grant. There"s no alternative. If you can make out what he"s written, that"s it. If you can"t make it out, I can"t help you. That man can do no more work in his field without dying, do you understand?"
"But," said Grant, "he"s dying of something imaginary."
"All right. Say that he is. But he will be really dead just the same, no?"
Ralson was unconscious again and heard nothing of this. Grant looked at him somberly, then said, "Well, take him away, then."
Ten of the top men at the Inst.i.tute watched glumly as slide after slide filled the illuminated screen. Grant faced them, expression hard and frowning.
He said, "I think the idea is simple enough. You"re mathematicians and you"re engineers. The scrawl may seem illegible, but it was done with meaning behind it. That meaning must somehow remain in the writing, distorted though it is. The first page is clear enough. It should be a good lead. Each one of you will look at every page over and over again. You"re going to put down every possible version of each page as it seems it might be. You will work independently. I want no consultations."
One of them said, "How do you know it means anything anything, Grant?"
"Because those are Ralson"s notes."
"Ralson! I thought he was-" I thought he was-"
"You thought he was sick," said Grant. He had to shout over the rising hum of conversation. "I know. He is. That"s the writing of a man who was nearly dead. It"s all we"ll ever get from Ralson, any more. Somewhere in that scrawl is the answer to the force field problem. If we can"t find it, we may have to spend ten years looking for it elsewhere."
They bent to their work. The night pa.s.sed. Two nights pa.s.sed. Three nights- Grant looked at the results. He shook his head. "I"ll take your word for it that it is all self-consistent. I can"t say I understand it."
Lowe, who, in the absence of Ralson, would readily have been rated the best nuclear engineer at the Inst.i.tute, shrugged. "It"s not exactly clear to me. If it works, he hasn"t explained why."
"He had no time to explain. Can you build the generator as he describes it?"
"I could try."
"Would you look at all the other versions of the pages?"
"The others are definitely not self-consistent."
"Would you double-check?"
"Sure."
"And could you start construction anyway?"
"I"ll get the shop started. But I tell you frankly that I"m pessimistic."
"I know. So am I."
The thing grew. Hal Ross, Senior Mechanic, was put in charge of the actual construction, and he stopped sleeping. At any hour of the day or night, he could be found at it, scratching his bald head.