aThatas not your job, Sh.e.l.l. Youave gotta get it through your head that you arenat his reason for not using; you are his reason for living his life. Heas got to want to not use, and thatas no reflection on you. Thatas all on him. Has he blamed this on you?a she asked, her temper flaring.
aNo, but I see him struggle and I blame it on myself. What if I was around more? What if I was able to answer the phone every time he called? What if I was available at all hours of the day? Would I be able to stop it?a aListen to me,a Hannahas voice was sharp and clear, probably clearer than shead ever heard it before. aYou canat take his struggle on. You wonat do him any good if you do. If you are available all the time and at his beck and call, guess what? Heas going to become addicted to you. Heas an addict, Sh.e.l.l. Thatas what he does. Donat become another addiction. Youare his salvation by showing him that there is something else out there, that if he works hard enough at it, he can have a normal life. He needs that; he needs to know what normal is.a aI feel like Iam a stepping stone to something better. That once he feels like heas clean enough, heas going to move on.a Hannah had never known Sh.e.l.l to suffer from low self-esteem in her life; this was all new to her. aStop that nonsense right now. Jared loves you. He might not be able to put those feelings into words, but I see the way he looks at you, and he loves you. Give him time.a aHow much f.u.c.king time does he need?a Hannah winced. aHave you talked to him about this?a aNo, h.e.l.l no. Thatas awesome, tell your boyfriend, aIam not sure whether you love me or not, because Iave said it and you havenat.a How well is that going to go over?a aItas life. We ask questions because we want to know answers,a Hannah laughed.
aIam not there yet. Maybe with a few beers in me over the holidays, Iall do it,a she sighed. aThanks for listening. I miss our gab sessions.a aI do too. Weall have to make it point to have a few more of them.a Sh.e.l.l opened her mouth but was cut off by the ringing of Hannahas phone. aThatas Garrett, go have fun talking to your hubby.a aI can tell him Iall call him back later. You were here before Garrett.a aTake the call, Iall be good. It helped that you listened.a Hannah answered, asking Garrett to hang on. She got up, hugging her friend. aNo matter what, I love you.a She didnat wait for Sh.e.l.l to answer, but instead made her way back to her bedroom.
Sh.e.l.l sat there, battling tears and the feeling that arose whenever she allowed herself to think about how far they had come and how far they had to go. She wouldnat give up on Jared, but she also hoped she wouldnat give up on herself.
Chapter Twenty-Two.
Hannah had a seat on her bed, holding the phone in front of her.
aYou ready to weigh-in, babe?a Garrett asked her.
She tilted her head and smiled. His hair was getting even longer than when shead seen him a week ago. It was obvious he hadnat shaved in a few days, and he wore a tank top over his body. She could see that he was sweating and red; head probably just got done working out. Good grief, she missed him in a bad way.
aI guess so, but Iam warning you now, the pace weare keeping is exhausting. Sh.e.l.l told me that if Iad lost and you give me c.r.a.p, to let her know, she can vouch for me.a Garrett glanced at her. aI can tell youare tired. Iam sorry, babe, so d.a.m.n sorry that youare wearing yourself out like this. I wish there was some way I could change it or make it better.a aI have a couple more weeks. When I see you after performing that last show, I want to sleep for two days straight. Do not bother me.a He was amused at the way she said it. aI canat help but bother you a little. I have to show my love somehow.a aYou know what I mean, Garrett,a she sighed.
aYouare done, arenat you?a She nodded. aI am, and I hate to say that because I have never wanted to be off a tour this much in my life. I feel like Iam not giving my all to these fans that have come out and seen me.a aNo, babe, Iave read the reviews. They are killer. Youare giving it everything youave got, and I think thatas why youare so tired. Youare overcompensating.a Was he right? Was she purposely tiring herself out so that no one could say that she wasnat giving it her all? The thought held weight, but honestly she was too tired to even think about it at this point. The only thing she could be focused on was the fact that she had a few more weeks to go. Wanting to take her mind off of it, she forged ahead. aDid you get the info from the real estate attorney about our closing next week?a aYes, and I am very excited. I really appreciate your dad going over and taking care of all the stuff we canat. I sent him a message.a aYou sent my dad a message?a The surprise was evident in her voice.
aWhat? You act like we donat talk. He and I text regularly. Weare not up each otheras a.s.ses like you are with my mom,a he fired back. aTelling secrets on me and finding out about all the s.h.i.t I did when I was younger.a She laughed. aStop being bitter.a aG.o.d, I miss you,a he sighed.
She smiled softly at the face across the screen from her. aI miss you too, but we canat let this get us down. Before I weigh, I wanna talk to you about something, though.a He tilted his head to the side. aIs this gonna be a good conversation or a bad conversation? I canat tell by the way you presented it. Iam thinking it can be either-or.a aStop. I donat set you up for bad ones, no matter what you think.a He chuckled and a smile spread across his face. aAlright, alright, what do we need to conversate about?a aJared and Sh.e.l.l.a aOh, h.e.l.l no.a He held his hand up. aI am not talking to you about our best friendsa relationship.a aGarrett, sheas upset.a He sighed dramatically. He did not want to be a part of this. He had learned a long time ago not to get involved in his friendas romantic life, but unfortunately it looked like she hadnat. aThen they need to work that out together.a aCan you hear me out? Please? I have some questions that I need answered.a He squirmed. aI donat like this, Han.a aYou donat have to like it; Iam the one doing the asking. You can throw me under the bus if you need to.a He hoped to G.o.d she remembered that shead said that, because the one thing Jared hated was people gossiping about hima"didnat matter if it was about his everyday life or his love life. He was one of the most private people that Garrett knew. aOkay, what is it?a aHow was his childhood? Sh.e.l.l said that sheas thrown the L-word out and heas not responded, but she kind of got that his childhood wasnat the best.a He sighed. He didnat want to go into this with her, but he had already opened himself up to it. aHis childhood wasnat the best. Itas part of the reason why heas always struggled with the drugs.a aCan you elaborate on it? Iad like to know how to help her.a Garett had never had to tell his wife that something was none of her business, but he was tempted to tell her that now. At what point did he betray a best friend and keep a wife? He wasnat sure. aI donat know that Iam comfortable with this, Han.a aI donat want you to do something that you donat want to do, but sheas hurting.a aHe hurts every day,a he fired back at her. aHe had two pieces-of-s.h.i.t for parents. They didnat give one d.a.m.n about him and, luckily, mine did. Thatas all anyone needs to know. n.o.body told him that they loved him until he came to stay with me. He has a very hard time expressing his feelings because he was never shown how to. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, though, that he cares a lot for her. More than heas ever cared for anyone else. I know that because heas been clean since they started dating. Heas never been clean for anyone else. Not even for me. She has a huge impact on him, and if heas willing to give up snorting s.h.i.t through his nose for her, then thatas love.a aOkay, I just wanted to make sure he wasnat going to break her heart,a Hannah hurried to cut him off.
aJust because he loves her doesnat mean heas not going to break her heart. I think we both know that.a He hated all this feeling nonsense that wasnat about the two of them. It felt like he was going behind Jaredas back. He didnat want Jared to feel the way he had when he found out that Stacey and Brad were dating. aThatas all Iam saying about it. Seriously, Iam not gossiping about it anymore. Sh.e.l.l is a big girl, and she knows what sheas gotten into with him, otherwise she wouldnat be where she is now.a aThatas true, but sometimes you need to hear how the other person feels.a aHan.a His voice was firm. aI said drop it. I canat make Jared be more open with his feelings any more than you can. We just have to hope that they can work through it. Itas not about whatas best for us; itas about whatas best for them. If Sh.e.l.l can handle it, then she can. If she canat, then she canat.a aAlright,a she sighed. aI want them to be as happy as we are.a aNot everybody can have that, babe,a he laughed. aNow get your a.s.s on the scale.a She was nervous about this, to be honest. She was eating, but she noticed that her clothes were getting looser. The pace they were keeping was tiring, and she knew that she was losing more weight than she was putting on. It wasnat an obsession, she knew that, but she hoped that he would too. Hannah got on, announcing her weight out loud.
aThatas two pounds less than last week. Youave gotta step up your caloric intake,a he told her, his tone back to serious.
aI donat know what else to do.a She sat down on the bed. aIave never kept up this kind of intense pace before. Iam going back for seconds at night, and Iam doing my best to even eat a real breakfast and not just a couple of pieces of toast like normal. Iam ordering omelets and bacon on the side.a Garrett ran a hand through his hair. aHave you thought about meal supplements? You wouldnat have to do them forever, but you could drink them in between. They would give you enough calories to put back on the seven total pounds youave lost.a aI wouldnat even know where to begin,a she told him, frustration obvious in her voice.
aLet me take care of it.a She was good with that. Anything that she didnat have to worry with in this stage of the tour she was all for. For the next few weeks, she was solely focused on getting done and over with so that she could spend the holidays with her family.
aOkay, just send me a list, or whatever.a aAre you doing okay besides being tired as h.e.l.l?a Garrett asked sincerely, wanting to make sure that she was okay mentally.
aYeah,a she breathed deeply. aI have two more days off, and I know that we try to see each other, but Iam thinking it might be best if I try to sleep on those days. Iam getting very tired, and I had a scratchy throat when I woke up this morning. Thatas the last thing I need, to be sick.a aWhat if I come to you?a He didnat relish going a few more weeks without seeing her.
aWell,a she lay down, positioning herself on the bed, aif you come to me, then thatas a whole other ballgame, but I canat be flying like I have been. I donat want to come off the tour and be sick for three weeks.a He didnat want that either. aWhen is your next day off?a aUmm.a She reached over and grabbed her calendar. aI have next Thursday and the following Monday off, then the tour ends that Thursday. I donat know why they did it that way, but who am I to ask?a They were so close to be being done that Garrett could taste it. He couldnat wait. aHow about I come see you next Thursday, and then Iall be there the following Thursday nighta"the last night of the tour?a aThat would be amazing because it would help me get the tour stuff done, and if Iam too tired, you can handle it.a She gave him a bright smile.
aI donat know about all of that, but Iall do what I can to help.a They said their goodbyes and got off the phone. Hannah was feeling great about the next few weeks and beyond. She was feeling great until Sh.e.l.l walked in, a grim look on her face.
aBryson made a statement.a The way Sh.e.l.l said it made Hannahas stomach drop. She wasnat sure what that statement was, she had no idea the words that had come out of his mouth, but she was more than positive that she wasnat going to like them.
Chapter Twenty-Three.
Hannah had fumed all night after she read the statement that Bryson had given to the press.
aIam really proud of the song that Hannah and I made. Iam upset that she went behind my back and recorded another version with another artist.a She had thought for hours about what she wanted to do, what she wanted to say. And even if she could only be honest to herself, it had really ticked her off that Bryson had said another artist. Garrett was her husband.
It wasnat until then that shead logged onto YouTube and found that her and Garrettas version of the song had already been seen by over four million people. She glanced at the version with Bryson and saw that it hadnat even reached a million yet. After shead looked at the views, shead steeled herself and looked at the comments. It had been a very long time since she had made herself do that, and shead almost backed out, but what she found amazed her. Almost every single comment on her and Garrettas version was supportive, while what was on her and Brysonas were not.
It seemed that a lot of people were just as ticked as she had been that theyad released a love song with someone besides her husband. Those comments and the unsolicited support was what made her finally take a seat at the table on the tour bus. Her laptop sat in front of her, camera ready to go. She was going to make her own statement. At this point, she didnat care. Like shead told Sh.e.l.l, it was becoming fun going against everything that everyone expected her to do and be. She checked her reflection in the camera and situated herself on the seat before pressing record.
aHey, Harmony fans!a She waved, smiling brightly into the camera. aI wanted to take a minute to address the comments made by Bryson Grant.a She took a few seconds, composing herself and trying to think up the best way she could say what she felt, but not being cra.s.s at the same time.
aHe and I have been friends since we were in high school, so it surprised me to read what he said. While I know it could very easily have been taken out of context, I felt like I needed to respond. I wrote the song in question for my husbanda"it is one hundred percent about him and the love I feel for him. When the record company wanted me to do a duet, I said no to anyone but Reaper. I canat fake how I feel, even if it is just to sing. Heas my husband and the love of my life. If Iam going to sing that kind of song, itas only ever going to be with him.a She stopped for a second, tilting her head to the side. aI know that a lot of you will understand that and realize that Iam taking my break in a couple weeks to spend time with him so that we can be normal for a while. Having said that, when the record company went behind my back and released a spliced-together version of the song, I was understandably upset. Since I am the owner of the song, I did it the way I wanted to. Reaper and I greatly appreciate the support and the views of the song on YouTube. Call and request it at your local radio stations, wead love to see a gra.s.sroots campaign start.a She winked, smiling wickedly.
aThank you for the support, and I love you! I wonat forget any of you on my break. Hopefully, you wonat forget me.a She waved at the camera before turning it off.
A slow clap could be heard behind her and she turned around, seeing Sh.e.l.l standing there. aThat was a really great explanation of whatas going on. You even kind of, but not really, threw the record company under the bus. You did it with a smile on your face. What have you done with my Hannah?a Hannah giggled. aShe got stronger.a aIam proud of you.a Sh.e.l.l hugged her close. aWant me to upload this for you?a aPlease, Iam still not a whiz at that, and I donat want to accidentally delete it before it gets out there. I donat know that I have the guts to make that statement again.a Sh.e.l.l smirked. aOut of curiosity, have you said anything to Bryson?a aI am so flippina angry with him,a Hannah started, before gripping her water bottle so that it made a loud noise. aI mean, where does he get off?a aYou know itas probably what the record company told him to say.a aNo, I know Bryson; Iave known him a long time.a She shook her head. aHeas never been a puppet, and he never says anything that he doesnat mean. He said what he wanted to. Iam thinking that maybe the record company told him that I was good with us recording this song together and he got the wrong idea. How? I donat know, but weirder things have happened. I might text him, but Iam too ticked right now.a aChances are heall text you before you text him because the statement you just made was the best akiss my a.s.sa Iave heard in a long time.a The two women looked at each other and then broke out into giggles. Hannah laughed so hard she cried, feeling relief for the first time in weeks. The stress that weighed so heavily down on her broke a little, and it felt good. aIam kind of excited that I did it,a she admitted. aIt felt good to tell people how I really feel, and I think it might actually be well received. You should see the comments in support of Garrett and me on our YouTube video. Iam surprised as all get-out.a aWhy? People always root for love.a Hannah snorted. aNot always. You know that some fans have been wishy-washy about us being together. I think the record company just fixed it for us though. Now those fans will want to root for people who are sticking it to the man.a Sh.e.l.l laughed. aI canat believe you used the term athe mana,a she giggled. aI know I shouldnat be finding all this funny, but I love the woman youave become, lady. You make my job d.a.m.n interesting.a aWhat can I say?a Hannah shrugged. aIam not content with doing what Iam told anymore. I want my life to be my own.a * * *
aDid you happen to see that youare charting on a country chart?a Garrettas eyebrow shot up at the words that came out of Jaredas mouth. aNoawhat the f.u.c.k?a aThat video we made in a hotel room of you and Hannah singing that song is going viral. Itas charting. Radio stations are ripping the vocals and playing it on the radio. Especially after the statement she released earlier today,a Jared told him, clicking on Hannahas YouTube page.
aI saw earlier that shead said something. I havenat watched it yet, though.a aWell you need to, acause your meager little wife stood up to everybody and grabbed them by the b.a.l.l.s. Iam pretty proud of her.a Jared clapped his best friend on the shoulder. aMrs. Thompson has come a long way.a Garrett laughed. aThanks, buddy, itas all my influence.a aKeep dreamina.a Jared smacked him in the stomach.
aHave you heard anything from our label?a Brad asked. Normally he didnat get involved in the married coupleas business, but this could affect them as a band.
aI got a message from Rick earlier,a Garrett answered. Rick was their touring manager, who had in the past few months become their official manager. aHe said that at first the higher-ups werenat sure what to do with it because we didnat get permission, but that our backlist had started selling on iTunes and they were choosing to turn a blind eye to it as of now. Will they continue? I donat know, but I donat care either. She took a huge step in doing that, and thereas no way that I can take that away from her, ya know?a Brad nodded. aIad have to agree with you there. She did take a huge step, and for someone like her, that unknown was a big one. Iam proud of her too.a aI hope everyone knows this doesnat mean weare doing a country alb.u.m, though,a Jared shivered. aNo way in h.e.l.l am I wearing a pair of tight jeans, cowboy hat, or cowboy boots. f.u.c.k that.a aI think we all agree that there will be none of that in this band,a Garrett laughed. aCamon, letas get this song done. Two more and then we turn it in.a aYou nervous?a Brad asked.
They had all decided to go with Hannahas suggestion that they make the record they want to and forget what the label wanted. None of them had talked about how they felt it would be perceived.
aA little,a Jared admitted. aI mean, disappointing the label is still like disappointing family, but I think in the end theyall grow to like it. We believe in what weare doing. We have to stay strong and true to that.a Garrett nodded. aA-f.u.c.king-men. If we had been scared when we first started out, we wouldnat have gotten anywhere. We canat lose that. If we lose that, then weall never do the things we want to again. As a group, we still have to have that little bit of f.u.c.k-you in us. We still have to have that little bit of not doing what weare supposed to.a aThen get your a.s.s in the booth and give them the biggest f.u.c.k-you you got.a Their engineer pointed at Garrett. aLetas get this s.h.i.t done.a * * *
That night as she came off-stage, Sh.e.l.l handed Hannah her phone. The first thing she always did was look for a text from Garrett. When she saw that she had a new one, she was excited and unlocked it to see who it was from.
aHuh? Wonder what Bryson is texting me for?a aProbably because of your statement.a The duh was left out of Sh.e.l.las words, but it was heard.
aI figured he would have said something by now. What took him so long?a She shrugged, opening up the message. As she read it, her face burned.
aHow dare you put me in the position of making you more famous than you already are and using me to make other people accept your marriage to your husband? I thought we were friends, Hannah. That song was supposed to be ours, you promised.a She had no idea who had promised, it definitely hadnat been her, and reiterated the fact that she thought someone at the record company had set the two of them up. aHeas mad.a She tilted the phone towards Sh.e.l.l and let her read it.
aHe has no right to be that angry. If someone at the record company promised it, then he needs to take it up with them. That p.i.s.ses me off,a Sh.e.l.l mumbled, walking with Hannah down the hall.
aHow do I even respond to this? I feel bad that he seems to have gotten the short end of the stick, but thereas also a part of me that doesnat care.a aI wouldnat respond, Iad let it go.a That didnat feel good to Hannah. She and Bryson had known each other for a long time. She tried to think of how she would feel if someone blew her off like that. aIt doesnat feel good to do that.a aIam being honest with you. Heas p.i.s.sed. Heas going to p.i.s.s you off, and then heas going to say something that he doesnat mean, and itas going to make you mad. Without meaning to, youall get Garrett involved, and then it will be a knock-down, drag-out between everyone. I think itas best to let it go. If he says something else, then you can answer it.a Maybe Sh.e.l.l was right, maybe she did need to let it go. It wouldnat change anything about her life now or after the tour was over. As far as she was concerned, her eyes were on the prize, and that prize was the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Thatas when she would be done, and thatas when she could truly start living her life.
Chapter Twenty-Four.
aYouave got a delivery from California.a Those were beginning to be Hannahas favorite words in the world. That meant that Garrett had taken the time to send her something. Sometimes it was little, other times it was big, like flowers. Today, she wasnat exactly sure what it was.
Sh.e.l.l sat a box down in front of her and waited patiently for her to open it. Hannahas gifts had become something that they both looked forward too. They each tried to guess what it was before she officially ripped into it.
aIam not sure about this one,a Hannah told Sh.e.l.l, tilting her head from side to side. aAll the other ones have been self-explanatory, this one is a box.a aI gotta admit, Iam stumped too. Usually thereas a rhyme and reason for what heas sending and we can get a good clue from how it looks wrapped, but thisaa Sh.e.l.l trailed off.
Shrugging, Hannah tore in, wondering just what in the world she would find there. She tried to think back to the conversations that she and Garrett had been having lately. aI have no idea either,a she said as she opened the box, laughing when she saw what was in there.
aWhat the h.e.l.l is that?a Hannah took a minute to examine it and then threw her head back laughing. aItas different meal replacement drinks. He told me after I weighed in the other day that I needed to slow down the weight loss.a She pulled out the first one and saw it had a note attached to it. aOh my G.o.d,a she giggled.
aDid he make personal notes for you?a Sh.e.l.l asked as she scoped the writing that was attached to each bottle.
Flipping the carton around in her hand, she saw that he had. aIt looks like he taste-tested them for me,a she laughed. aHeas insane.a aAbout you, and itas super cute.a To say that Sh.e.l.l was a little jealous was an understatement, but it would do her no good to talk about it.
aHeall be here the day after tomorrow and Iam excited.a Sh.e.l.l watched her friend. The excitement was noticeable in the way her eyes brightened, the smile on her face got bigger, and the tone of her skin. There was one thing that none of them had counted on with this marriagea"how much it would help Hannah become the person they all knew had been inside her. It had helped her blossom, and Sh.e.l.l had never been happier. aIam excited for you. I know these past few weeks havenat been easy.a aThey havenat been easy on any of us. Itas not only me, itas everybody. Weave all worked our behinds off.a aThatas true, but I think youave dealt with the brunt of the stress. Youare the one going out there killing it every night, when all you seriously want to do is be at home with your husband. I have to give it to you, I didnat know if you would be able to do these eight weeks, but youave been a trooper. Iam proud of you, Han.a She smiled. aThanks, but Iam so ready to go home,a she laughed. aBut Iam going to suck it up, drink this meal replacement that says aI rocka and hope for the best.a Truer words had never been spoken for all of them.
Sh.e.l.l loved mornings when she was the only one awake. The bus that she and Hannah occupied never had that many people in it, Hannah valued her privacy too much, but sometimes it was nice to be awake without Hannah. It was in those moments that she allowed herself to reflect on where she was in her life and do it alone. It was where she cried most of her tears and let her fears take hold. She never told those things or shared those feelings with anyone. It was her way of self-preservation.
This morning, she moved to the coffee maker and got her first cup before sitting down at the bar. In front of her on her laptop screen was the information that she needed to apply for the college program that she had been looking into. Scared didnat even begin to describe the way she was feeling. There had been points in her life where she hadnat been sure what she wanted to do, but this was a whole different ballgame. Hannah had told her what her own plans were, and for the first time, those didnat include Sh.e.l.l. It was time for her to realize and understand that maybe she would have to continue with something that didnat include the two of them. It had weighed heavily on her, after they had their talk, but Sh.e.l.l had made it a point not to dwell on it and never to mention it in front of Hannah. Hannah already felt bad enough about everything without her piling on other drama.
Beside her laptop, her cell phone vibrated. It was Jared, and that brought a real smile to her face.
Morning! Iam about to go to bed, but I wanted to wish you a good day.
It was times like this when she could believe that he did love her, that what they were building on was something as important to him as it was to her. She held these little moments close to her. It wasnat often that he thought to do the little things like this. He wasnat thoughtful in the way that Garrett was. There were no trinkets just because he was thinking about her. There were no surprise flower deliveries because he knew she liked them, but that was okay. Thatas who Jared was, and she could deal with that, but she wasnat sure she could deal with the lack of feeling.
Thanks! I hope you have a good day too!
Overuse of exclamation points, another thing that told her just how much she wanted this to work with him. She was willing to act like everything was fine, even be overly cheerful about it. That was not her at all. If he noticed, he didnat say anything about it, and that p.i.s.sed her off too. All she wanted him to do was care about her the way she cared about him. Turning the phone over with more force than needed, she went back to the application, hoping that she was doing the right thing. As she read along with what she needed, there was a knock at the bus door.
Glancing out, she saw that they were stopped at a convenience store, and she wondered who in the world would be knocking. She got up and walked up to the front of the bus, her eyes widening when she saw Garrett standing outside.
aWhat are you doing here? I thought we were picking you up later on today?a she asked as she let him in.
aI texted the bus driver to see where you all were and it wasnat too far from the airport that I flew into. Since I knew he had to gas up and that would take a while, I decided it would be easier just to go ahead and meet you all. Is she still asleep?a he asked as he made his way onto the bus and sat his bag down.
aYeah, I didnat want to wake her up, sheas been so tired lately with everything going on.a Garrett shrugged out of his hoodie and sat it down on top of his bag. aI donat blame you; she seems very stressed when Iave talked to her on the phone the last few times. I hate what this is doing to her, and then all that bulls.h.i.t with Bryson? I have half a mind to find that f.u.c.ker myself.a aIam always up for a.s.sholes getting what they deserve, and I think he deserves whatever you give him. There was no reason for him to bring Hannah into that, unless of course what she said was true. The record company made promises on her behalf that she never intended to keep.a He nodded, but even then, Garrett didnat think it mattered. He didnat trust the f.u.c.ker, and that was all there was to it. aIam gonna head on back if thatas okay with you.a aSure.a She smiled softly. aGo see your wife. Sheas missed you.a aOh, before I forget.a He reached into the pocket of the hoodie he had just taken off and pulled out an envelope. aJared told me to give this to you.a For a long time, Sh.e.l.l held it in her hands, not sure what to do with it. Did she open it? What if it was a asee ya latera letter? Finally, after glancing up at the clock and realizing that shead held the envelope for over an hour, she steeled herself and tore into it. If he wanted to be alone, she had to know; there was no point in following along with Hannah when Black Friday toured next year, if that was the case.
Sh.e.l.l, I know I try your patience, I know that Iam not the type of man that you thought youad end up with, and I know that youare a saint for putting up with me. I donat tell you half the things you deserve to know or half the things I think about you. I was at Garrettas the other night and overheard something that Hannah was talking to him about. You confessed that Iad never told you I loved you, and Hannah was all over Garrettas s.h.i.t for it.
Sheas a great friend, one you need to keep for the rest of your life.
Hearing her say the things she did made me feel like a piece of s.h.i.t, and maybe thatas what I needed. Iave taken you for granted for a long time, beautiful, because youave been here, and I always a.s.sumed you would be. From the moment we had coffee with each other, I always knew you would be in my life, I never thought of it another way. Itas my fault that you donat know how I feel about you because I canat put those feelings into words. Thatas why Iam writing this right now, I canat open my mouth and tell you these things.
My childhood was not a good one, and I never knew what the word love meant until I was a teenager. I love Garrett, heas my best friend. I love the guys, theyave had my back forever, theyave seen me do things that should have disgusted them, but instead theyave always picked me up when I fall. I love the Thompsonas, without them, I wouldnat be who I am today. I would be thirty-thousand times more f.u.c.ked up and on the streets with a needle in my arm.
But you, youayouave taught me a different kind of love. One that I never hoped I would know. I didnat dare, because I knew I wasnat worthy and I knew that I wasnat capable. Mich.e.l.le, you blew that notion, that a.s.sumption, out of the water. It was gradual and it took me a while to realize what the catch in my breath, the double beat of my heart was whenever I saw you, but never doubt itas not felt. Never doubt that itas not there. I may not be conventional, and I may not be able to tell you the words in person yeta"Iam working on it. I will always be a work in progress, and I need you to understand that.
I love you. I love everything about you.
Iam so sorry you wondered, because there should not be one sliver of doubt in your mind.
Jared It was hard to see through the tears that clouded her eyes, and it was even harder to swallow past the tightness in her throat, but she did it. Sh.e.l.l picked up the phone and placed the most important call of her life, and when he picked up, she knew that everything wouldnat be perfect all the time, but she knew that with him she could handle it. As long as he loved her, she could do anything in the world.
Chapter Twenty-Five.
Garrett didnat know what was in the letter head handed Sh.e.l.l, and he didnat wait around to find out. That was between her and Jared. Head done what he could in trying to convince Jared that he needed to let the woman in his life know exactly what she meant to him. Other than that, he was staying out of it. Jared was the type of man to do what he wanted to do, and Garrett knew that. He only hoped head done what he should have.
Quietly, he made his way into Hannahas room and shut the door. It was still very early in the morning; head flown all night but had managed to get some sleep on the plane. There was nothing he enjoyed more than to wrap up with her, though, so he was going to take complete advantage of the situation. Head purposely packed a bunch of DVDs and some snacks in the bag head left out in the lounge area. They were going to relax if it killed them. They didnat do much of it, always on the go, always trying to fit in this and that. He was going to lie down with her and make sure she rested, no matter how bored he got.
Taking off everything but his boxer briefs, he quickly got under the covers and pulled her to him. A sigh of contentment escaped him when Hannah molded her body to his and clasped his hand in her sleep. He couldnat wait when this was where they would both be for longer than a few nights here and there. He rested better with her around; he felt more at peace and more at ease when she was around. Garrett wouldnat admit it to anyone, but he needed thisa"this grounded him in ways that other things never had. Without her, he could feel himself slipping into bad habits. He was drinking too much, and when that happened, he was an a.s.shole. The relief of knowing that they only had a week of this left was astounding. Curling his arm around her head, he got as close as he could and inhaled the smell that was Hannah. His mind, heart, and soul finally at peace, he drifted off.
Hannah inhaled deeply, stretching against the sheets on her bed. Something was different from when shead gone to sleep. It was warmer and she felt safe. Glancing down, she saw tattoos and a strong forearm around her waist. Sometime while she slept, Garrett had come in. With a smile stretching across her face, she ran her fingers over his forearm, tracing some of the ink there. She would never get over how much she loved that about him. Behind her, he jerked at her touch.
aHan?a His voice was deep with sleep, her favorite way.
aYeah.a She rolled over in his arms so that she could see his face. aWhen did you get here?a she asked, reaching up to place a kiss on his jawline. It wasnat smooth, so she knew he hadnat been there long enough to shave.
aEarly this morning. Sh.e.l.l let me in. Everything just happened to work out right, and I was able to meet the bus,a he explained, running a hand over his face to try and help him wake up.