"The town we landed at was named Guayaquerita, so they told me. "Not for me," says I. "It"ll be little old Hilldale or Tompkinsville or Cherry Tree Corners when I speak of it. It"s a clear case where Spelling Reform ought to b.u.t.t in and disenvowel it."
"But the town looked fine from the bay when we sailed in. It was white, with green ruching, and lace ruffles on the skirt when the surf slashed up on the sand. It looked as tropical and dolce far ultra as the pictures of Lake Ronkonkoma in the brochure of the pa.s.senger department of the Long Island Railroad.
"We went through the quarantine and custom-house indignities; and then O"Connor leads me to a "dobe house on a street called "The Avenue of the Dolorous b.u.t.terflies of the Individual and Collective Saints." Ten feet wide it was, and knee-deep in alfalfa and cigar stumps.
""Hooligan Alley," says I, rechristening it.
"""Twill be our headquarters," says O"Connor. "My agent here, Don Fernando Pacheco, secured it for us."
"So in that house O"Connor and me established the revolutionary centre.
In the front room we had ostensible things such as fruit, a guitar, and a table with a conch sh.e.l.l on it. In the back room O"Connor had his desk and a large looking-gla.s.s and his sword hid in a roll of straw matting.
We slept on hammocks that we hung to hooks in the wall; and took our meals at the Hotel Ingles, a beanery run on the American plan by a German proprietor with Chinese cooking served a la Kansas City lunch counter.
"It seems that O"Connor really did have some sort of system planned out beforehand. He wrote plenty of letters; and every day or two some native gent would stroll round to headquarters and be shut up in the back room for half an hour with O"Connor and the interpreter. I noticed that when they went in they were always smoking eight-inch cigars and at peace with the world; but when they came out they would be folding up a ten- or twenty-dollar bill and cursing the government horribly.
"One evening after we had been in Guaya--in this town of Smellville-by-the-Sea--about a month, and me and O"Connor were sitting outside the door helping along old tempus fugit with rum and ice and limes, I says to him:
""If you"ll excuse a patriot that don"t exactly know what he"s patronizing, for the question--what is your scheme for subjugating this country? Do you intend to plunge it into bloodshed, or do you mean to buy its votes peacefully and honorably at the polls?"
""Bowers," says he, "ye"re a fine little man and I intend to make great use of ye after the conflict. But ye do not understand statecraft.
Already by now we have a network of strategy clutching with invisible fingers at the throat of the tyrant Calderas. We have agents at work in every town in the republic. The Liberal party is bound to win. On our secret lists we have the names of enough sympathizers to crush the administration forces at a single blow."
""A straw vote," says I, "only shows which way the hot air blows."
""Who has accomplished this?" goes on O"Connor. "I have. I have directed everything. The time was ripe when we came, so my agents inform me.
The people are groaning under burdens of taxes and levies. Who will be their natural leader when they rise? Could it be any one but meself?
"Twas only yesterday that Zaldas, our representative in the province of Durasnas, tells me that the people, in secret, already call me "El Library Door," which is the Spanish manner of saying "The Liberator.""
""Was Zaldas that maroon-colored old Aztec with a paper collar on and unbleached domestic shoes?" I asked.
""He was," says O"Connor.
""I saw him tucking a yellow-back into his vest pocket as he came out,"
says I. "It may be," says I, "that they call you a library door, but they treat you more like the side door of a bank. But let us hope for the worst."
""It has cost money, of course," says O"Connor; "but we"ll have the country in our hands inside of a month."
"In the evenings we walked about in the plaza and listened to the band playing and mingled with the populace at its distressing and obnoxious pleasures. There were thirteen vehicles belonging to the upper cla.s.ses, mostly rockaways and old-style barouches, such as the mayor rides in at the unveiling of the new poorhouse at Milledgeville, Alabama. Round and round the desiccated fountain in the middle of the plaza they drove, and lifted their high silk hats to their friends. The common people walked around in barefooted bunches, puffing stogies that a Pittsburg millionaire wouldn"t have chewed for a dry smoke on Ladies" Day at his club. And the grandest figure in the whole turnout was Barney O"Connor.
Six foot two he stood in his Fifth Avenue clothes, with his eagle eye and his black moustache that tickled his ears. He was a born dictator and czar and hero and harrier of the human race. It looked to me that all eyes were turned upon O"Connor, and that every woman there loved him, and every man feared him. Once or twice I looked at him and thought of funnier things that had happened than his winning out in his game; and I began to feel like a Hidalgo de Officio de Grafto de South America myself. And then I would come down again to solid bottom and let my imagination gloat, as usual, upon the twenty-one American dollars due me on Sat.u.r.day night.
""Take note," says O"Connor to me as thus we walked, "of the ma.s.s of the people. Observe their oppressed and melancholy air. Can ye not see that they are ripe for revolt? Do ye not perceive that they are disaffected?"
""I do not," says I. "Nor disinfected either. I"m beginning to understand these people. When they look unhappy they"re enjoying themselves. When they feel unhappy they go to sleep. They"re not the kind of people to take an interest in revolutions."
""They"ll flock to our standard," says O"Connor. "Three thousand men in this town alone will spring to arms when the signal is given. I am a.s.sured of that. But everything is in secret. There is no chance for us to fail."
"On Hooligan Alley, as I prefer to call the street our headquarters was on, there was a row of flat "dobe houses with red tile roofs, some straw shacks full of Indians and dogs, and one two-story wooden house with balconies a little farther down. That was where General Tumbalo, the comandante and commander of the military forces, lived. Right across the street was a private residence built like a combination bake-oven and folding-bed. One day, O"Connor and me were pa.s.sing it, single file, on the f.l.a.n.g.e they called a sidewalk, when out of the window flies a big red rose. O"Connor, who is ahead, picks it up, presses it to his fifth rib, and bows to the ground. By Carrambos! that man certainly had the Irish drama chaunceyized. I looked around expecting to see the little boy and girl in white sateen ready to jump on his shoulder while he jolted their spinal columns and ribs together through a breakdown, and sang: "Sleep, Little One, Sleep."
"As I pa.s.sed the window I glanced inside and caught a glimpse of a white dress and a pair of big, flashing black eyes and gleaming teeth under a dark lace mantilla.
"When we got back to our house O"Connor began to walk up and down the floor and twist his moustaches.
""Did ye see her eyes, Bowers?" he asks me.
""I did," says I, "and I can see more than that. It"s all coming out according to the story-books. I knew there was something missing. "Twas the love interest. What is it that comes in Chapter VII to cheer the gallant Irish adventurer? Why, Love, of course--Love that makes the hat go around. At last we have the eyes of midnight hue and the rose flung from the barred window. Now, what comes next? The underground pa.s.sage--the intercepted letter--the traitor in camp--the hero thrown into a dungeon--the mysterious message from the senorita--then the outburst--the fighting on the plaza--the--"
""Don"t be a fool," says O"Connor, interrupting. "But that"s the only woman in the world for me, Bowers. The O"Connors are as quick to love as they are to fight. I shall wear that rose over me heart when I lead me men into action. For a good battle to be fought there must be some woman to give it power."
""Every time," I agreed, "if you want to have a good lively sc.r.a.p.
There"s only one thing bothering me. In the novels the light-haired friend of the hero always gets killed. Think "em all over that you"ve read, and you"ll see that I"m right. I think I"ll step down to the Botica Espanola and lay in a bottle of walnut stain before war is declared."
""How will I find out her name?" says O"Connor, layin" his chin in his hand.
""Why don"t you go across the street and ask her?" says I.
""Will ye never regard anything in life seriously?" says O"Connor, looking down at me like a schoolmaster.
""Maybe she meant the rose for me," I said, whistling the Spanish Fandango.
"For the first time since I"d known O"Connor, he laughed. He got up and roared and clapped his knees, and leaned against the wall till the tiles on the roof clattered to the noise of his lungs. He went into the back room and looked at himself in the gla.s.s and began and laughed all over from the beginning again. Then he looked at me and repeated himself.
That"s why I asked you if you thought an Irishman had any humor. He"d been doing farce comedy from the day I saw him without knowing it; and the first time he had an idea advanced to him with any intelligence in it he acted like two twelfths of the s.e.xtet in a "Floradora" road company.
"The next afternoon he comes in with a triumphant smile and begins to pull something like ticker tape out of his pocket.
""Great!" says I. "This is something like home. How is Amalgamated Copper to-day?"
""I"ve got her name," says O"Connor, and he reads off something like this: "Dona Isabel Antonia Inez Lolita Carreras y Buencaminos y Monteleon. She lives with her mother," explains O"Connor. "Her father was killed in the last revolution. She is sure to be in sympathy with our cause."
"And sure enough the next day she flung a little bunch of roses clear across the street into our door. O"Connor dived for it and found a piece of paper curled around a stem with a line in Spanish on it. He dragged the interpreter out of his corner and got him busy. The interpreter scratched his head, and gave us as a translation three best bets: "Fortune had got a face like the man fighting"; "Fortune looks like a brave man"; and "Fortune favors the brave." We put our money on the last one.
""Do ye see?" says O"Connor. "She intends to encourage me sword to save her country."
""It looks to me like an invitation to supper," says I.
"So every day this senorita sits behind the barred windows and exhausts a conservatory or two, one posy at a time. And O"Connor walks like a Dominecker rooster and swells his chest and swears to me he will win her by feats of arms and big deeds on the gory field of battle.
"By and by the revolution began to get ripe. One day O"Connor takes me into the back room and tells me all.
""Bowers," says he, "at twelve o"clock one week from to-day the struggle will take place. It has pleased ye to find amus.e.m.e.nt and diversion in this project because ye have not sense enough to perceive that it is easily accomplished by a man of courage, intelligence, and historical superiority, such as meself. The whole world over," says he, "the O"Connors have ruled men, women, and nations. To subdue a small and indifferent country like this is a trifle. Ye see what little, barefooted manikins the men of it are. I could lick four of "em single-handed."
""No doubt," says I. "But could you lick six? And suppose they hurled an army of seventeen against you?"
""Listen," says O"Connor, "to what will occur. At noon next Tuesday 25,000 patriots will rise up in the towns of the republic. The government will be absolutely unprepared. The public buildings will be taken, the regular army made prisoners, and the new administration set up. In the capital it will not be so easy on account of most of the army being stationed there. They will occupy the president"s palace and the strongly fortified government buildings and stand a siege. But on the very day of the outbreak a body of our troops will begin a march to the capital from every town as soon as the local victory has been won. The thing is so well planned that it is an impossibility for us to fail. I meself will lead the troops from here. The new president will be Senor Espadas, now Minister of Finance in the present cabinet."
""What do you get?" I asked.
"""Twill be strange," said O"Connor smiling, "if I don"t have all the jobs handed to me on a silver salver to pick what I choose. I"ve been the brains of the scheme, and when the fighting opens I guess I won"t be in the rear rank. Who managed it so our troops could get arms smuggled into this country? Didn"t I arrange it with a New York firm before I left there? Our financial agents inform me that 20,000 stands of Winchester rifles have been delivered a month ago at a secret place up coast and distributed among the towns. I tell you, Bowers, the game is already won."