THE FOUR CAUTIONS
Pay attention to these cautions four, And through life you will need little more, Should you dole out your days to threescore Beware of a pistol before!
Before! before!
Beware of a pistol before!
And when backward his ears are inclined, And his tail with his ham is combined, Caution two you will bear in your mind: Beware of a prancer behind!
Behind! behind!
Beware of a prancer behind!
Thirdly, when in the park you may ride, On your best bit of blood, sir, astride, Chatting gay to your old friend"s young bride: Beware of a coach at the side!
At the side! at the side!
Beware of a coach at the side!
Lastly, whether in purple or gray, Canter, ranter, grave, solemn, or gay, Whate"er he may do or may say, Beware of a priest every way!
Every way! every way!
Beware of a priest every way!
"Well," said Tom King, "all you can sing or say don"t alter my good opinion of the women. Not a secret have I from the girl of my heart. She could have sold me over and over again if she had chosen, but my sweet Sue is not the wench to do that."
"It is not too late," said d.i.c.k. "Your Delilah may yet hand you over to the Philistines."
"Then I shall die in a good cause," said King; "but
The Tyburn Tree Has no terrors for me, Let better men swing--I"m at liberty.
I shall never come to the scragging-post, unless you turn topsman, d.i.c.k Turpin. My nativity has been cast, and the stars have declared I am to die by the hand of my best friend--and that"s you--eh? d.i.c.k?"
"It sounds like it," replied Turpin; "but I advise you not to become too intimate with Jack Ketch. He may prove your best friend, after all."
"Why, faith, that"s true," replied King, laughing; "and if I must ride backwards up Holborn Hill, I"ll do the thing in style, and honest Jack Ketch shall never want his dues. A man should always die game. We none of us know how soon our turn may come; but come when it will, _I_ shall never flinch from it.
As the highwayman"s life is the fullest of zest, So the highwayman"s death is the briefest and best; He dies not as other men die, by degrees, But at once! without flinching--and quite at his ease!
as the song you are so fond of says. When I die it will not be of consumption. And if the surgeon"s knife must come near me, it will be after death. There"s some comfort in that reflection, at all events."
"True," replied Turpin, "and, with a little alteration, my song would suit you capitally:
There is not a king, should you search the world round, So blithe as the king"s king, TOM KING, to be found; Dear woman"s his empire, each girl is his own, And he"d have a long reign if he"d let "em alone.
Ha, ha!"
"Ha, ha!" laughed Tom. "And now, d.i.c.k, to change the subject. You are off, I understand, to Yorkshire to-night. "Pon my soul, you are a wonderful fellow--an _alibi_ personified!--here and everywhere at the same time--no wonder you are called the flying highwayman. To-day in town--to-morrow at York--the day after at Chester. The devil only knows where you will pitch your quarters a week hence. There are rumors of you in all counties at the same moment. This man swears you robbed him at Hounslow; that on Salisbury Plain; while another avers you monopolize Cheshire and Yorkshire, and that it isn"t safe even to _hunt_ without pops in your pocket. I heard some devilish good stories of you at D"Osyndar"s t"other day; the fellow who told them to me little thought I was a brother blade."
"You flatter me," said d.i.c.k, smiling complacently; "but it"s no merit of mine. Black Bess alone enables me to do it, and hers be the credit.
Talking of being everywhere at the same time, you shall hear what she once did for me in Cheshire. Meantime, a gla.s.s to the best mare in England. You won"t refuse that toast, Tom. Ah! if your mistress is only as true to you as my nag to me, you might set at naught the tightest hempen cravat that was ever twisted, and defy your best friend to hurt you. Black Bess! and G.o.d bless her! And now for the song." Saying which, with much emotion, Turpin chanted the following rhymes:
BLACK BESS
Let the lover his mistress"s beauty rehea.r.s.e, And laud her attractions in languishing verse; Be it mine in rude strains, but with truth to express, The love that I bear to my bonny Black Bess.
From the west was her dam, from the east was her sire, From the one came her swiftness, the other her fire; No peer of the realm better blood can possess Than flows in the veins of my bonny Black Bess.
Look! Look! how that eyeball grows bright as a brand!
That neck proudly arches, those nostrils expand!
Mark! that wide flowing mane! of which each silky tress Might adorn prouder beauties--though none like Black Bess.
Mark! that skin sleek as velvet, and dusky as night, With its jet undisfigured by one lock of white; That throat branched with veins, prompt to charge or caress Now is she not beautiful?--bonny Black Bess!
Over highway and by-way, in rough and smooth weather, Some thousands of miles have we journeyed together; Our couch the same straw, and our meal the same mess No couple more constant than I and Black Bess.
By moonlight, in darkness, by night, or by day, Her headlong career there is nothing can stay; She cares not for distance, she knows not distress: Can you show me a courser to match with Black Bess?
"Egad! I should think not," exclaimed King; "you are as sentimental on the subject of your mare, as I am when I think of my darling Susan. But pardon my interruption. Pray proceed."
"Let me first clear my throat," returned d.i.c.k; "and now to resume:"
Once it happened in Cheshire, near Dunham, I popped On a horseman alone, whom I speedily stopped; That I lightened his pockets you"ll readily guess-- Quick work makes d.i.c.k Turpin when mounted on Bess.
Now it seems the man knew me; "d.i.c.k Turpin," said he, "You shall swing for this job, as you live, d"ye see;"
I laughed at his threats and his vows of redress; I was sure of an _alibi_ then with Black Bess.
The road was a hollow, a sunken ravine,[95]
Overshadowed completely by wood like a screen; I clambered the bank, and I needs must confess, That one touch of the spur grazed the side of Black Bess.
Brake, brook, meadow, and plough"d field, Bess fleetly bestrode, As the crow wings her flight we selected our road; We arrived at Hough Green in five minutes, or less-- My neck it was saved by the speed of Black Bess.
Stepping carelessly forward, I lounge on the green, Taking excellent care that by all I am seen; Some remarks on time"s flight to the squires I address, But I say not a word of the flight of Black Bess.
I mention the hour--it was just about four-- Play a rubber at bowls--think the danger is o"er; When athwart my next game, like a checkmate at chess, Comes the hors.e.m.e.n in search of the rider of Bess.
What matter details? Off with triumph I came; He swears to the hour, and the squires swear the same; I had robbed him at _four_!--while at four _they_ profess I was quietly bowling--all thanks to Black Bess!
Then one halloo, boys, one loud cheering halloo!
To the swiftest of coursers, the gallant, the true!
For the sportsman unborn shall the memory bless Of the horse of the highwayman, bonny Black Bess!
Loud acclamations rewarded d.i.c.k"s performance. Awakened from his doze, Zoroaster beat time to the melody, the only thing, Jerry said, he was capable of _beating_ in his present shattered condition. After some little persuasion, the Magus was prevailed upon to enliven the company with a strain, which he trolled forth after a maudlin manner:
THE DOUBLE CROSS
Though all of us have heard of _crost_ fights, And certain _gains_, by certain _lost_ fights, I rather fancies that it"s news, How in a mill, _both_ men should _lose_; For vere the _odds_ are thus made _even_, It plays the d.i.c.kens with the _steven_;[96]
Besides, against all rule they"re sinning, Vere _neither_ has _no_ chance of vinning.
_Ri, tol, lol, &c._
Two _milling coves_, each vide avake, Vere backed to fight for heavy stake: But in the mean time, so it vos, Both _kids_ agreed to _play a cross_; Bold came each _buffer_[97] to the _scratch_, To make it look a _tightish match_; They _peeled_[98] in style, and bets vere making, "Tvos six to four, but few vere _taking_.
_Ri, tol, lol, &c._
Quite cautiously the mill began, For neither knew the other"s plan; Each _cull_[99] completely in the _dark_, Of vot might be his neighbor"s _mark_; Resolved his _fibbing_[100] not to mind, Nor yet to _pay him back in kind_; So on each other _kept they tout_,[101]
And _sparred_ a bit, and _dodged_ about, _Ri, tol, lol, &c._