I said, "I"m sorry now my official staff didn"t bring a couple of British tanks with him."
That big, fat man just seemed to be saying, "They shall not pa.s.s."
Hunt Manners said, "Take a good look at him; does he look good-natured?"
We went across the street and stopped on the sidewalk of Grove Place right plunk in front of the big house. Then we all gathered around close to decide what we had better do next. There was quite a wide lawn in front of the house.
I said to my official staff, "Turn the standard around so the man can read it and notice if he smiles."
"He"s too far away," Dorry said. "Why don"t you send some one to reconnoiter and see if he smiles?"
"Send a spy," the kid whispered.
I said, "Don"t tell your general what to do. You"re appointed an envoy to go up to that porch and ask that man if it will be all right for Leader Blakeley of the Silver Fox Patrol B. S. A. to come up there and discuss whether we can cross his territory. Tell him if he wants to come down here and discuss it on neutral territory, you"ll give him safe conduct. Do you know what that is? Take all your stuff with you and notice if he smiles. Go ahead and do just what I told you."
Honest, you"d have laughed if you could have seen that kid hiking up the walk across the lawn, rattling and jangling and hoisting his phonograph horn up on his shoulder. He tramped right up onto the porch and pretty soon I thought the man was kind of smiling.
Then, all of a sudden, _good night_, the kid raised his big megaphone up to his mouth to call through it and out fell the coffee-pot and the saucepan and his pair of sneakers and a lot of other stuff. I could see the big fat man just shaking.
[Ill.u.s.tration: AS PEE-WEE RAISED HIS MEGAPHONE OUT FELL THE COFFEE POT AND OTHER STUFF. (Page 32)]
"It"s all right, come ahead!" the kid called through the megaphone.
When we came to the porch the man looked us over very funny, like. He didn"t laugh, but I think he was having a hard job not to. Then I knew we"d win because I could see he was losing his morale.
He said, "Well, what"s all this?"
I said, "This is the Silver Fox Patrol, First Bridgeboro Troop, Boy Scouts of America, and I"m their leader and we"re on a bee-line hike and we can only go straight west."
He said, "And who are all those youngsters out on the sidewalk?"
I said, "They"re just following us, they don"t count."
He said, "Oh."
Then Pee-wee said, "I"ll tell you about the scouts. When they start out to do a thing, they do it. See? Nothing can stop them. Maybe you know how a--a--cannon-ball goes----"
The man said, "I can imagine."
"You know what irresistible is?" the kid asked him. "Well, that"s what we are."
The man said, "Oh, I see."
"Sure," Pee-wee said; "things that are hard, that"s what we like."
"We eat "em alive," Westy said.
I said to Pee-wee, "Do you know what insubordinate is? Well, that"s what _you_ are. Keep still while I talk. You"re only my official staff."
The man said, "Well, you"d better pick up your official coffee-pot and saucepan, and state your terms. I"m not sure that I want an irresistible army of invasion going through my house."
"Irresistible armies of invasion aren"t so bad," the kid piped up. "I"ll tell you how it is----"
"Keep still," I said, "or I"ll put you in the megaphone." Then I said to the man, "We started from Blakeley"s Hill and we pledged ourselves to go straight west----"
"Without deviation," the kid shouted; "do you know what that means?"
I said, "We pledged ourselves to go straight west till we come to a certain tree on west ridge, and not to turn to the right or the left. So you see we"ll have to go right through your house."
The man just sat there a little while, kind of thinking. I began to get anxious.
The kid said, "You know scouts always wipe their feet when they go in a house. Maybe they"re kind of wild, but they always wipe their feet."
I could see the man was trying hard not to laugh, and he just sat there thinking. Then he said, "Since you admit scouts are wild I think I won"t let them go through my house."
"Now, you see," I whispered to Pee-wee.
"Oh, they"re not so _very_ wild," he said.
All the time the man seemed to be thinking and he said, "If you could just climb over the house now; wouldn"t that be better? Since you can do anything? I think you said you are _irresistible_."
_Good night!_ I could have strangled that kid. I said, "We"d like to go the easiest way."
The man said, "Ah, then you _don"t_ really care for hard things? You are what might be called parlor scouts. I see. How about your appet.i.tes?"
"I"ll tell you about our appet.i.tes!" the kid shouted.
I said, "Believe me, we can give you the best recommendations."
Then the man said, "Well, I"m sorry I can"t let you go through the house."
I said, "You don"t think we"d take any food, do you?"
He said, "Not that, but I"m afraid going through the house is out of the question. If you would care to try climbing over it I"ll supply you with ladders. While my gardener is getting the ladders, cake and pie will be served. That is my proposition. If you care to take me up, all right. If not, we part friends. A man"s house is his castle; I dare say you"ve heard that. If you are so wild and adventurous, show your mettle."
I said, "Didn"t you see metal enough when my official staff spilled the saucepan and the coffee-pot and things?"
The man just said, "That is my offer. Cake, pie and the roof. Or nothing. You are the leader. What do you say?"
"Say yes," Pee-wee whispered to me.
Jiminies, that kid would climb over the Woolworth Building for a piece of pie.
CHAPTER VII