Night arrived. I made my way to the Sh.e.l.ly"s room. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door. She opened the door and looked at me in surprise. After my cold treatment, I"m not fazed at the fact that she was expecting me to knock on her door. However, I am well aware of the fact that she did not deserve to be treated in such a manner. Not only was she older than me, but was only carrying out her duty as a tutor."Dinner is ready," I said.
"Oh," she replied, "Uh, thank you for telling me. However, won"t my presence at the dinner table be…awkward?"
"I don"t see any reason why. You are a guest here, as well my tutor. Therefore you have every right to join us."
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She let out a sigh of relief at my reply and smiled. I turned away and showed her the way to the diner. Sitting quietly at the table was my mother who shot Sh.e.l.ly a suspicious and cold gaze before looking back down at her meal. At least she was out of her room. I sat down in the seat in front of my mother, Sh.e.l.ly next to me. There was a silent atmosphere as no one spoke. Setting down the spoon, my mother looked at me, and then to Sh.e.l.ly. Her lips were curled in an unimpressed manner, but I could see that she was debating to give the older girl next to me a chance.
"I heard that you were from the Hums Kingdom," She said. I bit the corner of the mouth at her question.
Sh.e.l.ly flinched, sweat forming on the top of her forehead. "Yes. My name is Sh.e.l.ly. It is nice to meet you, Ma"am."
"And last name?" my mother pressed.
"Pardon?"
She raised an eyebrow, "Your last name, what is it?"
"Oh! It"s Gales. My father is Duke Jose Gales."
My mother picked up her fork and knife and spoke in an icy tone, "I never asked for your father"s name."
Sh.e.l.ly nodded awkwardly. Her eyes shimmered with slight fear and sadness. It was understandable. Not only was she sent somewhere out of her country, but was unexpectedly met with the task to live in a manor made for a concubine and illegitimate child who both treated her with suspicion and coldness. Her expression was more than enough to tell me that she was not a spy for his majesty, nor was she a piece placed in the manor to cause tension.
"Mother," I spoke up. My mother gave me a swift look, "I know, Ice. I"ve thought about everything."
"And?" I urged her to continue speaking.
"You"re right. Perhaps I"ve gone overboard with these feelings of mine. I"ll try not to be so…love-struck. However, that doesn"t mean I"m going to stop pushing you towards gaining a higher position. Only when you gain a higher and stable position will you be happy."
A calm wave clashed towards me at her words. It was a.s.suring that I at least mattered enough to her for her to realize her wrongs. In honesty, I had little to no faith that I could help her snap out of her delusional thoughts. I even readied myself to abandon her for my own sake, yet she proved to me that she was indeed a woman who wasn"t completely thoughtless. However, there was still much more to do before I could settle down and rest. For example, she still had the idea that I will only be happy with the throne- something I no longer crave for. Unlike my half siblings (two of which have yet to be born), I never saw the throne as a place to help build a better kingdom, it was merely what I believed to be the piece to gaining happiness and my father"s attention. However, now that I"m aware of happiness existing in the simple things, it would be of no use to me, just like how I no longer wish to be acknowledged by my father to prove my worth.
Wiping my mouth, I excused myself from the dinner table.
The weather was chilly. I crawled into my bed and peered up. My mind started to wonder as I thought about all that I went through. Life has certainly always been complicated, but this whole "traveling through time" situation is by far the most complicated. I never used to believe in G.o.d. Not until I lost everything I once cherished.
It was during those times that I found comfort and peace in prayers. Not everyone will agree or find sense in my reasoning to pray to a being that is invisible to the naked eyes at a time when I lost all fortune, and that"s fine. But I believe I was saved, not physically, but emotionally by the beliefs. However, even if I was now a believer, it made no sense for me to be given such an grand opportunity. I didn"t deserve it. That was why the situation was complicated. furthermore, I had done studies at the academy at some point on the idea of reversing time before in my previous life. Even if it was a single fly that were to be sent back to the past, it was more than enough to change multiple events. Such a concept, I noticed, were already starting to happen. I was too different compared to the previous me. And whatever decisions made now could either save a life, or end it. However, even though I"m given such an opportunity, I am by no means a saint that will declare something like, "I shall prevent the war."
I merely wish for a simply life this time around. Therefore, unless those that harmed me in last life decides to try and harm me again, I by no means will do anything as an act of revenge against them. It"s an itch that"s waiting to be scratched when I think about the idea of hurting those that have done wrong to me. But I know very well that around half of them were only against me due to my actions. I will live a more peaceful life. I need to live a more peaceful life.