It was a miracle that Alice made it through the rest of her scheduled tours for the day. She should really find a better job that didn"t involve so much standing and walking. Her feet and lower back were really getting to her.
Keeley told her that it was better for her resume not to jump s.h.i.+p so soon though. She needed to stick it out for at least a full year before trying to find something else.
She had tried texting Roger a few times to see if they could meet up but she didn"t get any response. Either he was really busy at work or he was purposefully avoiding her.
She wasn"t sure which option was true so she decided her best bet was to stop by his apartment after work. He had hosted more than a few game nights at his place since they had been friends so she knew how to get there.
The area surrounding the Statue of Liberty had almost no available parking and if you did park, you had to pay for it. Alice almost never drove herself to work for this reason. She had learned the subway routes to get to her place but wasn"t sure which ones to take to get to Roger"s.
She had to study the train line map three times before she was confident enough to get on the next one. Getting on the wrong train and ending up who knows where was the last thing she needed today.
Around 6 PM she finally made it to the right apartment building and was ready to keel over. It was a nice building with a doorman but it wasn"t nearly as fancy as where Aaron lived.
Roger rented a one bedroom unit with a decent sized living room and kitchen. He had told her he wanted to buy an apartment someday and was currently saving for a down payment. She had noticed that he was a fiscally responsible person from all the times he helped her buy things; it made sense he would be practical about his living arrangements.
The doorman here seemed to vaguely recognize her from all the times she had visited. Alice prayed that Roger wouldn"t turn her away when he made the call up to his apartment.
The doorman smiled. "Go right up, Miss Wheatley."
She practically wilted with relief before politely thanking him and heading to the elevator. Roger lived on the sixth floor so the ride didn"t take too long.
When he answered the door he looked tired. Not only were the dark circles under his eyes, his posture wasn"t as straight as usual. He practically radiated exhaustion.
"What is it, Alice?" he asked wearily.
Her fear that this was a huge mistake returned. Her hands trembled as she hid them behind her back. It would be better to turn around and go home right now but if she did that she would never be brave enough to initiate this conversation again.
"There"s something I wanted to talk to you about," she managed to get out. "It won"t take long."
His weariness was momentarily replaced by a frown. "And it was so important you figured out how to get here by subway and showed up unannounced?"
Alice nodded gravely, feeling more nervous by the second. Roger sighed and stood aside to let her in. She sat down primly on one end of the couch and he sat down on the other, as far from her as possible.
Normally he sat on the cus.h.i.+on next to hers. Of course, there were usually more people over so there was less available s.p.a.ce but still…she must have really hurt him yesterday. Her heart ached at the thought.
She didn"t want to hurt Roger; he was her favorite person in the world. She took a deep, calming breath before getting her spiel out. This might ruin everything but it also might make things better. She had to take the chance.
"IknowyoulikemeandI"mstillhealingandconfusedsocanyouwaitforme?" Alice asked so rapidly he couldn"t understand a word she said.
"…could you repeat that?"
She cleared her throat nervously. "I said I know you like me and I"m still healing and confused so can you wait for me?"
That woke him up. All traces of exhaustion vanished from his face and were replaced by pure disbelief.
"What?!"
"I"m sorry I said you were a good friend; I didn"t realize you would take it the wrong way," Alice continued while she still had momentum. "You"re the most important person in my life, Roger. I don"t want to hurt you and I can"t afford to lose you. But I"ve been damaged by everything my ex-husband did.
"I don"t feel lovable and I"m not even sure I know what love actually feels like. Keeley had to knock some sense into me…My point is, I really care about you but I need time. I"d understand if you didn"t think I was worth it but—"
"Alice," Roger interrupted.
He had a soft smile on his face that did strange things to her stomach. It felt like it was doing flips.
He hesitantly reached out and took her hands in his. "You are most definitely worth it. Take all the time you need."
It had been a very long time since someone had held her hand with any degree of affection. In fact, she wasn"t even sure if anyone ever had. Even her parents hadn"t held her hands when she was little, leaving that to the ever rotating army of nannies.
Alice had been trained from a young age not to cry but traitorous tears worked their way into the corners of her eyes anyway. How could she not feel wanted when Roger was looking at her like that? Like he was happy just having her next to him.
She was. .h.i.t with the sudden thought that this was very similar to how Aaron looked at Keeley. Hadn"t that been exactly what she had hoped for?
"Um…why do you like me? And for how long?" she asked curiously.
Roger laughed a bit self-consciously. "I was interested in you the moment I first saw you, actually. You gave off a rather intriguing vibe. Then I noticed the ring and instantly shut that down. The interest came back as soon as I found out you were getting divorced but my feelings didn"t run away from me until I got to know you better.
"You"re witty, intelligent, brave, kind, and fun to talk to. Out of everyone I know you"re my favorite person to spend time with. It doesn"t hurt that you"re the most beautiful woman I"ve ever met either."
A wide smile crept onto her face at the compliments. Then she blushed. The most beautiful woman he had ever met? He had to be exaggerating.