"Such as?"
"I should have stopped them from leaving."
"Who? Your parents?" she asked incredulously. "You think you could have changed their minds?"
"I should have tried."
"Did you even know what they were planning?"
"No."
"Well then, how were you supposed to stop it?"
"I was the oldest. I should have figured out what was going on."
"You were nine!"
He turned a bleak expression on her. "What if Sean can"t forgive me?"
"First you have to give him a chance. If he doesn"t, then at least you"ve tried."
He studied her face, then finally drew in a ragged breath, and nodded. "Okay, let"s do it."
The walk up that sidewalk and into the building was the longest Maggie had ever taken, because Ryan"s tension was palpable. When he knocked on the door, it was opened by a man who was almost his spitting image. His hair was shorter. He didn"t have the scar on his mouth. But there was no mistaking the fact that these two men were brothers.
Maggie held her breath as they stared at each other, sizing each other up, maintaining a reserve that no brothers should ever feel.
"Sean?"
The younger man nodded.
Ryan swallowed hard, then said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I"m Ryan. Your brother."
For what seemed like an eternity, Sean didn"t reply, but finally, when Maggie was about to give up hope, he opened his arms. "Ah, man, what the h.e.l.l took you so long?"
Chapter Fifteen.
Ryan clung to his brother, fighting tears of relief and surprising joy. Never in a million years had he expected to feel this way. He"d antic.i.p.ated looking into the face of a stranger, feeling no more than a faint twinge of recognition perhaps. Instead, it was as if they"d never been apart, as if on some level the deep connection between them as children had never been broken.
Finally Ryan stood back and surveyed his brother, noting that Sean"s hair was shorter but still had a defiant tendency to curl, just as his did. The eyes were the same as well, though perhaps the blue was a shade deeper.
"I guess you"ve never been in my pub after all," he said at last. "I"d have known you anywhere. You look like Dad."
"I look like you, you," Sean said, making no attempt at all to hide his bitterness at the mention of their father. "Come on in. The place isn"t fancy, but it"s clean-though only because I"ve been straightening up ever since I got your message last night." He shrugged. "Couldn"t sleep."
Ryan grinned. "I didn"t get much myself."
"That must be why you"ve been sitting out there in your car for the past half hour," Sean said with a touch of wit as wry as Ryan"s. "Did you fall asleep?"
"You knew I was there?" Ryan asked, startled.
"I"ve been watching out the window all morning. I saw you drive up."
"Why didn"t you come out?"
"Stubbornness mainly," Sean admitted. "I was still mad at you."
"Past tense?" Ryan asked.
Sean turned his gaze to Maggie, then said, "Only if you introduce me to this beautiful woman who"s been waiting patiently for you to remember her."
Ryan reached out and clasped Maggie"s hand, pulling her forward. "Sean, this is Maggie O"Brien. She"s the reason I"m here."
Sean started to shake her hand, then pulled her into a hug instead. "Thank you. I owe you for turning up and getting him out of that car."
"It went beyond that," Ryan told him. "But, yes, she did persuade me I"d come too far to turn back this morning."
"I"m so glad it worked out," Maggie said, swiping at a tear tracking down her cheek. "I should let you two spend some time alone. You have a lot of catching up to do."
"No," Ryan said at once. "Please stay." He wanted her there as a buffer...and because she deserved to be a part of this reunion.
She glanced from him to Sean. "Is that okay with you?"
"Absolutely. I"ve made a huge pot of coffee. And I bought a pecan coffee cake from the bakery down the street," he said.
Ryan felt a sharp stab of pain. "Pecan coffee cake was Mom"s favorite," he said, suddenly remembering.
Sean nodded. "She baked one for every special occasion-our birthdays, Christmas morning, Easter."
Ryan sighed. "You still think about that, too?"
"I guess so. I"ve been buying coffee cakes all these years."
He led the way into the kitchen, then handed a knife to Ryan. "You cut the cake. I"ll pour the coffee. Maggie, have a seat."
For the next hour Ryan and Sean exchanged news about their lives. When Ryan described his pub, Sean glanced at Maggie. "And that"s where the two of you met?"
She nodded and told about her flat tire on Thanksgiving.
"Now she"s trying to take over the place and run my life," Ryan said.
Sean laughed. "You don"t sound as if you object all that strenuously."
"I"m getting used to the idea," Ryan admitted, giving her hand a squeeze.
"On that note I think I really will leave," Maggie said. "You two stay right here. I can find my way out."
Ryan"s gaze caught hers. "Will you be at the pub later?"
Maggie smiled. "Of course. Haven"t you just said I"m taking over? Guess that means I can finally start fiddling with your financial records."
"Don"t even think about it," Ryan said with feigned ferocity.
"You don"t scare me," she retorted over her shoulder.
"Hey, Maggie," he called. When she stepped back into the kitchen, he met her gaze. "I"m glad you came this morning."
"Any time you need me, chances are I"ll be around somewhere."
After she"d gone, Ryan saw his brother studying him.
"So, this thing with you and Maggie is serious?" Sean asked.
"As serious as I"ve ever allowed any relationship to be. I love her."
"Marriage?"
"It"s looking that way," he admitted.
"I"m really glad for you. She seems like a great woman."
"You have no idea," Ryan said. "What about you? Anybody serious in your life?"
"Afraid not. I have issues, issues, according to the women I"ve dated." according to the women I"ve dated."
Ryan laughed. "Yeah, join the club. Maggie didn"t seem to care. She badgered me until the issues didn"t seem so d.a.m.ned important anymore. You"ll find someone like that one of these days. Start dropping by the pub. I"ve got some regulars there who"d probably swoon at the sight of you."
"I"m not interested in your rejects," Sean retorted, grinning. "I can find my own women. I just can"t keep "em." His expression suddenly sobered. "Have you ever looked for the others?"
"Not until now. You?"
Sean shook his head. "I didn"t think I ever wanted to see any of you again till I heard your voice. Michael"s the one I really wonder about. He was so scared the last time I saw him, and he couldn"t stop crying. He kept trying to run back to me, but they wouldn"t let him. It"s an image I"ve never been able to shake. All these years I kept praying that he adapted, maybe even ended up with an adoptive family. He was still so little, I told myself that he"d forget all about us. Do you think he did?"
"I try not to think about it," Ryan said tightly.
"Maybe we should think about it," Sean said. "I know how I"ve felt all this time, as if I was waiting and waiting for someone to come looking for me and pretending it didn"t matter when no one did."
Ryan was filled with that familiar sense of overwhelming guilt. "I"m sorry, Sean. It should have been me. I should have looked a long time ago."
His brother shook his head. "No, man, Mom and Dad are the ones who should have looked. h.e.l.l, they never should have left in the first place. What were they thinking?"
"I have no idea, and to be perfectly honest, I don"t give a d.a.m.n."
Sean blinked at the vehement response. "Really? You honestly don"t care why they did what they did?"
"The point is, they did it. The reason hardly matters."
Sean let the matter drop. A grin tugged at his lips. "I still can"t believe you have your own pub and it"s only a couple of miles from here."
"We have great Irish music on Fridays and Sat.u.r.days. Will you come by this weekend?"
"Will your Maggie be around to keep me company?" he asked.
"You heard her. She"ll likely be there, but don"t be getting any ideas about her."
"I didn"t see a ring on her finger," Sean teased.
Ryan chuckled. "You always did want whatever I had, and most of the time I let you have it. Not this time. Stay away from Maggie."
"I imagine you have to give that warning to a lot of men."
"More than you can imagine," Ryan agreed.
"Then marry her and end the problem," Sean encouraged. "I saw the love shining in her eyes earlier. I don"t think you"ll get any argument from her."
Ryan thought of his intention to find the rest of his family and rea.s.sure himself that there were no hidden health risks. "One of these days I will," he said.
"Don"t wait too long," Sean warned him. "One of the things I"ve learned as a firefighter is just how short life can be. It"s not something to be wasted."
"Look at you," Ryan teased, "giving advice to your big brother."
"I was always the smart one," Sean retorted.
"Yeah, right. The truth is, Michael was smarter than both of us."
Sean sighed. "He was, wasn"t he? Remember how he used to plan strategies for winning whenever we played war games? He was only four, and a runt at that, but he was the only kid I ever knew who could maneuver us into a trap in the blink of an eye, even when we were watching out for it." He looked at Ryan. "Is your detective looking for him?"
Ryan nodded. "No luck so far." Reluctantly he glanced at the clock and realized that he needed to get back. The pub would be opening soon. Besides, he needed to get away and spend a little time absorbing the miraculous way this morning had gone. "I need to get to work. You"ll come by soon, though, right?"
"I"m working this weekend, but next Friday for sure. I want to hear that Irish band you"ve been bragging about. I haven"t heard a really good rendition of "Danny Boy" since Dad used to sing it in the shower."
Ryan grinned despite himself. "He did like to sing, didn"t he? And he had a voice that could make people weep, it was so beautiful." He regarded Sean with surprise. "You know, I think that"s the first time I"ve thought of him in years without a lot of anger welling up inside me."
"I got tired of hating him years ago," Sean admitted. "But I never could bring myself to look for him, or any of the rest of you. Probably stubbornness as much as anything. I"m glad you took the initiative. One of these days that detective of yours will come through."
"Let"s just pray we don"t regret it," Ryan said.
"How could we? It"s turned out pretty good so far, hasn"t it?"
Ryan drew his brother into a hug. "Yeah, better than good, in fact."