"So you are telling me you knew you would get caught?"
She nodded and we exchanged a look. "I did."
He jotted down some more notes, and I could practically see the wheels in his head turning.
"Do you often do things that are illegal knowing you"ll get caught?"
"I"ve made some mistakes in the past. I"m sure you have most of them in that file in front of you. Everything I"ve done is public record."
He was trying to rile her up, but she wasn"t giving in to the bait and I couldn"t be any prouder of her and how she was handling herself.
La.r.s.en made a noise and moved forward in his chair. "The security cameras at the bar show that my client got physical with you before going inside the establishment. Was that an isolated incident?"
She lifted her fingers to her face and touched the smooth skin below her eye as she shook her head. "No. Jared got rough with me a couple times previously. Normally, when he was coming down off a high or freaking out about how he was going to get his next fix. He hit me once because I was supposed to bring beer to a party and I didn"t and my mom and some co-workers noticed the black eye. One of the guys that works at the bar told Jared if I ever showed up with anything other than a smile on my face, he would make sure that I was the last woman he ever raised his hand to. He left me alone after that."
"So you knew Mr. Dalton had a substance abuse problem and a history of violence and yet you went with him that night. Why?"
I felt her balk a little and couldn"t resist the urge to look at her. Her eyes were wide in her face and she was very pale. It was obvious she was trying to think of a way to answer that question that explained her convoluted reasoning at the time without giving too much of her story away.
"Because I was scared and he told me he was taking me somewhere safe. I went with him because he was my boyfriend, and as I mentioned earlier, I was pretty sure I was in love with him."
"Not so sure of those feelings anymore?" The snide question had me narrowing my eyes threateningly at the other end of the table, which made the man smirk at me knowingly.
"Spending a couple nights in jail really does wonders for clarity. I could never love a man that threatened someone I care about with a weapon. Jared was desperate and dangerous that night."
"And why is that, Ms. Walker?"
She shrugged a little. "Because he stole drugs and money from bad people and they were looking for him."
"How do you know this?"
"Because before they found him, they found me." Her tone was cutting and it was obvious that La.r.s.en was starting to get to her.
"Is that so? There are no police reports from you or from anyone else that indicates you had a run-in with these supposed bad people that were after my client."
"I didn"t want to get Jared in trouble so I didn"t call the police, but you can contact Asa Cross. He came to see me the day after the attack and he can tell you what I looked like. You can also question the landlady from Jared"s apartment complex. She"s the one that scared off the guys that attacked me."
La.r.s.en leaned back in his chair and tapped his fingers on the file in front of him. "Well, you see, Ms. Walker, that"s where we run into some problems with your account of the events that led up to the robbery. The landlady doesn"t recall anyone being in the apartment besides you and my client, and Mr. Cross has an ax to grind considering he was the one at the bar the night of the robbery. The woman he is involved with is also the police officer that shot my client, so his interest in seeing my client incarcerated makes him biased in so many ways. The only person claiming there was an attack prior to the robbery is you, so isn"t it much more likely that you were mad about the bar being sold out from underneath you and coerced your drug-addicted boyfriend to rob it? Knowing he couldn"t say no to money for a fix or to the woman he loved?"
My skin crawled when he mentioned the landlady because I was pretty f.u.c.king sure her current memory loss only came about after fistfuls of cash exchanged hands. This guy wasn"t above bribing a witness to get his way and that let me know that this was going to be as ugly and as dirty as it could get.
A broken laugh wheezed out of her as she turned her head in my direction and then jerked it back towards La.r.s.en. "You"ve got to be kidding me. Even if I was mad, which I told you I wasn"t, I would never risk the lives of the people that worked there. I was stupid enough to stay with Jared after the first time he hit me, but I would never inflict him on anyone else. I knew how dangerous he could be when he was high."
"Is that so?"
She heaved a deep sigh and shook her head. "Yes, it"s so. I mess up and I get myself into bad situations, but I do my best not to let that bleed on to anyone that I care about."
"So, what happened with Autumn Thompson a few years back?"
She and I both stiffened when he mentioned the girl"s name that had been so instrumental in leading Avett down the path full of self-inflicted wounds and purposeful pain. I heard her breath wheeze out of her in a tortured sound that had my heart cracking right down the middle.
"Autumn took her own life, as I"m sure you are well aware." I couldn"t keep the razor sharpness out of my tone or the warning. I could typically play these dodge and parry games with the best of them, but with Avett caught in the middle and her composure as the prize I was barely keeping all the things I knew about brutality and violence leashed.
"Ms. Thompson"s parents feel very differently about the matter. They have a lot to say about Ms. Walker and her influence on their daughter. It seems your client is very good at leading other people into trouble and then ducking out while everyone else suffers some very dire consequences."
"I think my client has a knack for finding lost souls and trying to help them out in her own way and we both know if you put the Thompsons on the stand that Townsend is going to pull them apart. Why would you question the parents and not the boys that actually hurt their daughter? The only people guilty of committing any kind of crime that night were the boys that attacked Autumn. Townsend"s going to ask the parents why they let Autumn spend time with Avett in the first place if they were so concerned about her influence. He"ll question their parenting ability and all the jury is going to see is you bringing up a dead girl and rehashing bad memories. People don"t like being manipulated, Tyrell. It doesn"t go to probable cause at all, and the judge won"t let it go beyond one question. Your sole purpose for bringing that part of my client"s past up is because you wanted to rattle her."
His eyebrows went up again and that slick-as-s.h.i.t smile was back on his face. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to let my hands curl into fists where they rested on the arms of the chair.
"You would do the same thing if you were in my position, Counselor. I"m obligated to give my client the best defense possible."
It irked me because he was right. That was a huge, open, gaping wound that festered and seeped into pretty much every aspect of Avett"s life. It was her major weak point and every attorney, no matter what side of the law they were on, learned to go straight for that spot when dealing with anyone on the stand.
Suddenly, Avett straightened up in her seat and she reached out to grab my forearm. Her head turned in my direction and her multicolored eyes popped open so wide they seemed to take up half of her face. "Asa wasn"t alone when he came to see me the day after the attack. His sister was in town visiting and she was with him."
"My client is accused of robbing her brother at gunpoint. Her testimony would be as suspect as Mr. Cross"s." La.r.s.en"s tone was sharper than it had been and his gaze had narrowed at our end of the table. It was the first time since we entered the room that some of the smug satisfaction that surrounded him slipped.
I snorted and leaned forward so that I could put a forearm on the gla.s.s tabletop. "Right, the brother and the sister and my client are all conspiring to set your client up and to send him to jail. Sounds like there is witness testimony available that backs up my client"s story that your client ripped off his suppliers and was desperate for money, leading to my client being shaken down and roughed up. The robbery was clearly his idea."
"This witness isn"t on the prosecution"s list and hasn"t been vetted."
It was my turn to smirk and flash some teeth. "It"s called discovery for a reason, Tyrell. I"ll be sure to send Townsend this new information, as soon as we leave."
We had a vicious stare-down for several long minutes until La.r.s.en moved forward and closed the file in front of him with more force than the task required. "I think that"s all for me today, Ms. Walker."
Avett let out an audible sound of relief, but I could see by the predatory look in the other man"s eyes he was far from done with her or with me.
"Thank you for your time. I want to remind you that when you are on that stand, nothing, and I do mean nothing, is off-limits. I can ask you about your past, including the men in it, and I can ask you about your current circ.u.mstances. I"m sure McNair and Duvall will be thrilled to have their firm"s name tied to a felony robbery case when it hits the press that one of their top litigators is sleeping with one of the witnesses. I can discredit both of you, with the right innuendo and the right wording. We both know exactly how to do that, don"t we, Jackson? You"ll have no chance of making partner when this trial is over. That"s a promise."
The other attorney swept out of the room and before I could tell Avett not to give a second thought to his idle threats she was on her feet and moving out of the conference room after him. I called her name but she didn"t even look back as her small body artfully moved in and out of the rush of people coming and going in the busy courthouse. She hit the gla.s.s entrance doors without slowing down and only stopped when I caught up to her a few hundred feet from the entrance. I put my hand on her elbow and spun her around to face me and felt my heart had split open when I noticed she was crying and that her lush bottom lip was quivering.
I didn"t think. I didn"t deliberate the pros and cons. I didn"t rationalize that it wasn"t the time or place. All I could do was react. My girl was hurting and I wanted to make it stop, so I pulled her to me and put my lips over hers and tried to kiss the pain away.
At first, she yielded soft and sweet, her return kiss a delicate surrender. Unfortunately, it quickly turned from something warm and comforting into something that felt more like combat. She jerked her head away from mine and then her hand cracked across my cheek with enough force to have my head snapping to the side. She gasped in shock at the same time I barked her name. She lifted the shaking fingers of one hand to her mouth and put the others on what I was sure was a violent red welt that was rising on my cheek. I could feel her shaking and remorse all the way through my body.
"I"m so sorry, Quaid. Oh, my G.o.d, what is wrong with me?" She took a step back and I saw fresh tears start to spill out of her wild and terrified eyes.
"Avett." I said her name with patience I wasn"t feeling, especially when I caught sight of a familiar blonde woman watching our interaction with open curiosity as she talked on the phone pressed to her ear.
"No, Quaid. I"m super sorry I hit you. I"m shaken up and heartsick but that isn"t an excuse. I never seem to be able to do the right thing or react the right way, even when I really want to. I feel terrible but maybe it"s for the best. It looks like we"re having an epic breakup and that means your bosses won"t get on your case and maybe it"ll keep that viper of an attorney off of your back. Walk away from me, Quaid. Walk away from this entire mess before it"s too late and your entire future is gone."
I reached for her again but she evaded my grasp and shook her head violently from side to side. "I"m serious. I"m always going to be the girl that jumps, Quaid. I"m going to jump not knowing what"s below. I"m going to jump even when I know the water is cold and that it"s dangerous. I"m going to jump when I know the risks and when I don"t know them. I"m going to jump even when I know the landing is going to hurt. You said yourself that you"re not the kid who jumps anymore because it lost its appeal. You know better and maybe I do, too, but I"m still going to jump because that"s who I am. Who I am is not going to ruin you, Quaid. I won"t let it."
She looked like she was ready to bolt after she tossed her revelations at me. I put my hands in my pockets and studied her thoughtfully. "Did you ever think that I was ruined when you found me and that you"ve been instrumental in reconstructing me? I wasn"t living any kind of life before you blew into it, Avett. My wife left me after starting a family with someone that wasn"t me, even though I gave her everything I was capable of. My parents practically disowned me because they didn"t approve of the way I wanted to live my life. I have a job that is getting increasingly difficult to stomach, and all I have to show for it is a nice wardrobe and a killer view. Everything was all for show and there wasn"t a single real thing until you. I told you that your chaos doesn"t scare me." But her wild terrified me because I knew there was no way to harness the wind and she looked like she was getting ready to blow out of my life as quickly as she had careened into it.
She put a hand to her chest and pulled her watery gaze away from mine. "But it scares me. There are very few people in this world that I want to protect from the kind of mayhem I bring with me and you are one of them. I love you, Quaid. I didn"t want to but I do, and that means I"m going to let you go."
I wanted to shake her and hold her to me and never let go. I wanted to throw every argument I could think of at her to keep her from making this mistake. I wanted to pick her words apart and put them back together into ones I wanted to hear. I wanted to focus on the fact she said she loved me, not the fact that she was leaving, but she turned around and started moving away from me, which made that impossible to do.
"Avett." She pulled up short and shot me a look full of sorrow and sadness over her shoulder. "This is a bad decision you don"t have to make. You don"t have to protect me from you or anything that comes with being with you. I"m a big boy."
She gave a shuddering sigh and I saw the finality of her decision stamped all over her expressive face. "That"s the thing, Counselor. This feels way too much like the right decision. And I"m not protecting you from me. I"m protecting you from yourself, and the things you"ll lose if you love me back."
Her words. .h.i.t me hard, and all of the feelings and emotions she had stirred to life inside of me got so big and so out of control that I felt like they were going to consume me. I wanted to give her so much, everything I had, and none of it had a dollar sign attached to it. I knew I could tell her that, throw words at her until I was blue in the face, and that I could lawyer-speak my way around her argument and fear that she would hurt me by being with me, but words felt like they were too simple and could be too easily misconstrued. I was going to have to show her she was worth everything to me and then some.
I"d worked hard at my education because I knew it was my ticket out. I"d worked hard to distance myself from my childhood and from having nothing because I knew I wanted more out of life than the basics. I worked my a.s.s off to establish myself in my career and to be considered a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom and in the bedroom because I wanted to be the best and I wanted everyone to know it. I put up a reasonable fight to save my marriage before I realized it was all a sham and I battled through my divorce so I could keep all the things I thought were the most important to me.
Watching Avett walk away from me for my own good, I realized I needed to work and fight like I never had before because I wasn"t willing to let her go. This was a battle I wasn"t going to lose because to do so meant losing her. She was everything I wanted and all that I never knew I needed. I could put in all of my effort for her because she was more valuable than anything I owned and worth more to me than how many wins in the courtroom I could brag about. She finally managed to show me what was really important in life and what I had been missing from what felt like the very beginning. I needed someone to love me for me and for what I had or didn"t have. I needed someone to support me because what was important to me was important to them since they cared about me. Avett did all of that without a second thought and I knew, deep down into the fibers that made me the man that I was, that she was the only person I was capable of giving my all to, because she deserved everything I had to give ... even though she never asked for any of it.
I knew if I wanted to keep her I was going to have to show her and prove to her that she wasn"t my ruin. She was my salvation.
She jumped, and I was going to have to show her that I was willing to be the guy that jumped after her.
CHAPTER 17.
Avett
I was glad I had refused to let anyone go with me to the deposition even if digging in my heels about it had made my dad extragrouchy and my mom supernervous. I knew I was going to be shaky and off balance after the interrogation from Jared"s lawyer and I knew that I was going to be a total mess after being around Quaid. I was right on both counts and it was taking everything I had not to crumple into a useless ball of broken heart and rivers of tears on the sidewalk in front of the courthouse. I made my way to the street while wiping ineffectively at the mascara that I was sure was running over my cheeks like sad war paint and hailed a cab.
My dad was home waiting for a status report and surprisingly my mom had opted to take the day off and wait with him. Her wanting to be around for moral support and to offer a hug after what was undoubtedly going to be a bad day was a testament to how much our relationship had changed and improved now that both our stories were out there in the open. We would never have the typical mother/daughter relationship and I would always very much be my father"s daughter, but it was nice to know that my mom and I had been able to find a way to a better relationship, despite the roadblocks we"d both thrown up. Getting to a place where I could let my mom love me and love her back was instrumental in me finding my way to forgiveness and understanding myself and both of our past misdeeds.
Walking away from Quaid for good had me feeling lower than I ever had, and knowing there was nothing on this Earth or beyond that could make me feel any worse than I did at that moment, I decided it was finally time for me to try and make amends with the one person I hadn"t been able to face since I put the wheels of this entire debacle in motion all those months ago. It was time to put on my big-girl panties and try to make things right with Rome Archer. I knew I was going to squirm and falter under that unwavering blue gaze that cataloged and weighed every single move I made, but it was time. Because even if he refused to accept my apology, even if he didn"t want my story and the honest compunction that came along with it, I would walk away knowing I had done the right thing with one less anchor tied to my soul. Rome was important to my dad, which by default made him important to me, but I knew now that even if the big, scarred man couldn"t forgive me, I couldn"t carry that around for the rest of my life. I needed to have my hands free to catch any of the good stuff that I was fortunate to have come my way, and that meant I couldn"t keep my hands full of the garbage and negativity I had been clutching like a lifeline for so long.
I had the cab drop me off at the bar and barely noticed that the driver was giving my tear-streaked face a very concerned look in the rearview mirror for the entire ride. I took a deep breath and pushed through the doors like I was walking into an old Western gunfight completely unarmed. I had to blink to let my eyes adjust to the dimmer light inside the bar, and as I was getting reacquainted with a place that had always been in my blood, a deep and gravelly voice colored with tones from the deep south rumbled my name and drew my attention.
Dash Churchill, or Church as he was more commonly known, had been hired as security for the bar right about the time I lost my job. He was a strikingly attractive man. He was also the man that had stood up for me with Jared even though he hardly knew me and what he did know was nothing to write home about. I had a soft spot a mile wide for the beautiful former soldier and it had very little to do with the fact that he also had hazel eyes that were a crazy swirl of blue, brown and yellow that stood out like beacons in his golden-skinned face. Church never said much of anything to anyone so I wasn"t sure where he was from other than someplace down south and I had no clue what his heritage was, but wherever his parents had come from they sure as h.e.l.l had succeeded in making one amazing-looking son. He was unforgettable and that was saying something because all my dad"s boys were pretty impressive in their own way.
"Hey, Church. Is Rome in his office? I want to talk to him real quick."
"Long time no see, kiddo." I could listen to him talk all day with his Johnny Cashstyle rumble and that tw.a.n.g that wouldn"t quit, but I was on a mission and I needed to accomplish it before I chickened out.
"I know. I wasn"t sure about my welcome and, well ... I need to make sure the boss knows how sorry I am for everything. He might not want to hear it, but I need to tell him anyway."
For a big man Church moved quick and light on his feet. That was one of the reasons he was an a.s.set to the bar; he could be in the middle of a fight or disagreement and have it broken up before the combatants knew what hit them. He was also stoic and seemingly immune to any and all the womanly charms that were constantly being shoved in his direction, but I secretly thought that had more to do with the adorable Dixie Carmichael than it did with any actual disinterest in women on his part. Dixie had worked at the bar for as long as I could remember. She was as much a part of the place as my dad was, and for as long as I had known her she had been unlucky in love. She and Church danced around one another, which had been both entertaining and frustrating to watch.
I jolted when his heavy arm landed on my shoulders and sucked in a surprised breath when I was folded into a chest that felt like it was carved of stone for a rib-cracking hug. Church wasn"t the most affectionate man I had ever met, so the hug not only caught me off guard, but it tugged on the heartstrings that were currently tied in knots and frayed at the ends because of Quaid.
"The boss knows this place is as much yours as it is his. You"ve always been welcome and you"ve been missed. He"ll listen to what you have to say and then you"ll listen to what he has to say and that"ll be the end of it." He tilted his head in the direction of the back and gave me a hint of a grin, which was as close to a smile as I had ever seen him come. "He was working on invoices and bills for the month so I"m sure you"ll be a welcome distraction."
I nodded briskly and stiffened my spine as I pulled out of the hug and headed across the battered wood floors towards the closed office door. I knocked and it felt like an eternity before a gruff "Come in" was issued. I pushed the door open and expected a scowl or a glower when Rome looked up from the messy desk in order to see who was behind the interruption. What I got was a smile that showed pearly white teeth and turned his harshly handsome face with the fierce scar that bisected one of his eyebrows and his forehead into something that was breathtaking and hard to look away from.
"Avett. What brings you by? Is your dad here?" Rome spoke a lot like he was still in the military. He didn"t waste words or time and his laser-like baby blues pinned me to the spot with almost no effort on his part. He c.o.c.ked his shaved head to the side and gave me a narrow-eyed look when I didn"t immediately answer him. "Have you been crying?"
I laughed nervously and made my way over to one of the shabby chairs that sat across from his desk. I flopped down into the worn fabric and met his curious stare with an unfiltered one of my own. I was feeling raw, open, and stripped down to my most basic elements after that horrible confrontation with Quaid outside of the courthouse and there was no way to hold back the flood of honesty and admission as it rushed out of me.
"I came by because I wanted to tell you that I"m sorry. I"m sorry I was a s.h.i.tty employee. I"m sorry that I didn"t respect you or what you did with this place, and I"m so, so sorry I didn"t say no when Jared asked me to take the money from the cash register. I hate that I put you in a position where you had to fire me and it makes me so mad at myself that I purposely did things that made it impossible for me to ever come back here. You"re a good man, Rome. My dad wouldn"t have done what he did with the bar if you weren"t. I spent a lot of time ruining everything that was good in my life, which is why I self-sabotaged every opportunity you offered me. I can give you the long explanation as to why I felt like I deserved to be kicked around and why I kept inflicting wounds on myself to bleed from, but the moral of the story is that I know now that punishing myself never got me anywhere, and those actions hurt other people far worse than they ever hurt me." I blinked at him and bit my lip. "Like you, and Asa."
He tossed the pen he was holding onto the desk and leaned forward on his forearms so that he was peering intently into my eyes.
"You know, when you come home from a war zone and have to settle into a normal, everyday kind of existence, no one ever tells you how to deal with all the things that you bring back with you. When you"re in a situation that calls for you to make life and death choices, you do so knowing those decisions affect so many more than just yourself." I was mesmerized by his words and by the sincerity and depth with which he gave them to me. "When you come home you"re full of things like regret and doubt. You can"t sleep some nights because you wonder what-if, and guilt feels like it"s going to bury you alive. But eventually you realize all you can do is come to terms with the choices you had to make, for whatever reasons you had to make them. You can"t take those choices back, but you can learn from them and let them make you a better person. I"m almost jealous that you get the opportunity to apologize, Avett. There are some days I feel like I would give everything I have to be able to say I"m sorry for the things I may have done wrong. And I"m not talking about when I was overseas."
I exhaled and felt some of the dread and trepidation that was fueling this little meeting fade away. I lifted my hands to my face and rubbed them over my messy eyes. "Thank you for understanding. I also plan on paying you back every single cent that I took from you."
"I understood before you walked in here. I have a little brother that was all about self-destruction for a while. You actually pulled yourself out of it much sooner than he did."
I wrinkled my nose and sighed. "That"s because girls mature faster than boys."
Rome chuckled. "That"s true, and just so you know, you always have a place here. That kitchen belongs to your mother, not to me, so if you ever want to come back, she"s the one you need to make amends with."
"We"re good ... well, better than we were. There"s been a lot of apologizing and accountability since I got out of jail. Realizing you"re on a crash course with prison is surprisingly enlightening."
"Are you sure that enlightenment didn"t come from the guy that kept you out of prison? After Brite finished b.i.t.c.hing about the fact the guy rides a crotch rocket, he had nothing but good things to say about him. It sounded like he was shipping you and the lawyer pretty hard."
I lifted my eyebrows at him. "Shipping?"
He rolled his eyes and I grinned when I noticed he had pink heat filling his cheeks. "Blame Cora. She watches all that stuff on the CW Network and is always shipping this and shipping that. She"s corrupted me."
Cora was his pint-sized, very pregnant, soon-to-be wife. The two had an adorable daughter that was proving to be as much of a handful as her mother was. Cora was also the only person fierce enough and stubborn enough to put up with the moody former soldier on a permanent basis. On the outside the two of them were as different as night and day but when anyone saw them together it was obvious that they were perfectly matched and deeply in love. They were the epitome of relationship goals in my book.
I laughed for real this time and let it drift into a sigh. "The lawyer may have had something to do with the enlightenment and he most definitely had everything to do with this." I pointed to my tear-streaked and makeup-smeared face. "Some things aren"t meant to be."
"And some things are meant to be even if they seem like they shouldn"t be." He sounded so much like my dad that it was eerie and I told him as much. He gave me that heart-stopping smile again and replied with a firm, "Good."
I rose to my feet and couldn"t stop myself from circling the desk so that I could wrap my arms around his neck for a quick squeeze.
"I"m glad this bar and my dad found you, Rome. I really am."
He patted my arm awkwardly and stood so that I really had to crane my neck back to look up at him. "I"m glad you finally found you, Avett."
I swallowed back the emotion that crawled up my throat and threatened more tears. I"d never been so weepy or quick to cry but all this being in touch with my emotions was wreaking havoc on my well-worn barriers.
"The trick is staying found, I think. It"s easy to get lost when your life is constantly in a state of disarray. The right path gets obscured as quickly as you make it."
He put a hand on my shoulder and told me solemnly, "That"s why you find something or someone that guides you, someone that won"t lose you, and someone that you don"t mind getting lost with when that inevitably happens."
I winced involuntarily because I"d walked away from the guy that I was pretty sure was my magnetic north, the guy that hadn"t let me wander or get off track since the moment I met him. Quaid didn"t lose his way in the storm; he rode it out.