"It wouldn"t be the worst thing," PW had told him, "if a person could m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e once in a blue moon. But if you don"t fight it every time, it turns into a habit. That"s when it becomes a distraction from the Lord, and also more likely to lead to worse sin."
Whenever he"d start to drift off, some change in PW"s breathing or posture would jerk Cole back to full consciousness. Once, he was shocked to realize he"d been thinking about his mother and PW together.
He knew it was wrong to have impure thoughts about Starlyn. He knew that dwelling on what he"d seen in the upstairs hallway was inviting sin. What could be said, then, about imagining his mother and PW in Starlyn and Mason"s place? Probably there didn"t exist a word bad enough to describe the kind of person who"d do such a thing. Add to this the guilt of betrayal-for he knew he could be accused of this, too: betraying his father, betraying Tracy.
Yet even as self-loathing clotted his throat, the idea stayed with him. His mother would have found at least a hundred things wrong with PW. The way he smiled all the time would have got on her nerves. The way he said things like "good eatin"." A Jesus freak. A preacher with a manicure and a handgun-his mother would have made so much fun of him!
But in Cole"s fantasy Pastor Wyatt swept Serena Vining off her feet. And she would have done what Tracy had not been able to do: make him forget Delphina.
The man dropped to the earth like a bobcat that had been watching them approach. They barely had time to take him in-straightening up from the crouch in which he"d landed, dressed head to toe in cammies, his cap and dark beard and mirror shades hiding most of his face-when two other men entered the scene from behind trees, one stage left and one stage right, like actors at the same cue. Same costume.
Each of the men was over six feet tall, slightly hunch-backed, and rail thin. Brothers? The first people Cole and PW had run into who were toting rifles instead of backpacks.
The one who"d dropped from the tree had a broad fleshy nose that reminded Cole of one type of mushroom he"d noticed sprouting in the woods. Cole was fascinated to see himself reflected so clearly in the man"s shades. It was like watching a video on a phone screen. PW was in the video, too, standing close behind him. They were both breathing a little hard from walking upslope.
The man spat an oyster onto the dirt between them, and when Cole jumped he knocked into PW, who placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Y-you b-boys lost?"
Besides the stutter, the man had a voice like a congested toddler. Growing up, he must have got laughed at every time he opened his mouth. Laugh at him today and he"d b-blow your b-brains out.
Before they could answer, one of the other men, who"d taken his cap off to reveal blond hair so dirty it was almost brunet, said, "You"re a good ways off the main trail."
"I know that, sir," said PW. It was his preacher"s voice: loud and firm. "There"s a k.n.o.b up yonder overlooking a couple caves. We thought we might see some bear."
"B-bear?" The first man shook his head. "Nossir. Y"all won"t see no bear."
"No?"
"Like I said."
"They still sleepin"," threw in the blond, though he must have known this was false. He scratched his head vigorously before replacing his cap. "Law says you can"t hunt them anyhow."
Cole didn"t understand what had made the man say that. The only gun they had was the pistol PW had brought along. At night he slept with it near his head. The rest of the time it was in his right jacket pocket.
A movement in the sky drew Cole"s eye upward. Red-tailed hawk, gliding. He was waiting for PW to explain that they weren"t on a hunting trip, but PW said nothing. Now the stutterer was looking up at the hawk, so Cole couldn"t see PW"s reflection anymore. But the hand on his shoulder had grown heavy as a saddle.
That morning there were only wisps of clouds, the kind people called G.o.d"s whiskers or angel hair. But suddenly it became much brighter, as if a cloud that had been covering the sun had moved on. In that light every tiny thing jumped out, leaf or pebble or acorn-every separate pine needle-as if under a magnifying gla.s.s.
Cole was having trouble breathing. For also magnified and microscopically clear was the fact that although he didn"t know these men and had done nothing to hurt them, that didn"t mean they would not hurt him. Such things didn"t happen only in movies. Murder didn"t happen only when there was a good reason for it to happen. Or any reason at all.
The blond pulled his cap off to scratch some more, and Cole wondered if he had cooties.
"They always warn folks should stick to the main trail." Without raising his voice the man managed to sound terrifying. A bitter taste flooded Cole"s mouth. Not like this, he was thinking. To be terminated, for nothing, by strangers, by total f.u.c.king creeps. It must not be allowed to happen. And in the midst of his fear he had time to be amazed that he had ever thought it would be cool to die. "I was you," said the man, "I"d turn "round now and head back. This ain"t nowhere to be after dark."
As if dusk weren"t ten hours off.
No one spoke for a few beats. Cole fought a vision of himself throwing his arms around PW"s neck and screaming like a girl. He braced himself for the shoot-out. Saw PW in one smooth movement whipping out his gun and knocking him out of harm"s way.
A squirrel watching from a maple dashed along a branch for a closer view, one paw curled toward its chest in a fretful gesture. Somewhere a window flew open and Cole saw his mother leaning out and making the same gesture. Probably only he could hear when PW finally sighed. The heavy hand lifted. Fingertips brushed Cole"s nape. "Let"s go, son."
Over his shoulder, PW said what he always said when they met up with strangers: "Have a blessed day." But there was no trace of warmth.
"You take care, mister." It was the third man, speaking now for the first time, and as they headed downslope he continued to call after them, in a mysteriously agitated voice. "You take care of that boy of yours." He sounded like a person trying to hold back laughter. "Don"t you let nothin" bad happen to him, hear? Hey, mister! Take good care of your boy!" Then another voice snapped: "G.o.dd.a.m.n it, leave it, Wayne." And the laughter burst.
The laughter faded, leaving just the sound of their footsteps, quick and sliding on the downward path. PW stayed in the lead, saying nothing. Cole noticed he kept his hand in his jacket pocket. A log lay across the path. As he stepped over it, Cole saw, sprouting from the bark, one of those fleshy brown mushrooms he"d flashed on before, and he heel-stomped it.
The first time he looked back, Cole could see nothing except for trees and brush. But farther on, after a sharp curve, he looked back again and he saw them. They had climbed up onto an outcrop, where they stood in a row, facing downhill. Cole caught just a glimpse of them before another curve in the path made them vanish again. Because of the angle of the light, the three men had appeared as silhouettes against the sky. Their faces were indistinguishable, but whoever was in the middle had his rifle propped horizontally across his shoulders. The echo of Calvary sent a shock through Cole. But later, when he was working on a comic strip about the whole event, he"d wonder if his eyes had played a trick on him, or if he"d somehow imagined this part entirely. PW, who"d kept his own eyes straight ahead and never once looked back, could not confirm it.
They came to where a huge dead tree lay alongside the path, a spot at which they"d stopped before, to rest on the way up. PW sat down on the hollow trunk, letting out a short blast of air as if he"d been swimming underwater. He reached for Cole, pulling him down beside him. "Well, well," he said. "How do you like them apples?"
Now that he wasn"t afraid anymore, Cole was bursting with questions. "Were those guys real soldiers?"
"Maybe one time."
"You think they live up there?"
"Could be."
"Do you think they were brothers?"
"I think they were queers."
Cole knew that PW didn"t really think this. He"d just wanted to say something really bad about the men. He had heard PW use the word queer queer like this before, though when he preached he always said "h.o.m.os.e.xual." ("There is no such thing as a saved h.o.m.os.e.xual.") He never said "gay." Instead of "gay marriage" or "same-s.e.x marriage" he said "unnatural union." Sometimes, when he was repeating something some man whom he disliked had said, he"d use a falsetto voice. like this before, though when he preached he always said "h.o.m.os.e.xual." ("There is no such thing as a saved h.o.m.os.e.xual.") He never said "gay." Instead of "gay marriage" or "same-s.e.x marriage" he said "unnatural union." Sometimes, when he was repeating something some man whom he disliked had said, he"d use a falsetto voice.
Suddenly, an unwelcome picture of PW at around his own age rose to Cole"s mind: a boy on a bicycle, almost running another boy down. Outta my way, f.a.g-boy! Outta my way, f.a.g-boy!
Was that the kind of kid he had been?
A reptile child.
These thoughts knotted Cole"s stomach. They made him feel guilty and disloyal. Realizing that PW was staring sideways at him, he said, "Why did they make us turn around?"
"Don"t know, exactly. Maybe they got something back there they didn"t want us to see. Used to be moonshine stills you"d stumble on. Then it was marijuana crops. Now it"s meth labs. Or maybe it"s already on to something new."
"Why didn"t you tell them you were a preacher?"
"Wasn"t sure how they f-felt about p-preachers."
Cole didn"t understand what there was about what had just happened to put PW in such a good humor.
"Do you think they"re believers?"
"Do believers usually take the Lord"s name in vain?"
Cole hesitated before his next question. "Didn"t you want to try and save them?"
PW laughed so loud Cole was sure it could be heard as far as gunshots would have been.
"What, you think it"s like some kind of magic formula I carry around? You can"t convert the pagan without the power of the Holy Spirit. I was praying hard up there, and looks to me like Jesus heard. But the Spirit never took hold."
But before they started walking again, PW did offer a prayer for the men: "Father, may they come to find you and know you and choose life."
Later that day, they drove home. By then the encounter with the three men-which PW pointed out had lasted probably all of five minutes-no longer felt like such a big deal. Cole would have been glad to forget what now seemed to him a cowardly overreaction on his part.
They stopped for dinner at a Dairy Queen. The sun was low but still bright, so they ate their burgers and fries at a picnic table outside.
"By the way," said PW, "what happened this morning? With the Three Stooges back there? No reason Tracy"s got to know any of that."
Just then a minibus driven by a man in a black baseball cap pulled up and about a dozen boys jumped out. The boys were all somewhere between the ages of eight and fifteen, and everything about them, from their sloppy clothes to the aggressive way they fought to be the first to reach the restaurant door, announced that they were orphans. As they pa.s.sed the picnic table their eyes burned into Cole, this creature they could have ripped to pieces out of envy: a boy with a father.
When they were on the road again, PW said, "You seemed to take to the woods, Cole. Did my heart good to see it. And if you don"t want to learn to hunt doesn"t mean I can"t teach you how to track. Nothing like getting close to an animal in its natural habitat. My daddy said he once got close enough to touch the tail of a fox. Sorry we didn"t see any bear. But black bear"s on the rise around here. We go back, chances are good we"ll see one sometime. And you can forget what them old boys said. Bear are all up and about this time of year. Except maybe the really lazy ones."
Cole nodded. He definitely wanted to go back sometime, but he was thinking he didn"t want to go into the woods again unless he, too, had a gun. First he"d have to learn how to use one, of course. Tracy would be pleased, but he"d have to be careful not to let on what had brought about his decision. It struck Cole that he was looking forward to seeing Tracy when they got home, which meant that, though he might not have known it, he must have missed her.
He said, "Do you think they knew you had a gun?"
"Yeah, they probably figured. Like they figured it wasn"t something they had to worry about, neither." He laughed, and again Cole wondered what it was about those men that kept tickling PW"s funny bone.
"Are you going to tell the police?"
"Tell who? Tell what? Did you see a crime being committed?"
"I meant, like, if there really was a meth lab or something."
"You see a meth lab or something?"
"No, but you said-"
"Hold on, Cole. Whatever I said, here"s what I think. I think the best thing is for us to forget all about those dudes. Nothing happened, no one got hurt. And if there"s a lesson in all this, it"s that sometimes the right thing to do in a bad situation is to walk away from it. Not to worry about who"s a bully and who"s a coward, just beat a retreat. But the police. Well. I don"t like the police. Might as well say it: I don"t like the law. My daddy used to say, Too much law ruined this country. Jesus taught there are things that belong to Caesar and things that belong to G.o.d. But when you look at the big picture-the laws, the courts, the tax collectors, and all the rest-seems to me way too much is going to Caesar and not enough to the Lord. Sometimes I think if it was up to me, I"d rather let the bad guys go than condemn them to one of Caesar"s prisons-especially after what happened with the flu."
Cole knew he was talking about the men"s maximum-security prison about fifty miles north of Salvation City where he sometimes preached, and where he had brought many inmates to Christ.
"Imagine being locked up with dead bodies and no way to escape. If everyone was too sick or scared to stay and do their job, they should have let the men out. At least give them a fighting chance! I was there when they finally unlocked those gates, and it was like going back in history. I felt like one of those GIs that liberated the concentration camps. Stacks of corpses and a handful of walking skeletons, alive but half out of their minds. Same thing happened all over. You tell me, where was Caesar then?"
Where was G.o.d? Cole was thinking-but his eyes were closing. He didn"t want to talk anymore. He hadn"t slept well either night in the tent, and he was exhausted. His muscles burned from trudging so many miles. His limbs felt rubbery. His head lolled. He wasn"t sure if he was dreaming or if he actually heard PW"s phone ring.
He woke to find the blond man driving the van and the other two making out in the back.
He woke to find the van surrounded. The man in the black baseball cap and the orphans were trying to tip it.
He woke when the van hit a familiar little dip in the road that came just after the last turnoff.
It was dark out now. Light rain was falling. But why were they stopping? Why was PW sitting there with his head on the steering wheel? "Did we run out of gas?"
Slowly PW raised his head, and Cole could tell that he"d been praying.
"Hey, son." His eyes were strange-gla.s.sy, like a drunk"s, or like someone who"s just had a scare. "Tracy called while you were asleep. We got a surprise waiting at home."
"What surprise?" He was thinking it must be something to do with his birthday. But there"d already been a special dinner and presents and cake the day before they left to go camping. Maybe it was a present someone had dropped off late. But Cole was too tired to feel much excitement.
"You"ll see in a minute," said PW, starting to drive again. "Nothing bad, don"t worry. I just want you to be prepared."
A bat squeak of warning pierced Cole"s fatigue.
A strange car was parked outside the house.
"Tell you what," said PW. "Let"s not mess with unloading tonight. We can do it in the morning."
"In here, y"all!"
They followed Tracy"s voice to the living room. She was sitting on the couch, but Cole didn"t see her. All he saw was the ghost at her side. For the second time that day Cole felt the weight of PW"s heavy hand on his shoulder. Then the room tipped. Cole shut his eyes. When he opened them again, his mother was still there.
PART FOUR.
My sister and I were never into dressing alike. Actually, we thought that was kind of tacky. If anything, we wanted people to forget we were twins."
"Oh, isn"t that interesting? And here I always thought it"d be double the fun to be a twin. Didn"t you, Wyatt?"
"Never really thought about it. More coffee, ladies?"
"None for me, thanks. Look, I don"t mean to be impatient, but do you think Cole will be up soon? I"m pretty worried about him after last night, and we need to move along."
"You don"t have to worry about me."
Everyone stared at Cole as he entered the kitchen. Tracy started to get up but he gestured her down, saying, "All I want"s orange juice, and I can get it myself." He poured himself a gla.s.s from the container on the table, but instead of sitting down with the three of them, he crossed the room and leaned against the counter. He wished they would all stop looking at him. As they did not, he faked a yawn.
"How"d you sleep, son?" asked PW. Cole saw Addy wince at the word son. son.
"Fine. I"m telling you, really, I"m fine." Not even trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.
There was more than irritation in Addy"s voice. "Would it be too much to ask if I could speak with my nephew alone now?"
""Course not," said PW. "Why don"t you two use the den?" Cordial words but the same cold-metal tone he"d used to wish the Three Stooges a blessed day. The hostility in the room was unmistakable. But at least this morning everyone was being civil.