It wasn"t supposed to happen. And maybe we can just pretend it didn"t. It"s not like Sam is going to want to talk about it.
There. Never happened. That"s my plan and I"m sticking to it.
I"ve never been so happy that Sam isn"t the kind of guy who"ll want to dissect what happened. Like Jeremy would have. We would have had to a.n.a.lyze it for days.
It was a mistake. But mistakes happen and you"ve got to learn from them, not obsess over them, otherwise you never get to the super excellent breakthroughs. So I will learn from this and move forward.
Except, I can"t really move forward with Adam, either, because it"s a sham me who is dating him.
I decide to phone Adam and come clean. Because I"d rather not see him than have him see the fake me anymore.
But to my surprise, he comes clean, too. Turns out dude is really smart as well.
We talk on the phone for hours. The next night too.
And then we go paragliding! I think I"ve died and gone to heaven. So afterward, I invite him to the diner with Rachel and Ian so I can be gushy in public.
They love him.
I feel hopeful and happy and more me than I"ve felt in a while. Granted, I haven"t dropped the ultra hot part yet, but even though it"s a b.i.t.c.h to keep up, I do like the look in Adam"s eyes when he checks me out, and he"s totally accepted my personality so I guess I can suck it up and be beautiful for a while longer.
Hee!
Adam has everyone-even Matt and Rosie-engrossed in our paragliding day. "Suddenly, we were flying. It was almost spiritual." He leans back with this look of wonder.
I realize Sam has entered and is standing by the door watching us.
We look at each other and I tentatively wave, as this is the first time we"ve seen each other since that fiasco.
I"m kinda nervous.
Sam pulls a chair up to the table instead of squishing into the booth.
I shift uncomfortably, because from his lack of sitting beside me, I know he knows I"m dating Adam. Plus, I wouldn"t bring just any guy to the diner.
Not that I have to keep Sam appraised of changes in my relationship status, but generally I would and I feel that especially after what happened, it"s important to keep things normal between us.
"What are you kids up to?" he asks.
He sounds very calm. This is good, right?
I give him a weak smile.
"Adam"s just telling us about his first time paragliding," Rachel explains.
"Wicked experience. You into it?" Adam asks Sam.
"Sam"s a rock climber," I say a bit too enthusiastically. "And plays basketball."
Yes. I"m compensating. I don"t want either guy to feel bad.
Sam looks at me sharply but doesn"t say anything.
Adam is completely laid back about it all. "Well, I"m glad Ally has someone to glide with then."
Sam nods. "Me too. It"s good for Al and I to have other people to hang out with."
Rachel and Ian exchange a confused glance.
Adam puts his arm around me.
"Maybe we can shoot hoops sometime," he suggests to Sam. "You know, the boyfriend and the friend."
I wince. Because there it is. The fact of Adam and my dating, out in the open, and I wasn"t the one who told Sam.
I grimace a "sorry" face at him.
"Sure. Her ex wasn"t big on sports."
"So long as I"m not her transitional guy after Jeremy," Adam jokes.
Sam glances my way. "No worries on that front."
"We talked," I explain to Sam. "I came clean about the playing dumb thing-"
"Which was a relief," Adam interrupts "because I was worried I was going to have to watch Long Island Medium instead of Mythbusters."
"Imagine that," Sam replies.
Silence.
"Adam wants to study robotics engineering," Ian says. I"m guessing he"s trying to fill the very awkward pause but I wish this conversation would just die already.
Because it"s killing me. It"s like the most painful small talk when all I want to do is speak to Sam and find out if he"s okay. If his dad tore a strip off him. If he hates me for abandoning the plan. And him.
"Sam is going to design school," Rachel adds.
"He"s really good at visuals," I point out. G.o.d. Why can"t I just shut up? "You should see what he came up with for this Marketing cla.s.s a.s.signment he has."
"I"m a master at designing shiny things that suck people in," he says blandly.
Low. Blow. "Such a healthy ego on you," I tell him sweetly. Through gritted teeth.
I feel Rachel kick me under the table. I look over at her and she"s subtly motioning with her head toward the bathroom. Like she wants to talk to me.
No way.
"I, for one, am very happy to meet you Adam," Rosie pipes up from her usual stool at the counter. "That thing with Jeremy was awful. I"m glad Ally is moving on."
"Sucks for you though, Sam. Friends always get shoved aside for new relationships," Matt says.
"I would never shove Sam aside," I protest. Unless he keeps acting like a d.i.c.kwad.
Adam whispers something lewd in my ear. I swat at him playfully. "Well, yes. For that."
Sam grabs my arm. "Can I speak to you a minute?" he asks, yanking me out of the booth. "In private?"
I follow him past Rosie and Matt in time to hear her accuse him of being "a mean mean man".
Sam has stormed off ahead but I"ve slowed down because I"m curious to hear what Matt has to say for himself.
"You know how many years I"ve had to watch them? Her with that stump, Jeremy, and him sleeping his way through the phone book? Figure it out already, kids."
I can"t help but turn and reveal I was blatantly eavesdropping by replying, "There is nothing to figure out."
Matt blows me off with a dismissive flick of his wrist.
I"m going to protest but I see Sam waiting for me, visibly impatient, so I scurry over to him.
Calming breath. Start again.
"I"m sorry for bolting. Did you get in huge trouble?"
"What happened to Abra Renfrew?" he hisses at me, ignoring the question.
I"m taken aback. Not where I expected this to go. "Um. Well, because of you, I feel better about myself. I"m having better s.e.x. You did this for me and I"m totally thankful."
"But?"
"No *but." I"m evolving into pursing a casual yet ongoing relationship without expectations. This is a big step for me."
"Great," he snarks.
"Sam," I put my hand on his arm.
He pulls it away.
"You"re mad because I left you there to deal with your dad."
"Nope."
"Then it"s the plan. You were right. I"m not that-"
"It"s not the plan."
My frustration with his useless answers gets too much and I snap.
"You"re p.i.s.sed about something. Is this because we"re not sleeping together anymore?"
Say "Of course not, Ally. It"s because you"re my best friend and every second you"re away from me, I miss you."
Say it.
"We"re not?" he asks.
b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
"D"uh." I fix him with a steely glare.
He simply shrugs and walks away.
Chapter twenty-five.
I knew it! I knew there was no way to turn girls from clingers to players. How long did Ally last? Barely a month and she is already back to dating.
After all that hard work and effort. For what? f.u.c.k. All. Those chicks are a lost cause.
I decide to get over my extreme disappointment by going rock climbing at an indoor rock wall with Etienne. Clear my mind, Zen out, just me and the holds.
I"m snug in my harness, halfway up the toughest route with Etienne next to me. I search for my next hold and try not to be completely distracted by the horndog beside me tilting his head to check out every girl"s a.s.s in the place.
"I love yoga pants," Etienne muses.
I wish he"d give it a rest already.
"You"ve always been a clever boy," he tells me, searching for his next move, "but you"ve really outdone yourself."
"With what?"
"How you managed to convince a chick to buy into the *get in, sleep with a guy, get out quickly" idea. I bow before your genius."
No way am I letting him know the entire thing just failed.
"That"s me," I say c.o.c.kily.
"To be able to nail her over and over again with no strings attached. Brilliant. You"re living the dream."
Right. That dream is dead too. Not dream. Aspect. Of my life. "Over and over again," I lie.
He keeps talking.
I stretch out for a far hold, hoping to put some distance between us so I don"t have to listen to him drone on.