"Are you going to be one of those nauseating couples?" asks Rachel.
"The worst," Ally replies, happily.
"Like you"re one to talk," Matt tells Rachel.
"The glow will wear off soon enough," Rosie announces. "Always does."
"Thanks a lot," I reply.
"I liked the Jeremy one better," Vic says. "This one"s lippy."
"I"m happy for them," Ian announces.
"Thank you, my brother," I reply.
"Showing us up?" asks Matt.
"Naw," Ian says. I just want Ally to stop hanging around so much so I can have s.e.x with my girlfriend more."
Rachel kisses Ian. "That"s my boy."
Ally tugs on me.
I lean down so she can whisper in my ear. "I dare you to show me how much you love me. And I do mean show."
We bolt. It"s obvious, but so what?
I"m about to have great s.e.x with the girl I love.
In the end, my newfound approach actually solves all my problems with Monica, too.
I sit across the table in cla.s.s from her and open my portfolio. She watches me nervously.
"Reward yourself." I show her the new direction of the campaign.
Monica smiles. Finally.
"We"ll keep the element of humor," I explain. "Create a campaign that takes people through the stages of falling in love, in a funny way. But also celebrates the pa.s.sion and giddy joy at seeing the love of your life."
"I like this."
"Love is both hard work and worth it. You need a reward and chocolate is it."
"Works for me," she says. "But why the change of heart?"
"My best friend got dumped."
She scrunches up her face, confused.
"It"s a long story."
My cell rings. "Just a sec."
I glance at the number. It"s from Ally"s house.
s.h.i.t.
"h.e.l.lo?"
"So, you"re dating my daughter now?"
"Yeah." I stand up and move off for privacy, in case Elise decides to rip me a new one. I have no idea what Ally may have told her. Is this where she tells me never to come over again after all I did?
"If you ever break my baby"s heart, I will rip yours out. Do I make myself clear?"
I swallow. "Yes, Elise."
"Good. Dinner is at five. I"ve made your favorite pasta with pesto."
"Uh, so you want me to come over?"
"Of course."
"Okay."
I guess my nervousness comes through because her tone softens as she says "I"m really glad she has you, Sam."
She hangs up and I"m left blushing.
Geez. Moms.
Chapter thirty-six.
My boyfriend"s head smells like flowers. I know this because as he hands me a tub of ice cream in the freezer section of the supermarket, I tug him down to just inhale his scent.
He smells like my soap and my floral shampoo because about an hour ago back at my place we really needed to shower.
If you know what I mean.
"What"cha doing, weirdo?" he asks fondly as he gently tugs himself out of my hug.
"Just sniffing you."
"Okay, bird."
"Not any bird, though." I feel compelled to clear that up. "But some penguins will-"
He kisses me.
"Was that to shut me up?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "Naw. You can tell me about the penguins now. I just wanted to kiss you."
I blush. Jeremy definitely would have just been shutting me up. But without the kiss.
"Penguins, later. Which reminds me. We need poo refills. But back to my house now."
Sam seems eager to obey.
Etienne shows up in our aisle, looking like c.r.a.p.
"What happened to you?" Sam asks.
"Clarissa. It"s all your fault."
"How?"
"*Talk like a normal person" you said. You b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Do you really hate me so much?"
"What did she do?" I ask.
A girl in a super cute mini dress comes around the corner. Clarissa, I presume.
"Hi Sam."
Sam does all the introductions.
"Etienne, be a love and grab me some tampons. I"ll be over at the magazines."
"Jamais!" he protests. "I am a man, not a she-boy."
Clarissa trails a finger down his chest suggestively.
Etienne deflates.
"And don"t dawdle," she tells him.
"Yes, cherie."
I grin at her. I like this girl"s style.
She throws me a wink and flounces off.
"I will never forgive you for this," Etienne hisses at Sam before heading off, shoulders slumped.
Sam turns to me. "I am never getting you tampons."
I snap open the top b.u.t.ton of my cardigan to flash him my black lace bra.
"Probably never," he amends.
Two days later, Sam says something that tells me exactly how much he loves me. As if I didn"t already know. But this knocks it out into the stratosphere.
"Take me paragliding," he says.
I can"t believe it, but he"s willing to try. Even though he"s terrified, he wants to do it because he knows I love it and he wants to know why.
I love this boy so much.
That"s how we find ourselves hooking into a tandem paraglider. I give a final tug on his harness.
"You okay?"
"Piece of cake," he replies.
"Because if you faint, it"s alright. Just try to do it before we take off."
Sam laughs. "How am I supposed to impress you if you know all my secrets?"
"Think of it this way," I reply, "if I can love you after all I know about you, it must be real."
"Don"t get me started," he grouses.
"And if it isn"t," I continue, "all we have to do is have a lot of really great s.e.x. The oxytocin released in our o.r.g.a.s.ms helps with our ability to bond."
I give him a final smooch for support and harness myself up behind him.
"I don"t think bonding is our problem," Sam muses, trying to grope my left b.o.o.b.
I swat him away so I can harness in safely but believe me, we are so coming back to that later.
"Or o.r.g.a.s.ms," I tell him.
"h.e.l.l, no. But just to make sure, we should practice."
"In the interest of science."
"And o.r.g.a.s.ms."