Well, we didn"t stay down much longer. Faith had stepped out of the long winder behind us and wuz lookin" off onto the glorified river durin" this _contrary temps_, and as I glanced out of the winder to look for her I see the huge form of Mr. Pomper hoverin" in the foreground, and I sez to Josiah, "I think it is time to retire and go to bed."
And Faith bein" ready to go, we ascended to our rooms. As we pa.s.sed one of the landin" places on the staircase where some chairs wuz placed, I see the ancient dame settin" and sarahuptishously rubbin"
her ankle jints. She straightened up and looked kinder coquetishly at my pardner, but he swep" by her as if she wuz so much dirt under his feet. Truly he seemed to be carryin" out his plan of ignorin" my sect and pa.s.sin" "em by scornfully. I may see trouble with that sperit in him yet.
The next mornin" Josiah wanted Faith and I to go out with him fishin"
and have a fish dinner, a sort of a picnic, on some island on the fishin" grounds. That"s quite a fashionable entertainment. They fish till they git real hungry I spoze, and then the boatman puts into some sheltered cove, and the party goes on sh.o.r.e, builds a fire and cooks some of the fish they have got, and make coffee, and with the nice lunch they took from the hotel, they have a splendid dinner I spoze, and take sights of comfort.
Why lots of folks there would go out day after day early in the morning, and stay until night, and then would walk proudly in with a long string of fish, and would lay "em on the desk in the office, and a admirin" crowd would gather round to look at "em and wonder how much they weighed. Why wimmen and children would catch fish so big that it is a wonder they could draw "em into the boat, and I spoze they did have help from the stronger sect (stronger arms I mean). And besides the fish I spoze they ketch happiness and health.
Well, Josiah wuz rampant to go. He said he wanted to surprise the crowd in the hotel and the hull of Well"s Island with the fish he would git, and then I spoze the idee of the dinner wuz drawin" him onward. I brung up several arguments, such as the danger, fatigue, etc., but he stood firm. But I had one weepon left that seldom failed, and as a last resort I drawed that weepon, and he fell woonded to once. Sez I, "Do you have any idee, Josiah Allen, how much it is goin"
to cost you?"
His linement fell. He hadn"t thought on"t. I see him silently draw a boatman into a corner and interview him, and I hearn no more about a fishin" picnic.
The very evenin" after this, Fate and Mr. Pomper gin me a chance to carry out the plan I"d laid out heretofore. Josiah had stepped over to the post office, and Faith had walked over with him at my request, for she had a headache, and I told him to walk down to the wharf with her and see if the cool air wouldn"t do her good. So she had put a black lace scarf over her pretty golden hair and went off with him.
Well, there wuz big doin"s at the Tabernacle that night, and it wuz a off night for music, and I found the parlor nearly deserted when I walked in and sot down in my accustomed easy chair. And no sooner had I sot down seemin"ly than Mr. Pomper"s ma.s.sive form emerged onto the seen, and he drawed up a chair and sot down by my side.
Agreably to the plans I had laid down in my mind, I did not object to the move. But though a picture of calmness on the outside, inwardly I wuz callin" almost wildly on my powers of memory, tryin" to think jest what Malviny had done, one of the immortal Children of the Abbey, when Lord Mortimer approached her with his onlawful suit, and I tried also to recall what the Mountain Mourner had done in like circ.u.mstances, but before I had half done interviewin" them heroines in sperit my mind wuz recalled into the onwelcome present by Mr. Pomper"s voice in my left ear:
"I asked you, Josiah Allen"s wife," sez he, "to listen to me, for I felt that you wuz the most proper person for me to state my feelings to. Since you and your party have entered this house," sez he, "I have had a great conflict goin" on between my mind and my heart."
"Ah indeed! have you?" sez I, liftin" my nose at a angle of from forty to fifty degrees.
"Yes," sez he, "I have had a great struggle between my heart and my common sense, and in the battle that ensued, Common Sense and Reason has had to retire into the background, and Heart has triumphed."
"It is a great pity!" sez I, "Common Sense and Reason had much better come out ahead," and agin I lifted my nose to its extremest limit, and looked swords and prunin" knives at him.
"That is just what most folks would say, I am aware, but listen to my story before you judge. I must reveal to you the state of my heart and affections!"
How sure it is that when a kag is tapped the contents will run out no matter whether it is wine or water. At them bold words accompanied by the ardent rollin" of that lone orb, my well-laid plans all left my mind, nothin" wuz left but pure principle and devotion and loyalty to my pardner. The full kag emptied its contents over his nefarious purposes, and I bust out almost onbeknown to me and sez:
"It is no use; it is vain, it is worse than vain! it is wicked!"
"What," sez he, "is she engaged to another?"
"Who?" sez I, turnin" like lightnin" and facin" him.
"Why, Miss Smith, your niece or grand-child who is with you. That beauchious creature!" sez he.
"Faithful Smith!" sez I faintly, "is she the one you are talkin"
about?"
"Yes," sez he, "your grand-daughter, is she not?"
"My grand-daughter!" sez I in deep contempt, "she is my own cousin on my own side."
"I thought," sez he, "from her looks and yours that she might be your grand-child, but that is of no moment," sez he.
"It is of moment!" sez I, "she is uncle Leander Smith"s own child, and though she is a few years younger than I be, it has always been said and thought all over Jonesville and Loontown that I hold my age to a remarkable extent. And though I think my eyes of Faith I won"t thank you or anyone else for callin" her my grand-child!"
"But yet," sez he, "that"s a tender, sweet relationship. What I want to say to you is in relation to Miss Smith, she looks sad but beauchious. I like her looks. You may have noticed that I have occasionally glanced in the direction of your party."
"Yes," sez I, "Heaven knows I have noticed it!"
"Yes," sez he, "as I have looked upon her face from day to day a conflict has been wagin" in my heart, and though you may be surprised at the result (for I am very wealthy) I have decided to make her glad and joyous once more."
He paused, as if for a reply, and I sez, "How did you mean to tackle the job?"
"By makin" her my wife," sez he.
The mystery wuz all explained, my dignity and my beloved pardner"s safety all a.s.sured. I felt a feeling of infinite relief, and yet I felt like a fool, and I blamed him severely for this ridiculous _contrary temps_ that had occurred in my mind.
"Of course," sez he, "it is a great rise for her, I have hearn that she hain"t worth much, as I count wealth, and as we are speakin" in confidence, I will say that there is a rich widder here who has hopes of me, and mebby I"ve gin her some encouragement, kinder accidental, as you may say, but I ort to know better. Widdowers can"t be too careful; they do great harm, let "em be as careful as possible. They tromple right and left over wimmen"s hearts do the best they can. But since I have seen Miss Smith and witnessed her sad face I have done a sight of thinkin". Here the case lays, the widder is strong, she can stand trouble better. The widder is happy, for she has got that which will make any woman happy--health, wealth, and property. And I"ve been turnin" it over in my mind that mebby Duty is drawin" me away from the widder and towards the maid. It hain"t because the widder is homely as the old Harry that influences me, no not at all. But the thought of lightenin" the burden of the sad and down hearted, makin" the mournful eyes dance with ecstasy, and the skrinkin" form bound with joy like--like--the boundin" row on the hill tops. Now as the case stands marry I will and must. My wife has already been lost for a period of three months lackin" three weeks. She sweetly pa.s.sed away murmurin", "I am glad to go.""
"No wonder at that!" I sez, "no wonder!"
"Yes, she wuz a Christian and she pa.s.sed sweetly up into the Hevings, thank the Lord!" sez he lookin" acrost onto Faith"s sweet face, for she had come back and set down acrost the room.
"She is better off, I hain"t a doubt on"t!" sez I fervently.
"I don"t know about that. I did well by her, and she felt as well as myself, that to be my wife wuz a fate not often gin to mortal wimmen."
"That is so!" sez I fervently, "that is so!"
"Yes she wuz proud and happy durin" her life. I did everything for her. I killed a chicken durin" her last sickness onasked, jest to surprise her with soup. She lived proud and happy and died happy."
"I hain"t a doubt that she died happy."
"No," sez he, "and now I must make a choice of her successor. It is a hard job to do," sez he.
"No doubt on"t," sez I, "no doubt on"t!"
"Yes, whatever woman I choose, some must be left, pinin" on their stems, to speak poetically. I can"t marry every woman, that"s plain to be seen."
"Yes, thank Heaven! that"s a settled thing," sez I lookin" longin"ly at my pardner, who wuz leanin" aginst the door and conversin" with the man of the house on his chosen theme, for anon or oftener I hearn the words--Coney Island! Dreamland--Luny Park, etc., etc.
"No, and my choice made, I want it done as speedily as possible, for my late lamented left as a slight token of her love thirteen children of all ages, rangin" from six months up to twelve years, two pairs of triplets, two ditto of twins, and three singles.
"My wealth lays in land mostly. I never believed in idle luxuries, only comfort, solid comfort, and my wife will have a luxurious home of a story and a half upright, and a linter, groceries and necessaries all provided, and all she will have to do will be the housework and gently train and care for the minds and bodies of the little ones, with some help from the oldest set of triplets, and make my home agin an oasis of joy, a Eden below. Oh! how happy she will be!" sez he, "Nestlin" down like a wanderin" dove in the safety and peace and pride of married life. When can I see Miss Smith?" sez he. "Or will you tell her in advance of her good fortune?"
[Ill.u.s.tration: "_"No," sez Mr. Pomper, "I want it done as speedily as possible, fer my late lamented left me thirteen children, two pairs of triplets, two ditto of twins, and three singles."_" (_See page 143_)]
"No indeed!" sez I, "I make no matches nor break none. You will have to do your own errents."