She took a breath to make this last statement, and continued with the same peculiar implicity of distinctness, which a terrific thunder of "What?" from Wilfrid did not overbear: "I was quite mad that day I went to him. I think, in my despair I spoke things that may have led him to fancy the truth of what he has said. On my honour, I do not know. And I cannot remember what happened after for the week I wandered alone about London. Mr. Powys found me on a wharf by the river at night."
A groan burst from Wilfrid. Emilia"s instinct had divined the antidote that this would be to the poison of revived love in him, and she felt secure, though he had again taken her hand; but it was she who nursed a mere sentiment now, while pa.s.sion sprang in him, and she was not prepared for the delirium with which he enveloped her. She listened to his raving senselessly, beginning to think herself lost. Her tortured hands were kissed; her eyes gazed into. He interpreted her stupefaction as contrition, her silence as delicacy, her changeing of colour as flying hues of shame: the partial coldness at their meeting he attributed to the burden on her mind, and muttering in a magnanimous sublimity that he forgave her, he claimed her mouth with force.
"Don"t touch me!" cried Emilia, showing terror.
"Are you not mine?"
"You must not kiss me."
Wilfrid loosened her waist, and became in a minute outwardly most cool and courteous.
"My successor may object. I am bound to consider him. Pardon me.
Once!--"
The wretched insult and silly emphasis pa.s.sed harmlessly from her: but a word had led her thoughts to Merthyr"s face, and what is meant by the phrase "keeping oneself pure," stood clearly in Emilia"s mind. She had not winced; and therefore Wilfrid judged that his shot had missed because there was no mark. With his eye upon her sideways, showing its circle wide as a parrot"s, he asked her one of those questions that lovers sometimes permit between themselves. "Has another--?" It is here as it was uttered. Eye-speech finished the sentence.
Rapidly a train of thought was started in Emilia, and she came to this conclusion, aloud: "Then I love n.o.body!" For she had never kissed Merthyr, or wished for his kiss.
"You do not?" said Wilfrid, after a silence. "You are generous in being candid."
A pressure of intensest sorrow bowed his head. The real feeling in him stole to Emilia like a subtle flame.
"Oh! what can I do for you?" she cried.
"Nothing, if you do not love me," he was replying mournfully, when, "Yes! yes!" rushed to his lips; "marry me: marry me to-morrow. You have loved me. "I am never to leave you!" Can you forget the night when you said it? Emilia! Marry me and you will love me again. You must. This man, whoever he is--Ah! why am I such a brute! Come! be mine! Let me call you my own darling! Emilia!--or say quietly "you have nothing to hope for:" I shall not reproach you, believe me."
He looked resigned. The abrupt transition had drawn her eyes to his. She faltered: "I cannot be married." And then: "How could I guess that you felt in this way?"
"Who told me that I should?" said he. "Your words have come true. You predicted that I should fly from "that woman," as you called her, and come to you. See! here it is exactly as you willed it. You--you are changed. You throw your magic on me, and then you are satisfied, and turn elsewhere."
Emilia"s conscience smote her with a verification of this charge, and she trembled, half-intoxicated for the moment, by the aspect of her power. This filled her likewise with a dangerous pity for its victim; and now, putting out both hands to him, her chin and shoulders raised entreatingly, she begged the victim to spare her any word of marriage.
"But you go, you run away from me--I don"t know where you are or what you are doing," said Wilfrid. "And you leave me to that woman. She loves the Austrians, as you know. There! I will ask nothing--only this: I will promise, if I quit the Queen"s service for good, not to wear the white uniform--"
"Oh!" Emilia breathed inward deeply, scarce noticing the "if" that followed; nodding quick a.s.sent to the stipulation before she heard the nature of it. It was, that she should continue in England.
"Your word," said Wilfrid; and she pledged it, and did not think she was granting much in the prospect of what she gained.
"You will, then?" said he.
"Yes, I will."
"On your honour?"
These reiterated questions were simply pretexts for steps nearer to the answering lips.
"And I may see you?" he went on.
"Yes."
"Wherever you are staying? And sometimes alone? Alone!--"
"Not if you do not know that I am to be respected," said Emilia, huddled in the pa.s.sionate fold of his arms. He released her instantly, and was departing, wounded; but his heart counselled wiser proceedings.
"To know that you are in England, breathing the same air with me, near me! is enough. Since we are to meet on those terms, let it be so. Let me only see you till some lucky shot puts me out of your way."
This "some lucky shot," which is commonly pointed at themselves by the sentimental lovers, with the object of hitting the very centre of the hearts of obdurate damsels, glanced off Emilia"s, which was beginning to throb with a comprehension of all that was involved in the word she had given.
"I have your promise?" he repeated: and she bent her head.
"Not," he resumed, taking jealousy to counsel, now that he had advanced a step: "Not that I would detain you against your will! I can"t expect to make such a figure at the end of the piece as your Count Branciani--who, by the way, served his friends oddly, however well he may have served his country."
"His friends?" She frowned.
"Did he not betray the conspirators? He handed in names, now and then."
"Oh!" she cried, "you understand us no better than an Austrian. He handed in names--yes he was obliged to lull suspicion. Two or three of the least implicated volunteered to be betrayed by him; they went and confessed, and put the Government on a wrong track. Count Branciani made a dish of traitors--not true men--to satisfy the Austrian ogre. No one knew the head of the plot till that night of the spy. Do you not see?--he weeded the conspiracy!"
"Poor fellow!" Wilfrid answered, with a contracted mouth: "I pity him for being cut off from his handsome wife."
"I pity her for having to live," said Emilia.
And so their duett dropped to a finish. He liked her phrase better than his own, and being denied any privileges, and feeling stupefied by a position which both enticed and stung him, he remarked that he presumed he must not detain her any longer; whereupon she gave him her hand. He clutched the ready hand reproachfully.
"Good-bye," said she.
"You are the first to say it," he complained.
"Will you write to that Austrian colonel, your cousin, to say "Never!
never!" to-morrow, Wilfrid?"
"While you are in England, I shall stay, be sure of that."
She bade him give her love to all Brookfield.
"Once you had none to give but what I let you take back for the purpose!" he said. "Farewell! I shall see the harp to-night. It stands in the old place. I will not have it moved or touched till you--"
"Ah! how kind you were, Wilfrid!"
"And how lovely you are!"
There was no struggle to preserve the backs of her fingers from his lips, and, as this time his phrase was not palpably obscured by the one it countered, artistic sentiment permitted him to go.
CHAPTER LIII