"Why should it?" he asked quickly.
"Because it"s that sort of a position. I"m here as long as I"m wanted,"
Susan said bitterly, "and when I"m not, there"ll be a hundred ways to end it all. Ella will resent this, and Mrs. Saunders will resent it, and even if I was legally ent.i.tled to stay, it wouldn"t be very pleasant under those circ.u.mstances!" She rested her head against the curved back of her chair, and he saw tears slip between her lashes.
"Why, my darling! My dearest little girl, you mustn"t cry!" he said, in distress. "Come to the window and let"s get a breath of fresh air!"
He crossed to a French window, and held back the heavy curtain to let her step out to the wide side porch. Susan"s hand held his tightly in the darkness, and he knew by the sound of her breathing that she was crying.
"I don"t know what made me go to pieces this way," she said, after a moment. "But it has been such a day!" And she composedly dried her eyes, and restored his handkerchief to him.
"You poor little girl!" he said tenderly. "---Is it going to be too cold out here for you, Sue?"
"No-o!" said Susan, smiling, "it"s heavenly!"
"Then we"ll talk. And we must make the most of this too, for they may not give us another chance! Cheer up, sweetheart, it"s only a short time now! As you say, they"re going to resent the fact that my girl doesn"t jump at the chance to ally herself with all this splendor, and to-morrow may change things all about for every one of us. Now, Sue, I told Ella to-day that I sail for j.a.pan on Sunday---"
"Oh, my G.o.d!" Susan said, taken entirely unawares.
He was near enough to put his arm about her shoulders.
"My little girl," he said, gravely, "did you think that I was going to leave you behind?"
"I couldn"t bear it," Susan said simply.
"You could bear it better than I could," he a.s.sured her. "But we"ll never be separated again in this life, I hope! And every hour of my life I"m going to spend in trying to show you what it means to me to have you--with your beauty and your wit and your charm--trust me to straighten out all this tangle! You know you are the most remarkable woman I ever knew, Susan," he interrupted himself to say, seriously.
"Oh, you can shake your head, but wait until other people agree with me! Wait until you catch the faintest glimpse of what our life is going to be! And how you"ll love the sea! And that reminds me," he was all business-like again, "the Nippon Maru sails on Sunday. You and I sail with her."
He paused, and in the gradually brightening gloom Susan"s eyes met his, but she did not speak nor stir.
"It"s the ONLY way, dear!" he said urgently. "You see that? I can"t leave you here and things cannot go on this way. It will be hard for a little while, but we"ll make it a wonderful year, Susan, and when it"s over, I"ll take my wife home with me to New York."
"It seems incredible," said Susan slowly, "that it is ever RIGHT to do a thing like this. You--you think I"m a strong woman, Stephen," she went on, groping for the right words, "but I"m not--in this way. I think I COULD be strong," Susan"s eyes were wistful, "I could be strong if my husband were a pioneer, or if I had an invalid husband, or if I had to--to work at anything," she elucidated. "I could even keep a store or plow, or go out and shoot game! But my life hasn"t run that way, I can"t seem to find what I want to do, I"m always bound by conditions I didn"t make---"
"Exactly, dear! And now you are going to make conditions for yourself,"
he added eagerly, as she hesitated. Susan sighed.
"Not so soon as Sunday," she said, after a pause.
"Sunday too soon? Very well, little girl. If you want to go Sunday, we"ll go. And, if you say not, I"ll await your plans," he agreed.
"But, Stephen--what about tickets?"
"The tickets are upstairs," he told her. "I reserved the prettiest suite on board for Miss Susan Bocqueraz, my niece, who is going with me to meet her father in India, and a near-by stateroom for myself. But, of course, I"ll forfeit these reservations rather than hurry or distress you now. When I saw the big liner, Susan, the cleanness and brightness and airiness of it all; and when I thought of the deliciousness of getting away from the streets and smells and sounds of the city, out on the great Pacific, I thought I would be mad to prolong this existence here an unnecessary day. But that"s for you to say."
"I see," she said dreamily. And through her veins, like a soothing draught, ran the premonition of surrender. Delicious to let herself go, to trust him, to get away from all the familiar sights and faces! She turned in the darkness and laid both hands on his shoulders. "I"ll be ready on Sunday," said she gravely. "I suppose, as a younger girl, I would have thought myself mad to think of this. But I have been wrong about so many of those old ideas; I don"t feel sure of anything any more. Life in this house isn"t right, Stephen, and certainly the old life at Auntie"s,--all debts and pretense and shiftlessness,--isn"t right either."
"You"ll not be sorry, dear," he told her, holding her hands.
An instant later they were warned, by a sudden flood of light on the porch, that Mr. Coleman had come to the open French window.
"Come in, you idiots!" said Peter. "We"re hunting for something to eat!"
"You come out, it"s a heavenly night!" Stephen said readily.
"Nothing stirring," Mr. Coleman said, sauntering toward them nevertheless. "Don"t you believe a word she says, Mr. Bocqueraz, she"s an absolute liar!"
"Peter, go back, we"re talking books," said Susan, unruffled.
"Well, I read a book once, Susan," he a.s.sured her proudly. "Say, let"s go over to the hotel and have a dance, what?"
"Madman!" the writer said, in indulgent amus.e.m.e.nt, as Peter went back.
"We"ll be in directly, Coleman!" he called. Then he said quickly, and in a low tone to Susan. "Shall you stay here until Sunday, or would you rather be with your own people?"
"It just depends upon what Ella and Emily do," Susan answered. "Kenneth may not tell them. If he does, it might be better to go. This is Tuesday. Of course I don"t know, Stephen, they may be very generous about it, they may make it as pleasant as they can. But certainly Emily isn"t sorry to find some reason for terminating my stay here.
We"ve--perhaps it"s my fault, but we"ve been rather grating on each other lately. So I think it"s pretty safe to say that I will go home on Wednesday or Thursday."
"Good," he said. "I can see you there!"
"Oh, will you?" said Susan, pleased.
"Oh, will I! And another thing, dear, you"ll need some things. A big coat for the steamer, and some light gowns--but we can get those. We"ll do some shopping in Paris---"
He had touched a wrong chord, and Susan winced.
"I have some money," she a.s.sured him, hastily, "and I"d rather--rather get those things myself!"
"You shall do as you like," he said gravely. Silently and thoughtfully they went back to the house.
CHAPTER VI
Susan lay awake almost all night, quiet and wide-eyed in the darkness, thinking, thinking, thinking. She arraigned herself mentally before a jury of her peers, and pleaded her own case. She did not think of Stephen Bocqueraz to-night,--thought of him indeed did not lead to rational argument!--but she confined her random reflections to the conduct of other women. There was a moral code of course, there were Commandments. But by whose decree might some of these be set aside, and ignored, while others must still be observed in the letter and the spirit? Susan knew that Ella would discharge a maid for stealing perfumery or b.u.t.ter, and within the hour be entertaining a group of her friends with the famous story of her having taken paste jewels abroad, to be replaced in London by real stones and brought triumphantly home under the very eyes of the custom-house inspectors. She had heard Mrs.
Porter Pitts, whose second marriage followed her divorce by only a few hours, addressing her respectful cla.s.ses in the Correction Home for Wayward Girls. She had heard Mrs. Leonard Orvis congratulated upon her lineage and family connections on the very same occasion when Mrs.
Orvis had entertained a group of intimates with a history of her successful plan for keeping the Orvis nursery empty.
It was to the Ellas, the Pitts, the Orvises, that Susan addressed her arguments. They had broken laws. She was only temporarily following their example. She heard the clock strike four, before she went to sleep, and was awakened by Emily at nine o"clock the next morning.
It was a rainy, gusty morning, with showers slapping against the windows. The air in the house was too warm, radiators were purring everywhere, logs crackled in the fireplaces of the dining-room and hall. Susan, looking into the smaller library, saw Ella in a wadded silk robe, comfortably ensconced beside the fire, with the newspapers.
"Good-morning, Sue," said Ella politely. Susan"s heart sank. "Come in,"
said Ella. "Had your breakfast?"
"Not yet," said Susan, coming in.
"Well, I just want to speak to you a moment," said Ella, and Susan knew, from the tone, that she was in for an unpleasant half-hour.
Emily, following Susan, entered the library, too, and seated herself on the window-seat. Susan did not sit down.