I don"t let myself get too excited yet, not until I hear her say it. For now, I have to agree with her. "You got it. As soon as I sort out what"s going on, I"ll go to the hospital." I extend my hand for her to shake and she takes it. "You"re coming?"
"Lucy!" comes a male voice from the doorway.
"Oh, Todd. I"m..."
I scowl. Of course Todd would interrupt the one conversation I"m being vulnerable.
"Who"s this?" The dude is like a walking Abercrombie ad. Nothing like me. I take a step toward him and offer my hand.
"Landon."
He dismisses my offered palm and throws Lucy a glare so powerful, I"m half-tempted to kick his a.s.s for looking at her like that.
"Thought he was leaving."
"W-He... He is."
"Why don"t you just say goodbye and come back inside then?" Todd says, his temper flaring which I desperately don"t want it to do. We don"t need to make this messier than it is.
"Are you drunk right now?"
"Drunk? Pfft. I had a few shots. Some girls bought a round for me. Just providing my excellent customer service."
Lucy shakes her head and looks at me for comfort. "Todd. Please keep calm right now."
"Ugh, shut up and come inside."
"I think maybe you should back off the lady," I reply, stepping between them.
"Dude, I"m her f.u.c.king boyfriend. Go f.u.c.k yourself," Todd says. I flare my nostrils and flex an inch taller, now standing toe-to-toe with the p.r.i.c.k.
"She told me she doesn"t have a boyfriend." I shouldn"t"ve said it. There"s no need to stir this s.h.i.t-pot but I had to say something to bring this a.s.shole down a few pegs.
"Stop it, both of you. Todd, stop it. we"re not together. I...Just...I"m f.u.c.king confused, okay? I need you to back off from me a little bit. Go back inside. I"ll be two more minutes."
"No, you won"t," Todd replies dismissively. He"s watching me with eyes full of fury, barely paying attention to the woman he"s disrespecting. "Get the f.u.c.k inside. Men are talking."
My leather jacket creeks as I fold my arms but decide to stay quiet. I don"t need more trouble.
"See, thing is Todd, you talk to me like this every time you get angry," she says, fearlessly, "and you wonder why I"m not with you."
"You push me to this, Lucy. Every d.a.m.n time."
"Man the f.u.c.k up. You"re the one that"s got your panties in a bunch," I say, drawing his attention off Lucy. I can"t take the way he"s talking to her but I decide not to fight her battles.
"f.u.c.k you, bro," he jaunts.
"I"m not your bro, bro."
After some silent steps toward each other, our noses are almost touching. I swear there"s almost smoke blowing from my nose. Lucy tugs at Todd"s arm to put some s.p.a.ce between us. He shakes her off then turns his attention back to me.
I stand up taller.
"You wanna go?" Todd says.
"Please. This is so stupid. Calm down and I"ll explain everything soon."
"Get out of our town."
"Oh, trust me. I am."
"Todd, get inside. We don"t need trouble."
"Don"t tell me what to do, b.i.t.c.h!" Todd snaps. "Why the f.u.c.k are you standing up for this piece o" s.h.i.t?" His fist hits a wooden pole beside us and he paces around a bit, raging and shaking his hand out from the pain.
"You"re a piece o" s.h.i.t," I murmur.
"Yeah, I"m the piece o" s.h.i.t? I am? f.u.c.king white trash over here," Todd says. "What the f.u.c.k are you doing, Lucy?"
"I"m saying goodbye," I say. He doesn"t hear her, instead he lunges at her, his hand seemingly ready to take her throat. I step between him and Lucy pulls me away.
"He"s a f.u.c.king criminal! A complete G.o.dd.a.m.n stranger! Don"t you have a brain in there?"
"You don"t know him," she says. He was gonna hurt her just now. That mother f.u.c.ker was going to put his hands on her.
"I know him just f.u.c.king fine. A patched MC member? I know your kind. You"re not welcome in this town."
I wanna kick this f.u.c.ker"s a.s.s, show him he ain"t the big man he thinks he is, but I hold myself back. Fighting this a.s.shole isn"t going to help me get home, and the last thing I want to do is get Lucy or myself into anymore trouble.
But then he paces towards me. I shove him hard so he stumbles backward. He grabs for me but I"m able to take his arm and twist it up behind his back. I"m not in the mood for this bulls.h.i.t. Todd flays a bit until his knee hits my b.a.l.l.s. I cry out.
"Yeah, who"s the piece o" s.h.i.t now, huh?" he says.
A left hook meets my ear. Actually, maybe I can find it in me to kick his a.s.s. I feel some blood trickle out, tickling down my neck. I shift and tackle this p.u.s.s.y a.s.s b.i.t.c.h to the floor, pummeling a hard punch across his cheek. Kid can"t be too experienced in hand-to-hand combat. He"ll give up soon.
"Stop it! Landon!" Lucy"s arm tugging me backward pulls me too. The f.u.c.k am I doing? I step backward as Todd shimmies back in the dirt, holding a hand to his face.
"She doesn"t deserve this s.h.i.t from you and in no alternate Universe do you deserve her," I spit.
"Stop it! Stop it!"
"You"re d.a.m.n lucky she"s here to protect your a.s.s," I continue.
"Get the f.u.c.k out of here before the police arrive."
"Who called the police?!" Lucy booms.
"Who the h.e.l.l do you think called them?" Todd replies, grinning toothily from the ground.
I can"t hear any sirens in the distance, but something inside me makes it f.u.c.king clear I can"t be around if the cops show up...
"Landon...Just...Go."
I turn to look at her, but she can"t meet my eyes.
"Really?" I say.
She shakes her head some more.
"Fine. See you in another life, sweetheart..." I say, stepping past them both.
"Don"t you dare go after him," Todd"s voice echoes from behind me.
I"m pleading, begging that she will. She has to. This can"t be where this ends.
16.
I consider following Landon, I really do. This situation is out of control and my mind can"t figure it out. This whole scenario is worse than I"d ever imagined it would be- Landon"s leaving. Landon"s leaving now...And he doesn"t remember me.
Todd sees my tears and pulls me in for a controlling hug.
"Why are you doing this?" he says into my hair. "You"re so silly sometimes." I stare past him toward the far end of the gravel car park to the eighteen-wheeler on the far side. There"s shadows walking up to it. Is that them? It can"t be. He can"t be leaving now...
"You were gonna hurt me," I say quietly into Todd"s chest.
"Pfft, I...wasn"t, sweetie." He laughs it off. "I wasn"t."
I lift my head back. He forces a laugh, this time. "Don"t shrug that one off. You lunged towards me. If Landon wasn"t there, you would"ve laid your hands on me."
He keeps trying to laugh to ease the tension. "You say you know how I get and you push me there, right to my limit."
"You"re really blaming me right now?"
"Christ! Listen to yourself. You are certified crazy."
"You"ve almost done it before. Forgive me for having a guard up."
"Well, sometimes you almost deserve it. And I"m sorry about that...that time. I was too drunk." His jaw clenches and his fist slams atop the outdoor table as he tries to calm his aggression.
I fight the tears and back away from him.
Me and Todd fight. We always fight but he"s being vicious this time; Hitting me where it hurts- A place in my mind where I deserve to be punished. I"m drawn to the conflict. I"m obliged to stay and bear it because this is the way I think I need to be treated because, in my mind, it somehow makes up for what we did to Daryl.
"Oh, the silent treatment, huh? f.u.c.k you, b.i.t.c.h." Todd goes back inside behind the taps to return to serving customers. Billie catches my eye through the window with a look of concern but doesn"t approach me.
Outside, everything falls quiet. All I hear is my breath. All I see is the billow of it. My mind is awash with what-if"s and should-I"s.
I look to the truck, to Landon and the man hauling pieces of his bike into the back.
This punishing sentence is mine to face. I brought this life on myself and I am made to endure it for all I"ve done in the past. Any sadness that comes into my life is karma resetting the balance. If I choose to stay, things will settle back to normal eventually. I can blame this entire Landon thing to be an innocent, nave mistake- The kind Lucy Rivers makes because of how much she cares for people and how she wants to see the good in everyone. I"ll keep working in the tavern. I"ll keep painting. I"ll agree to be with Todd in whatever capacity he wants me. I"ll accept that this is my life, because only a few days ago I already had.
But now I had a new choice...
I could go.
If I left, I"d be burning bridges beyond repair. I"d destroy my quiet life I"ve struggled to build myself up here in the redwoods. All those lies, all those relationships, all those years wasted in exchange to spend a few more days with Landon, to settle him back into life in Jethrow, life in the club, a life of crime, a life where he"s connected to a woman named Mia, a life where I don"t fit in anywhere. Jethrow, where my mom is either missing, dead, or so high she might as well be.
"What"re you doing out here? Get inside! It"s mad in here." Billie shouts from the back door.
Auto-pilot rattles my bones. I obey. I walk back towards the door. Behind me, I can hear Landon"s voice beside the truck but dare not look back.
I enter through the Tavern"s kitchen, sidle beside the Tavern"s two chefs, down along the bar behind a sneering Billie, I collect my rucksack and barge through the heaving crowd and finally out the front door.
But what I see before me makes me trip and fall into the gravel. The truck, my way out of here, Landon and any hope for any alternate future, pulls away onto the road.
No.
No, no, no.
It"s not too late.
It can"t be too late.
I have to go after him. I have to take this chance.
I sling my bag back over my shoulders and run so fast I feel rocks flicking up onto my calves.
"Landon!" I squeal as the truck creaks up through its gears. I"m hanging behind so Landon can see me in the mirror, waving my hands furiously. "Landon, please stop!"
I see him lean out the window and squint through the darkness. I"m illuminated only by the red rear lights.
The truck starts breaking. I could slow down too but I don"t. I sprint right up until I"m at his pa.s.senger door.
The truck stops and he jumps from the cab. His hands hold either side of my head. "It"s easier if I go... I don"t want a goodbye, Lucy."
"I don"t want one either." I pant heavily. "I"m coming with you."
"You...fascinating thing." Landon is lost in my eyes and taking my hands in his.
"Hey!" Todd"s voice is heard from beneath the darkness of the road. "Lucy! What the f.u.c.k are you doing?! Where are you going?!"