"I only came here to help him get his memory back... I owed that to him."
"Oh, Palermo. You know d.a.m.n well that"s not why you"re back here. You"ve been f.u.c.king him. I"m ain"t no d.a.m.n spring chicken. You have to back off now unless you want the police digging up a little patch of dirt outside town. Landon"s not coming back to you. He"s engaged to a pretty little thing named Mia. Probably came down to tell you the good f.u.c.king news when he dropped his d.a.m.n hog. Give him a few days and I"m sure he"ll be thinking straight," Mac says, his lips curling even more viciously.
Something about the way he was sneering let me know I wasn"t getting the whole story.
"He"s going to want to see me before I leave... You know that," I protest. I"ve lost Landon once and I"m d.a.m.n sure not leaving without a goodbye.
"That"s why you"re coming with me," Mac replies, turning and giving a little whistle toward the door. It opened slowly, and a pair of leather clad men I"d never met stepped through. "Help Miss Palermo gather her things, we"re going back to the clubhouse."
21.
My insides go all numb and mushy as I"m escorted into Big Sal"s. Where do I turn? I"m so tired- Tired to run away, tired to stay here, tired to fight my feelings for Landon, tired to tell him the truth, tired to keep up with the lie...Tired through every cell of myself.
Satisfied that I won"t be causing any trouble, Mac smiles at me and says me to make myself at home.
I mope towards the bar to order a beer, figuring it"s something tangible to focus on and do for now.
Luckily, the barmaid offers some amus.e.m.e.nt for me. I see her from afar: Jessa Minkoff-Weiss, the captain of my old high school"s volleyball team. I certainly know her, but there"s no way in h.e.l.l she ever paid me more than a pa.s.sing glance. I swayed more towards extracurriculars like smoking cigarettes at the reservoir with friends, ditching school, and painting in dark, locked rooms to avoid the wrath of Daryl.
"What can I get you?" Jessa asks with a peppy smile. I"d never figure she"d end up running with a crowd like this. For now, she"s behind the bar, but I know how these kind of places operate. It won"t be long before she"s hooked on something and out working the pole just like all the others.
"Corona, extra lime please."
"Jessa!" a man yells from behind me. "She"s on Landon"s tab."
I turn my head on a swivel looking for any sight of Landon, but he"s nowhere to be seen. Before I can ask about him, my train of thought is derailed.
"You the new girl?" Jessa says.
"Huh?"
"Oh! I thought you might be a new dancer. I know a few quit last week."
"No... Not me. I"m just here to see Landon."
"Well that"s a shame... You"ve got the body for it, and the boys just love a pretty young face. If you"re ever looking to make some money you really need to talk to old Mac."
"I appreciate it, but I"m good..." I reply uneasy.
"I haven"t seen you around here but you look familiar... You from Jethrow?" Just as suspected, she doesn"t recognize me.
"I live down south in Baddock. Not sure if you"ve heard of it."
"Of course I have! My ex-boyfriend went on fishing trips down there. It looks beautiful. How the h.e.l.l do you live there though? Doesn"t it get boring?"
I nod and take a sip of the beer. "I could say the same for this place."
"This place? Girl, you gotta be kidding me. The drama don"t stop here in this small town. Give it a few months, you"ll see what I mean."
Though I already know exactly what she"s talking about. I avoid any further talk of my remaining here. "I won"t be sticking around long enough to find out."
"Oh, s.h.i.t. Sorry honey. I just figured since you"re not here to dance that maybe you"re here to stay..."
The sad reality of Big Sal"s and the pull of the club remained. Even back when Landon started up with the club they had a handful of women hanging around the club. They cooked, they cleaned, they f.u.c.ked... If you wanted to end up a biker"s old lady, a little stay at the club was the best way to do it.
I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt about that, but I knew what kind of scene that might bring about. Was Mia one of the club wh.o.r.es? I don"t think I could handle the thought of Landon taking one of those girls on the back of his bike...
"It"s too bad... I don"t get to hang out with many girls our age here. Most my friends are moms, on the pipe, or crazy, y"know? Or all of the above."
"Jessa!" someone squeals.
"Speaking of crazy," she says quietly before a tall, curvy brunette sways her a.s.s towards the bar and leans over to give Jessa a hug.
"Honey, how are you?" Jessa says.
"How do you think?" The brunette turns her head toward the boys in the corner.
"Is it true? He doesn"t remember anything?"
My ears perk up. They"re talking about Landon. I try to stay quiet but Jessa is having no part of it.
"Hey Mia, this girl is here to see Landon too," she says, waving at me. I try to step back from the bar but she stops me before I can make my getaway.
"Girl! Wait up. C"mere and lemme introduce you to Mia really quick."
Mia? She"s Mia? I stutter, wanting to avoid meeting her. I don"t need this pain but I feel obliged to greet her out of politeness. She gives me a b.i.t.c.hy, cautious look but still offers me a half-hearted hug.
I hug her back and purse my lips to keep myself from crying. I"m hugging the woman that stole Landon"s heart from me.
"Mac told me everything... You"re the girl that sc.r.a.ped Landon off the side of the road?"
"Y-Yes..."
As she lets me go, I turn heel and I don"t look back. Mia calls after me, but I"m not sure I can stand to say another word. This is why Mac brought me here. He wanted me to see it in person. He wanted me to know Landon moved on. I"m lost, confused in this labyrinth I built around myself. Some girls step up onto the platformed poles beside me. I start hyperventilating, feeling a panic attack coming on.
Not here Lucy, not here.
I bolt for the front door. I don"t want to see this. I don"t want to see any of this ever again.
22.
Lucy. Poor Lucy. I watched the whole thing from the corner without saying a word. I"m a f.u.c.king p.r.i.c.k but I couldn"t exactly stand up and get in between this. I don"t need to make a scene here, that"s the last thing I want. But seeing her running out the door d.a.m.n near killed me. There"s indents in my palm from squeezing my fists so tight.
I catch Mac"s eye in the corner and pace towards him. He"s sitting alone in a booth watching one of the girls give him a private show. Using his power to manipulate them into thinking he"ll bring them a better life. It"s filthy, wrong.
""Excuse us for a second, darlin"," I say to the girl before slamming my hand down hard on the table in front of him. "So...Who is she?"
"She? She"s Hayley. You know Hayley," he replies with a grin, giving the girl on his lap a little slap on the a.s.s as she stands up to walk away.
"You know who I"m talking about, Mac."
"Quit the dramatics, kid. Sit the f.u.c.k down."
"Who. Is. Lucy?"
"Look, she"s someone you don"t needa be messing with anymore, end o" story. That s.h.i.t"s in the f.u.c.kin" past. She might as well be a ghost to you."
"What"re you talking about?"
"Lucy, she"s a poison. She"s been lying to you. She knows the second you remember who she f.u.c.king is you"d be running for the d.a.m.n hills. You told me yourself you never wanted to see her again and my suggestion is that you don"t unless you want this to turn ugly. You love Mia, remember?"
I know he"s f.u.c.king lying to me. I can see right through this b.a.s.t.a.r.d. "Some of the guys here know I went looking for Lucy when I dropped my bike. If I didn"t want to see her again, why the h.e.l.l did I go looking for her Mac?"
"I don"t f.u.c.king know why you left, and I sure as s.h.i.t don"t know why you did that to your cut... But look, Landon, it"s the past. You"re back, and you know what you need to do."
"And what exactly do I need to do?"
"You"re taken. You"re engaged which means you gotta learn to respect your old lady," Mac says.
"You"re the last to lecture me on respecting ladies you motherf.u.c.ker so don"t give me that s.h.i.t. I know I"ve never laid a finger on Mia. I remember that f.u.c.king much. So tell me why the h.e.l.l am I marrying someone I don"t give a d.a.m.n about?" I ask indignantly.
"You know what, boy, I don"t like your tone." Mac stands up to meet me.
"And I don"t like your dodging my f.u.c.kin" question." Mac"s fists close but I ain"t scared of him right now. "Go on. Hit me, old man. I f.u.c.kin" dare you. As long as you tell me the truth, you can hit me as hard as you want. I might not know who the f.u.c.k she is but I know how I feel about Lucy... And I know I don"t feel s.h.i.t for Mia."
Prez cracks his neck and takes another step closer to me, causing me to back off a little. The rest of the club settle their noise. My jaw flexes to take the oncoming hook to my face. He leans towards me, letting his hot breath waft up my nose.
"You can relax, kid. Lucy Palermo is no big f.u.c.king deal."
"So I know her? The girl who was just here, I knew her?"
"Yeah, you knew her. She"s a junkies daughter, a memory, a high school girlfriend who meant s.h.i.t to you. Come to terms with the reality that you"re with Mia for the good of the club. Maybe if you pulled your head out of your a.s.s you"d see she"s plenty interested in consummating your f.u.c.king relationship."
"I"m not going through with this Mac. Not until you come clean on everything."
Mac stares at me with anger in his eyes. I can"t believe what I"m hearing. This girl, this Lucy Rivers, she had me believing I was a strange when this whole time we had a history. I don"t know what to do with myself.
"You"re the one who agreed to marry Mia. You"re the one who ran off in the dead of the f.u.c.king night to go get your d.i.c.k wet in old s.n.a.t.c.h. You"re the one who turned up here with his f.u.c.king patches torn off his cut. Until your f.u.c.king brain starts working right I"m gonna do you a favor, boy, and let you walk away from me with your skin on... Get some rest tonight, and don"t you ever f.u.c.king talk to me like this again or you"re worse than dead."
23.
I need answers, and I go to the only man who might give them to me. I might not remember everything, but I know Garrett is more than just a brother in the club. He"s someone I can trust, a best friend. I catch him outside by his bike and he pulls me round to the back alley to talk, lighting up a cigarette as we walk.
"Garrett, I need you to f.u.c.king talk to me."
"Bro, you know the deal. Mac says...."
"I don"t give a s.h.i.t what Mac says. I f.u.c.kin" need you. I don"t know who else to turn to with this. How am I supposed to get my life back into place if no one will tell me a G.o.dd.a.m.n thing?"
"You just need to fall back into line and not think about this s.h.i.t, Landon. You"re gonna get yourself killed, or worse."
"You"re f.u.c.kin" family, bro, help me out here. I need you to tell me about Mia. Why was I doing this? Why did I go looking for Lucy?"
"I...I can"t."
"Yes, you can. It"s my f.u.c.kin" fiance. If this is club business I need to know what the f.u.c.k I"m doing. Who is she? Why are we even getting married when we ain"t done s.h.i.t together?"
He chuckles and turns from me. "Bro, you don"t remember a d.a.m.n thing about her?"
"Meaningless s.h.i.t. Nothing that helps put the pieces back together. Garrett, you gotta tell me about her before I f.u.c.k this whole thing up."
"f.u.c.k it up how?"
"I"m going to call off this whole s.h.i.t show. I don"t know why I left in the first place, but I"m f.u.c.king sure Mia had something to do with it."
His eyes widen and he shoves my shoulder. "f.u.c.k off," he says, thinking I"m messing with him.
"What?"
"Are you insane? You got a death-wish, huh?"
"Just tell me what"s f.u.c.king going on."
"She"s Mia Rossi, bro. You remember all that s.h.i.t with her dad, don"t you? Please tell me you remember him. That dude that carved a big f.u.c.king scar into your leg? The deal with him?"