. The three of us rearranged the song in an attempt to convince the organizers we were still worthy of our spot, and in the end, the producer that was h.e.l.lbent on booting us out of the concert gave in after listening to our rehearsal. But I still couldn"t forgive myself for my immaturity. There was one person amongst the people listening to our rehearsal that was visibly displeased with it—and that was Furukawa, who was performing with us on stage. He probably wasn"t used to the shallowness of our timbre with Mafuyu gone. And so, I let the girls decide on our costumes while I immersed myself back in my Aria Pro II. "Anyway, it"s decided. All white. Comrade Aihara, you can wear hot pants if you want." "Uhh—Reindeers......" Despite her reluctance, Chiaki gave in. And I heaved a silent sigh of relief—because the person that was going to be dressed up in the reindeer costume was, without a doubt, going to be me. And if that had turned out to be the case, I probably wouldn"t have been able to play due to my embarra.s.sment. "You"ve got guts challenging me despite knowing you were going to lose. Are you that insistent on being a Santa Claus?" "Because I wrote to Mafu-Mafu saying we"d be dressing up as Santa Claus, so she"ll have to come down to watch us. I even sent her a ticket." My fingers stopped strumming in surprise. I turned my head around. "....... Chiaki mailed her a ticket too?" Chiaki"s eyes widened. "You too?" "Yeah, but......" I was about to say it should be my responsibility, but I swallowed my words. That"s really selfish of me. "If you were gonna give her a ticket, you should"ve done so by heading to her house without hesitation! Or at the very least, you should"ve given her a call! You wimp!" Harsh, but very true. I clamped my ba.s.s in-between my knees in dismay. Ever since that day— Mafuyu never came back to school, and the second semester had ended just like that. The day before the ending ceremony, Miss Maki had come to me and told me that Mafuyu had already cleared the necessary procedures to quit school. "That"s amazing. So every one of us mailed her a ticket huh." Murmured Senpai, as she stared blankly into s.p.a.ce. So you mailed her one as well? "Just to let you know, I wrote my name on my ticket. I wonder whose ticket she will bring with her tomorrow. This battle will be quite an interesting one, don"t you think?" Chiaki and I didn"t respond. Mafuyu probably won"t be coming. That was my hunch. And it all ended without any words after that. As the red lights above the door of the studio flashed, signaling the end of our session, we were chased out of the room. It was pitch black outside, and it was almost nine o"clock. As I looked past the crowded buildings and into the sky, my vision was obscured by the dark clouds that shrouded it. The air was incredibly cold, to the point that my hands felt like they would snap off my wrists if I didn"t place them in my pockets. After bidding the store manager goodbye, I walked out of the store and wrapped my scarf around my neck a few times, then tucked it into the collar of my coat. "Young man, you"re going to give up just like this?" Asked Senpai, as she sat on the road barrier. The light from the store was shining on Chiaki"s face as she stood right next to Senpai; and she too, was staring straight at me. Senpai had held true to her words about not showing me her smile anymore, but she still interacted with Chiaki the same way she always did, which made things even more painful. Then again, Senpai might be the one hurting even more. "She"s heading to America early next year, right? Why don"t you go see her?" I couldn"t give her an answer, so I just stared at my fingers. My skin was all dried up and was peeling off; and since I had used my fingers to strum my ba.s.s, the skin on my right hand looked much worse. "Are you planning to escape into your ba.s.s?" From Kagurazaka-senpai"s tone, it didn"t sound like she was teasing me or lecturing me. She just wanted to confirm things. I nodded my head honestly. There wasn"t any concrete or sound reason for me to not visit Mafuyu; I just had no idea what expression to put on my face when seeing her. But when I realized I might not get to see Mafuyu again, I became really scared. Ebichiri said they would need to stay in America for at least two months, which meant she could still return back to school. But Mafuyu changed that plan. One whole year. She was cutting herself off from us for a shockingly long period of time, and I couldn"t understand why. It"s because she doesn"t want to see me anymore—I refused to think about reasons like that. So for the past two weeks, I had stayed up late into the night to work on the arrangements as well as the programming of the synthesizer. I had actually become so engrossed in that that I ended up failing three of my subjects. And the strings of my ba.s.s had snapped twice as well. "I won"t have to think about Mafuyu as long as I am busy with the band. Isn"t that much easier?"—I had thought to myself. But that wasn"t the case. Because everything I was doing was to compensate for the broken right wing of feketerigó—the place that had belonged to Mafuyu. Whether I was sampling the sounds of my ba.s.s using the synthesizer, or discussing how to rearrange the song to make it a single phrase with Senpai, I was always torn apart by the fact that Mafuyu wasn"t around anymore. I couldn’t forget about Mafuyu. Not even for a brief moment. Music was no longer my place for shelter. Instead, I was just forced to cling hard to it while waiting. "....... The only thing on my mind right now is the live performance. Though I have no idea what I"m going to do after that." I finally replied, with a hoa.r.s.e voice. It"s the Christmas concert Mafuyu said we have to perform in. At the very least, I want to fulfill her wish. "Nao hasn"t grown a single bit." Said Chiaki, as she shielded her white breaths with her gloved hands. Her legs were swinging about to and fro. I knew she wasn"t trying to insult me, but her words stung nevertheless. "Nope, not necessarily." Senpai would turn towards Chiaki whenever she was smiling. "He might have circled back to the place he had come from, but despite being battered, he can stand up on his own two feet now. If that"s not called growing up, then I have no idea what is." "Senpai"s still gentle towards Nao, as usual." "I"m still far off from you, Comrade Aihara." The two girls were smiling at each other amid their warm radiance, leaving me by myself in the cold night. Chiaki jumped off the barrier and dusted the dirt off the back of her pants while Senpai went to go retrieve her bicycle from the back of the building. "Looks like it"s precipitating. Will it be snow?" Murmured Senpai, as she gazed at the starless sky. "I really want to perform , but I guess it can"t be helped." We had originally planned to use that song for our encore, but we ended up deciding not to perform it at all for the actual concert. Because the original arrangement that we had come up with had Mafuyu"s guitar perform a solo in the first phrase, and we couldn"t come up with any alternatives. The smile on Senpai"s face disappeared when she looked at Chiaki and me. "No matter how hard we try, even if we surpa.s.s our limits, we can only hit 75% of what feketerigó originally was. It"s depressing, but that"s the fact of the matter. But even so......" She stretched out her right hand. "Let"s make it the best Christmas ever." Chiaki and I nodded as we stacked our hands on top of Senpai"s. But the weight and the warmth was lacking. Perhaps Senpai noticed that too, and that was why she stacked her left hand on top of ours. Back home, Tetsurou and I took turns bathing after I was done fixing him his dinner. I prepared my clothes for the performance as the washing machine was tumbling about. I would be wearing a long-sleeved, open-collared shirt that I had borrowed, and a white suit on top. I had quite a bit of equipment to bring as well—there was the ba.s.s, the effects unit and the synthesizer. I checked the items once more. Then, I booted up the computer. It was working fine during the rehearsal, but I plugged in my earphones, the effects unit and my ba.s.s to make sure it was still working fine. c.r.a.p, I"m not the least bit sleepy. The concert starts at noon tomorrow, so it"d be pretty d.a.m.n bad if I stayed up all night, snoozed off in the morning, and ended up oversleeping. But my cheeks were still burning because of the lingering excitement that had remained in my body after the rehearsal and the practice. So I pressed the ba.s.s"s body against my face. The cold surface was really comfortable. It felt like I was doing something really stupid, so I opened my window. The heat of my body dropped a little as the cold air blew against my cheeks. The tree—the one Chiaki climbed all the time, and that Mafuyu had used once as well—stood amid the rays of the streetlights. Its leaves were already gone. I could see something white fluttering down between the thin shadows. Snow. It was snowing. The only thing moving in the strangely silent night was the illuminated snow floating past the streetlights. The asphalt was still pitch black, but the snow would begin to acc.u.mulate as the night continued. I wonder if it"ll be okay for the trains to operate tomorrow. Hopefully service won"t be halted. Just as I was about to shut the window because of the bitter cold, I saw a golden silhouette shimmering beneath the streetlights. I couldn"t quite see past the branches of the treetop, so I stretched my head out unconsciously. I saw right. There"s someone there. Someone"s outside my courtyard. The skinny person was standing next to the short metal fence, glancing around at his surroundings. Is he looking in my direction? His golden hair shimmered occasionally under the light. Golden hair? I pressed my stomach against the window frame and stretched my body out as far as I could without plunging down below. It was Yuri. And he was carrying something black behind him—a guitar case. Yuri, with a guitar case on his back, was standing between the lamppost and the fence, peeking in my direction. What the h.e.l.l"s he doing here in the middle of a snowy night? I ran down the stairs, put my shoes on, and dashed out of the house without even putting on a coat. When I was within Yuri"s proximity, I saw that he had given up and was about to leave. "Yuri!" My voice was surprisingly clear even though it was snowing. The silhouette with the guitar case on his back stopped in its tracks. "...... Naomi." Yuri turned around. His face was ghastly white, and his lips were purple. It seemed like he had rushed out of his house in a hurry, as he wasn"t wearing a coat. "W-What the h.e.l.l are you doing? You"ll catch a cold like this!" "U-Urm, sorry. I am sorry." I sprinted towards him. Yuri then collapsed into my chest just like that. "...... I ran here." What does he mean by that? "It"s snowing, so put a coat on at the very least"...... Just as I was about to say that to him, I came into contact with his shivering and icy skin, and realized it wasn"t the time to be lecturing him; so I brought him into the house. Tetsurou, fresh out of his bath, was walking out of the changing room just then. "I"ll bring you a change of clothes, so get in," I said, as I pushed Yuri into the bathroom. Yuri"s clothes were wet because of the snow, so I grabbed my pajamas from the second floor and ran to the kitchen to heat up some water. When I returned to the living room and heaved a sigh of relief, Tetsurou, who was drying his hair with a towel, asked briefly, "So? What"s going on?" "That"s what I"d like to know." Come to think of it, how does he know where I live? "That"s Julien Flaubert, right?" "Yeah." "So Nao’s abilities as an industry ruffian have already exceeded mine, huh......" What are you talking about? "Oh yeah, I wonder how much photos of him in the bath will sell for." "I"m really gonna disown you, yeah?" "Oh geez, it"s just a joke, Nao! d.a.m.n, you sure are a possessive little kid." "Shut up and get back to work!" While I was chasing Tetsurou around the house with a cushion in my hand, Yuri walked into the living room with a towel wrapped around his head. The pajamas hung loosely on his body.
"Are you okay now? Feeling warmer?" I tossed the cushion at Tetsurou and urged Yuri to sit down on the sofa. "M-Mmm...... thanks." Yuri"s post-bath cheeks were flushed red like an apple. He looked at Tetsurou and lowered his head. "Sorry for interrupting you so late at night." "No problem. Oh yeah, remember me? My name"s Hikawa Tetsurou. I may not look like it, but I"m a pretty famous critic in the industry. I was the one that wrote the explanatory notes in the program guide when you first came to j.a.pan to perform." "I was not very good with j.a.panese back then." "No problem, don"t you mind. Oh right, can you give me an exclusive interview, as well as a coloured cover shot? Your manager"s a pain in the a.s.s to deal with." "Enough with the touting, get back to the study already!" "Didn"t you ask me to get to work? Persistent soliciting, regardless of the time and place, is a basic task for an industry ruffian!" My head was aching again, so I brought Yuri to my room on the second floor. "Ah, sorry about that. That"s the way my dad is." I scratched my head and sat on the floor. Yuri, who was sitting on my bed, giggled as he held a steaming cup of water in his hand. "It is nothing. He is an interesting person, just like Naomi." Don"t say that, even as a joke. Yuri then scanned the room. "So this is Naomi"s room." For some unknown reason, he was swinging his legs about happily. What? Is my room that interesting? I had just moved the synthesizer and my ba.s.s out of the room, so there were still a few cables lying around on the floor. I was a little embarra.s.sed by how untidy my room was. "Your room is full of things related to music. Is this the norm for you?" "Nope, I was just preparing for the live performance." The smile on Yuri"s face disappeared instantly, and for a long while, he just sat there, tightly holding his cup. Actually, I haven"t seen Yuri for a while—since that day I went to Shinagawa, in the orchestra"s practice room. The same day I last saw Mafuyu. The day our wings were broken. Perhaps things were already damaged way before that though, and it was just me that was oblivious to everything. "Tomorrow is...... the live performance, right?" Yuri placed the cup on his knees and said softly, "Sorry for coming over all of a sudden. You are not angry, are you?" "Don"t worry about it. But how did you know where my house was?" I didn"t remember telling him my address. "I got it from Kyouko." Senpai huh. Why? And were they always on such close terms with each other? "Urm, well, where is my guitar?" "Ah, I placed it in the corridor downstairs. I"ll go get it." When I brought the guitar case up to my room, Yuri opened it and took something out from inside. I held my breath. Blazing beneath the lights was the vintage sunburst-coloured Stratocaster. I only needed a brief look. There was no mistaking it. It was Mafuyu"s guitar. Why is it in Yuri"s possession? No wait, that Stratocaster belonged to Yuri in the first place. "Mafuyu returned this to me. I did not ask for it back." I lifted my head quickly. Didn"t Mafuyu say it was confiscated by Ebichiri? Why"s it in Yuri"s possession? So she lied? Why? Yuri hugged the Stratocaster tightly in his bosom and sat down on my bed again. "...... Mafuyu changed the planned schedule for her treatment. She is probably not returning for a year." "Mmm, I heard." And I knew it was Mafuyu"s decision as well. "Also, she said she will be studying there." "...... Mmm." Really? Well, I guess it makes sense; she did leave our school already. Mafuyu had already decided to live on the other side of the ocean. In a country where I wouldn"t be around. "Did you hear about the hospital she will be going to?" "Eh? No." Well, it"s not like knowing that would help in any way. "I heard it is in California, and that it is a university hospital that is famous for its sports medicine." Sports medicine? "So they say." Yuri firmly gripped the neck of the Stratocaster and heaved a painful sigh. "Mafuyu injured her wrist because I taught her the wrong way to play the guitar; and the technique put too much strain on her wrist. But it is said that many musicians have visited that hospital in the past." "So she"ll be undergoing therapy there so she can play the piano again?" "Quite a number of guitarists have also gone there before. I know of a few." I stared blankly at Yuri"s face. "The strength in Mafuyu"s fingers and wrists is very weak, and on top of that, she had learned the wrong technique for playing as well. That is why she has to start over from scratch, so that she can learn the right technique in order to play the guitar once more. That is why she needs a whole year." The guitar as well? Why? I couldn"t breathe. Didn"t Mafuyu abandon the guitar already? No, but, the Stratocaster"s here. And 75% of feketerigó is still around. "So she did not tell Naomi about it." Yuri"s voice sounded like it was close to tears. "I did ask Mafuyu why she was keeping it a secret from Naomi and leaving just like that." I moved my body towards Yuri and asked, "What did Mafuyu say? What did she say?" Why don"t you ask her yourself, you useless wimp?—A voice reverberated painfully inside my mind. "She refused to say anything. I do not know, I have no idea. Because even though Mafuyu likes Naomi so much...... Even though she could return in just two months to be together with Naomi again...... Wouldn"t that be great? But Mafuyu, she......" Yuri sobbed as he hugged the Stratocaster tightly. I collapsed to the floor. Why? At that very moment, Mafuyu had finally clearly conveyed her feelings to me. Getting the piano back and returning to my side was not enough. Mafuyu was a quarter of feketerigó as well. She loved the band very, very much. Even if she has to be separated in another country for an unimaginable amount of time. She has to get her wings back. "Why? There is no need for her to leave silently like this. I hate it. Mafuyu and Naomi both look so sad, I do not want to see you two like this." "That"s because......." I had done something really horrible to Mafuyu. I thought Mafuyu would never be coming back again. "She will definitely come back! Naomi you idiot! Don"t you understand that much?" Yuri dumped the Stratocaster on the bed, then jumped off the bed and landed in front of me. He leaned forward, with his eyes filled with tears, and put his hands on my knees. "She is doing her best so that she can return, so that she can play the guitar once more. Why? Why is Naomi always like this? Why can you not just do your best to see her, even if it is not possible? She will be leaving j.a.pan soon, there is not much time left to see her, you know?" I understand what you"re saying. But...... "When are you going to muster the courage you need? If all you are doing is waiting, you will never be able to gather the necessary courage!" Yuri"s words. .h.i.t me really hard on the head, and I almost fainted. I knelt down at the edge of my bed, my hands on the ground. Mafuyu"s doing it all for the guitar and the sake of the band. So that she can soar above my pulsations once more? But Mafuyu didn"t tell me that. Is it because she"s scared that everything may fail? Or is it because she lacks the courage, just like me? If so, then both of us are doing some incredibly stupid things. I could feel the warmth of another body behind me. Yuri had buried his face into my back. "I am sorry, Naomi." "....... Why are you apologizing?" Human beings would never improve the tiniest bit if they had to apologize for calling an idiot an idiot. But Yuri"s warmth slowly left my back. I suddenly heard a zipping sound, and when I turned around, Yuri had already packed the guitar back into its case. "I cannot stand it. I should not be the one telling you this. Mafuyu is just as silly, just as cowardly and just as stubborn. But I like Mafuyu, and I like Naomi too. It hurts so much. I become all fidgety whenever I think about how everything is my fault, but I could not hold back any longer when Mafuyu returned the guitar to me. So I asked Kyouko to tell me your address, and I ran here." I shook my head. It wasn"t Yuri"s fault, but I had no intention of consoling him with those empty words. "But Naomi is as dense as usual. All you are thinking about is the concert." Sorry about that—I responded on reflex. "I promised Mafuyu that I"d make this the best live performance ever. She definitely wouldn"t forgive me if I were to deliberately play badly. So......" "That is just you being pointlessly stubborn." Stubborn? Did he call me stubborn? That"s right. I stood up and pulled a MD (minidisc) out of the pocket of my guitar case and slotted it into the audio system. "...... What is this?" Yuri walked over to me and peeked at the system. "The recording for today"s rehearsal." The proof of my stubbornness. The harmony of Chiaki"s hi-hats and Senpai"s plucking of the guitar began to play, and came closer and closer as if it were the sound of a bell. The baseline was vibrant, and the toms carved out an ethnic rhythm while the melody line of the synthesizer was modulated to its utmost limit. Yuri dropped to the floor. How ironic. What was originally supposed to be played by four people giving it their all, sounded depressingly clear when the head count was reduced to three. Yuri picked up my ba.s.s that was lying on the floor. Countless numbers of times, I had become depressed after witnessing and listening to the superb performances of people like Kagurazaka-senpai, Mafuyu and Furukawa; but those blows were nothing compared to what I was feeling at that very moment. Yuri"s slender fingers were skipping around, reproducing the melody of my ba.s.s to perfection while pacing themselves impeccably to the feketerigó that was flowing out of the MD. "Your technique has improved, Naomi." It didn"t sound like he was praising me, so I wasn"t the least bit happy. If only these geniuses could be locked in a gla.s.s case forever, never to come out. "Because you have placed everything related to Mafuyu aside and focused on practicing." "Just shut up. It"ll be even more amazing at the actual performance! Come down and see for yourself if you"re free tomorrow." I grumbled in chagrin. Yuri stuck out his tongue. "I do have a break tomorrow, but there is no way I will be attending the concert." Ah, is that so? Fine then. I was throwing a tantrum in my mind, so I remained quiet. "Because there is only the three of you on stage, the performance should not be too different from this recording, right?" Nope, don"t you underestimate a live performance. But I remained silent. "The MD is more than enough. But why is the quality so good?" "Because I first record the sounds of the band with the effects unit. Then, when the system is done reading and processing these sounds, the synthesizer plays them back. So all I have to do is hook the MD up to the synthesizer, and I can record things really easily." Oh—an uninterested expression appeared on Yuri"s face, and he shifted his gaze to my ba.s.s. He then heaved a sigh and stood up. "...... Well then, I will be leaving, as Naomi has to wake up early tomorrow." "Eh? Wait, hold on. Your clothes aren"t dried yet, you know? And it"s still snowing heavily outside......" Yuri opened his eyes wide and stared at the pajamas on his body. He"s not planning to leave dressed in that is he? "Urm, well, but......" "Why don"t you just crash here for the night, Julien Flaubert? Nao and I are the only people living in this house, so there"s no need for you to be concerned. Hey Nao, get moving! Clear the floor and lay a futon down!" "When the h.e.l.l did you start eavesdropping, Tetsurou!?" I threw a pillow at the gap in the opened door. Heh, heh, heh—the disgusting laughter moved to the floor below. That b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I glanced at Yuri, and Yuri lifted his eyes to look at me. "....... Is it really okay for me to stay?" My heart will skip a beat if you ask me that while wearing that expression of yours. "M-Mmm." After pushing all the luggage for the live performance into a corner of the room, I laid a futon on the floor and looked at the time. It"s about time for the last train to depart. There"s a live rehearsal tomorrow as well, so I"ll have to get up early. Goodnight—I said softly, as I switched off the light and squeezed under the blanket. Various sounds from earlier that day were swirling about in my head. "Young man, you"re going to give up just like this?" asked Senpai. "Nao hasn"t grown a single bit," commented Chiaki irritably. The sound of the heartbeat created by the harmony of the hi-hat and the ba.s.s. The slew of irritating requests made by the organizers. The train skidding across the icy railway. "—Naomi." Someone called out my name all of a sudden, so I pulled my blanket down. In the darkness, I could see Yuri sitting up on the futon. "What"s up?" "Can I sleep on your bed?" It was dark, so he probably couldn"t see the stupid, dumbfounded expression on my face. "W-W-Why?" Is it too cold? Does he want to swap beds? "Naomi will not just disappear, will you?" Yuri"s voice was filled with unrest. "I am so scared. You will not disappear like Mafuyu, right? It feels like everyone...... everyone will disappear when I close my eyes. It is so frightening." "I won"t disappear. I"m right here." I was troubled by Yuri"s unfounded unease. "Y-You are not...... angry at me, are you? You do not hate me, do you? B-Because...... it is all...... it is all my fault. Mafuyu must feel the same as well. If only I had not taught her the guitar......" At a distance not far away from my arm, Yuri buried his face in the blanket and remained silent. It isn"t Yuri"s fault—there was no way I could say that. Because that was a lie. The reason Mafuyu"s right hand was broken was because Yuri had taught her the wrong method of playing the guitar. But I stroked Yuri"s silky hair gently. "I never would"ve met Mafuyu if Yuri hadn"t taught her how to play the guitar." And Senpai too. And of course, I wouldn"t have met Yuri either. And I wouldn"t have known the blazing pa.s.sion of the stage, or the sweet taste of searing hot sweat. Or the true beauty of music. "I"m not angry. And Mafuyu probably feels the same as well. There"s no way she would hate Yuri." "—Really?" "Yeah." "But I am still scared. I am afraid that everyone will disappear when I wake up." Yuri grasped my wrist tightly and let out a painful moan. I heaved a sigh. What a headache. He"s just like a kid. No wait, actually, he still is one. And I am too. Yuri was a year younger than me, so, based on his age, he was only a middle school student. "Mmm, s-sure, if you want. But my bed"s really small." Yuri squeezed his pet.i.te body into my bed, and I heard him let out a sob. Well, it"s not a big deal since we"re both guys, but I"m still a little nervous nonetheless. I turned away so that my back was facing Yuri. "...... Naomi......" He muttered my name weakly, his breath caressing my neck. The warmth of his body was also gently pressing into my back. Can I really fall asleep like this? I began to worry about things that were totally different from what I was worrying about a little while ago. Then again, he is French, and he did mention that he used to sleep in the same bed with Mafuyu before. Perhaps he"s just used to doing this all the time. It must be a difference in culture. I guess I shouldn"t be worrying about things like this either. The only thing I need to think about is tomorrow"s live performance. Surprisingly, all the noises that were swirling around in my head gradually disappeared, as though they were being sucked away by Yuri"s warmth. Finally, I surrendered peacefully to my drowsiness. ******************** Fk yeah, that h.o.m.ol.u.s.t man. You go, Yuri. Sweet Jesus, just look at him in that pajamas. After shower. How could Nao resist? How could anyone resist? I would have made him mine, right there and then. And then there"s him sleeping together with Nao. How can he possibly retain his sanity? Is he gay or something?
And poor Mafuyu, Yuri did it before her.