"You know what it is," he said, leaning forward, lowering his voice, as if we weren"t the only two customers in the bar by now, just us and the bartender. "I"ll tell you what it is. It"s n.i.g.g.e.rs."
I didn"t say anything.
"And spics. The blacks and the Hispanics."
I said something about black and Puerto Rican cops. He rode right over it. "Listen, don"t tell me," he said. "I got a guy I been partnered with a lot, Larry Haynes his name is, maybe you know him - " I didn"t " - and he"s as good as they come. I"d trust the man with my life. s.h.i.t, I have trusted him with my life. He"s black as coal and I never met a better man in or out of the department. But that"s got nothing to do with what I"m talking about." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Look," he said, "you ever ride the subway?"
"When I have to."
"Well, s.h.i.t, n.o.body rides it by choice. It"s the whole city in a nutsh.e.l.l, the equipment breaks down all the time, the cars are filthy with spray paint and they stink of p.i.s.s and the transit cops can"t make a dent in the crime down there, but what I"m talking about, s.h.i.t, I get on a subway and I look around and you know where I am? I"m in a f.u.c.king foreign country."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean everybody"s black or Spanish. Or oriental, we got all these new Chinese immigrants coming in, plus there"s the Koreans. Now the Koreans are perfect citizens, they open up all these great vegetable markets all over the city, they work twenty hours a day and send their kids to college, but it"s all part of something."
"Part of what?"
"Oh, s.h.i.t, it sounds ignorant and bigoted but I can"t help it. This used to be a white city and now there"s days when I feel like I"m the only white man left in it."
The silence stretched. Then he said, "They smoke on the subway now. You ever notice?"
"I"ve noticed."
"Never used to happen. A guy might murder both his parents with a fire axe but he wouldn"t dare light up a cigarette on the subway. Now you got middle-cla.s.s people lighting their cigarettes, puffing away. Just in the last few months. You know how it started?"
"How?"
"Remember about a year ago? A guy was smoking on the PATH train and a PATH cop asked him to put it out, and the guy drew a gun and shot the cop dead? Remember?"
"I remember."
"That"s what started it. You read about that and whoever you are, a cop or a private citizen, you"re not in a rush to tell the guy across the aisle to put out his f.u.c.king cigarette. So a few people light up and n.o.body does anything about it, and more people do it, and who"s gonna give a s.h.i.t about smoking in the subway when it"s a waste of time to report a major crime like burglary? Stop enforcing a law and people stop respecting it." He frowned. "But think about that PATH cop. You like that for a way to die? Ask a guy to put out a cigarette and bang, you"re dead."
I found myself telling him about Rudenko"s mother, dead of a bomb blast because her friend had brought home the wrong television set. And so we traded horror stories. He told of a social worker, lured onto a tenement roof, raped repeatedly and thrown off the building to her death. I recalled something I"d read about a fourteen-year-old shot by another boy the same age, both of them strangers to each other, the killer insisted that his victim had laughed at him. Durkin told me about some child-abuse cases that had ended in death, and about a man who had smothered his girlfriend"s infant daughter because he was sick of paying for a baby-sitter everytime the two of them went to the movies. I mentioned the woman in Gravesend, dead of a shotgun blast while she hung clothes in her closet. There was an air of Can You Top This? to our dialogue.
He said, "The mayor thinks he"s got the answer. The death penalty. Bring back the big black chair."
"Think it"ll happen?"
"No question the public wants it. And there"s one way it works and you can"t tell me it doesn"t. You fry one of these b.a.s.t.a.r.ds and at least you know he"s not gonna do it again. The h.e.l.l, I"d vote for it. Bring back the chair and televise the f.u.c.king executions, run commercials, make a few dollars and hire a few more cops. You want to know something?"
"What?"
"We got the death penalty. Not for murderers. For ordinary citizens. Everybody out there runs a better chance of getting killed than a killer does of getting the chair. We get the death penalty five, six, seven times a day."
He had raised his voice and the bartender was auditing our conversation now. We"d lured him away from his program.
Durkin said, "I like the one about the exploding television set. I don"t know how I missed that one. You think you heard "em all but there"s always something new, isn"t there?"
"I guess."
"There are eight million stories in the naked city," he intoned. "You remember that program? Used to be on television some years back."
"I remember."
"They had that line at the end of every show. "There are eight million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them." "
"I remember it."
"Eight million stories," he said. "You know what you got in this city, this f.u.c.ked-up toilet of a naked f.u.c.king city? You know what you got? You got eight million ways to die."
I got him out of there. Outside in the cool night air he fell silent. We circled a couple of blocks, wound up down the street from the station house. His car was a Mercury a few years old. It had been beaten up a little around the corners. The license plate had a prefix which would indicate to other cops that this was a vehicle used for police business and not to be ticketed. Some of the more knowledgeable crooks could also recognize it as a cop"s car.
I asked if he was okay to drive. He didn"t much care for the question. He said, "What are you, a cop?" and then the absurdity of the remark struck him and he started to laugh. He clung to the car"s open door for support, helpless with laughter, and swung back and forth on the car door. "What are you, a cop?" he said, giggling. "What are you, a cop?"
That mood pa.s.sed like a fast cut in a film. In an instant he was serious and apparently sober, eyes narrowed, jaw thrust forward like a bulldog"s. "Listen," he said, voice low and hard. "Don"t be so G.o.dd.a.m.n superior, you understand?"
I didn"t know what he was talking about.
"You sanctimonious b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You"re no better than I am, you son of a b.i.t.c.h."
He pulled out and drove off. He seemed to be driving all right for as far as I was able to track him. I hoped he didn"t have too far to go.
FIFTEEN.
I walked straight back to my hotel. The liquor stores were closed but the bars were still open. I pa.s.sed them without much effort, resisted too the call of street wh.o.r.es on Fifty-seventh Street on either side of the Holiday Inn. I gave Jacob a nod, confirmed that I"d had no calls, and went upstairs.
Sanctimonious b.a.s.t.a.r.d. No better than I am. He"d been ugly drunk, with that defensive belligerence of the drinker who had exposed too much of himself. His words didn"t mean anything. He"d have addressed them to any companion, or to the night itself.
Still, they echoed in my head.
I got into bed but couldn"t sleep, got up and put the light on and sat on the edge of the bed with my notebook. I looked over some of the notes I made, then jotted down a point or two from our conversation in the bar on Tenth Avenue. I made a few further notes to myself, playing with ideas like a kitten with a yarn ball. I put the notebook down when the process reached a point of diminishing returns, with the same thoughts turning over and over upon themselves. I picked up a paperback I"d bought earlier but couldn"t get into it. I kept reading the same paragraph without getting the sense of it.
For the first time in hours I really wanted a drink. I was anxious and edgy and wanted to change it. There was a deli with a cooler full of beer just three doors from the hotel, and when had beer ever led me into a blackout?
I stayed where I was.
Chance hadn"t asked my reason for working for him. Durkin had accepted money as a valid motive. Elaine was willing to believe I was doing it because it was what I did, even as she turned tricks and G.o.d pardoned sinners. And it was all true, I could indeed use the money and detecting was what I did insofar as I did anything, it was as much of a profession as I had.
But I had another motive, and perhaps it was a deeper one. Searching for Kim"s killer was something I could do instead of drinking.
For awhile, anyway.
When I woke up the sun was shining. By the time I showered and shaved and hit the street it was gone, tucked away behind a bank of clouds. It came and went all day, as if whoever was in charge didn"t want to commit himself.
I ate a light breakfast, made some phone calls, then walked over to the Galaxy Downtowner. The clerk who"d checked in Charles Jones wasn"t on duty. I"d read his interrogation report in the file and didn"t really expect I could get more out of him than the cops could.