"We never liked each other much but he can tell you I"m straight. I told Chance she wanted out and he said it was fine with him. He saw her the next day and told her the same thing. Then last night somebody killed her. You still have the time of death figured as midnight?"
"Yeah, but that"s approximate. It was twelve hours later that they found her. And the condition of the corpse, you know, the ME probably wanted to move on to something else."
"Bad."
"The one I feel sorry for is that poor little chambermaid. She"s from Ecuador, I think she"s an illegal, barely speaks a word of English, and she had to walk in on that." He snorted. "You want to look at the body, give us a positive make? You"ll see something"ll stick in your memory."
"Don"t you have an identification?"
"Oh, yeah," he said. "We got fingerprints. She was arrested once a few years back in Long Island City. Loitering with intent, fifteen days suspended. No arrests since then."
"She worked in a house after that," I said. "And then Chance put her in the apartment on Thirty-eighth Street."
"A real New York odyssey. What else have you got, Scudder? And how do I get hold of you if I need you?"
I didn"t have anything else. I gave him my address and phone. We said a few more polite things to each other and I hung up and the phone rang. I owed forty-five cents for going over the three minutes my dime had bought me. I broke another dollar at the bar, put the money in the slot, and returned to the bar to order another drink. Early Times, straight up, water back.
This one tasted better. And after it hit bottom I felt something loosen up inside me.
At the meetings they tell you it"s the first drink that gets you drunk. You have one and it triggers an irresistible compulsion and without meaning it you have another and another and you wind up drunk again. Well, maybe I wasn"t an alcoholic because that wasn"t what was happening. I"d had two drinks and I felt a whole lot better than I did before I"d had them and I certainly didn"t feel any need to drink anymore.
I gave myself a chance, though. I stood there for a few minutes and thought about having a third drink.
No. No, I really didn"t want it. I was fine the way I was.
I left a buck on the bar, scooped the rest of my change, and headed for home. I walked past Armstrong"s and didn"t feel like stopping in. I certainly didn"t have the urge to stop for a drink.
The early News would be out by now. Did I want to walk down to the corner for it?
No, the h.e.l.l with it.
I stopped at the desk. No messages. Jacob was on duty, riding a gentle codeine buzz, filling in the squares of a crossword puzzle.
I said, "Say, Jacob, I want to thank you for what you did the other night. Making that phone call."
"Oh, well," he said.
"No, that was terrific," I said. "I really appreciate it."
I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I was tired and felt out of breath. For a moment, just before sleep came, I experienced again that odd sensation of having lost something. But what could I have lost?
I thought, Seven days. You had seven sober days and most of an eighth, and you lost them. They"re gone.
EIGHT.
I bought the News the next morning. A new atrocity had already driven Kim Dakkinen off the front page. Up in Washington Heights a young surgeon, a resident at Columbia Presbyterian, had been shot dead in a robbery attempt on Riverside Drive. He hadn"t resisted his a.s.sailant, who had shot him for no apparent reason. The victim"s widow was expecting their first child in early February.
The call-girl slashing was on an inside page. I didn"t learn anything I hadn"t heard the previous night from Durkin.
I walked around a lot. At noon I dropped over to the Y but got restless and left during the qualification. I had a pastrami sandwich at a Broadway deli and drank a bottle of Prior Dark with it. I had another beer around dinnertime. At eight-thirty I went over to St. Paul"s, walked once around the block and returned to my hotel without entering the bas.e.m.e.nt meeting room. I made myself stay in my room. I felt like a drink, but I"d had two beers and I decided that two drinks a day would be my ration. As long as I didn"t exceed that quota I didn"t see how I could get in trouble. It didn"t matter whether I had them first thing in the morning or last thing at night, in my room or at a bar, alone or in company.
The following day, Wednesday, I slept late and ate a late breakfast at Armstrong"s. I walked to the main library and spent a couple hours there, then sat in Bryant Park until the drug dealers got on my nerves. They"ve so completely taken over the parks that they a.s.sume only a potential customer would bother coming there, so you can"t read a paper without being constantly offered uppers and downers and pot and acid and G.o.d knows what else.
I went to the eight-thirty meeting that night. Mildred, one of the regulars, got a round of applause when she announced that it was her anniversary, eleven years since her last drink. She said she didn"t have any secret, she just did it a day at a time.
I thought that if I went to bed sober I"d have one day. I decided, what the h.e.l.l, I"d do that. After the meeting I went over to Polly"s Cage instead and had my two drinks. I got into a discussion with a guy and he wanted to buy me a third drink, but I told the bartender to make it c.o.ke instead. I was quietly pleased with myself, knowing my limit and sticking to it.
Thursday I had a beer with dinner, went to the meeting and left on the break. I stopped in at Armstrong"s but something kept me from ordering a drink there and I didn"t stay long. I was restless, I walked in and out of Farrell"s and Polly"s without ordering a drink in either place. The liquor store down the block from Polly"s was still open. I bought a fifth of J. W. Dant and took it back to my room.
I took a shower first and got ready for bed. Then I broke the seal on the bottle, poured about two ounces of bourbon in a water gla.s.s, drank it down and went to sleep.
Friday I had another two ounces first thing when I got out of bed. I really felt the drink and it was a good feeling. I went all day without having another. Then around bedtime I had one more and fell asleep.
Sat.u.r.day I awoke clearheaded with no desire for a morning drink. I couldn"t get over how well I was controlling my drinking. I almost felt like going to a meeting and sharing my secret with them, but I could imagine the reaction I"d get. Knowing looks, knowing laughter. Holier-than-thou sobriety. Besides, just because I could control my drinking didn"t mean I was justified in recommending it to other people.
I had two drinks before bed. I barely felt them, but Sunday morning I woke up a little rocky and poured myself a generous eye-opener to start the day. It did the job. I read the paper, then checked the meeting book and found an afternoon meeting in the Village. I went down there on the subway. The crowd was almost entirely gay. I left at the break.
I went back to the hotel and took a nap. After dinner I finished reading the paper and decided to have my second drink. I poured two or three ounces of bourbon into my gla.s.s and drank it off. I sat down and read some more but I couldn"t concentrate very well on what I was reading. I thought of having another drink but I reminded myself I"d already had two that day.
Then I realized something. I"d had my morning drink more than twelve hours ago. More time had elapsed since then than had separated it from my last drink the night before. So that drink had long since left my system, and shouldn"t properly be counted as part oftoday"s drinks.
Which meant I was ent.i.tled to another drink before I went to bed.
I was pleased with having figured that out, and decided to reward myself for my insight by making the drink a respectable one. I filled the water gla.s.s to within a half inch of the top and took my time drinking it, sitting in my chair with it like a model in one of those Man of Distinction ads. I had the sense to realize that it was the number of drinks that was significant, not their size, and then it struck me that I"d cheated myself. My first drink, if you could call it that, had been a short measure. In a sense, I owed myself about four ounces of bourbon.
I poured what I judged to be four ounces and drained the gla.s.s.
I was pleased to note that the drinks hadn"t had any discernible effect on me. I certainly wasn"t drunk. As a matter of fact, I felt better than I"d felt in a long time. Too good, in fact, to sit around the room. I"d go out, find a congenial spot, have a c.o.ke or a cup of coffee. Not a drink, because in the first place I didn"t want any more and, just as important, I"d already had my two drinks for the day.
I had a c.o.ke at Polly"s. On Ninth Avenue I had a gla.s.s of ginger ale at a gay bar called Kid Gloves. Some of the other drinkers looked faintly familiar, and I wondered if any of them had been at the meeting that afternoon in the Village.
A block further downtown I realized something. I"d been controlling my drinking for days now, and before that I"d been off the sauce entirely for over a week, and that proved something. h.e.l.l, if I could limit myself to two drinks a day, that was fairly strong evidence that I didn"t need to limit myself to two drinks a day. I"d had my problems with alcohol in the past, I couldn"t very well deny it, but evidently I had outgrown that stage in my life.
So, although I certainly didn"t need another drink, I could just as certainly have one if I wanted one. And I did want one, as a matter of fact, so why not have it?
I went into the saloon and ordered a double bourbon with water back. I remember the bartender had a shiny bald head, and I remember him pouring the drink, and I remember picking it up.
That"s the last thing I remember.
NINE.
I woke up suddenly, consciousness coming on abruptly and at top volume. I was in a hospital bed.
That was the first shock. The second came a little later when I found out it was Wednesday. I couldn"t remember anything after I picked up that third drink Sunday night.