He shrugged. "Unlikely, then."
Yes, she thought, refusing to waste her breath arguing. It was definitely unlikely that they could turn back now. If only she could be equally certain just what the future held.
Chapter Twelve.
The rest of the week in Cape Cod was pure torment. Sean"s desire was a palpable thing-with him whenever he was in a room with Deanna, with him at night when she was in her own bed in a room upstairs. Not even the presence of Ruby and Hank or Kevin"s constant chatter could take his mind off Deanna and his insatiable need for her.
He was unable to put a name to it that he could live with. Calling it l.u.s.t diminished it. Describing it as love terrified him. Better just to acknowledge its existence and not label it at all.
Adding to his level of frustration was the fact that Deanna didn"t seem the least bit unnerved by the simmering pa.s.sion between them. It was as if that moment in the ocean had never happened. She was perpetually cheerful. She didn"t seek him out, but neither did she avoid him. She seemed perfectly content with the blasted status quo, while Sean was about to tear his hair out.
He wondered if his brother had gone through any of this when he"d fallen for Maggie. Had Ryan been even half as reluctant as Sean was to make a commitment? Had he struggled with the past, with their parents" inability to stay the course, as Sean seemed to be struggling? He"d have to ask him one of these days.
Right now, though, he was so edgy, he was snapping at everyone except Kevin. He probably would have bitten the boy"s head off, as well, but one look at that innocent face with its new freckles and peeling, sunburned nose had him cutting off the sharp words on the tip of his tongue. No child should ever have to pay for the craziness going on in the lives of the adults around him.
Sean could hardly wait to get back to Boston and back to work, even if it was going to be a few more weeks before he"d have Hank back as his partner. In fact, he was so relieved by the prospect of being alone in his apartment, he dropped Deanna, Kevin and Ruby off first with barely a word of goodbye, then headed for Hank"s, hoping to escape from there without an interrogation about his sour mood.
He should have known better. It became obvious the minute they were alone that Hank intended to poke and prod the same way Sean had nagged at him during his divorce and was still nagging at him about Ruby.
"You going to tell me what"s wrong?" Hank asked when Sean pulled to a stop in front of his place.
"No."
"You and Deanna have a fight?"
"No."
"You and Deanna have s.e.x?"
Sean whirled around and glared at Hank. "You know d.a.m.n well we didn"t."
"Hey, I wasn"t watching the two of you every minute. I had my own problems to deal with." He gave a rueful shake of his head. "If this isn"t pitiful. The two of us, who have the reputation of being the hottest studs at the station-"
"Speak for yourself," Sean muttered.
"The guys enjoy having their illusions about the two bachelors among them," Hank chided. "The point is, we"re supposed to be able to get any woman we want, and neither one of us is getting a d.a.m.ned thing."
Sean sighed. "It"s not about s.e.x with me and Deanna," he said. "I don"t know exactly what it is about, but it"s definitely not the same-old same-old."
Hank"s expression turned grim. "Same with me and Ruby. The woman scares me to death. She sees straight through me. The h.e.l.l of it is, she seems to like me, anyway."
Sean grinned at his apparent astonishment. "Maybe that"s because underneath all that flirting and bragging you enjoy, you"re a likable guy."
Hank frowned. "But I don"t want to get married again, and Ruby"s anxious to have kids."
"Has she said that?"
"She doesn"t have to. I can read between the lines. She loves taking care of Kevin. She goes all maternal when she talks about him. And you should see her if we happen to run across a baby. The look on her face..." He shook his head. "I can"t even begin to describe it. A part of me wants to give her what she wants. Another part...well, you know how I am."
"I know how you are about marriage," Sean agreed. "But children, no. Are you that opposed to having kids? I thought it was in your plans when you and Jackie were together."
"It was-till she made me see that someone risking his life all the time was a bad bet as a dad."
Sean frowned at him. "Hank, you know that"s not true. If it were, then firefighting wouldn"t be the kind of profession that is just about handed down from generation to generation. Half the guys we work with are the sons of firefighters. And many of them have kids of their own, some of whom will grow up to be firefighters, too."
Hank"s expression turned thoughtful. "I never thought of it that way."
"Because you"ve been too busy trying to prove that Jackie was right to divorce you. Otherwise, it would have hurt too much." He punched Hank in the shoulder. "Face it. The divorce was all about her fears. Some were rational. Some weren"t. But getting out of the marriage was the only way she could see to deal with them. Ruby"s not Jackie."
"That"s for d.a.m.n sure," Hank said. "The woman"s fearless. Last night she suggested we try bungee-jumping as soon as my ankle heals. Said she thought it would be a real high."
Sean had to bite back a laugh. Hank was an intrepid firefighter, but he claimed to be terrified of heights. It was one reason he didn"t work at a station with skysc.r.a.pers in the area. "What did you say?"
"Are you kidding me? I told her she was out of her ever-loving mind." He shook his head. "She said she"d go without me."
"Think she will?"
"Probably, just because she knows it will make me crazy," he said with a sigh.
"You are so hooked," Sean said, delighted with this latest turn of events. Hank had enjoyed the heck out of being single, but being married had grounded him, given him a much-needed stability. That was why it had rocked him back on his heels when Jackie had walked out. He"d realized he was losing something important. He just hadn"t known how to prevent it, short of giving up his career.
"In fact," Sean taunted, holding a hand to his heart, "I think I hear the faint sound of wedding bells."
Hank swore at him. "Don"t laugh, buddy. Seems to me that you"re just as bad off as I am."
Now it was Sean"s turn to sigh. "You"ve got that right."
Deanna wasn"t sure what to expect after the trip to Cape Cod. A part of her wanted Sean to make good on his promise to haul her off to bed at the first opportunity. A part of her knew that once that happened, she"d no longer be able to deny the feelings he stirred in her. Even that wouldn"t be such a problem if it weren"t for the unresolved issue of his need to control her life.
Maybe now that he"d seen to it that she had an entire week of rest, it would be a nonissue, she thought hopefully, just in time to look up and spot him strolling into Joey"s and heading for a booth in the back. It was nearly 10:00 p.m., two hours later than she was scheduled to work, but Adele had had a headache. She"d gone home early, and Pauline hadn"t come in at all. Pauline still hadn"t fully rebounded from her bout with the flu, so she"d been taking more time off than usual lately. Joey was relying on Deanna to fill in.
One look at Sean"s scowling face told Deanna that maybe she shouldn"t have agreed quite so readily to stay. Bracing herself for an argument, she walked over to the booth, pad and pencil poised to take his order.
"You"re here late," he said, his tone neutral. "I went by the apartment, but Ruby told me Joey had talked you into working till closing."
"He was in a bind," she said, instantly on the defensive.
Sean scowled. "Joey always seems to be in a bind. Do I need to have a talk with him?"
She slapped her pad down on the table and placed both hands against the edge as she leaned down to scowl straight into Sean"s face. "Don"t...you...dare."
He actually winced under the intensity of her gaze. "Crossing the line?" he inquired mildly.
"Oh, yeah."
"Come on, Deanna, you know I"m right," he said reasonably. "You"re going to wear yourself out."
"I just got back from vacation."
"Which will be wasted if you plunge right back into a back-breaking schedule. And what about Kevin?"
She frowned at him. "Don"t use Kevin to try to make me feel guilty. He"s getting plenty of attention. In fact, if you were so worried about him, you could have stayed at the apartment and kept him entertained. This is about your need to control me."
He seemed genuinely shocked by the accusation. "Don"t be absurd. I don"t want to control you."
"That"s not how it looks to me."
"I"m worried, dammit. Is that a crime?"
Deanna studied his face and realized he was dead serious. She sighed and slid into the booth opposite him. "Sean, I"m healthy as a horse. There"s no need to worry about me."
"You fainted," he reminded her.
"That was weeks ago," she said, dismissing the incident. "You landed in the hospital the same night. You don"t hear me fretting about you you being back at work." being back at work."
"It wasn"t even three weeks ago," he said. "And it was different for me. I had a couple of minor injuries."
She rolled her eyes at his dismissal of his burns. "And I"ve had a vacation since then, and you saw to it that I ate everything in sight and got plenty of sleep."
He frowned. "You actually slept?"
"Sure," she said cheerfully, realizing exactly why that annoyed him. "Didn"t you?"
"No," he all but growled.
"Sorry."
His gaze swept over her, lingered here and there, then came to rest on her mouth. "We could solve my sleepless nights fairly easily."
She couldn"t seem to swallow past the sudden tightness in her throat. "Oh?" It came out as a croak.
"My place. Tonight."
"I thought you were anxious for me to get home to my son," she said.
He grinned. "Not that anxious. He"ll be asleep soon, anyway."
"How convenient for you."
"It could be," he agreed. "So? What do you think? My place? I have a chilled bottle of wine. Some cheese and crackers."
The invitation had seduction written all over it. There wasn"t a doubt in Deanna"s mind that if she went to Sean"s, that wine and cheese would still be untouched come morning. A huge part of her was tempted to throw caution to the wind and say yes. Another part held back.
"Another time?" she suggested, not even attempting to hide her regret. "I have an appointment first thing in the morning before work."
His frown slammed back into place. "An appointment at that hour? To do what?"
"I"m looking at an apartment."
"You"re leaving Ruby"s?"
"It was always a temporary solution. And I really think she"d like to have a little more privacy. Plus, then I wouldn"t be the buffer she needs to avoid dealing with her feelings for Hank."
Sean chuckled. "That cuts two ways, you know. You haven"t had to decide what to do about me, either."
Just then the one remaining customer beckoned for his check. Deanna stood up, winked at Sean and said, "I wasn"t aware you"d given me anything to decide."
She could feel his gaze on her as she gave the man his check, then took his money up to the register. By the time she"d finished, she found Joey sitting in the booth with Sean.
"If he"s trying to convince you to work me fewer hours, ignore him," she said as she joined them.
"Actually, I was suggesting he fire you," Sean said, his gaze unrepentant.
Deanna immediately bristled.
"Settle down," Sean advised. "I was only teasing." He glanced at Joey. "See what I mean, though. She"s edgy."
Joey held up his hands. "I"m not getting in the middle of whatever is going on between you two. You figure it out, let me know. Now get out of here. I need to close up and get home to Paulie."
Deanna was very aware that Sean"s gaze never left her as she took off her ap.r.o.n and grabbed her purse from the cupboard under the register. "You coming or not?" she asked as she headed for the door.
"Right behind you," he said. Outside, he caught her hand. "Where are we going?"
"I don"t know about you, but I"m going home," she said emphatically.
"I"ll walk with you," he said, falling into step beside her. "Dee?"
"Yes."
"Do you have any idea what we"re doing?"
"Driving each other crazy?" she suggested.
"I"m serious."
"So am I."
He stopped and drew her around to face him. "Good crazy or bad crazy?"