Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally cannot take an interest in.
Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and musical voice has great power.
Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said that you may understand.
Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others.
Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language that will bring the blush to anyone.
Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided.
The day may come when some friend will be needed to defend you in your absence.
Do not speak with contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make yourself agreeable.
Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a descendant of any notable family. You must pa.s.s for just what you are, and must stand on your own merit.
Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I beg your pardon, but I had the impression that it was so and so." Be careful in contradicting, as you may be wrong yourself.
Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither should you be dogmatic in your a.s.sertions, arrogating to yourself such consequences in your opinions.
Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know some faults that you do not.
Do not feel it inc.u.mbent upon yourself to carry your point in conversation.
Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may lead into violent argument.
Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why Amarette never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent and are likely to meet with rebuke.
Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not speak a foreign language which the general company present may not understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak your own language.
{84}
THE TOILET
OR
The Care of the Person.
IMPORTANT RULES.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Widower Jones and Widow Smith.]
1. GOOD APPEARANCE.--The first care of all persons should be for their personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are unfit for refined society, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in it. A well-bred person will always cultivate habits of the most scrupulous neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well dressed. The garment may be plain or of coa.r.s.e material, or even worn "thin and shiny," but if it is carefully brushed and neat it can be worn with dignity. {85}
2. PERSONAL CLEANLINESS.--Personal appearance depends greatly on the careful toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which marks the gentleman or lady in appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A clean skin--only to be secured by frequent baths--is indispensable.
3. THE TEETH.--The teeth should receive the utmost attention. Many a young man has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored teeth. It takes but a few moments, and if necessary secure some simple tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every day with a linen handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean appearance.
4. THE HAIR AND BEARD.--The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well kept, and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair grow long and s.h.a.ggy.
5. UNDERCLOTHING.--The matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of clothing, underwear as well as the outer clothing. Cleanliness is a mark of true utility. The clothes need not necessarily be of a rich and expensive quality, but they can all be kept clean. Some persons have an odor about them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being worn too long without washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by the person who wears the soiled garments, but other persons easily detect it and are offended by it.
6. THE BATH.--No person should think for a moment that they can be popular in society without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a week, and if the feet perspire they should be washed several times a week, as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young men are seen with dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross neglect. Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when her neck and smiling face are not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes it to herself to be fascinating; every gentleman is bound, for his own sake, to be presentable; but beyond this there is the obligation to society, to one"s friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in contact.
7. SOILED GARMENTS.--A young man"s garments may not be expensive, yet there is no excuse for wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a soiled handkerchief. No one should appear as though he had slept in a stable, s.h.a.ggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferently put on and carelessly b.u.t.toned. A young man"s vest should always be kept b.u.t.toned in the presence of ladies. {86}
8. THE BREATH.--Care should be taken to remedy an offensive breath without delay. Nothing renders one so unpleasant to one"s acquaintance, or is such a source of misery to one"s self. The evil may be from some derangement of the stomach or some defective condition of the teeth, or catarrhal affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the book.
A YOUNG MAN"S PERSONAL APPEARANCE.
Dress changes the manners.--VOLTAIRE.
Whose garments wither, shall receive faded smiles.--SHERIDAN KNOWLES.
Men of sense follow fashion so far that they are neither conspicuous for their excess nor peculiar by their opposition to it.--ANONYMOUS.
1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an extensive as a varied wardrobe. He does not need a different suit for every season and every occasion, but if he is careful to select clothes that are simple and not striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and over again without their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the occasion.
2. A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and tidy, even if his clothes are not of the latest pattern and are somewhat threadbare.
3. Propriety is outraged when a man of sixty dresses like a youth of sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to a noticeable extent. Avoid affecting singularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign of a gentleman.
[Ill.u.s.tration: The Dude of the 17th Century.]
4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with refinement, than to see a lady laboring under the consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a brand-new coat.
5. Avoid what is called the "ruffianly style of dress" or the slouchy appearance of a half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That sort of affectation is, if possible, even more disgusting than the painfully elaborate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well brushed and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little sponge and soap and water.
6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit.
7. A man"s jewelry should be good and simple. Bra.s.s or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault. {87}
8. If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand.
This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose.
9. Wearing imitations of diamonds is always in very bad taste.
10. Every man looks better in a full beard it he keeps it well trimmed. If a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the country.
11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned every morning, and kept clear from tartar. A man who does not keep his teeth clean does not look like a gentleman when he shows them.